Edges

Chapter Nine

Mick sipped his bitter coffee, looking out the front windows of Ryan’s A-frame, admiring the view. Ryan had gotten up at dawn, run out for coffee and bagels for them. When Mick and Shanti woke up hung over, and saw breakfast waiting for them, Shanti affectionately asked Ryan if he was a fucking lunatic.

But Mick understood. Mountain workers like Ryan were programmed for early mornings, no matter what kind of night they’d had. Mick would have been impressed if he hadn’t been feeling competitive with Ryan this morning.

Mick heard Shanti’s laugh, and glanced over at him and Ryan sitting at the breakfast nook. They’d all fallen into a friendly rapport this morning, a post coital glow putting everyone in a good mood. But at the same time, they were far less intimate than the night before. Just a group of guys that got drunk together. And happened to fuck each other blind.

But he could tell Ryan had a serious thing for Shanti. It was obvious in the way he smiled at him, and by the way his attention remained mostly on Shanti, even when the three of them were talking as a group. Mick felt like he was being edged out. Ryan was making it abundantly clear that his interest in Shanti went beyond a one night fuck.

It made Mick nervous. And that was weird. Why the hell was he nervous? He examined the feeling, and could only come up with one answer. Shanti might be happier because of Ryan. Why that bothered Mick, he did not yet have an answer for. Especially since it was him who’d brought the three of them together in the first place.

While he was certain this experience had been good for both him and Shanti, it solidified those weird feelings he’d been having. Feelings that started when he rescued a frightened and fragile skier in the woods up on the mountain. An admiration and longing he’d developed for a certain shop owner from the village.

His feelings about Shani had quickly blossomed into something he had no words for, as it had never occupied his emotional lexicon before. Shanti had continued to grow more intoxicating, and the fact he was a genuinely charming guy and decent human being didn’t help the situation.

After years of thinking he wired for a relationship, suddenly it seemed like a dream. Shanti was different. The way he felt around Shanti was different. Mick knew what he wanted, even if it was different.

But he worried now that Shanti would drift away, that perhaps his interests had shifted. If so, it was all Mick’s fault. He’d goaded him into another man’s arms. Thinking about Shanti having a separate relationship with Ryan, he realized was jealous. An ache registered deep inside, a hollow longing. Yes, it was jealousy. Mick was fucking jealous.

Him. Jealous. Before this morning, he hadn’t thought he was capable of it. After all the men he’d rolled his eyes and scoffed at when they complained about his wandering eye, his lack of commitment. All the men he’d thought of as weak when they grew jealous at the bar because he chose someone else.

He'd shown contempt for those men. Now suddenly, there it was, the green-eyed monster, laughing and pointing at him. Not so funny when it’s you, is it, Mick the Dick?

No, it was not. Not so funny at all.

Drifting back into the kitchen, he said, “You ready to get going, Crash? Got some things to do today, and we still have to go back to my place to get your stuff.”

The smile Shanti gave him warmed his heart, and put some of his insecurities at bay. “Ready when you are.”

“Why do you call him Crash?” Ryan asked, stirring his coffee.

“Mick saved me when I wiped out on the mountain,” Shanti said. “It’s how we met.”

“Romantic.” Ryan smiled, but his eyes were raw as he looked at Shanti. “So you two haven’t known each other very long then?”

“Not really,” Shanti said. “Just a few days.”

“So we’ve all only just met,” Ryan said.

“Shanti and I have had a few really good days together,” Mick said. “Made the decision last night together.”

Ryan and Mick locked eyes, and something unspoken passed between them. He knew Ryan could see what he was putting out. Back off . But instead of submitting to the intimidation, Ryan met his gaze unflinchingly. “Glad one of those good days included me,” he said. “Hope there will be more of them.”

“Life’s unpredictable,” Mick said. “Just be grateful for the experiences we’ve already had, I say.”

Ryan frowned at him.

“Okay, then.” Shanti climbed off the chair. “I’m ready. Thanks Ryan, for your…hospitality.”

Ryan chuckled. “My pleasure, believe me.”

Ryan followed them out, and they made small talk on the porch for a few minutes. He offered them both day passes at the ski area if they stopped by, but again, his eyes were only on Shanti. Mick trotted up ahead, got into the truck and started it up, but as he expected, he saw Ryan grab Shanti’s arm as he turned to head down the driveway.

Ryan gave Shanti a kiss on the lips, then they stood talking for several more minutes. Shanti listened to Ryan with his head down, nodding. Mick couldn’t hear the words, but he could guess. Finally, after another minute of chatting, Shanti bid goodbye to Ryan and ran down the driveway, climbing into the truck.

