Emily: Hello Kitten (The ‘Hello’ series)

28. Chapter 28

twenty-eight

Emily

Having fun. With friends. Talk tomorrow.

T hat’s the last message I sent Adrian. Then he sent me way too many. My heart aches as I know what I saw doesn’t add up to what he’s saying and it makes me question everything. Then another message from me… well, Beth.

Beth is too good of a friend to have to deal with this. Guilt rolls in my stomach as I get through a shower to try and cope with it. I keep the water freezing, shivering and fighting myself even though I want to leave it.

I was stupid and I want to be punished. I want to make myself suffer. It would be better if my friends were angry at me and not babying me with my favorite iced coffee and French toast. I shudder and wrap my arms around myself as I think of how bad it could have been.

The position my friends would have been in if I had danced with Sean instead of them. I could have been in so much more trouble. Really, really bad trouble.

Scrubbing myself until my skin is pink and angry doesn’t help. Washing my hair, brushing my teeth, dressing in my most oversized, warmest pajamas still can’t shake me out of the funk.

“Look who’s back with the living,” Beth teases, and I groan.

“I’m so sorry,” I start.

“Someone drugged you, Emily,” she says, forcing her eyes open. “I know drunk you. You puke twice, then drink water, eat, and you’re back to fun. This was because of them.”

“Never go back?” I ask.

“Never,” she agrees.

I lie down beside her on the couch and take her hand. “I’m still sorry. I should have done what you said. I should have checked every drink. I barely remember…”

“I’m glad we noticed and got you out of there. It could have been really bad,” she whispers.

“Yeah,” I agree.

“Also, I texted the number in your phone that kept texting you,” she informs, and I slump beside her.

She strokes my hair. “He’s really worried about you. Like really worried, babe. It took a few texts to keep him from coming over.”

“I messed up, but it will be okay. I’ll make it okay again,” I whisper.

“I’m sure you will,” Danielle says while carrying two mugs of coffee. “Now, let’s pamper the shit out of each other.”

A smile plays on my lips and Beth giggles. The scent of coffee prickles my nose, and I grab the mug, hoping I can forget about everything that happened last night.

The three of us do face masks, watch movies, pamper ourselves. By the time we’re having sushi as a late lunch, I don’t feel like I can say anything else without being too much.

They’ve already had to deal with me last night. I don’t want to chain them to me now. Danielle stands up after finishing her meal. “I do actually have to get back. I have this huge essay I have to do.”

“I do too,” Beth says. “For Dr. Hayes’ class. Em?”

I shrug. “I already did it,” I say honestly.

“Okay, we’re going to go to the library. Are you okay here?” Beth asks.

I nod, and Danielle heads out as Beth lingers by the door. “He’s a good guy, Em. I think you would be crazy to let him go.”

I scoff. “You don’t know what he did.”

She laughs. “From the texts I read, he didn’t do anything, and you misjudged the situation.”

“How can you say that? You don’t know everything.”

Her jaw tenses as she looks away. “True, but you love him.”

“I don’t,” I snap, but as I hear the words echo back at me, I don’t know if I can believe them.

She shrugs. “Perhaps, but he loves you.”

Tears sting and I shake my head. “He doesn’t.”

“Maybe you’re forgetting what he does for you, to be with you,” she says carefully, and my brows draw together.

“How can you know that?” I ask, crossing my arms.

She sighs, her hand lingering on the doorknob. “Get out of your head and just follow your heart.” She turns and leaves, leaving me alone with my spiraling, stupid thoughts as I realize she might have a point. I don’t have the best track record in dating, always finding something wrong when it becomes too serious. But do I really want to leave Adrian?

I glance at my phone. Another text from Adrian.

Kitten? Are you doing better?

Pulling my knees to my chest as tears sting my eyes, I dial his number. He picks up on the second ring but doesn’t say anything. I close my eyes and take a slow breath. “You hurt me.”

“I know, Kitten, and I’m so sorry. Are you alone right now?” he asks.

“I don’t want this,” I whisper.

“Let me pick you up. Please, I need to see you.” His voice breaks, and tears roll over my cheeks.

“Please don’t yell at me. I know how you feel about my drinking.”

