Edging Obsession

19

J ules’ parents are behind us, and she’s hooked onto my side as we wait for someone to answer the door. Elliott whispers something to Elise and she giggles. It seems they’ve overcome the initial shock of group sex. I hear someone unlocking the door, thinking it’s the butler, but it opens to Johann. He smiles at all of us, and Anna slips under his arm to welcome us, too.

Inside the house, Johann and Anna introduce themselves in broken English. Even though Germans take six or more years of English in school, many don’t continue learning or they have no one to practice on, so the language becomes dusty or forgotten. Johann knows how to speak English better than Anna, yet she understands it.

Johann shakes Elliott and Elise’s hands. “Thank you for coming. Please excuse my English. I’m not good at it.”

While still shaking Elise’s hand, she responds, “I think it’s very good. We’re the ones who should apologize for not knowing German.”

Johann laughs. “If you want to live and work in Germany, it helps, but not necessary elsewhere.” He takes Jules’ hand. “You must be Jules.” She acknowledges him with a smile. “You must have impressed my brother. It’s been a long time since he’s introduced a woman to us.”

Jules threads her arm through mine as my brother continues to stare at her. I smack his arm, getting his attention. Anna excuses herself to retrieve a crying Elias. We walk into the living room and Elliott and Elise occasionally express their appreciation for the décor. Johann gestures to a couple of couches and chairs where everyone sits. Jules cozies up next to me, eyes bouncing from one person to the other, not knowing what else to say, and pressing herself between me and the couch. We’re saved by the butler, who comes in to get our drinks. When he leaves, Anna comes into the room, carrying Elias.

It's my first time seeing my nephew, so I stand as she hands him over.

Johann comes over. “Your two-year-old nephew.” He squeezes my shoulder. “Too bad it has been this long.”

I’m staring into the eyes of my mother. Like Johann, Elias inherited my mother’s light brown hair and blue eyes. He’s outgoing too, babbling, and pressing a hand to my cheek. I bounce him in my arms, thinking back to my relationship with Karina. We had our ups and downs, but I wanted children. Elias screams and giggles, snapping me back to the present. Jules stares at me from the couch, smiling. Our eyes connect, and I wonder if she’s thinking the same thing about children. If somewhere down the road, she’d like to have a baby. When she bites her lip and turns her head, I’m guessing her thoughts weren’t in line with mine.

Anna takes Elias from me, leaving the room, and I return to the couch. Johann asks and answers questions of Jules’ parents while sometimes asking me to interpret. They talk fast, so he doesn’t always catch what they’re saying. It’s been a while since he interacted in English and it is a bit rusty. Elise and Elliott talk of their trip here, other countries they want to visit, staying away from part of the real reason they’re here. To find their biological daughter.

With my nephew down for the night, we gather at the dining room table for dinner. I know Anna isn’t a fan of traditional German food, so I’m curious what she plans on serving, and I don’t have to wait long. The butler enters with a tray of soup, which is vegetable curry. Once everyone’s served, the butler leaves, and spoons begin to clank against the bowls.

The soup silences us until Elise fills her spoon, and before taking another mouthful, she asks Johann, “How long has it been since you two have seen each other?”

Questions are never good because they get out of control. Johann knows how to divert answers when the questions get too intense. For now, it’s an answerable question.

Johann meets my eyes, sees the approval, and turns to Elise. “Five years.”

“Oh my, you must have missed each other.”

He smiles at her. “We did.”

“Didn’t you visit him?”

She’s fishing.

“My family needs me here.”

“Have you been to one of his concerts?”

“No.” Again, he looks at me. “But I hope to while he’s touring Europe. Miles has been playing drums since he was nine, so I already know he’s talented.”

Elise returns to her soup, and Johann and I sigh, picking our spoons back up. This time, Elliott asks a question.

“Just curious.”

He can stick his curiosity up his ass. Elliott is so protective of Jules that he’s in my business all the time and fighting me about her. I’ve taken care of Jules and helped them. Fuck, I could kick myself for inviting them here.

Johann nods to Elliott to go on while his eyes flit to me and back to Elliott. “Why did Miles leave Germany?”

Johann places his spoon down, pats his mouth with his napkin, and steeples his fingers. “Why don’t you ask him?”

I toss my napkin on the table and sit back in my chair. “Yeah, Elliott, why don’t you ask me?”

From the way I’m sitting, and how my lips are pressed together, Jules knows I’m pissed. “Daddy, it’s none of our business.”

Elliott acts innocent, even though he wants answers. “What? I didn’t think it was a big deal.”

My eyes bore into him as I say, “As I said before, it was a private matter.”