“Cold out!” he said as he shut the door. “Brrr.”

Mick watched Ryan run back into his house, then he put the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway. “Did you have a good time?”

“You know I did.” As they moved off down the road, Shanti smirked at him. “I still can’t believe we did that.”

Mick chuckled. “I’m still a little shocked you agreed. Took to it pretty easily actually.”

“I think I really needed that. You should be a therapist.”

Mick stared ahead at the road as he drove. “Cheered you up?”

Shanti shrugged. “Yeah. Surprisingly so.”

“Thinking about doing it again?”

“What, right now?”

“I’m just wondering if you’re thinking about it,” Mick said. “What you’re thinking about.”

“Um…I was thinking about getting some better coffee. Nothing against Ryan but his tasted like dirt. You thinking about doing that again already?”

“I’m sure Ryan is. He is, isn’t he?”

Shanti frowned. “Why do you sound mad?”

“Not mad. Just asking.

Shanti stared at the side of his face. “What’s up? You’ve gone all broody country boy.”

Mick laughed. “Broody country boy?”

“Yeah. We had a good time last night. I forgot my troubles for a while. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“That’s what I wanted.” He hesitated for a moment. “Did Ryan ask to see you again?”

“Yes. He did.”

Mick did a double take at him. “What did you say?”

“I said maybe. Did I do something wrong?”

“No, course not. Just making conversation.”

Mick’s gut churned uncomfortably as they drove. He was such an idiot. They hadn’t set any rules, so what had he expected?

I expected him to say no, I don’t want to see Ryan again. I only want to see you.

When they pulled into the long driveway and saw his brother Ben sitting on the porch, petting one of the dogs, Mick knew immediately something was wrong.

“Who’s that?” Shanti asked.

He put the truck in park. “My other brother, Ben.” He hopped out and they walked up to the porch, just as Ben stood. “What’s up?”

Shanti wandered up beside him. “Hello.”

Ben gave Shanti a dark stare, then looked at Mick. “Had a visitor last night, Micky. That little prick you had here Friday night. Robert? Was creeping around the place, looking in your windows. Jimmied one in the back open before I got my hands on him.”

Mick’s jaw fell, and he placed his hands on his head. “What?”

“Yeah. Tried to get in your house.” Ben huffed, patting Ginger the boxer’s head. “Scared the hell out of the pups. I just happened to stop by to drop off the ledger, saw the little fucker.”

“Aw, shit.” Mick sat down on the porch, rubbing his temples. “What happened?”

“Called the cops, that’s what happened. They took him in. You’ll have to go down there at some point today, fill out a report.”

“I’m sorry, Ben. Sorry you had to deal with that.” His gut went cold. What the fuck was Robert thinking? “I don’t even know him really.”

Ben opened Mick’s front door, and urged Ginger inside. Once the dog had gone, he closed it and pointed at Mick. “That’s the whole problem, isn’t it?”

Mick stood and faced his brother. “What problem?”

“You don’t know any of these guys you bring home, and you don’t care that it’s a risk. Putting all of us at risk really.”

“Now hang on a second—”

“No, you hang on, Mick! You want to go out and bone every drowned rat this side of Bear Creek, go right ahead. But keep the sleazy, thieving opportunist motherfuckers away from us. Away from our business, away from our family.”

Mick went very still. He glanced at Shanti, who had discreetly moved down to the grass below the porch. “Shanti. Go on inside.”

Shanti moved quickly past him toward the door.

“No, Shanti , do not go on inside.” Ben stepped in front of him. “Get on out of here and don’t come back.”

“Hey!” Mick stepped between them. “Don’t speak to my guest like that. Don’t ever speak to him like that again. Got it?”

“Your guest ?” Ben laughed. “Okay.”

Mick clenched his fists. “Shanti. Go in the house.”

He heard the door creak, then close. Once he knew Shanti was inside, he glared at his brother. “I’m sorry about the shit with Robert, but it had nothing to do with Shanti. He’s not like that.”

“How would you know?” Ben asked. “Do you even know him? What if I hadn’t come by last night? That kid could have broken in, he could have done anything! Now you’ve got some other piece of ass wandering free in there as we speak, and—”

“That’s enough.” Mick struggled to calm himself. “I want you to leave. I’ll deal with the cops later on. It’s over. Just go.”

Ben took a step toward him. “You invite that stranger into your home, but you ask your own flesh and blood to leave your property?”

Mick’s anger was tempered by embarrassment. It was an undisputable fact that Mick’s last guest had been hauled off by the cops for trying to break in. Ben was being rude, but it was based in genuine concern. “This guy means something. I care about him. I respect him.”

