Empire of Flame and Thorns (Flame and Thorns #1)

Chapter 20

CHAPTER TWENTY

I practically skip through the rest of the hallways after that. Goddess above, if I had known that saying what I actually think was this much fun, I would have started doing it years ago. A laugh bubbles in my chest. Mabona’s tits, that look on his face was priceless.

But as I make my way back to my room, I still cast glances over my shoulder every once in a while to make sure that he isn’t coming to take revenge for my insolence.

Thankfully, I manage to reach my corridor without the Shadow of Death claiming my soul.

The sound of voices fills the pale stone hallway as I round the final corner. I draw up short as I find the corridor before me packed with people. Some of them look to just be chatting with each other before they go back to their rooms. But some look like they’re saying goodbye to the others who lost this last trial.

I watch them curiously as I start walking towards my room again.

My heart clenches painfully as I watch some of them hug and pat each other on the shoulder.

When we first got here, there were only a few people who were already friends. Alistair and his posse, mainly. But, as far as I know, the people hugging each other and saying goodbye now didn’t know each other from before.

That tight iron fist around my heart squeezes harder.

Other people have… made friends.

Even here, in a competition that pits us all against one another, other people have managed to make friends. And I can’t even make friends during a normal day back in the city.

Am I really that untrustworthy?

“You,” a harsh voice suddenly bellows. “You cheated!”

I sigh and admit in my mind that, yes, maybe I really am that untrustworthy.

Jeb elbows his way through a group to my left and stalks up to me. His cheeks are stained red with anger or indignation or both, and his brown hair is a complete mess. As if he has continuously raked his fingers through it in frustration.

Quickening my step, I try to reach my room before he can corner me. I’ve had enough confrontation for one day, thank you very much.

Unfortunately, I’m still three steps away from my door when Jeb reaches me. He throws out an arm, blocking my path, and forces me to stop walking. I draw in a breath that does absolutely nothing to calm the annoyance and frustration now swirling in my soul. I’m exhausted and sore and so freaking fed up with people. I just want to lie down on my bed and rest for a moment.

Jeb, however, has other plans.

“You,” he sneers, and stabs his index finger against my chest. “You cheated.”

I narrowly manage to stop myself from replying, yes, I heard you the first time. Instead, I draw in another calming breath and ask, “How could I possibly have cheated? I took the same route as everyone else through the maze.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about. You stole my egg!”

“I saved you from falling.”

“Which is when you stole my egg.”

“When would I possibly have had time for that? I grabbed you and pulled you up.” Raising my eyebrows, I shoot him a pointed look. “And besides, if it hadn’t been for me, you would have fallen and shattered your egg anyway.”

He scowls and works his mouth a couple of times. His cheeks are now flushed a red so bright that they could most likely have seen it all the way from the Unseelie Court.

“You were probably the one who made me fall in the first place,” he accuses with an indignant huff. “And then after you pulled me up, you used your mumbo-jumbo magic on me to make me hand over my egg without me even realizing it.”

I suppress a scoff. By Mabona, these ridiculous scenarios that they dream up about what I can do with my magic is getting more and more absurd every day.

“Did you just roll your fucking eyes at me?” Jeb demands, looking both stunned and furious.

I wince inwardly. Aw crap. Did I make that face out loud?

“You’ve become way too bold ever since you entered this competition,” he says, and stabs his finger against my chest again. “You need to remember your place.”

“My place is here. In the competition.” I hold his gaze with hard eyes. “While you have been ordered to leave the premises by first light. So perhaps you are not the right person to be lecturing someone about learning one’s place.”

A gasp rips through the corridor. It startles me enough that I nearly jump. I had almost forgotten that there were other people here too.

The realization makes a wave of cold dread crash over me. Oh Goddess, what are they going to think of me now? I have never been this rude, this cruel, to anyone in our city before. And now, all of these people are going to think that I’m a bitch who rubs it in people’s faces that I won and they lost.

Panic snakes around my heart, squeezing hard.

Oh crap, I shouldn’t have said that.

Before Jeb can even think of a reply, I duck under his arm and hurry the final three steps to my door.

“Hey!” he calls after me. “Don’t you fucking dare?—”

I slam the door shut, cutting off his threat.

Groaning, I bury my face in my hands. Goddess above, I shouldn’t have said that. My interaction with Draven made me feel bold and indestructible. But I can’t go around acting like that with everyone else too. They will only hate me even more.

With a sigh, I slide my hands up and rake them through my hair.

Exhaustion slams into me like a tidal wave.

“Fuck,” I mumble under my breath.

Dropping my arms back down by my sides, I walk over to the closet and the mirror instead. With muscles that still tremble from an entire day of getting through a massive hedge maze, I slowly start stripping out of my clothes so that I can check myself for injuries.

There is a large bruise covering my hip and side from where I hit the ground when I fell from the ice wall. My forearms are covered with tiny cuts from when I had to climb along the hedge to evade the lava. And the muscles in my shoulder ache from when I caught Jeb as he fell.

The more garments I take off, the more cuts and bruises I discover.

It’s not as bad as my injuries after the first trial, but I still can’t deny that the competition is becoming more and more intense.

Uncertainty swirls inside my soul as I study myself in the mirror.

Deep down, I know that I don’t have the right kind of magic to win these trials. Elemental magic, or at least some kind of physical magic, will always be better suited for things like this. And there are so many strong people competing against me.

Staggering backwards, I slide down to the floor by the bed, resting my back against the wooden bedframe. It’s cool against my flushed skin, and sooths some of the bruises. I draw my knees up and brace my forearms on them as I stare at myself in the mirror. My exhausted face stares back at me.

Maybe Isera was right about more than one thing back in that maze today. I could have used my magic to make everyone else too claustrophobic to get through the tunnel. In fact, I can do lots of things like that. Maybe it’s time to take her advice and start playing more offense. To start actually trying to make other people lose, so that I will have a better shot at winning.

Nausea twists my stomach at the thought.

I can’t do something like that. I can’t be that cruel. That selfish. We all just want to be able to leave this shitty life behind and start fresh somewhere else. And who am I to take that away from them?

Besides, what would people say about me if I win like that? They would gossip about how I only won because I crippled everyone else. That I didn’t deserve it. That they were always right about me. That I can’t be trusted.

A small voice inside me whispers a sentence that I barely dare to hear.

Does it matter?

Does it matter if people gossip and talk and curse my name? Does it matter that they hate me? I will have won the Atonement Trials and will be given permission to leave the Seelie Court. I can travel anywhere. I can make a real difference for the fae resistance. So what does it matter if people I barely know despise me?

Cursing under my breath, I drop my head and rest my forehead on my arms while I heave a deep sigh.

Why must I care so much about what other people think of me?

I want to win. Desperately. But I also want people to like me. And that has held me back in these trials.

The magic I’ve used on people up until now hasn’t even scratched the surface of what I can really do. But if I use my powers in full, I know that people will hate me for it. And that makes me want to throw up.

I want to be accepted. It’s half of the reason why I signed up for this bloody competition in the first place. But I also want to win.

It’s a circular problem that I can’t solve without sacrificing something.

I want to win so that I will be accepted. But to win, I need to do things that will make people hate me. So if I win, people will accept me. But they will also hate me.

Another groan escapes my chest and I thump my head against my forearms.

I don’t know what to do.

All I know is that I need to make a decision.

Fast.