Edging Obsession

26

M iles and his brother left for a meeting, so my parents and I want to venture into our surroundings. It’s a sunny day, so we take advantage of it. There are paths in the forest bordering their land, leading to a small lake, then circling back. One of the men I’ve seen on the premises follows behind us. Sometimes I don’t know if it’s for our sake or theirs, as if we’re going to leak information to someone. The hefty guy shadowing us is carrying a gun, which has us a bit on edge. He lights a cigarette, clamping it between his fingers while the other hand rests on the gun.

My mom whispers, “Is this the kind of life you want, Jules? Having someone follow you? Violence everywhere?”

She glances at my dad who has his hands buried in his pockets, shaking his head and sighing. I don’t blame them for the way they feel. If someone told me I’d fall in love with a criminal, I would have scoffed at the comment, telling them it’s a mad thought. And in a sense, I am mad; a term my parents and Miles hate. Criminal or not, Miles nurtures my soul. Our relationship's the kind sad Country love songs are made of.

I slip my arm through one of my mom’s and dad’s arms. “Miles is like my prescribed drugs. He helps in the healing process but comes with side effects.” A giggle escapes me. My mom is about to say something, except I don’t give her the chance. “Believe me, I know where you both are coming from. What parent wants their child involved with someone as dangerous as Miles?”

My dad speaks up. “Exactly. He’s smug, secretive, and who knows what else he’s keeping from you. Like has he killed anyone, and if so, how many?” He stops, pulling Mom and I back to him. “I’m not kidding, Jules. His life is insane, and he’ll only put yours at risk.”

They stand there, staring at me, waiting for me to agree to cut Miles out of my life. The one thing I’m unable to do.

So, I turn my dilemma onto them. “How does one walk away from someone they’re in love with? Someone who they can’t picture a life without. A person who brings danger to their doorstep, while at the same time, provides security. Tell me, Dad.”

“It would be hard to leave him, but in the long run, you’ll see how much better off you’d be.”

“Would I? Would living in an apartment and working at a dead-end job I despise be better off? Dating men who never see past the surface, and when the real me is unveiled, they hightail it out of the relationship.”

“Jules, you can’t say you won’t find a job you love or a man who will stick by you.”

“I already found a man who sticks by me, Dad. What if the tables were turned? Could you walk away from Mom?”

He circles us, rubbing his chin, and says, “Your mother isn’t a criminal.”

We glance at the guy who has been following us. A hand resting on the butt of his gun and a cigarette balanced between his lips. It demonstrates our conversation doesn’t faze him. I realize this life is dark and dangerous. But I also know Miles will keep me safe. When he was throwing my clothes into my suitcase, it melted any doubts I had regarding leaving. With Miles, I can be myself and not worry when he’ll walk out the door. He’s seen the dark side of me, yet he’s stayed.

“But what if you found out something about Mom now? Something dangerous or bad? Could you leave her?”

My father’s abrupt stop has me slamming into him. “Jules. You’re comparing apples to oranges. I’ve spent most of my life with your mother, and you’ve only known Miles for a short time.”

“Time doesn’t equate to love. There was an instant connection as soon as we met. I’ve never felt that way about anyone, and I doubt many people experience the same.”

My mom cuts in. “Honey, we’re not saying you don’t love Miles. We get it, because even after all these years, I’m still in love with your father. Yet sometimes love isn’t enough to stay.”

“Mom.” My eyes shift to my dad. “Dad.” I have their attention. “Let me ask you this. Since I met Miles, do I seem happy? Trapped? Scared?”

My mom answers, “I know you’re happy. Again, I’m not denying it.” She bites her lip before continuing. “As you said, Miles comes with side effects.” She takes my hands in hers. “Are you positively sure, without a doubt that you want those side effects?”

I bring her hands to my mouth and kiss her knuckles on each hand. “Yeah, Mom, I’m sure. Our relationship might not be conventional, and we do things you can’t comprehend or appreciate, but it doesn’t mean it’s unhealthy or wrong. Yes, I could find a nice quiet accountant to marry or a lawyer. Keep things safe. The only problem with that is I could never love them like I love Miles. And they could never match up to his skills in bed.”

She giggles as my dad chides me. “We don’t need to know about it.”

My lips press together to prevent me from laughing. “Well, sex is a big part of a relationship. Did you know there are thousands of unsatisfied women out there? Their partners aren’t sexually good.”

He waves his hands in the air. “All right. Enough. We’re not going down this path.”

We’re standing in front of the building where they have group sex. It’s Wednesday, one of the days when anyone can take part in it.

My mother reaches for the door, but my father grabs her arm. “Elise! This is the building Miles was talking about. The group sex area. You do not want to go in there.”

Mom’s head shifts between my dad and me, the door, and back to my dad. “Aren’t you curious?”

I laugh. “I don’t think they’d appreciate us walking in and gawking at them.”

“Why not? If they don’t have a problem being naked and having sex in front of others, why would a couple more people bother them?”

“Because we’d be dressed. I presume people who participate are naked or half naked.”

Dad places his hands on Mom’s shoulders, turning her from the building. “Elise. I think we’ve had enough excitement to last us a lifetime.”

She refuses to budge. “Seriously? Our sex life has grown stale over the years.”

“Dammit, Elise! This isn’t the place to discuss our…” he lowers his voice, “…sex life.”

Mom tosses her arm out toward the building. “This is the perfect place to discuss it.” Her hands run up his chest to his shoulders, and she drops her voice to a low whisper. “Elliott. Wouldn’t you like to put a little spark into our intimacy? This would be a great opportunity.”

He takes her hands off his shoulders. “I’m not discussing this anymore.”

She wraps her arm around his waist. “We’ll leave it for now, but I think I might want to see it for myself. I’ll ask Miles about it.”

“Elise. The hell you will. You’re the one who was appalled by it.”

Giving a weak shrug, she responds, “I’m a woman. We’re allowed to change our mind.”

They walk back toward the guesthouse, and I glance over my shoulder, lifting it to rub my chin. My mother isn’t the only one curious about the place and what goes on inside.