Eclipse Sector (V-Clan #3)

25. Ivana

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

IVANA

Warm.

Safe.

But oh my stars, ow!

I made the mistake of stretching my legs, and now I never intended to move again. What the hell did I do last night?

Me, a deep voice replied. Or rather, I did you. Repeatedly. For nearly nine days. Sensual lips met my neck, then my ear, as Cillian whispered, “You’re welcome.”

I froze. What?

My eyes fluttered.

My heart skipped several beats.

And my mind… my mind started replaying several very hot, very intense , intimate embraces.

All of them involving Cillian’s knot. His hands. His tongue.

My hand flew to the space between my legs, then started to roam toward my backside, but I couldn’t reach much more due to his groin being pressed against my ass.

“Yes, I took you there,” he confirmed against my ear. “I took you everywhere, Vana.”

A shiver traversed my spine as I desperately clawed at the memories swirling through my thoughts. I tried to put them in order, to understand how this had happened.

I went into heat. That much is clear.

I just had no idea how I went into heat.

Nine days ago , I marveled, sifting through various snippets of sex while trying to pinpoint the origin of my estrus. Were there hints I missed? Some sort of… My thought trailed off as I recalled sinking my teeth into Cillian’s lip. Oh, no…

I’d claimed him.

I’d… I’d made him mine .

Except it wasn’t complete.

He didn’t bite me back , I realized in the next beat. This can still be undone .

Cillian shifted behind me, his mouth leaving my ear as he pulled away slightly. I nearly rolled with him, my body naturally drawn to his, but I couldn’t move.

Because our mating wasn’t complete.

He hadn’t claimed me as his.

If another Alpha knots me, I started thinking, only to squash the thought before I could finish it. Just the notion of taking another Alpha’s knot had me sick to my stomach.

Cillian was the only Alpha I desired, the only Alpha I could ever mate.

But he didn’t claim me… our mating isn’t permanent.

A wave of nausea hit me in the gut, some of it inspired by the realization pelting my mind and some of it caused by…

My eyes flew open. “I’m pregnant,” I breathed, my throat raspy with the words. Oh, stars…

I’d bitten Cillian.

He’d fucked me through my heat.

Didn’t claim me back.

Yet left a… a child in my womb.

“There wasn’t time for birth control,” he told me, a hint of remorse in his voice.

That remorse nearly undid me—because it suggested regret.

Which made sense.

What was it he’d said to me? About his father?

“I made a vow to myself over a thousand years ago to never take a mate. To never be my father. To ensure his line ended… with me.”

I swallowed, his words clear as day in my head.

He’d vowed to never have children, to never take a mate .

Yet I’d bitten him.

I’d forced myself upon him.

Why? I wondered now, my head spinning. Why did…? The question trailed off in my mind as I recalled some of what Cillian had said about not being able to control his animal if we fucked, how he would bite me. But he… he didn’t. Why didn’t he…?

Cillian sighed behind me, the sound hurting my heart. “I’m sorry, Ivana.”

I winced, his words slicing through me even more than his sigh had.

“Actually, no, I’m not sorry,” he went on, causing my lungs to stop working. “Even if I could have done it, I don’t think I would have.”

The world spun around me, his admission dismantling my soul. “Why?” I breathed out, releasing the rest of the oxygen inside me. “Why, Cillian?”

“Because I wouldn’t have wanted to,” he answered without hesitation.

Wouldn’t have wanted to , I repeated in my mind.

He hadn’t bitten me because he wouldn’t have wanted to bite me.

That… that…

I swallowed, my chest burning.

Cillian didn’t want to claim me.

I knew that. He’d said that so many times. But to choose him—to bite him—and have him not return that claim…

Stars , it hurt.

It really fucking hurt .

And now I’m pregnant, I thought, my palm going to my belly as my lungs demanded that I inhale. Oh, Gods…

What did this mean?

I… I was an unmated Omega, carrying the baby of an Alpha who didn’t want her.

Why did you see me through my heat? I wanted to ask him. Why are you here?

“Vana.” The way he said my name—with another damn sigh—had me wanting to shove him out of my nest. “I thought you wanted me here. I’m on your list. Hell, I’m the only one on your list. And you were thinking about all the times I wasn’t here, how much it had hurt . I’d… I’d wanted to help.”

My nostrils flared, my walls inside seeming to slam upright, just like they had after he’d grounded me.

Because this had been about pity again.

A fucking pity knotting.

Just like the kiss.

Just like everything else.