Ben scowled. “Never heard that before. Not from you.”

“We’re getting to know each other. Just…I’ll talk to you about it later.”

“Fine,” Ben said. “I’m going. Just be careful Mick, huh? You’re not a kid anymore. Use some discretion.”

Mick watched his brother storm off and get in his truck. He stayed on the porch until Ben sped out of the driveway. Then his shoulders slumped and he let out a long breath.

When he went inside, he found Shanti stuffing his clothes into his bag in the kitchen. Shanti didn’t look up when Mick walked in and closed the door. “Sorry about that.”

After zipping up his bag, Shanti nodded. “No worries.”

“Everything all right with you?”

“Yeah.”

“You seem bothered.”

Shrugging, Shanti met his eyes. “Robert. That the guy with the freckles, from the bar last night? The one you gave me the thumbs down sign for. Is he the one who tried to break in?”

Mick nodded. “Yeah. He’s the one.”

“So, you just slept with him Friday night.”

Mick shrugged. “Not exactly. He was here. Things didn’t work out. He wasn’t happy about it. I had no idea he was that unhinged.”

Shanti sat down in a kitchen chair. “Guess your brother doesn’t like your life choices.”

“He’ll get over it.” Mick sat. “Just thinks I’ve been a bit careless.”

Shanti stood, picking up his bag. “Yeah, guess that’s your way though.”

Mick rose. “What the hell does that mean?”

“Forget it. Just take me home, okay?”

“No.”

Shanti looked up quickly. “No?”

“No,” Mick said. “I won’t take you home until you tell me what’s gotten up your ass.”

“ You’ve gotten up my ass,” Shanti said. “Or have you forgotten already?”

Mick moved closer to him, and Shanti stepped back and sat in the chair again. “Why are you acting like this?” Mick asked. “Is it because of the Robert thing?”

“No. That was rude of me.” Shanti winced. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s all right.”

“I still have those pesky human feelings. Some insecurities. I guess it just hit me. Hearing your brother say it. Just the night before last, someone else was here, in your bed. Not judging. It just reminded me of how things really are.”

Mick laughed and sat down in the other chair. “I see. And I suppose you were just a fucking tourist last night, huh? You seemed all cheery this morning when we got up. What’s changed?”

“I’m hung over and sober. I just got slapped with a few truths in the cold light of day. This morning it was feeling like you were…like we were something else. But that’s on me. Applying my own expectations to things. Not your fault.”

Mick looked into his eyes. Shanti seemed more hurt than angry. Mick knew it wasn’t the greatest welcome just now, but how had things shifted so quickly? Mick had been feeling like they were something else as well. But suddenly Shanti was backtracking. Surely this couldn’t be just about Robert. About a few snotty words from his brother Ben?

“Is this about Ryan?”

Shanti scowled. “No! What would it have to do with him?”

“Well, you had a tumble with me, but now you’ve met someone else. You said you’re gonna see him again. He obviously likes you. I guess maybe he’s boyfriend material, and I’m not. So now that your little tourist trip through my life is over, you can go off into the sunset with ski instructor boy and live happily ever after.”

Shanti stared at him, slack-jawed. “You stupid bastard. Is that actually what you think?”

“I think now that the fun’s over, your guilty morality’s kicked in. You’re gonna put me back in my dirty little box. Because deep down, you think you’re too good for me. And if that’s the case, you can fuck off now!”

He didn’t mean to shout, but he saw Shanti flinch, and the dogs came trotting into the room, ears up. Kes ran to him, whining. He rubbed her ears. “It’s okay. Shhh. It’s okay girl, go lay down.”

He had no idea how he’d lost control of his temper so suddenly. Shanti sure as hell didn’t deserve that. His emotions were on edge.

Everything had gone to shit so fast. He still hadn’t processed that Robert was trying to get in his house last night. He felt strangely violated. And he was still reeling from the argument with his brother. So, he’d lashed out at Shanti. Shanti—the best person to come into his life in longer than he could say. Special things didn’t really happen to Mick. His life was okay, good even. But never particularly special. Until now.

He wanted to take his harsh words back, but his head was spinning, and he didn’t know what to say. He clearly wasn’t right in his head, and didn’t want to say the wrong thing again. So, he just sat there, petting his dog, taking a moment to think, and hoping Shanti wouldn’t leave.

“Oh boy,” Shanti said. He laughed, shaking his head. “That’s what you think of me, huh?”

“I’m…I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m glad to get the truth out of you. That’s how you feel about me, so be it.” He stood, pulling his phone out of his jacket. “You know what, Mick? I’ll get my own ride.”

