Enforcer’s Obsession

Chapter 30

THIRTY

Hope

“Earth to Hope,” Molly said.

“Yeah, I will make sure all the water bowls are full before I finished today,” I said.

She smiled at me, the amusement lighting her eyes.

“Good to know, but that’s not what I said,” she said.

She frowned, a deep crease between her eyebrows. “What’s up?”

I looked at Molly, thought about what I would ordinarily said.

I’m fine!

I’d wave her off and then be left with my thoughts. But so much had changed recently.

I wanted, more than anything, talk to someone.

“Do you have plans after work?” I asked.

Her eyes widened with shock, which I understood.

She practically had to twist my arm to get me to go to coffee with her.

And over the years, she had been the driving force in our friendship.

I couldn’t think of a time where I had asked her to make plans.

“I don’t,” she finally said.

“Would you mind if we went somewhere after work to talk?”

“Hot dogs in the park?” she said with a smile.

“Sounds fantastic,” I responded.

I finished the rest of my shift, feeling something like relieved.

I wasn’t sure what I was going to tell her, wasn’t sure what I could tell her, but if nothing else, I knew I’d have her ear.

“Nothing for you?” I said as we walked through the park.

“Not. Not hungry,” she responded.

I looked her up and down, noticed that there was something different. It was hard to pinpoint what.

Molly was open, spontaneous, but could be as guarded as anyone I’d ever known when she chose to be.

It looked like now was one of those times.

She looked at me, smiling.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she said.

“Like what?” I responded.

“Like you’re going to probe my brain until I reveal my deepest secrets,” she said.

“So you do have secrets?” I said, my eyes on hers.

She smiled.

“Nice try. But this is about me and the shambles I’ve made of my life,” she said.

“What’s up, Molly?” I asked, looking at her.

She shook her head, then smiled at me. “Seriously. Everything’s fine. Or it will be. What’s going on with you?”

I held her gaze a moment longer, trying to decipher her expression.

Then, finally, I let it go.

Molly was like me a lot of ways.

She wouldn’t speak until she was ready, and no amount of prodding on my part would change that.

“Do you remember what happened to me that night at Carlo’s ?”

“Not the details. And Enzo will fill them in for me, What about you, Hope? Do you remember?”

I smiled. “Point taken,” I said, settling on one of the benches in the park.

“So go ahead,” she said.

“I guess,” I started, looking off at the dense trees, trying to gather my thoughts.

I shook my head.

“Wait, let me start over,” I said.

“Take your time,” she responded, patient, supportive, like she always was.

“You don’t know much about me,” I said.

“Not much, but I can guess at some of the particulars,” she said.

“Yeah. I guess you probably can,” I said.

“But?”

“After that night, and everything that happened after, I find myself in a curious position,” I said.

“Go on,” she responded.

“I thought I felt a certain way, and now I’m starting to question that,” I said.

“Hope, I’m very smart, and I’m more than happy to try to decipher this if you want me to, but maybe you should just speak freely. If you can,” she said.

I sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be difficult. I just need to wrap my head around this myself,” I said.

“Of course,” she responded.

I took a deep breath, then tried again.

Always thought I knew what was good and what was bad. Now I’ve had to question that,” I said.

“And you don’t like the answers,” she offered.

“I…I do. But I just don’t know if I can trust them,” I said.

It was only after I spoke those words that I truly understood the conundrum I had been wrestling with.

I loved Nico.

Trusted him.

But what I didn’t trust was myself.

What if I was wrong?

I couldn’t help but think about my mother, how she had probably been just as sure as I was. And look at where she had ended up.

“I think I’m in love,” I said finally.

Molly arched her brow. “Think, or know?”

“Know,” I said without hesitation.

“So what’s the problem?” she said.

“The problem is, what do I know about love? Exactly nothing. So how can I possibly?—”

I trailed off, not wanting to say what came next.

I’d seen Nico kill, knew that he would do it again, and even that wasn’t enough to shake my feelings.

Wasn’t that by itself proof that I couldn’t be trusted?

“I can’t get into specifics, but what if someone seems bad, is bad by a lot of measures, but I love him anyway,” I said.

“That’s a decision you have to make for yourself. It’s one we all have to make,” she said.

“What do I know? I don’t do anything but work, try to go to school, hustled to survive. I can’t…”

“You can. And you have. You don’t see it, but I trust you, and I know that if someone is worthy enough of your attention, let alone your love, then they can’t be bad. That’s just not possible,” she said.

“You sound pretty certain,” I said.

“Because I am. You don’t see it, but you’re one of the strongest, smartest, bravest people I’ve ever met. Anyone that you love would be lucky to have you, and if you even think there’s a possibility to find happiness, you owe it to yourself to accept that. I understand wanting to be safe. But don’t let that cost you your life, Hope. You deserve to live, to experience happiness. So don’t stand in your own way,” she said.

I leaned back against the park bench, trying to absorb the words.

In all of the grappling that my mind had done, one thing had always stayed true.

My feelings for Nico.

There never been a question about them.

Not for a single moment.

Not even knowing what he had done, knowing what he would do.

I loved him.

Now, all I had to do was convince him.