Everything I Desire (Lupine Valley #3)

9. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

Adelaide

Porter’s text has me nervous, but I won’t let it show to Kayla.

I want her to enjoy this experience of shopping for a dress. So I put my phone away and make sure I plaster on the well rehearsed smile I usually give to my students when I’m trying to hide a tough day.

While the Spring Fling isn’t exactly prom, it’s still her first high school formal, and the first time she’s able to go have a day all about her to shop for a fancy dress.

My sisters are prying Kayla for information on Porter. And I need to be ready to stop them at a moment’s notice. I know exactly what they’re trying to do with Porter. They’re trying to get me to snap and tell them what is going on between us. They don’t believe me when I say we’re just friends, rightfully so, but I’m not spilling. Especially with Kayla in the car!

Besides, what is there to tell? He's still running scared from me? He still believes he isn’t good enough for poor old Adelaide Harper, the naive town sweetheart that never left?

I park the car in front of the first dress shop and look back to Kayla. “So princess, are you ready to find your dress for the ball?”

Kayla laughs, “That was so cheesy Ms. Har- Addy,” she smiles.

“She is the worst. I bet your uncle has some bad jokes too. These two were cheeseballs when they were dating, bad jokes, and constantly confessing their love to each other.” Lacey pretends to gag at the thought.

I shoot her a look of shut the hell up .

“Oh yea! I just found out they dated. But Addy wouldn’t give me any of the juicy information on them.” Kayla loops arms with Lacey like they’re going to be besties over my past with Porter.

“Girl, let it go!” Scarlett sidles up next to me. “You know Lacey likes to gossip. And you’ve been miserable about missing this guy for ten years. Let her do her thing to get you two back together.”

“He left me, Scarlett. He left me without so much as a glance back on his way out of town. Why would I want that back?” I pretend to be angry so I can hide the fact he’s still rejecting me.

“Please. Adelaide Harper, you have been comparing every man since then to Porter. You still remember everything about him, and you want him. I can see it on your face whenever you see him. The love is still there. Wasn’t it you who not just a year ago told me that I had to get out of my own way?” Scarlett points out.

“Ugh. I hate when you’re right.” I give her a weak smile and go back to sorting through the dresses on the racks.

“Oh. My. God. This is it!” Kayla screams holding up an emerald green dress. The satin gives it a simple shine. It has a plunging neckline, and a slight flow from the hips with off the shoulder straps.

I groan inwardly at the thought of Porter complaining about her shoulders and the low neckline.

Scarlett leans over, “Don’t worry, mom can definitely fix that neckline,” she winks.

“Thanks,” I say, happy she knew my worry.

“It looks amazing, let’s go try it on!” I take Kayla’s dream dress and her hand, pulling her toward the dressing room.

“I’ll be right out here, let me know if you need help.” I pat her hand and close the curtain behind me.

A few minutes pass before she pokes her head out of the curtain, with a radiant smile on her face. “Can you help me zip this, Addy?”

I sneak in, and I gasp. “Oh my gosh, Kayla! You look stunning!” I zip up the back of the dress, and it’s a little loose on her thin frame. Nothing mom can’t fix up. “This dress was definitely made for you!”

“I know it’s too low, and Uncle Porter won’t let that slide, but do you think you could fix it so it’s not so low?” She pulls the edges of the neckline together, trying to make it reasonable for a sixteen year old with a larger than average bust. I’m sure that makes finding appropriate dresses next to impossible.

“Of course, my mom is an excellent seamstress. I think it’s loose enough that we should have enough fabric. But we can always facetime her from here before we buy it,” I say.

I put my hands on her shoulders and look over her shoulder at her face in the mirror. This is the happiest I’ve ever seen her.

She turns abruptly with unshed tears in her eyes, “Thank you so much, Addy. No one has ever made me feel so special.” She hugs me tight.

“Oh, sweet girl.” I hug her back, tears springing to my eyes.

“Hey, what’s the hold up!” Lacey asks, impatient to see the dress. She pokes her head in the changing room, “Scarlett! Quick, they’re hugging without us!”

Lacey and Scarlett come in and wrap their arms around us, making Kayla laugh. I hope she feels all the love we have for her.

“Okay, okay, enough sappiness. Come on, let’s go see this dress on the stand,” Scarlett says, pulling open the curtain.

We walk over to the room of mirrors with a stand in the middle for Kayla to get on.

We all gasp over how gorgeous she looks standing there with the fabric flowing down her slender body. Add in the makeup and the hair and she’ll easily be the most beautiful girl there.

I snap a photo on my phone, “Do you mind if I send this to Porter?” I ask.

“Oh no! Let it be a surprise! Plus, he’ll complain about the neckline.” Kayla answers. “I don’t want anything to ruin this dress for me. Can we FaceTime Ms. Lorelei?”

“Already on it!” Scarlett says, the familiar tone coming from her phone.

I shoot a text off to Porter without the picture.

Me : First dress, and we already found the one!

Porter : Send a pic.

I tell Lacey that Porter wants a picture, and that I want to find the ugliest dress possible to send him so she can keep her dress a surprise.

“Oh! What about this one?” Lacey holds up a hot pink, puffy sleeved, lace and bead covered dress.

“Oh that’s perfect. Hold it up higher!” I tell her.

I open my camera app and take a photo of this dress before adding it to a message to Porter.

Me : This is the one. Picture of dress

Porter : Oh. That’s beautiful. I’m sure she will look great. Right?

Me : Porter, you are a good man. That isn’t the dress. She wants it to be a secret so you can see her for the first time when she is ready for the dance.

Porter : Oh, that’s sweet, but baby, I’m only a good man in your eyes.

Me : Mine should be the only ones that matter. One day you will see it too.

