Espresso Your Love (The Coffee Loft Series: Fall Collection)

9. Cassie

9

Cassie

I’ve been successfully resisting Ryan. Resisting the thoughts, dreams, and any hopes for more—because this is not the time. This is not the place. This is…completely ruining my streak of Ryan-free thoughts.

I was already nervous when he asked to walk with me to the town meeting. Then I thought, what can happen in ten minutes? Well, I’ll tell you. A lot. A whole lot of lot. A sea full of lot.

I limited the conversation—no teasing, no lingering stares, festival talk only. I fooled myself into thinking I could. But the walls started crumbling down by a simple town meeting.

Walk together to the town meeting? Sure, easy peasy. Then he asked me about the festival and my love for this event and this town betrayed me. I resisted at first and then the words came tumbling out of me. He asks questions, and I answer. I feel comfortable around him, and that’s my problem. When I feel comfortable around people, they can’t shut me up.

Then we get to the meeting and I think I’ll be fine because Ash is next to me. We’ll pay attention to the meeting, and I’ll be set.

Wrong.

With Ryan sitting next to me, I felt like my whole body had been engulfed in flames. I was hyper-aware of every movement he or I made. When I caught him watching me, I knew that this wasn’t a simple friendship between us. He was drawn to me as much as I was drawn to him. This is something more.

I was looking forward to walking home with him, but that’s when it went downhill. The mayor called me over for something that could have waited, but I couldn’t get away. Dodging his endless conversations is an art form that I haven’t perfected.

By the time I could sneak away, Ryan was gone. Which is for the best anyway; I need to stay focused on this event. I had work to finish up after the meeting anyway. So that’s what I did…walked home alone mopey and half-heartedly worked. It was worse than my fake-typing skills. I accomplished nothing, but the inner torment going on inside from my heart saying yes to possibility and my brain saying no.

And now I’m lying in bed replaying the events of yesterday over and over. I want to feel the butterflies again. I want blood to rush to my cheeks because of him. I want to hear the deep sound of his laughter.

I sigh and roll out of bed. I’m training for the Turkey Trot marathon on Thanksgiving morning. Am I crazy? Maybe. But I think it will be fun. This last year, I got into running more and really enjoy it. It’s a great way to clear my mind and give me sustained energy throughout the day.

I throw on my workout clothes, grab my Air Force hat, and glance in the mirror. I know I'm going for a run and will come back looking disheveled but feeling confident in my outfit somehow makes my run better.

I put my headphones in as I lock my door. The walk to the park is the perfect distance to get warmed up. My mind wanders back to Ryan. I’m too comfortable around Ryan, it’s charming and unnerving at the same time. I pick up the pace and turn up my music to drown myself out. I reach the park and start to run.

I take in the turning leaves with the morning sun starting to shine on them. The serenity of the park usually calms my mind and my worries. But today? It’s not working. I focus on the feel of my feet, on my breath, anything besides the man who is haunting my daydreams.

I turn around the corner of the pond when a flash of fur appears in front of me, and my feet falter. I stumble, expecting a face full of grass and crunchy leaves. Instead, my fall is more graceful. When I open my eyes, I see tousled brown hair peeking from under a baseball cap. A pair of striking green eyes meet mine.

Oh my Meadowbrook.

I quickly brace my hands when I feel the solid chest beneath them, realizing he is what broke my fall.

“Cassie?” Ryan says slightly winded, eyes wide.

I take my headphones out of my ears. “Hi,” I reply—half question, half statement.

I can feel his heart beating rapidly under my hands. A flush of heat spreads across my cheeks when I realize I’m still lying here with my hands on his toned chest.

Before I can move, Max leaps onto us. I close my eyes and scrunch my nose as he excitedly licks my cheek. We both start laughing, and I can feel Ryan’s chest rumble beneath my hands.

“Max, c’mon boy.” Ryan attempts to push Max off us but instead he turns his attention to licking Ryan’s cheek.

Taking advantage of the distraction, I quickly push myself up to my feet and dust myself off. Offering a hand to Ryan, I feel a rush of warmth as his hand engulfs mine. He stands and dusts off his Meadowbrook Police Department sweatshirt.

“I’m so sorry. I turned the corner and tripped over Max causing me to land on you. Oh my gosh, I landed on you. Are you okay? Did I hurt—”

Ryan grabs my arms, and I finally take a deep breath.

“Cassie, I’m fine. I should be asking you that question.”

“Yes, I’m fine. Embarrassed, but fine.”

He lets go of my arms, and I wish he hadn’t.

“Nothing to be embarrassed about. Sorry about Max tripping you.”

Max comes to me with his tail wagging, and I crouch down to pet him. “Are you okay, boy? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Max licks my face once more.

“I think that’s a no,” Ryan says, chuckling.

“Well, good. I would feel terrible if I did.”

“He’s resilient.”

“All that police training, huh, buddy?” I coo playfully. I glance at Ryan who’s smiling at me. His gaze is different than normal, and I don’t know what to make of it.

I quickly stand up. “Well, I should get back to…” I thumb over my shoulder and immediately start running in the direction I came from.

What is wrong with me? Not only do I embarrass myself by tripping and falling on top of Ryan but I run off when he’s looking at me like that . I don’t even know what it means, but it felt like more .

I run faster than I ever have in my life, determined to get home before Ryan does. I unlock my door quickly and rush inside, taking a hot shower before grabbing my work bag. I peek out the peephole to make sure the coast is clear then run to my car and quickly leave.

I planned on going to Coffee Loft before my errand in Richmond, a bigger town next to us. But I can grab breakfast and coffee there instead. I don’t want to risk running into Ryan again, literally or figuratively.

As I arrive in Richmond thirty minutes later, my phone rings through the car.