Elliott places his utensil down and wipes his mouth, placing his forearms on the table to stare back at me. “Since you’re with my daughter, and you say you love her, why not confide in us? We’re in Germany, so your privacy is protected.”

Jules places a hand on my arm to show solidarity. “Dad—”

He holds his hand up. “Now hold on, Jules. I’m not asking anything out of the ordinary. It’s a normal question anyone would ask.”

Jules’ eyes meet mine. Her face is taut from anxiety, so I answer to appease her, keeping my eyes on her. “Because my wife and child died in a car accident.” They gasp at my response, and Jules’ eyes grow large as she swallows. “I was driving. A car smashed into the passenger door, killing my eight-month pregnant wife and child.” My head shifts slowly to Elliott. “Does that answer your question?”

Elliott clears his throat. “I’m sorry for your loss.” He pauses and adds, “I can’t imagine…”

The butler comes into the room to remove the bowls. Elise whispers a reprimand at Elliott. He’s whispering, arguing with her about the question. She feels he pushed too far, and he feels he hasn’t pushed far enough. My love for Jules. The lifestyle. The money. Elliott has an issue with all of it.

While the butler comes in with salads, Elliott asks, “So, you left because of your pain and guilt?”

Both Elise and Jules yell at him to be quiet, but he ignores them.

Through gritted teeth, I ask, “What the fuck is your problem, Elliott?” Jules rushes to take my hand, but I shake it away. “You don’t like the fact Jules and I fell in love so fast? You don’t like my lifestyle or money?” She’s rocking next to me murmuring no, no, please . “Your interrogation upsets Jules and is pissing me off.”

Elise tries to stop Elliott as he presses a hand to his chest. “I’m upsetting her?” He stands up and smacks the table, causing our dishes to clatter, pointing at Jules. “I’m trying to protect her! She’s my daughter. I’m sorry for the loss of your child. If or when you have children, you’ll understand the lengths a father will go to protect them.”

I tower over the table and shout, “She’s not your real daughter!”

The room goes silent, except for Jules crying next to me. Elise kneels by her, taking her hand in hers, telling her everything will be fine.

Elliott comes over and jabs his finger into my chest. “Don’t you ever fucking tell me she’s not my real daughter. We might be here to check to see if our biological daughter has been taken care of, but Jules…” He chokes up, gulps to stop the tears, and continues, “Jules will always be our daughter.”

I gotta hand it to him. I’m six inches taller and have ten times more muscle mass than him. The guy does love his daughter. No matter how much he pisses me off, I understand his love for Jules. Because I love her in a different way. I’ve never felt this kind of love before, not even for my wife, and the guilt is still there. Elliott will do anything for Jules, and I must respect that. Make amends.

Taking a breath, I direct my apology to Elise and Elliott. “I apologize for the comment.” My hands go up, shaking my head. “It was completely wrong and heartless for me to say.” Elise is wiping the tears from Jules’ face, and Elliott’s hands keep curling into fists and then relaxing. “Jules loves you both, and because I adore and love your daughter, I’ll do what I can to make up for my remark.”

Elise kisses Jules then stands and guides Elliott to their seats. I remain standing, my eyes coasting from one person to the next. Johann is tense, and Anna has her hands folded in her lap, looking down. With unspoken words, I let my brother know I’m coming clean. He gives a slight nod. Aside from Anna’s, everyone’s eyes are on me.

Wiping my hand down my face, I sit down, and bleed dry my life’s story. “I guess it’s time to put everything on the table. You’re curious about my life for Jules’ sake, so I’ll tell you everything. It’s time I put my secrets to rest.” I pause to find Elliott’s and Elise’s gaze locked on me. “Let me take you to the beginning. Back in the 1890s into the early 30s, there were German groups called the Ringvereine—Ring Clubs. They consisted of ex-convicts who helped each other with criminal activities. They wore rings to identify members.”

I hold my right hand up to show my silver ring, turning to Jules, who had asked about it before. Her face is pale, eyes darting between my hand, and my face. I breath the connection and glance at her parents. “They were criminal gangs, protecting each other, and paying-off law enforcement. Not much different from the gang activity in the States.” I have their full attention. “Once Hitler came around, he disbanded them so he could have complete control over Germany. Then WWII wiped him out, and some Germans decided to revive the Ringvereine. This time around, they weren’t necessarily ex-cons, but rather average men wanting money, control, and power.” My eyes lock onto Johann’s when I say, “Our father started one of the gangs, called the Bruderschaft, the Brotherhood.”

Elliott’s face crumples when he asks, “You’re part of the German Mafia?”

I nod. His gaze falls onto Elise. Their mouths gaping open, stunned by this revelation. My head turns to Jules, but her chair is empty. At some point, she left, and I didn’t even hear her leave. I’m not sure how much she heard.