End With A Bang (Slap/Bang Duet #2)

16. Dreams

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Dreams

As Ivy zombied through a busy morning of minutiae for three different cases—hearing dates, discovery response notes, database searches—she was nagged by a recurring thought: I almost said I love you .

At one point she found herself holding her desk phone at her cheek, staring at the Frankenthaler print on her cubicle wall. She became one with the strokes on the canvas: mixed up and reckless, perpetually in motion, delirious... and a little splotchy.

Did he notice that errant “L”? Of course he did. He was Sever . But he had to know it was an accident! A force of habit she’d developed with Jason, and besides, she was falling asleep!

Maybe he didn’t notice. She recreated it quietly to herself, and concluded that it was indecipherable. And it was obviously not how she actually felt about him. The issue was, if he did notice, it would do nothing but get his hopes up, and that wasn’t fair to him.

Anyway. She had to focus. These witness statements wouldn’t state themselves.

As she dialed the first few digits on her contact list, her cell phone buzzed.

A rush of dopamine flooded her brain. She tried to guess before checking: would his message be flirty, absurd, or just plain obscene? Come to think of it, it could be all of the above...

But it wasn’t Sever. It was Jason.

Meet me in the conference room

The dopamine turned to fight or flight. Yes, they sometimes met in the conference room to talk privately, but this was cryptic.

He was standing at the window, looking out, until she came in. He looked… antsy.

Ivy shut the conference room door and tried not to look the way she felt; like a kid in trouble with the principal. “What’s up?”

“I have a favor to ask you.” Jason sat in a chair and rolled toward another, motioning her to sit. “Doug and Elsa want to take us out to dinner tonight.”

The big bosses? “Us? What for?”

“I… think I might be getting a promotion.”

She gasped. “Junior partner?”

“Partner.”

“Holy shit! Really?”

“I kinda leveraged the Ellison offer, which makes me feel a little douchey, but... There’s a lot more I could be doing here, you know? I want bigger cases. I mean, my work on Alvarez proved I can handle them...”

Proud of him, she nudged his knee with hers. “Look at you, go-getter.”

Humbly, he shrugged, then gave her an earnest look. “I can’t fuck this up, Ivy. Please come.”

Would she play Happy Couple for a night so he could get his promotion? Whatever she felt about their relationship, this was his career. “Of course I will.”

On her way back to her desk, her sleep-deprived brain finally caught up: This wasn’t just a stability check. This could spell the end of her tenure at Lohmann Brooks.

Their relationship within the firm was inherently a conflict, and they’d already been cautioned to keep their distance from 9 to 5. The moment they started dating, she should have stopped working with him—but the other paralegals were swamped. After the wedding, she officially handed Jason’s cases over to a colleague—though that didn’t stop her from helping him out at home.

Now that he might be promoted from associate to partner, there’d be a new power dynamic that could bristle her coworkers. Would Doug and Elsa kindly ask her to find another job?

Ivy sat at her desk and considered her options. She loved working at Lohmann. She was passionate about fighting injustice. But there were similar firms out there, and she couldn’t help but see a few pros with the cons.

One, working together was adding stress to an already stressed relationship. It was also causing her work to suffer—and possibly his, too.

Two, she wouldn’t have to look over her shoulder every minute. She wouldn’t have to stare at Kara’s building every time she snuck a phone call with Sever.

Three, maybe she didn’t want to be a paralegal. Maybe she wanted to be a dying flower in France.

Maybe she wanted to paint again.

Jason drove down another block in search of a parking space. “Thanks for coming out with me tonight.”

“Will you stop saying that?” Ivy said with a good-natured smile. “This isn’t a chore for me. I want to support you.”

“I guess I’m nervous.” He squeezed the steering wheel. “I feel real good about this, though.”

“You should! You’re taking a stand for yourself. I mean honestly? If it took Ellison Cole to make you see that, then I finally see the value in them.”

“Oh, don’t thank Ellison Cole. Thank my shrink.”

His shrink? “Your shrink?”

“Yeah. Remember? Hope? The one I met at the party?”

“Oh,” she said. “Right. Her. You never told me her name.” Hope.