He headed for the door. Mick bounded out of his chair, went after him and grabbed him. Shanti’s eyes widened as Mick pushed him up against the door, getting in his face. “You’re leaving?”

“Trying.”

“If I’m wrong about what I said, I’m sorry. Am I wrong?”

Shanti’s lip quivered as he looked up at him. “Of course you’re fucking wrong.”

“Then why are you suddenly shitting all over this?”

“All over what?”

“You and me! Yesterday you agreed to do what we did. And you said you wanted me. Now you’re talking like us together is a bad thing, when it’s been such a good, good thing, Shanti. Why?”

“Because I’m fucking jealous! ” he shouted, his face flushing red. “Okay, Mick? I tried to change myself but I can’t. This is who I am. I’m jealous of some guy you fucked before you were ever with me. Hell, I’m jealous of every guy you fucked before you were with me. I know that makes me stupid and weak and ridiculous in your eyes, but maybe I’m just not as enlightened as you. Because I’m also jealous of any guy you plan to fuck in the future, whether you share them with me or not. Because I don’t want to share you!”

Mick’s lips parted, surprised pleasure rendering him silent.

“So, that’s the way it is,” Shanti said. “And if you don’t like it, then you can fuck off!”

Mick kissed him, pressing his back against the door with a hard bang. Shanti went stiff for a moment, then grabbed his shoulders and pulled Mick against his body, opening his mouth, accepting Mick’s tongue.

Mick dragged him by his coat and threw him down on the couch, climbing on top of him. They kissed frantically, teeth and lips tearing. Breathless, Mick broke the kiss and looked down at him. “I’m not fucking off. Sorry, but I’m not.”

“You’re not?”

“I can’t. You can tell me to fuck off, but you have to mean it and I know you don’t. I hope you don’t. You don’t, do you?”

“I don’t want you to lie to me, Mick. Ever. So, stop. You might not be lying to me directly, but you’re not being honest either. Tell me what you’re thinking or I’m leaving.”

“I don’t want you to see Ryan again. Tell him no.”

Shanti blinked slowly. “That’s something you’re thinking about right now? Really?”

“You want to see him again?”

“No. The only reason I told him maybe is because I thought you might want to.”

“Good. Because I don’t wanna share you either.”

Inhaling sharply, Shanti’s eyes widened. “You serious?”

Rising to his knees, he slid Shanti’s coat off. “Need you naked, right now.”

Shanti pulled his shirt off. “Okay. I’m under your spell again, and I want to be. God, I want to be. But we need to talk about this more.”

“We will. But first, I need to be with you.”

A shivering breath left Shanti. “Can’t say no to you. Don’t make me regret it.”

“I promise. I won’t.”

Mick stood and stripped down as Shanti did. He paused only to grab a lubed condom from the bathroom, then he climbed back onto the couch, helping Shanti tug his pants off. Shanti stared up at him, breathing heavily as Mick rolled the condom on, his erection thick and stiff. Placing a palm on Shanti’s chest, he pushed him down. Then he lifted his legs and eased down.

Shanti cried out as Mick slid into him. Mick paused. “You okay? Did I hurt you? Got a little too excited.”

Wrapping his legs around Mick’s body, Shanti pulled him closer. “Shut up and fuck me,” he whispered.

Gripping Shanti’s wrists, he pinned his arms over his head as he pushed deeper. Shanti cried out again, but this time Mick kept going, fucking him, driving himself into Shanti’s tight heat. “I’m yours,” he whispered in Shanti’s ear. “I don’t want anyone else.”

Shanti groaned, lifting his hips. “That’s a turn on. But don’t say things you don’t mean.”

“Never have, never will.” Mick pumped into him and Shanti gasped. Looking into Shanti’s eyes, he cradled his face with is hands. “I mean it.”

The kept eye contact as they moved together, and soon after he felt Shanti climax, hot fluids shooting up between them. Mick lost control, driving into him as his own orgasm flooded the condom. They both moaned as the last of it left them, and Mick fell on top of him, his muscles giving out.

They stayed like that for several minutes, Mick running his fingers through Shanti’s hair. Finally, he sat up, shuffling down to the other end of the couch. Shanti climbed back, leaning on a pillow. They stared at each other, until finally Shanti grinned. “Well,” he said. “That was...unexpected. I’d say your words more than the sex.”

Mick laughed. “A good surprise?”

“Yes,” Shanti said, eyes serious. “Real good.”

“Hey. I have an idea.”

Shanti groaned. “Oh God, not another one. What is it this time?”

