Everything I Desire (Lupine Valley #3)

7. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

Adelaide

Kayla and I ran to the store after school and we are just about to start cooking his favorite meal when Porter walks in.

I can take one look at his body language before he is even through the door and know he’s had a terrible day. His shoulders are slumped forward, he shuffles his feet along, and his eyes are off in a different world, like he isn't even here with us. I knew when Stacey told me that Maura is possibly in Jersey, that Porter was going to have a bad day.

He had text me earlier to ask if I could bring Kayla home so he could stay and finish something at work. I was happy to do that.

Stacey stopped by to tell her about Maura at Porter’s request. He thought it would be best coming from her. Thankfully she was okay with it. Her only question was if they were going to take her away from Porter. She’s really bonded with him, and I can tell that is her biggest fear at the moment, that she’ll have to give up the only stable home she’s ever known .

“Hey Kayla, we forgot to grab pie crusts. Do you mind running to my house and grabbing some out of the freezer for me?” I ask her, trying to get Porter alone for a moment.

“Yea, of course! I’ll grab your keys from your purse, that okay?” she asks.

“Great. They’re in the bottom drawer of the freezer. If there isn’t any in there try the one in the basement. I know Mom stocked me up last time she made pie crusts.”

Kayla is out the door and into my house without even noticing that Porter walked through the garage door before she left.

“Hey,” I say softly, walking toward him.

“Hey,” he replies, standing still in the doorway, hands in his pockets.

He looks every bit the teenage boy who’d confess all his darkest secrets to me in the safety of our spot at the lake, tangled in each other.

I step closer, Porter unmoving. I reach up to cup his cheek with my hand, and he places his hand over mine. I always loved how large his hands are compared to mine. It gave me a sense of safety with him.

“She’s okay, you know? She was just worried about being taken from you but Stacey assured her she’s safe for now.”

He releases a breath and leans down, nuzzling his face into my neck, and pulling me in for a hug. He squeezes me like I’m going to be the one to hold him together in this moment. I put my arms around his neck and inhale his scent.

“Working today, it brought up so many memories of when you’d come see me. And then coming in tonight, seeing you and her in the kitchen-”

All too quickly the front door opens and he is stepping away from me, realizing that he let his walls down for a moment too long with me.

“Oh, hey Uncle Porter! Guess what?” Kayla says as she bounces into the kitchen oblivious to the turmoil I feel at the absence of Porter.

Until he pulled away I could almost convince myself he might give us a chance to figure things out.

Porter, still staring at me, steps forward into the kitchen. “What? I’m the best Uncle in the whole world?” His smile back in place for her.

Kayla rolls her eyes, as much as she won’t admit it, she loves him. “No. Addy is going to teach me how to make your favorite dinner, chicken pot pie.”

“That is my favorite, while you girls cook I’m going to go grab a quick shower.” He backs out of the kitchen toward the stairs.

“Yeah, you smell like oil,” Kayla says, scrunching up her nose.

Porter stops and looks back at her. I used to say the exact same thing, only Kayla is none the wiser. She turns back around and starts pulling the vegetables out of the refrigerator to chop up like I had told her to do before Porter got home .

Porter is frozen on the stairs at the memory Kayla brought up. I walk over to him, taking his hand in mine.

“You’re worth it, Porter. Every day. Every flaw you think you have, you don’t. You need to stop beating yourself up.”

He gulps, trying to stave off the emotions he’s feeling right now.

“Seeing you, with her, in my kitchen,” he trails off.

“It could have been our future. It still can be,” I urge. “I’m not going anywhere.”

He doesn’t answer, he simply turns and goes upstairs.

I won’t let him do this, I won’t let him retreat back into himself with old memories. I need this man back in my life like I need air to breathe.

It’s been a few days since I’ve seen Porter. He has been working mostly and Kayla has been hanging out with a boy named Eric who asked her to go to the Spring Fling with her. So I didn’t even have that as an excuse to go over when Porter got home.

The Spring Fling is fast approaching, so tonight I’m headed to the school to work on some favors for the kids. I have all my boxes ready to go by the door when I hear a knock from the other side.

I open it to see Porter on the other side .

“Hey, what’s going on?” He looks angry as he pushes my door open and stomps his way into my house.

“Who the hell is this Eric kid?” he demands.

I can’t hold my laughter back. He’s really playing the protective dad card. “You’ve met him. He’s been over your house.”

“Exactly, baby. He’s been at my house with my niece, and you want to know what I walked in on last night?”

Oh jeez. I don’t know if I want to know.

“They were just there on the couch, making out!”

My laughter grows louder. “Making out? Oh no.” I feign horror by putting my hand over my mouth.

“This is not funny, Adelaide! It’s serious! He was kissing my baby niece on my couch. The disrespect!” He’s pacing my living room, about to wear a hole in my carpet.

“Porter. Stop.” I grab his hands to stop his pacing. “You can’t even be mad. You remember what Old Sheriff Miller caught you doing to me at the lake?”

He cringes. “That is totally different.” He knows it isn’t.

“How so?” I ask stepping closer to him.

“Because we were in Senior year and she’s only sixteen. And because I loved you, Adelaide. That’s why.” He leans down like he’s going to kiss me. But then he pulls away and steps back from me. He runs his hands through his hair, taking a deep breath .