“I’ll never yell at you.” He keeps his voice gentle and low. “I hate thinking about your being in trouble in a place I can’t help you. It drives me insane.”

I take a slow breath.

“Do you still want to come over tonight?” he asks softly.

“I don’t know,” I answer honestly.

I think of how I flirted with Sean, that I went out and drank so much I got drugged. This is such a mess. But then I think of us at my sister’s wedding. How he’d stood up for me without my needing to ask. The way he was there in every way that wasn’t sexual.

I think of him taking me to the diner to sober me up, how he cooked for me, remembering all the details I laid out and following through. How we’d laughed together and talked about literature between rounds of sex.

He sighs. “Clarissa and I aren’t anything to each other. Yes, she kissed me . It didn’t mean anything, Emily. I pushed her off me and then she left. I came running after you, but you’re faster than you look.” Another sigh falls as I nibble on my bottom lip, unsure what to do.

“It’s your choice, Emily. I’m not going to force you to spend time with me. I’m not going to force you to believe me. That’s your choice,” he says simply.

“Would you have come here if… if Beth hadn’t told you not to?”

“I was already outside, Kitten.”

My chest aches as I take a deep breath. “Tonight… give me like thirty minutes to get ready.”

“Let me pick you up,” he says.

I gulp. “No, I can drive.”

“You sure?”

I take a shaky breath. “Yeah, I’m sure. See you in a bit.”

I hang up and I stare at my phone. I don’t know what to do with Adrian. We’re in some kind of exclusive sexual relationship, but he wants me every weekend. He said we couldn’t do dates, but that’s what being at his house feels like. Now he’s willing to track me down by going to frats or coming to my dorm when he’s worried about me. That’s not someone who’s only about sex.

And even if it’s a little controlling …

I tug my necklace, feeling it tighten around my throat, and close my eyes. Who am I kidding? I want him to like me. I want him to want more with me than just sex. I want our fun moments outside the bedroom. I want to keep Adrian even though I have no business claiming him, can’t call him my boyfriend.

I even hope Beth is right. Maybe this is love. Maybe I’m just too blind to see it.

Taking a breath, I pull on a cute top and black leggings that work well together. I toss my dark hair over my shoulder, put on enough makeup that I look like myself, then grab my purse and head to Adrian’s.

I pull into the garage again and hit the button to bring the door down. Adrian opens the door before I can and grips my shoulders, looking me over. Once he’s sure I’m not hurt, he hugs me tightly.

I press my face against his shirt and squeeze him. “I’m sorry I scared you.”

“Me too,” he says softly. “We’re not drinking tonight, though. I don’t care how you try to seduce me. We’re not drinking.”

“I’m not arguing,” I agree when my stomach lurches at the thought of alcohol. “I think it might be a while considering…”

“Let’s get you inside,” he says.

When he starts to lead me inside and I don’t follow, he glances back. I swallow. “Adrian, would you want to be with her?”

“No,” he says without hesitation. “And when she came up to me, I was too slow, I didn’t… I’m sorry. I told her no, not to waste her time. I said I was seeing someone and wasn’t going to jeopardize it.”

“You said that because of…” I trail off, studying his intense green eyes, made all the more intense by his dark skin. He takes a step back to me, then another and another. I back up until I bump into my car.

Adrian reaches out to stroke my hair and presses his body against mine. “I’ll give you one guess why I said that, baby. Just one, because that’s all a smart girl like you needs.”

I swallow hard. “But we’re supposed to be just sex.”

“Since when?” he asks, leaning closer until his eyes are all that matter. I might as well be staring into the sun. I want to look away, but I can’t. He grips my necklace tightly, tugging until I can barely breathe. “Since the night you left my house and didn’t return my text in the morning? Since I went with you to your sister’s wedding? Since I got you sober and took you home? Since we fucked in my car? When have we ever been just sex?”

I shiver as he loosens the chain around my neck. His lips move against mine without actually kissing me. “You are the reason I’ll say no to anyone else. You are the reason I can’t sleep on Fridays now. You, Emily.” He breathes sharply. “You own me, Kitten. From the moment I first saw you.”

“Adrian,” I pant as my chest aches for him.

“Come inside and let me show you how nice a night it is,” he coaxes. “No alcohol, no sex, just us.”