Empire of Flame and Thorns (Flame and Thorns #1)

Chapter 42

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

A fter Rin Tanaka healed my broken and exhausted body, I headed straight back to the city. There was nothing for me to pick up from my room at the Golden Palace. I’m already wearing everything that I brought with me. Everything that’s mine. So while the seven clan leaders shifted into dragons and flew off, I walked straight to the Golden Gate. Isera and Alistair did the same.

And now, as I walk through the city, everything suddenly feels different. It has only been a few weeks since the Atonement Trials started, but it feels as if years have passed. Everything that I’ve been through, everything that I’ve done, has somehow changed me. But I’m not sure exactly how.

The streets I walk through now feel smaller. And the buildings somehow look more impersonal. But worst of all, the city and the people in it suddenly feel distant. I feel as if I’m a stranger walking through town, and not someone who has lived here her whole life.

The feeling is so jarring that I almost miss the tavern I was heading for. Stumbling to a halt, I take a step back and reach for the door.

Inside, miserable-looking people are drinking their sorrows away while there is far too little food on far too few tables. A soft murmur hangs in the air and a fire burns in the hearth to my right.

In here, life simply… goes on. As if the Atonement Trials never happened. As if my life hasn’t been utterly changed.

I give my head a few short shakes, trying to push aside the strange feeling. Then I approach the bar.

“The mask is white,” I say as I catch the tavern keeper’s eye.

He starts in surprise at hearing the code phrase that we use to secretly identify ourselves as members of the resistance. Then he clears his throat. “And very hard to take off.”

I nod at the correct answer, which signals that he is a member of the resistance as well and that it’s safe to talk.

“I need this delivered,” I say, and slide an envelope across the scratched wooden counter.

Reaching out, he casually takes the envelope and slips it into his apron pocket before giving me a nod. “Consider it done.”

After nodding back in thanks, I turn around and walk back out again.

Since I don’t know who the leaders of the resistance are, I couldn’t just walk up to one of them and tell them that I have won the Atonement Trials. So I wrote that in the letter that will now be delivered to them instead. In it, I also suggested that they recruit Fenriel to our cause. Not only is he a genuinely kind person, he also has his hawk that can potentially fly out of the Seelie Court. And that could be the perfect way for me to relay information to the resistance leaders, and for them to tell me what they need me to do.

Brisk evening winds whirl between the crooked wooden buildings as I stride through town and towards a house closer to the northern wall.

Once I reach it, I stop in front of the door and draw in a few bracing breaths.

Nausea twists in my stomach.

Not once during the entire course of the trials have I been as nervous as I am right now. It’s ridiculous. But facing the two people in this house will always be worse than anything the dragon shifters can subject me to.

After dragging in one more breath, I raise my hand to knock. But then I stop. A short laugh escapes my chest. And instead, I simply push down the handle and walk right across the threshold.

“Hello,” I call as I walk into the house. “Dad? Mom?”

My parents scramble out of the kitchen. They stop, looking completely stunned, when they find me standing in the living room.

“Why didn’t you knock?” my mom blurts out.

I open my mouth but then just close it again. That’s her first question? The last time I saw them, I told them that I was entering the Atonement Trials. Now, they see me for the first time in weeks. And her first question is why I didn’t knock?

Blowing out a breath, I give my head a quick shake to clear it and then compose myself.

“I just came to tell you that I won the Atonement Trials,” I announce.

Shock pulses across their faces. I keep my chin raised and my spine straight as I bear their scrutiny.

“So that means that you’re leaving?” Mom eventually says.

Not even a congratulations . Or well done . Or anything.

Blocking out the painful twist in my chest, I just nod. “Yes.”

“Good.”

My heart drops and a frustrated kind of disbelief crashes over me. “Don’t you mean good luck ?”

“Right.” She clears her throat. “Good luck.”

Pain bleeds from my heart as I stare at them. Then it all just boils over.

“Look,” I begin, my voice coming out all hurt and angry. “I know that I’m not the daughter you hoped for, but would it really kill you to just be proud of me for once in your lives?”

“Be proud of you?” Dad interjects. “What in Mabona’s name is there to be proud of?”

“All my adult life, I’ve done everything I can to please you. And yet, all you do is resent me. Why?—”

“Of course we resent you!” Mom snaps. The words seem to rip out from the very depths of her soul. Her eyes are full of anger and hurt as she stares me down. “You ruined our marriage.”

Pain slashes through my chest. “I was a child .”

“I don’t care!” she screams the words at me with all the force of a physical hit. With that anger still in her eyes, she motions between herself and Dad. “We loved each other. And you broke us. You took our emotions and twisted them up so badly that we could never be sure if we were truly angry with each other or if we were happy or calm or stressed or if we had any feelings at all. Or if it was all just your vicious meddling.” Tears well up in her eyes. “You ruined us. You ruined everything.”

I rock back on my heels as if she had hit me across the face.

In my chest, I swear that I can hear my heart crack.

The silence in the living room is so loud that it pulses against my eardrums.

Swallowing back the lump in my throat, I open my mouth to say something. To defend myself. To try to explain, yet again, that I couldn’t control my powers back then. That I didn’t mean to manipulate their emotions. That I worked myself into exhaustion trying to master my powers faster than anyone ever had before.

But then I just close my mouth instead.

Nothing I say is ever going to change how my parents feel about me.

They don’t care anymore.

And now, neither do I.

So I just turn on my heel and walk away without another word.

None of this matters anyway. All that matters is that I have won the Atonement Trials. And tomorrow, my new life, my wonderful life away from all of this, is finally going to begin. I just need to make sure that I’m standing on the Dragon Field before sunrise.

No one, no one , is going to stop me from claiming my place as a victor in front of the entire Iceheart Dynasty tomorrow.

Hesitation blows through me.

No one can stop me, right? Like Draven. He can’t just use his power and influence as the leader of the dragon shifter army to somehow stop me from claiming my status as winner of the Atonement Trials.

Can he?