“Well, she’s got this book.” He reached behind him to fish something out of his briefcase in the back seat, and put it in her lap.

Shadow Children: The Psychological Impact of the Silver Spoon , by Dr. Hope Ainsworth-Thompson. Ivy felt a wave of prickling jealousy.

“It’s kinda changed my life,” he said.

The back cover photo wasn’t helping. “She’s young.” Also pretty. And smart, and accomplished...

“She’s in her mid-thirties, I think.”

“That’s young,” she said, and opened it to a random page. “Is she married?”

Jason took his eyes off the road to flash her a look.

“What? She’s got two names, that’s all,” Ivy said, and pointed at the passing sidewalk. “Spot!”

He hit the brakes and backed into the parking space, saying, “It’s one of those old-money British hyphenates, I think.”

“Oh, she’s British.”

“Her Dad is. She was born here.”

“Wow. You just keep having things in common.”

“Ivy,” he said, and turned off the car. “I’m seeing a therapist, like you wanted me to. I’m trying to get better for you , so you’ll take me back. If you think I’d screw that up by messing around with her, you’re... Well, you’re just looking for something to hate me for.”

When did he become so perceptive? Was it the therapist? “I... didn’t think you were messing around. And I would never hate you... even if you were.”

“I’m not.” He reached out for her hand, but she quickly withdrew to unclasp her seatbelt. He sighed. “Look. I want to give you all the space you need so we can get past this, but you gotta trust that I won’t be dicking you over in the meantime. Can you give me that?”

Mouth tight, Ivy thumbed her wedding ring. “Yeah. I can give you that.”

The partners didn’t fire her. In fact, they gave her a raise. Their concerns about the ethics of a paralegal being married to one of her supervising attorneys had been voiced before, but suddenly they were treating it like an asset. The reason was simple: he needed help with a class action case, and Ivy was the class action expert in the firm. What they needed her to do was work closely with his paralegal, to basically train him for the prep.

A raise was always welcome, but she was conflicted. She’d been so prepared to be let go, even made her peace with it. Maybe even wished for it.

But this was Jason’s night, and Doug and Elsa were pouring champagne: her favorite way to shut out her thoughts. Or, her second favorite way. Multiple orgasms with Sever ranked first.

Striding back to the car, Ivy and Jason kept looking at each other, dumbfounded by his promotion, her raise.

In Doug’s trademark cadence, short, robotic bursts of four syllables, one up, one down, Ivy said, “Can you tell me? What just happened.”

Jason burst into laughter, knowing right away what she was playing on. They used to do it all the time. “I think I love? Doug and Elsa.”

The celebratory mood, the sheen of mild intoxication, the city lights, the old feelings... She pushed him with her hip. He pushed her back.

They kept it up all the way home: “Have you eaten? At that Thai place.” “Is there someone? Parked in our space.” “Are we going? To the twelfth floor.” “Are there keys-es? In your pocket.”

Sagging into one another, laughing, Ivy remembered when they were like this all the time. It was nice.

Jason opened their door. “I’m a fucking partner! Holy shit.”

“I’m so proud of you, Jase,” she said, and then they were inside, and there was a warm hug, and she was buzzed and giddy...

“Thank you,” he said meaningfully, looking into her eyes. “You’re an amazing woman.”

Before she could make sense of anything, their lips met. Then their tongues... then his hands... one of which was nearing her spine...

Suddenly, she let out a strange sound—alarm? fright?—halted his arms, and turned her head to the side.

It wasn’t even voluntary. Her body wouldn’t let her do this.

As the rejection sank in, Jason stepped back.

“Sorry,” she whispered, unable to meet his gaze.

“Don’t be,” he said, and cracked his knuckles. “I get it. I’m just gonna... go jerk off in the shower again.”

He walked away, and Ivy leaned against the coats, feeling like a traitor.

“Morning, gorgeous.”

Out of habit, she sing-songed, “Shouldn’t answer the phone like that.”

“Oi, who is this hideous troll waking me at the crack of dawn?”

“I take it back,” she said snidely. “I like ‘morning gorgeous’ better. Even if it is only midnight here—” A loud truck drove by.

“Are you outside?”

