Escape for Christmas

Chapter Eleven

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Brody’s world fell away from under him. All his worst nightmares had come true and it was all his own fault.

‘I can—’ he began.

‘Explain?’ Sophie cut him off, her tone dripping in disdain, and curled her lip in disgust. She was looking at him as if he was a particularly revolting insect that she’d found in her bed.

‘No. Not explain exactly. Not right now. Look, it’s – complicated.’

‘Oh, really? It looks pretty straightforward to me. Your fiancée, who you failed to mention during any of the conversations we’ve had, has travelled up here specially to surprise you.’

‘I never wanted to hurt you or Tegan. Or anyone. I was enjoying your company. I really do value your friendship …’

Immediately Brody realised he’d flung fuel on a fire that was already out of control.

‘I valued your friendship too,’ Sophie said bitterly. ‘But I think any connection between us has to end now. I need to leave.’

She marched off, but Brody caught up with her. ‘Sophie, please,’ he pleaded, reaching out for her arm to stop her.

She pushed his hand away. ‘No, I’m going home. And I’m sorry, but I’ll be finding another vet after Christmas.’

The sound of her boots ringing out on the cobbles made his head throb. Brody leaned against the stable wall. He wanted to bang his head against it, for how stupid he’d been. Even though he had feelings for Sophie, he thought he’d done well to hide them, so he wasn’t leading her on. And now, after what she’d told him tonight, he felt like an even bigger idiot for breaking her trust and losing her friendship.

When he turned round, Gabriel was chewing a piece of hay and watching him from accusing eyes.

‘Yeah, I know. I fucked up royally, Gabe!’

With that, Brody marched out of the stable, already knowing there’d no be sign of Sophie and that he’d have to face the music inside the house. He’d have to clear up the glass later.

Why was Tegan even here? Why now, of all times? Immediately he realised it really didn’t matter when she turned up. He shouldn’t have asked Sophie to the party, or for a drink in the stable. It had felt like an innocent gesture – the chance to know her better. He just hadn’t expected that his feelings of friendship towards her would start turning into something else.

‘Isn’t this a wonderful surprise!’ his mother gushed the moment he walked into the drawing room.

Tegan looked like a snow-queen, in a long cream coat, white jeans and a fluffy sweater. Her hair was drawn back from her face in an updo that made her look otherworldly.

‘And she looks beautiful!’ Brody’s Uncle Trevor declared. ‘Fit for the top of the Christmas tree.’

‘I hope not!’ Tegan replied, stepping forward to greet Brody. ‘I hope I haven’t arrived at an inconvenient moment,’ she murmured as he kissed her cheek.

‘No. Of course not. It’s a lovely surprise,’ he said, grinning like an idiot, as everyone expected, while inside he was dying. All he could see was the expression on Sophie’s face when she’d heard his mum say that his fiancée was waiting for him. Brody had known exactly what Sophie had been thinking, and it cut him like a knife.

Should he shout out the truth now to everyone in the room – to his family? ‘Everything I do is a lie, everything you see is bullshit.’ But he couldn’t; he knew it would hurt even more people than he already had, so he was trapped.

‘Shall we let these two lovebirds have some privacy to catch up?’ his mother winked, with an emphasis that only Brody detected.

With a few murmurs and titters, the other guests went back to their drinks and conversations.

His mum spoke to Tegan, who was standing patiently by. ‘I bet you’re dying to be on your own together. You must be exhausted after such a long journey. How was it?’

‘Not too bad. I managed to get a seat at the front of the plane. They upgraded me when I went to check in, so I’ve managed some sleep.’

‘That’s good, isn’t it, Brody?’ His mother patted Tegan’s arm. ‘So I’ll leave you to it.’

To what? thought Brody, but gathered himself. The moment she’d moved away, he said, ‘You must be knackered from the journey.’

Tegan huffed sharply. ‘Are you saying I look it?’

‘I didn’t mean that you don’t look nice.’

She sighed. ‘I’m winding you up. Yeah, I’m tired. It’s been one hell of a time and a long journey. You look a bit ragged too.’

‘I’ve been on-call this week,’ he said hastily. ‘Do you want to go upstairs? Get changed and have a rest?’

‘Yes, please, but my bags are still in the hallway.’

‘I’ll get them and take them up.’

‘I can carry my own bags,’ Tegan muttered, following him out of the room.

‘It’s no trouble.’ He strode off into the hall, picking up her suitcase in one hand and her overnight bag in the other.

‘Brody. Let me help, please . I can carry my own bags,’ she called as he thumped up the stairs ahead of her.

He hadn’t meant to snap, and he knew that guilt was making him want to take care of her. Guilt: towards Sophie, Tegan and his mother. The situation was complicated enough without him making it far worse.

Tegan closed the bedroom door behind them. ‘Are you sure this is a lovely surprise?’

Brody put down the bags, unable to reply for a moment. Sophie’s expression flew back to him: her utter disgust and disappointment.

