Dzar-Ghan (Alien Barbarians of Vandruk #3)

37. Chapter 37

Fury came off Dzar-Ghan in waves. I had never seen him—or anyone for that matter—this angry before. He was a powerful man, built like a mountain. Larger even than most Vandruks. Still, he didn’t scare me, not even when I realized that he could have broken the priest in two without breathing hard, and Bzun-Lhan must have felt the physical threat.

“I didn’t have a choice,” Bzun-Lhan repeated, but a lot more subdued than before.

“Where are they?”

Bzun-Lhan didn’t blink. He knew what Dzar-Ghan was asking. “At the Temple,” he whispered in defeat.

“Grehn-Bzag!” he called for his provisional First Blade, who appeared instantly at our side. “Have the High Priest bound. He is not to talk to anybody. Gag him if he gives you any trouble.”

“Khadahr?” Grehn-Bzag questioning his khadahr was proof of the enormity of what was happening. To his credit, Grehn-Bzag rallied himself quickly and pulled a non-resisting Bzun-Lhan with him.

“I already have a large army by the Temple,” Dzar-Ghan informed Grohn-Vhyn and me. “The khadahrs were called for a Gathering days ago and should be on their way. Do you think your pilgrims and warriors will stay behind to continue working on the coffins?” Every spare male had started on that task yesterday. The gallies were gathering moss to fill the finished coffins to keep the remains from being rattled too much. I had tried to object, worried the moss would speed up the decomposition process, but in the end, I had stayed silent, since without chemicals from Earth, nothing would stop the process now. We could only hope that it wouldn’t be too fast before all the dead could be identified by their loved ones.

“Sa, Ghan-Zahr,” Grohn-Vhyn agreed. “I will also send messengers to bring more of my troops, but that will take a few days. I will also request more workers from the closer demesnes.”

Ghan-Zahr placed his hand on Grohn-Vhyn’s shoulder. “You are a good male, Grohn-Vhyn. I will be honored to call myself your ally.”

“And I you,” Grohn-Vhyn declared solemnly, reciprocating Ghan-Zahr’s gesture by placing his palm on the top of Dzar-Ghan’s shoulder. Pride for Ghan-Zahr swelled my chest, and for a moment, I forgot my misery, caught up in the male bonding.

“When do you expect the other khadahrs to be here?” Grohn-Vhyn asked.

“Dzur-Khan promised to call for a Gathering of Khadahrs when I left the red fog. They should be at the Temple soon.”

“If they think they’re coming for a Gathering, they won’t bring their armies,” Grohn-Vhyn cautioned.

“Nek.” Ghan-Zahr shook his head regretfully.

Ghan-Zahr’s thoughts were easy to read on his expression. He didn’t have to say it out loud. I understood. The other khadahrs would come but not with armies.

“Their large retinues will have to be enough to fight Bzun-Lhan’s Temple Guardians,” Dzar-Ghan stated almost defiantly.

“Not if we don’t unite in this battle. If we are forced to fight Bzun-Lhan’s Temple Guardians and each other, I worry over the outcome.”

“Do not worry. Vorag has guided you this far. He won’t abandon you now.” Grohn-Vhyn encouraged, raising goosebumps over my flesh. Their belief and trust in their god was something beautiful and I wished I could believe in something other than science, something that could perform miracles.

“Our fates are in his hands,” Grohn-Vhyn intoned.

“May our strengths serve him,” Ghan-Zahr replied in what surely was some kind of saying or pledge, raising even more goosebumps over my flesh.

Now it was just Dzar-Ghan and me.

I put my hand on his forearm, felt the tremble of his massive muscles underneath my palm, and watched him open and close his fist in an attempt to control his emotions. I imagined he would have loved nothing more than to put that hand around Bzun-Lhan’s neck again. “I’m not gonna ask you if you’re all right, but I’m here.”

Ever so slowly, his head turned toward me. His slitted pupils pulsed, and his expression was stony. It was the expression of a man on the edge of violence.

“Jenna.” His voice was choked and barely a whisper. The sound of it constricted my stomach and formed a knot in my chest, where my heart used to be. This wasn’t the moment to ask about Mynarra, me, us, but damn, the hurt was burning a hole in my stomach. I wanted to know. One way or another, I wanted to know.

In the end, though, I was a coward and didn’t. I only watched him slowly regain control of his emotions. By that time, I was holding on more to his arm for his strength than to give him my emotional support. I was being selfish and I knew it. This wasn’t about me. This was about an entire world that stood at the brink of being torn apart. My heartache was nothing compared to what these people had gone through for the last ten years.