“Ivana.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” I growled out, my mind trying to turn off the memories of my unexpected—and unwanted —estrus.

There were pieces that didn’t make sense. Pieces about him vowing to bite me. Something about love.

Made up or real? I wondered.

But I didn’t want to sort it out. Not now. I was too exhausted, too sore, to give it proper evaluation.

I needed a shower. Or a bath .

The thought made me still. That’s where it started… in the bath.

No. I’m not reliving this right now.

It hurt too much.

Shower. Eat. Figure out… everything else.

I started to push away from him, then winced as agony shot up from my core.

Gods, he really knotted me good…

And I sort of hated him for it.

“Let me take care of you,” Cillian said softly. “I?—”

“I think you’ve done enough,” I grumbled, cutting him off. “I’ll be fine on my own.”

I’d have to get used to it now anyway. Because no way in hell was I allowing him to raise our child out of pity for our situation.

“Ivana,” he growled.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” I repeated harshly, nearly shadowing out of the nest, only to remember in the next breath that I couldn’t shadow.

Because I’m pregnant.

I palmed my belly, then curled into a ball before releasing a frustrated sob.

“Fuck, Vana,” he breathed, his arm coming around me. “I…”

He trailed off, leaving us in silence as I tried to control my raging emotions.

Part of me knew this was a residual result of my heat, the fog in my mind clouding my better judgment. The pregnancy wasn’t improving matters, either.

Gods, I was a mess.

I needed to calm down, think this through, speak my frustrations aloud. But I wasn’t even sure where to start.

The memories swirled together in a chaotic cloud of lust, pleasure, and strong emotions. All culminating in a baby.

Our pup .

“I need to talk to Kieran,” Cillian said in a low voice. “We… we’ll figure this out when I get back, okay?”

Of course he was leaving me for Kieran. Why wouldn’t he leave me for Kieran?

“I can never put you first,” Cillian had warned me. “You deserve someone who will make you his world, Vana. Someone who will always choose you over everything and everyone else. I can’t be that someone.”

I’d fired back with, “Who says I want that someone?”

At the time, I’d believed that.

Now? Here? I… I did want that someone. An Alpha who would choose me. Bite me. Mate me.

But Cillian wouldn’t be that mate. He’d said it clear as day just moments ago— “I wouldn’t have wanted to.”

He wouldn’t have bitten me because he wouldn’t have wanted to.

What more was there to say to that?

“Ivana?” Cillian prompted.

“Yes?” I asked almost robotically.

“Did you hear me?”

“Yes,” I repeated. “You need to go to Kieran.” Because he was Cillian’s first priority. He would always put the King of Blood Sector first, as well as all the wolves under Kieran’s protection.

I would be last.

A low priority.

Would our pup be treated in a similar manner? I wondered. Would Cillian even want him or her in his life?

Gods, I couldn’t allow that to happen.

But our mating wasn’t permanent yet. I could… I could find another Alpha.

Assuming any of them would even want me now.

Carrying another wolf’s baby certainly wouldn’t make me very popular among the possessive males of my kind.

I curled tighter into myself, barely hearing Cillian’s voice as he said something behind me. Something about coming back.

I just shrugged.

It didn’t matter when he came back or if he came back. “Do whatever you need to do,” I told him, my voice sounding far away.

He pressed a kiss to my neck that I barely felt, the sheets moving around him as he left the bed. My nest . Except, it didn’t feel right now. It felt… foreign. Infiltrated by his minty scent.

I pressed my nose into the sheets and winced, realizing that at some point I’d changed the linen. I’d probably wanted to make my safe haven smell like the Alpha I’d chosen.

But he hadn’t chosen me.

He’d rejected me.

Said he would never bite me.

Only… only a memory nagged at my mind, one where he’d said if we did this, if he knotted me, he’d claim me.

Was that real or a dream?

A fantasy or reality?

He kissed me again, only on the temple this time. “I’ll bring back something to eat in a bit,” he told me.

I snorted. The notion of food did not appeal to me.

Which brought on a few more strange memories of Cillian forcing a sandwich on me, as well as fresh fruit.

“Maybe rest a little, macushla,” he whispered now, his lips hovering against my forehead.

Rest , I thought, grunting a little. Yeah, sure. That’ll help the situation.

He heaved another of those horrible sighs and disappeared, leaving me inside my strange nest.

Pregnant.

Unmated.

Alone.

He warned me, I thought sadly, curling into an even tighter ball . I didn’t listen. And now, I only have myself to blame…