I step into his space. I grasp his face in my hands, standing on my tip toes to get as close to him as I can. “I loved you too. Still do.”

He steps away from me, flustered by my admission and decides instead of talking about it, to change the topic. “You look like you’re on your way somewhere.”

“I’m going to the school to finish up some last minute stuff so all the kids can just enjoy the fling.” I motion toward the door where my box of decorations sits, letting him have this.

“Ugh. Don’t remind me about them enjoying the fling. I don’t want to know what that Eric boy thinks he might enjoy.” He cringes again. “Do you need some help? I could use the distraction. Plus, I might need some advice.”

I put my hand on my hip, “First of all, Eric is a sweet, and shy boy, straight A student, and Kayla is the first girl I’ve ever seen him hang out with. You shouldn’t worry so much. Second of all, yes I could definitely use your height so let’s go.”

I grab the box and go to put it in my car. Porter stops mid-way to his driveway with his keys in hand. “What are you doing?” he asks.

“Getting in my car?” I give him a questioning look.

“We are not taking that thing. Get in my truck.” He continues walking toward his passenger’s side to open the door for me.

I secretly love that he’s so alpha he wouldn’t dare be seen in my little Subaru. It reminds me of the Porter from high school. He always drives, he always opens my door, and we always take his truck. Even if I came to visit him at Ronnie’s shop while he worked on something he came to pick me up.

I feign being annoyed with him that he is forcing me to go in his truck, “You know, there is nothing wrong with my car.”

“If you’re a foot shorter than I am. Get your ass in this truck.” He smiles, taking the box from my hands so I can haul myself up into the passenger seat.

I breathe in deeply, relishing in Porter’s scent that surrounds me. A slow smile graces my lips for a brief moment at the memory of the first time I ever got to ride in Porter’s beat up truck. I had done the same thing that night when I reveled in his scent surrounding me.

We get settled in, and I turn on my favorite country station, he groans about it but doesn't change the station.

“Can I tell you something and get your opinion on it? You always give the best advice,” he asks.

“Sure you can. What’s up?” I turn in my seat to face him.

“Ronnie asked me if I would buy the shop from him so he can retire. Apparently Patricia wants to live at the beach in Florida.”

“What? Porter! That’s amazing! That was your dream all through high school. What do you need my opinion for?”

If Porter buys the shop, that means he’s staying. If he stays, it’ll make convincing him that we need each other in our lives easier.

“Well. Ronnie said he wouldn’t make me get a loan, but what if I fail? What if it goes under?” he asks that last question on a whisper.

“Porter, you have been around cars since you were little, you had customers find you here from your shop in New York to do their custom jobs. The custom jobs alone could probably float the shop, and you know no one from Lupine Valley will go anywhere else.” He’s always doubted himself, but not me, I have never doubted him for a second. Not in anything.

I was at his house with him and Kayla when he got the first call from a guy in New York. When the customer found out he wasn’t at his shop in New York anymore, Ed gave the guy Porter’s number. He called him and agreed to drive to New Hampshire to have his Corvette redone.

Apparently Porter has built quite the name for himself in the vintage car world if that guy was willing to drive that far.

“I just don’t want to let Ronnie down, ya know?” he shrugs.

“I know. Ronnie means a lot to you, but you also know he wouldn’t have asked you if he didn’t believe you would carry on his shop and be a success.” I place my hand over his thigh. “You should make the decision based on what is best for you and what you want, because you will absolutely succeed without question.”

“Thanks, baby. You always believe in me when I don’t believe in myself.” He looks over at me as he parks at the high school gym.

We sit for a moment in silence, staring at each other. I keep thinking he’s going to kiss me, I can feel his muscles twitching under my palm on his thigh in restraint.

“Come on, let’s make this the best Spring Fling ever for Kayla.” He breaks the silence.

Once again, a missed opportunity.

He hops out of the truck and runs around to open my door for me before I can open it myself. He helps me down out of the truck. Our hands linger a little longer than they should.

The tension between us is palpable.

He looks down at me and I lean into his space so minutely I don’t think he even notices until I hear him suck in a breath.

“Porter?”

“Yea, baby?”

“Kiss me.”

He opens his mouth, probably to protest me but I don’t let him. I wrap my hand around the back of his neck and pull him to me. I’m stretched all the way up on my tiptoes, not letting him back away.

I press my lips to his, soft at first, but when he finally opens his lips to me the kiss is frenzied, needy.

The last ten years of pent up emotion are poured into this kiss .

He pulls back, both of us are gasping for our breath. He let’s go of me and pulls back more.

“Porter, don’t. Please,” I plead with him, refusing to let go of his forearms.

“Baby, I cant, I-”

“You’re not good enough for me?” I say with sarcasm. I cross my arms so he gets just how tired I am of hearing this.

“Porter Jackson, you better quit using that as your excuse. The man I know, the man who gave up his entire life twice now because he thought it was best for the girls involved, is good enough. The best kind of man there is.”

I stomp past him to get the boxes out of the back of his truck, grab the lightest one there is, and leave the heavy ones for him to lug all the way into the school.

Then I continue stomping my way right up to the door, waiting for him to decide if he’s coming, or better yet, if he’s done using that damn excuse.