‘It’s a surprise, definitely,’ he said. ‘I thought you couldn’t come home until the twenty-ninth? That you had to stay in New York over Christmas …’

‘So did I.’ She sat on his bed and unzipped her shoes. ‘I finished the project early or, rather, I’d done everything I could. There’s a delay, and Wes, my boss,’ she qualified, ‘suggested I take the chance to come home in time for the big day. He’s not a total ogre, you know.’

‘I’m amazed you managed to get a flight.’

‘So am I, but I called the airline and I’m a frequent flier by now, so they were pretty helpful. That’s why they upgraded me at check-in, because Economy was full.’ She curled her toes and let out a sigh.

‘Sorry about the mess. I’d have tidied up, if I’d known,’ he said, gathering up a pile of his clothes from the bed and searching for a place to dump them, but the nearby chair was also piled high with jeans and sports gear. He decided to add to it anyway.

‘Brody. Please look at me. I know you’re pissed off that I descended on you unannounced like this.’

He turned round, giving Tegan the chance to explain. It was wrong not to listen to her, just as it had been wrong to think he could be ‘just good friends’ with Sophie.

‘I wish I’d warned you, but I was almost too scared to. I couldn’t turn down the chance to come home. Not with my dad so poorly and waiting for his operation. What if something … happens and he doesn’t make it? I wouldn’t forgive myself for not having this Christmas together.’

Finally Brody allowed himself to take in Tegan’s face. He caught his breath. She was bound to be exhausted after a manic time at work and a transatlantic flight. Even so, there were dark smudges under her eyes, and her cheekbones seemed sharper with worry and sleepless nights, probably because of all the concern she was feeling about her dad. No matter what had happened between them, he still cared for her.

‘How I feel doesn’t matter now. Your dad does. Family is the most important thing.’

Tegan stepped forward and rested her fingers on his arms. Brody let his own hang limply by his sides.

‘How you feel does matter,’ she told him, finally letting go of Brody. ‘It always has, and I’m so sorry things have turned out this way.’

He felt his throat tighten. There was so much he could say right now: so many hurtful, bitter words. But none of them would help Tegan or make him feel any better.

‘Yeah, I’m sorry too, but the important thing is that we have to get through the next few weeks, or however long you’re back for.’

‘You’re a lovely, good, kind man.’

A lovely, good, kind man. The words stung like salt in a wound. Being a lovely, good, kind man hadn’t been enough for Tegan, and now it wouldn’t be what Sophie thought of him, either.

‘And any woman would be lucky to have me?’ he said bitterly.

‘You know they would. Don’t start this again,’ she begged.

Brody ignored the last part of the sentence. ‘Are you staying here tonight?’ he asked. ‘Or do you want to go to your parents’? I can ask Mum to give you a lift. I’m sorry I’ve had too much to drink to be able to drive you.’

‘I – thought I’d stay here. I think it’s what everyone will expect. I called them on my way, and Mum even said I should stay with you tonight. She said you must have missed me and that she and Dad could wait until tomorrow.’

He felt sick at the charade they had to put on.

‘So I came here first. I think your mother will expect me to stay too.’

‘So many expectations,’ Brody murmured.

‘Yes. But it might not be for long.’ Tegan let out a sniff and stifled a sob. ‘I didn’t mean that. I hope it’s not for that reason.’

She started to cry, and Brody’s tough shell cracked. He sat on the bed next to her and took her in his arms and let her cry into his shoulder. Only a cold-hearted bastard wouldn’t want to comfort the woman he’d loved. The woman he’d thought he was going to marry, until Tegan had found someone else and slept with them. Maybe that’s why he’d felt closer than he expected to Sophie tonight, because he understood exactly what she’d gone through, more than he could admit.

Now his engagement to Tegan was a sham, their relationship purely for the benefit of their families.

Tegan was convinced the stress of her brother’s acrimonious divorce had been one of the contributory factors to her father’s first heart attack. The Jamesons had had a difficult year, with Alan’s continuing ill health forcing him to sell his construction business and take early retirement. Tegan’s mum, Fiona, had had her own health scare, which had fortunately proved to be benign, but the family had been under continued stress for a good eighteen months now.

A week after Tegan’s brother had announced that he and his wife were splitting up, Alan had had his heart attack. It had been touch and go whether he’d make it for a while, but he had pulled through. Now he was waiting for major heart surgery and had been warned to avoid stress, so that he was in the best possible shape for the operation; but with the time he’d had of things lately, this was easier said than done.

That’s why Tegan had begged Brody not to reveal that they were breaking up until after the New Year, or when her father was stronger and had started to recover from the surgery, so that the news wouldn’t impact his fragile health.

Brody soothed her.

Tegan wiped her eyes, and he held her closer to try and calm her.

‘I won’t let you down,’ he promised.

‘I know. Unlike me.’ She sniffed. ‘I know I’m asking a lot and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. I think we need to set some ground rules, though, for the next few weeks, to try and make sure things aren’t awkward.’

How could things be more awkward than they already were? Brody thought. ‘What kind of ground rules?’

‘Well, that we’re sharing a room – whichever house we’re staying in – so that our families don’t suspect anything.’