“Hey, Ash,” I answer the phone on my dashboard.

“Hey, I thought you would’ve been here by now.”

“I have to stop by Sal’s in Richmond first.”

“Well, I know that. You were supposed to pick me up.” Her voice is laced with confusion.

My shoulders slump, and I slap my hand against my cheek. I can’t believe I forgot about my best friend.

“Oh my gosh, Ash. I’m so sorry. I completely forgot.”

“Don’t worry about it. I can still meet you. Is everything okay though? It’s not like you to forget things.”

“I’ll fill you in when you get here.”

We end the call, and I turn on an audiobook to try and clear my mind. No surprise, it doesn’t help. Thoughts of Ryan flood my mind. The magnetic pull between us, his calming presence that puts me at ease, and how kind he is.

But then there's reality: this is the busiest time of my life. The Autumn Festival is coming up, and I have to make it a success. Is it really wise to start something with someone right now?

But when would be a good time? Event planning is always hectic; there really isn't a slow season for me.

I feel like Kronk from The Emperor’s New Groove with the angel and devil on his shoulder, each giving conflicting advice. Except in my situation, it’s not a matter of right or wrong. It’s just a matter of making a decision.

I stop by a chain coffee shop and order for Ashley and I. Coffee won’t make it up to her, but it’s the thought that counts.

I pull into Sal’s parking lot and eat the pumpkin loaf I picked up. It’s not nearly as good as Sweet Sisters Bakery, but it’ll do in a time of need.

A few weeks ago, I was fine. I was just in my bubble, living my simple life. But now…now I can’t seem to think straight, and my stomach is always in knots.

Ash parks in front of me. I let out a deep breath and get out of my car. I walk straight into her arms, and she hugs me tightly.

“Ash, I’m so sorry! I can’t believe I forgot about our plans.”

“Cassie, it’s fine. I’m more concerned why you forgot our plans. Is everything okay?” She pulls back slightly and tilts her head.

“Two words: Officer Hayes.”

“What happened?”

“First, I have an I’m-really-sorry-coffee and please-forgive-me muffin.”

“I accept your apology, and you’re forgiven. Now, spill.”

We start walking into Sal’s Party Supply, and I tell her everything. It all comes tumbling out.

“What happened to our deal? You know, to be open to something happening.” We turn down another aisle filled with fall decorations. “You said yourself, it seems like something is there between you two. Why are you shutting down now?”

“I’m scared, okay!” The words burst out of me louder than I intended. I cringe as an older woman nearby stares at me with wide eyes before quickly leaving the aisle.

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” I mutter to her, feeling embarrassed.

Ashley isn’t fazed. “Scared? Oh honey, of course, it’s going to be a little scary. It’s all new.”

“Everything is new. I’ve been on a few dates with guys I’ve known my whole life and none of them ever made me feel this way.” I start pacing the now empty aisle. “I’ve never been in a relationship, Ash. How am I supposed to just go for it? What if he thinks I’m weird for being thirty and never been kissed? What am I even supposed to say?”

She grabs me by the shoulders and stares into my eyes. “Cass, the man who kisses you first is going to be the luckiest guy alive. Trust me, I wish I had waited instead of letting Bobby be my first kiss.” She scrunches her nose in disgust. “I regret not saving that moment for someone special. And Ryan might be that someone, but you won't know unless you give it a chance. And if he reacts badly or sees it as a challenge, then he's not the one worth giving it to.”

I let out a breath I didn’t even realize I’d been holding.

“We don’t even have to talk about a kiss or a relationship yet. Cross that path when you come to it,” she says, reassuringly.

“The spontaneous one advises the planner.”

“Think of it as a process. The third step is a kiss, but you can’t get there without completing steps one and two first, right? Just focus on step one: allowing yourself to have feelings for Ryan without talking yourself out of it. Step two: if he asks you out, say yes. Then you can worry about step three. Okay?”

I hesitate. Is it really that simple? I wish I could be as confident and carefree as my best friend.

“You’re overthinking again, Cass,” she says, with a knowing smile.

“Why do you have to know me so well?” I groan.

“It’s what best friends are for. Now, let the crushing begin.” She raises her fist in the air. “Cass?” She puts her hands on her hips and furrows her brows.

I decide to save my worries for later. I can live in the moment now. I can swoon, blush, and gush to my best friend about Ryan. Because I really do want to be open to more, to a possibility. I do think there’s something more than just co-workers and neighbors. I want something more.

I nod. “Crushing has begun.”

“Yes!” she squeals. “Now, tell me everything.”

While telling Ash about Ryan, I go from the Ryan-free zone to the Ryan-be-my-boyfriend zone. But if I’m really being honest with myself, I haven’t been in the Ryan-free zone since before Ryan Hayes stepped into Coffee Loft. It was more like a self-delusion where I convinced myself that I could maintain a professional relationship with him. The more I resisted, the worse it got. The “what ifs” continually pops into my head. The “I want more” constantly runs through my mind.

We wander through the store, checking every aisle for inspiration. I’m working on creating a few photo spots for the upcoming festival. Personally, I love it when there are fun backdrops for people to take photos in front of.

My favorite idea so far is using Old Man Tiller’s old blue truck. We’ll decorate it with blankets and pillows in neutral fall colors, string up twinkly lights across the back, and place stuffed pumpkins and candles on crates in front of the truck. It’s going to be beautiful and perfect for families and couples.

“Oh, Ash! Do y’all still have that wooden palette wall from the spring event at Coffee Loft?”

“Yeah, it’s in my parent’s garage. Why? Do you have an idea for it?”

“What if we set it up with some hay bales in the front and added lanterns and buckets filled with apples on the sides?”

“Consider it done. I'll check with my mom about getting it when I get home.”

“Thank you!”