Mick smiled. “What are you doing for Christmas?”

“I was going to drink alone, watch old movies, and feel sorry for myself.”

“How about you have Christmas with me? I want to introduce you to my family.”

Shanti’s brows shot up.

“I know that might not sound welcoming after your interaction with Ben just now. But they’re nice people. And they’ll warm up to when I tell them you’re important to me.”

Biting his lip, Shanti tried to hide his grin, but didn’t make it. His eyes danced with pleasure. “Sounds lovely. I’m in.”

“Great. What are you doing next Christmas?”

Shanti’s head fell forward as he laughed. “A year from now?”

“Yeah.” Mick chuckled. “You wanna spend that one with me too?”

“You’re crazy.”

“Maybe.” Mick grabbed his legs and pulled him closer. “I feel a little crazy around you. But I’m not confused. I know what I want.”

Grinning, Shanti followed through and slid onto his lap, straddling him and stroking his chin with his thumbs. “This all sounds dangerously close to you asking me to be your boyfriend.”

“Would you?”

Shanti stilled. “Don’t say things you don’t mean.”

“Never have. Never will.”

“How are you so sure that’s what you want?”

“Because.” Mick kissed him tenderly.

“Because is not an answer,” Shanti whispered.

“Gonna make me use my words, huh?”

Chuckling, Shanti nodded. “If you have some.”

“Okay. Well… That sadness you talked about when we first met. I never felt that before. Couldn’t relate. Until I thought about you being with someone else. About you not wanting to be around me anymore. The thought of you never being mine. It made me ache.”

Shanti looked awestruck. “You really are serious.”

“Yes. I want it. I want you. This. And maybe I’m not as experienced as you with this sort of thing, but I tend to pick things up fast. Good at most things I put my mind to. So I’m pretty sure I’ll kill it.”

“I see.” Shanti chuckled. “So, your confidence has not waned through all this.”

“Nah. If you’ll accept me, I’m gonna be the best fucking boyfriend you ever had. Just wait and see. All your exes are gonna look like losers by comparison.”

“Well with that pitch, I guess I’ll have to accept.”

Mick beamed. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

All the bad feelings, the anxiety, the jealousy, the pending sadness, it melted away. Mick felt an unfamiliar peace fall over him, and it was mixed with an excitement he’d never experienced before. He hadn’t thought peace and excitement could coexist like this. Or that anything could feel this good.

“There are going to be a lot of disappointed men out there,” Shanti said. “Taking yourself off the market like this.”

“I think they’ll live,” Mick said. “Hey, do you want to go Christmas shopping with me today? I’ve got a lot of gifts to get still.”

Shanti smiled. “Sure. Sounds fun. Maybe we can grab lunch in the village while we’re out.”

“Cool.” Mick kissed Shanti, then lifted him off his lap and set him down before standing and grabbing his clothes. “If we have lunch, it counts as a date, though.”

“Look at you, getting the hang of this already.”

“Told you, I’m good at everything I try. I’m gonna plan so many awesome dates going forward, it’s gonna blow your mind.”

Shanti grinned as he pulled his shirt on. “I’m gonna give you some competition on that. I’ve been known to plan a pretty mean date myself.”

“Challenge accepted.” Mick grinned. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Um, sure?”

“When I kissed you the first time. In the parking lot of your shop. Did I really make your toes curl?”

Shaking his head, Shanti chuckled, flushing as he pulled his socks on. “Still do. Every damn time.”

“Told you I was good at everything.”

“Yeah, we might have to put some limits on that ego of yours.”

“Hey, you wanted this,” Mick said with a smile. “You got it. Ego and all. You…do want it. Right? Just want to make sure I heard you right.”

“If we’re being honest, Mick, you had me at ‘Don’t move yet. You might be broken.’ Got winded twice that day. Once when I fell. Once when I saw your face.”

Warmth flooded Mick’s body, and he chuckled. “But now you’ve gotten to know me. Not all of my qualities are as pretty as my face.”

Shanti approached and wrapped his arms around him. “Hmm. An ego. A seedy past. Bit of a temper. Bouts of grumpiness.”

“And five dogs.” Mick shrugged. “Sometimes all on the bed at once. And I’m a sucker so I don’t kick them off. Even if someone else is sleeping with me.”

“Wow. That’s a lot.”

“It’s a big bed.”

“I guess it would have to be.”

“Seriously though. I’m being real here, Shanti. I’m not always gonna be perfect and I’ll probably screw up sometimes. But I’m gonna give it my all. I promise. You still in?”

Kissing him softly, Shanti held him tighter. “I’m all in.”

THE END