If I had felt guilty of what humans had done to the Vandruks, thinking we had killed most of their women, it was nothing compared to the guilt I experienced now. So much suffering. The entire Vandruk world might collapse under the enormity of what had happened. Yes, we didn’t do it on purpose, and yes, we didn’t hide and kill all those women, but ultimately, it was us responsible for all of this.

I tried to soothe my conscience by reminding myself that it had been me who opened the cave for them, but that didn’t help either. I watched Dzar-Ghan walk off to his warriors while I stood rooted to the spot, having never experienced such a heartache in my life. His walking away from me like this seemed like an omen, like he was already walking away from us .

I stared at his massive back, still naked since he had shunned his cloak during the cave’s exploration, and tears burned in my eyes. My legs were so weak it took an effort to remain standing and not sink to my knees. But if I had done so, I knew I would have started crying, and once I did that… then it would be even more real.

I waved a warrior off who offered me some meat for dinner and made my way to the tent Dzar-Ghan and I shared, hoping he would come and talk to me.

But he never did.

I stayed up all night lying on the furs we had made love only a day ago when I had still been the happiest woman in the entire universe. My eyes burned from exhaustion and the pain of keeping my tears in. But I couldn’t bring myself to close them for more than a blink. What if Dzar-Ghan came back and I was asleep?

The night was so quiet I could hear the men talking by the fires. Whenever booted feet walked by the tent, I tensed, and my heartbeat picked up a few notches, hoping it was Dzar-Ghan, but it never was.

I should have gotten up and gone in search of him, and I would have if I had trusted myself enough that I wouldn’t throw myself at his feet and beg him to keep me. To stay with me, not with his first love, Mynarra.

It was in that moment that I realized that I had fallen in love with this alien man. Deeply.

All my life I had avoided emotional entanglements and now look at me. It was ironic. I should have laughed at myself. My lungs, however, were so tightly constricted I could barely breathe, let alone allow a self-deprecating chuckle through.

Finally, I noticed the first rays of light coming into the tent and rose. My bladder was about to burst. I had denied it for some time, knowing I would use it as an excuse to find Dzar-Ghan. Now there was no stopping it any longer. I scurried out of the tent in search of a bush for some privacy, ignoring any shouts thrown in my direction. None of them bore the voice I wanted to hear anyway.

I took care of business, stumbling over a root and washing my hands in a nearby stream, which seemed to be plentiful around Vandruk. When I reentered the camp, my eyes scanned the Vandruks, but I didn’t see Dzar-Ghan anywhere.

Grohn-Vhyn was readying to leave with us; his expression didn’t invite conversation, and I didn’t particularly want to discuss Dzar-Ghan with him, so I turned to the men by the fires, hoping to get a bite to eat before we left, too.

“Is my father mad at me?” a small voice asked next to me.

Yvenetta looked nothing like the cheerful kid I had met yesterday. She looked as if she hadn’t slept a wink either, and her mouth was turned into a frown.

“No, sweetheart, nek.” I lowered myself to be eye level with her. “You didn’t say anything to anger anybody. It’s the situation, not you.”

Hope sparked in her eyes. “I don’t want him to be mad at me.”

I cupped her little face, feeling a strange sense of maternal instinct rush through my loins and heart. Great timing, I scolded myself. What I had lacked on Earth with my nieces and nephews seemed to grow in full here now. This planet was getting to me. Not just Dzar-Ghan, but Vandruk itself. I didn’t want to leave. Ever. But if Dzar-Ghan didn’t want me, I knew I wouldn’t be able to stay. Not with him so close by.

“A few bad people did some terrible things, but your dad and the other khadahrs will make it all right again.” I tried to reassure the girl, feeling like a failure because I could hardly ever find the right words with an adult.

“Promise?” Her eyes filled with hope.

“I promise.”

“Give me your pinkie.” I held out my pinky for a pinky swear. “This is how we humans make promises to one another,” I explained.

Giggling, she hooked her finger around mine, and I shook. “There. This is a very binding promise,” I said, and she giggled some more.

At least I managed to lift her mood , I thought.

My neck prickled, and when I rose and looked up, I looked straight into Dzar-Ghan’s eyes. My heart leaped like it always did at the sight of him. His deep red hair shone in the light of the sun, and shadows danced over his tense muscles. It took a hard internal struggle not to throw myself at his massive chest. All of my being cried out to him. I missed his strong arms around me. It took my heart a moment to catch up with my brain, which reminded me that things weren’t as simple as they had been yesterday, resulting in a plop on my heart’s side as it slowed down before it picked back up as my brain suggested anxiety should probably be the mood of the day.

“Khadahr,” a warrior called Dzar-Ghan over to the other side of camp. Dzar-Ghan looked like he wanted to say something to me but instead only sent a weak smile toward me, which cramped my stomach and made me feel like I needed to go pee again. Damn him. And damn my stupid heart.