‘No one will know where we’re sleeping while we’re at Felltop,’ Brody reasoned. ‘And no, my mother does not come into my bedroom.’

‘I never thought she would,’ Tegan said. ‘We do have to be convincing, though. I don’t want Mum and Dad – or anyone – thinking something is amiss. You did agree to that, Brody, and I’m grateful. I would never forgive myself if Dad had another attack, especially now that the operation isn’t so very far away. You know what happened when Harry told him he and Sarah were—’

‘Yeah. I know …’ He stared at the floor, not needing to be reminded why they were in this situation. ‘Does Wes know about our arrangement?’ he asked, though even saying the man’s name left a sour taste in his mouth.

‘He’s aware that I don’t want to cause trouble. He thinks I’m going to tell the family while I’m over here.’

‘But you’re not. Why haven’t you told Wes the truth? You don’t need to lie to him, do you? There are already so many lies.’

‘He wants me to come clean.’

‘Does he?’ Brody raised his eyebrows. That was rich, coming from Wes, who had been quite happy to conduct an affair with Tegan behind Brody’s back.

Tegan had met Wes six months previously, when she’d taken a secondment in New York from the Manchester advertising agency where she had been creative director. She was thrilled at such a huge promotion, and Brody was incredibly proud of her. Tegan had assured him the secondment would only be for six months and would then lead to another promotion when she returned home.

‘So you won’t tell anyone what’s happened, will you?’

‘I promised I wouldn’t.’

‘It can’t do any harm. Not until Dad’s safely on the road to recovery. Because if ever my parents found out that we broke it off months ago and we’ve been lying to them, I dread to think what might happen. You know how gossip spreads around here. It’s such a – claustrophobic place. Everyone thinks they’re entitled to know other people’s business. I hadn’t noticed it quite so much until I started working in a big city.’

Perhaps that’s because, in a small village, people might not be perfect, but they cared about each other, Brody thought. What he said was, ‘I haven’t breathed a word to anyone.’

‘Thank you. You don’t know what that means to me. I’ve been worried sick about them finding out, and Christmas would be horrendous if Dad took a turn for the worse.’

Christmas would be pretty dreary anyway, Brody thought, with both of them pretending everything was hunky-dory and wonderful – lying to themselves and to everyone else.

Tegan lay back on the pillows of his bed. ‘Do people expect me to come down and join the party?’ she asked. ‘Only I’ve got a bit of a headache.’

Brody heard the sounds of cars moving on the gravel drive of the farmhouse. He went to the window and drew the curtains aside.

‘It sounds as if it’s all breaking up, and it’s getting late anyway. I’ll say you’re not feeling great, which is understandable after the journey.’ He closed the curtains again, feeling totally despondent.

‘Thank you.’ She pulled the down throw over her. ‘For everything.’

‘I’ll have to pop down and say goodbye to people. Will you be alright?’

‘Yes.’ She nodded.

‘I’ll bring up some tea, if you like.’

‘You don’t have to.’

‘I don’t have to do anything. I want to help.’

‘Brody?’ Tegan said. ‘If it’s easier for you, I’ll sleep in the spare room. I’ll move my bags out of here when everyone’s gone.’

Brody was relieved, yet he still felt sad. He nodded. ‘I need to put some heating on in there.’

‘Don’t do anything special for me. I mean it.’

‘I’d put the heating on for anyone.’

She nodded. ‘Sure.’

Briefly she sounded very American, which reminded him of how far apart they’d grown, in every way.

‘What I meant is that I wouldn’t punish you by making you sleep in a cold bedroom. I’m not that vindictive.’

He wasn’t vindictive, but he was deeply hurt and so conflicted that he didn’t know what to think. Were lies ever justified?

‘Thank you. I do appreciate it,’ she said softly.

Brody went downstairs, said goodnight to the last stragglers who were leaving and then went into the kitchen.

By the time he came back up with a mug of tea, Tegan was fast asleep under his quilt and he hadn’t the heart to wake her. He left the tea by the bed and went back downstairs to start tidying up.

It was hard having Tegan back. The two of them had been having difficulties for … at least three months now. Brody hadn’t wanted to acknowledge their drifting apart at first, but it had started not that long after she’d arrived in New York in September. At first they’d been WhatsApping each other every night, then every few days. Tegan had said she was too tired or too busy, and the time difference hadn’t helped.

They’d got engaged just before she’d left for New York, keeping it low-key among their close families and friends. Looking back, if he was being brutally honest, Brody hadn’t been one hundred per cent ready to make the commitment, but he did love Tegan. Then he’d found out it wasn’t them drifting apart, but Tegan drifting into another man’s bed.

All of this he’d longed to be able to tell Sophie. Should he go to her tomorrow and explain. Would she trust him? Was it fair to Tegan? Did Tegan even deserve him to be fair?

She had done wrong, yet she was having a horrific time and he couldn’t help but worry about her and feel sorry for her. Losing your father at any time was devastating. He never wanted anyone to go through the experience he had; but even if he couldn’t prevent it happening, he had no intention of making things worse.