“I needed to get out,” she said, adding defensively, “I’m with the dog.”

“At midnight? Ivy?—”

“I’m nowhere near Skid Row. And believe it or not, Huey terrifies most grown men.”

He sighed, relenting. “Right then. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I can’t call to say hi? Or, you know, ‘cheerio’?”

“You said you ‘needed to get out’. At midnight.”

Did she? She was no good at this. “Yeah. As in, I needed to clear my head. Work-type stuff.” She changed the subject. “How was your meeting?”

“Pointless. Are you sure you’re all right?”

God, even from six thousand miles away, he could read her like a book. It was maddening. “I’m fine. It’s nothing, really, I just...” His signature shone down at her from the Mark Hotel tower. “I miss you.”

There was a pause. “Yeah?”

She smiled. “I guess.”

He tutted. “You guess . I’ll be back by lunchtime. Spend an hour with me?”

Yes. “Wait.” Crap. “I can’t.”

“You can’t?”

“I have to train someone and get all of my own caseload done, then there’s a lunch meeting...”

“All right. Dinner, then.”

She sighed. “I promised... him...” Why couldn’t she say her husband’s name? Or kiss him?

“Promise me the next day, then.”

“I’ll try.”

“You’ll try ? Promise me.”

“I want to, but—” She’d called him to calm her anxiety, not make it worse. “Can we just talk for a minute? About the weather?”

He paused for a moment, and said, “How’s the weather in LA tonight?”

She smiled, and turned back toward her building. “It’s a little chilly.”

“It’s warm here today. Sun’s out.”

“In London? You’re pulling my leg.”

“I’d like to pull your leg. Over my shoulder.”

With a gasp, she said, “ Chaud lapin . I can’t have phone sex in public.”

“Why do you insist on giving me ideas? Now I’ll have to make you do that.”

“You can’t make me do anything.”

He breathed in. “Hmm. I’ve been too nice to you, haven’t I?” His voice got deep and dark. “Made you forget my true nature.”

She felt that between her legs.

“I have to run. But keep that in your mind ‘til I get back.”

She nodded, as if he could see.

Ivy wished she didn’t have to work so closely with Jason when their relationship was so tense, but here they were, in his office. At least they had a buffer: Brian, his paralegal, but that barely helped. If Doug and Elsa had known they were having problems...

Just put your head down, and get this done. Once she gave Brian the reins, she wouldn’t have to work with him again.

Glad about not working with her own husband. Not being able to touch him. Maybe that was something to examine. But not right now. Sever was back, and she’d promised to see him after work.

“That’s you, Ive,” Jason said. “Line three.”

Ivy snapped out of her reverie, and bent across his desk to answer her forwarded call. “Ivy Tyler.”

“Are you alone?”

Her heart stopping at the sound of Sever’s voice, she froze in place.

“Say something, love,” he said curtly, “or he’ll get suspicious.”

Ivy glanced sidelong at Jason. He was busy talking to Brian, thank god. She said, matter-of-factly, “Sure, I can do that. Hang on a second.” She held the phone to her chest and said to Jason, “I’m gonna take this outside.”

She got out of her chair, and he said, “No you’re not.”

“Sorry?”

“You’re staying right there. I want you in earshot.”

“Um...” She walked as far away from Jason as she could without leaving the room. “Okay.”

“I’ve been thinking of what I’ll do to you when I see you next.”

This was so wrong...

“I think I’d like to put you on display.”

Nervously, she touched a book on Jason’s shelf. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I think I’ll have you up against the window, so if someone were to look up, they might see what a filthy little whore you are.”

Uncalled for, but breathtakingly arousing. “I see.”

Measuredly, he said, “You will press your tits against the glass while I fuck your tight, molten asshole, and you will love every second of it. Say ‘yes, sir’.”

Her clit throbbed. Jason was deep in his discussion. “Yes, certification.”

“When I’ve had enough, you’ll get on your knees, and you’ll suck my cock. For all the world to see.”

Jason glanced at her, so she turned away from him and said as naturally as she could, “Right. Okay.”

“You’re mine, Ivy.” He breathed in. “Say ‘yes, sir’.”

“I’ll let you know,” she said, and quickly hung up.