Elevator Pitch (Hapless In Love #1)

58. Love Knocks

58

love knocks

Selah

Manhattan, NY | March 27, 2024

Today has been dragging and it doesn’t help that I’m anxious. We’re currently in the middle of a scrum sprint cycle at work. We do these often, using this time to review short iterations of feedback to evaluate and adapt our workflows. I look forward to sprints, but as the product manager, I’m required to be very sociable. That part I dread, mostly because of my anxiety, not because I don't know what the hell I’m talking about.

Though I will say it is difficult navigating through life when it feels as if your mind and body are constantly at war with each other. Thanks to Dr. Garnett, I feel better equipped to manage my panic attacks when I feel them coming on. So, I am holding on for our session tonight. I’m on my lunch break enjoying a turkey sub at my kitchen counter and reading when my phone trills beside me. Mama’s name flashing across the screen. I swipe to answer.

“Hey, mama.”

“Hey baby.” The warmth in her voice makes me feel better already .

“I hope I’m not bothering you. I just missed you and wanted to talk to you about something.”

“You’re never a bother. I’m just on my lunch break. What’s going on?”

“How are you feeling?”

I sigh, “Honestly, tired. I’m resisting the urge to take a nap because I’m afraid I won’t come back.”

“Nightmares keeping you up?”

“Yeah,” I say reluctantly.

Amongst other things.

“And you’re still being stubborn about refusing to share a bed with that fine ass man you’ve been playing pinochle with?”

I snort. “Yes, and you’re not the only one who calls me stubborn.”

“You got your hard headedness from your daddy. That wasn’t my doing.”

“Mom, you had a child with him. I’d argue you hold some responsibility here.”

“Anyways, if I were you, I’d be lying all over and under that man. I don’t understand why you won’t sleep over. Are you afraid you’re going to fall for him? Is this your way of protecting yourself?”

I remain silent.

States away and reading my mind.

I hate it when she does this.

I can fool everyone but my mother.

“Baby, when you fall in love, you have no control over it. You can lay down a thousand ground rules, but if your heart wants that man, those rules won’t stop shit. You hear me, Selah?”

“I hear you, Mama,” I nearly whisper as a single tear streams down my cheek.

She continues, “I understand why love feels like a threat to the life you’ve worked so hard to create for yourself, but it doesn’t have to be. Nobody in those books you read is ever prepared for the love that knocks on their door, either. Love doesn’t give a damn if you’re ready for it. When it knocks, you answer. I just want you to think about that, baby. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“It’s okay, Mama,” I sniffle.

I glance at my clock to see how much time I have left before I need to log back on. Twenty-five minutes. Should be time to not look like I was crying by the time I get back on camera.

“If you’re done giving me a hard time, what did you have to tell me? I gotta get back soon.”

“I almost forgot. Your Auntie Ruby is dragging me to a speed dating thing tonight. That’s why I called.”

I jerk my neck back in response.

“How much did she pay you?”

She cackles. “Nothing. I’m just a little lonely these days. Thought I’d give it a try with her. Maybe find myself a pinochle partner. It is going well for you.”

“Alright, now. I’ve had enough of you,” I chuckle.

“You could never.”

“You got that right. I gotta go, Mama. I love you and good luck tonight.”

“I love you too, baby. Thank you.”

I sit with her words long after we disconnect the call.