“That’s an awfully big smile over there. Who might be behind that smile, Addy?” Lacey asks.

“I bet I know, it’s probably Uncle Porter. He gets the same smile when it’s Ms. Harper.” Kayla says with a shy smile on her face.

“Hey! Will you two quit ganging up on me!” I admonish them. “It is Porter, but only because we are talking about Kayla. My smile is because of how beautiful she’s going to be on the night of the dance.”

Kayla slinks away from the group with my compliment.

She’s come a long way, but I think today is a little bit emotional for her knowing that it isn’t her own mother here shopping with her.

“Well, this baby is hungry. So can we please go get some dinner now?” Scarlett begs.

“Yes! I’m starving.” Kayla joins us again and Scarlett starts to walk out of the dress shop with her, while Lacey and I finish paying for her dress.

I decide to not use Porter’s card. I want to do this for her, she deserves it all.

Once we get back to my house, Lacey and Scarlett are more than ready to get back to their homes, so they leave as soon as we unload the car, leaving me and Kayla inside my kitchen.

“Thank you so much, Ms. Harper. I really appreciate you and your sisters taking me today. It was nice to do something normal for a change. I might not get my mom, but I’m glad I have you.” She hugs me.

“Oh, sweet girl, anytime. I was happy to go with you. And for the millionth time, you don’t have to call me Ms. Harper outside of school.” I turn to the fridge to grab some water.

“Well, maybe I can call you Aunt Addy someday,” she says quietly under her breath .

I’m not sure if she meant for me to hear but I’m glad I’m facing the inside of my fridge and not her. I gulp, and try to hold back the tears before I have to face her again.

“Okay, I’m going to bring this stuff home so I can go out with Eric!” She bounces out of the house toward her own home.

Thank goodness I don’t need to address that comment. I text Porter to let him know that he can come over whenever she leaves with Eric. I’ve been worried about what news he has about Maura all day.

Porter: She’s going out with that kid again. Did you know about this? Where are they going? She just ran out without telling me!

Me: Oh stop it, Porter. They’re going to the diner to meet up with their group of friends. She’s fine. Darlene has it handled.

I am waiting for a response when my front door opens. “Something about that kid bothers me, baby.”

Oh jeez. Porter and his protective streak. I found it endearing when we were dating, but I’m sure Kayla doesn’t feel the same .

“Porter, he’s fine. I promise you.” I roll my eyes at him.

“Oh really? Fine? You know what isn’t fine, the way his eyes rake over my niece’s ass when he helps her into his truck. That is not fine, Adelaide.”

Oh no, he used my full name, he must be really worked up tonight.

“Why don’t you come sit down and tell me what’s really bothering you about Maura.” I pat the couch next to me, but he comes and takes a seat on the coffee table to face me.

“She’s fucking back, baby. She’s back and she knows the trailer is gone. It’s only a matter of time before she tries to find Kayla.” He runs his hand through his hair.

This is bad, but we can handle it. At least we know the town won't help her find them in their new home. They may be gossips, but they know what is harmful, and what is in good fun. “Ok, what are the next steps? Does she have a right to Kayla?”

“I don’t know. I need to talk to Stacey. I’m hoping I run into her before she can get to Kayla. I don’t know if she’ll show her face at the school, but maybe you can drive Kayla home instead of her walking home after school. I don’t want her alone to give Maura the chance.”

I can do that. I place my hand on his knees. “That’s a good plan. Are you going to tell Kayla? I really think you should tell her,” I say.

“You do?” He sounds shocked that I think that .

“Yeah, I do. She finally trusts you, if you keep this from her she will lose all that trust you built up. I know you want to protect her but she’s a strong girl, and she needs you to be honest with her about her mother.”

He hangs his head for a moment before looking up at me again. “This is so fucking hard. I almost wish she would have stayed gone. It's so much easier to protect Kayla when she's not close by.”

“I know it was always a double edged sword wanting her to be found. But you’re doing an amazing job with Kayla. She’s older now, the judge has to take that into consideration this time around. Plus, you’ve really proven yourself as her guardian. All the teachers notice a difference in her socially, and academically, she's back to her bubbly self. We will back you up.” I shouldn’t, but I pull him toward me for a hug. He buries his face in my neck just like old times and my heart cracks.

I don’t know how long we sit there like this, but he finally breaks the silence and pulls back from me. Our faces are so close, our lips are so close. I move in closer to him, never breaking eye contact, but he doesn’t either.

“I can’t, baby,” he whispers.

“Why not?” I ask, hoping that for once it won’t be that bullshit answer he keeps giving me.

“You know why. I’m not-”

“I swear to God, if you finish that sentence,” I threaten .

“It’s true, baby. And the sooner you realize it, the better.” He tries to look away from me, but I don’t let him.

“Are you staying, Porter?”

“I am, I talked to Ed this week and gave Ronnie my final answer after that. I’m staying in Lupine Valley, I can’t leave Kayla.” I cup his cheek with my hand.

“Are you still going to be there for Kayla?”

“Of course! I can’t leave her now,” he responds defensively.

“Do you love me still?”

He looks me dead in the eye. “You know I do.”

“Then you can, Porter. Because I love you too and that’s all that matters to me. I’ve gone ten years without you.” I move closer, putting my forehead on his.

“I can’t. I don’t deserve you. But fuck do I want to.” He pulls away and walks to the door and I follow after him.

“I’ll always love you, baby. Even if I don’t deserve you, I will always love you.” He opens the door and steps out, but I stand in his way of shutting it.

“Porter!” I yell after him, hoping he’ll turn around. But he doesn’t. He quietly lumbers across the yard, his shoulders hunched.

“You’ve always deserved me. You let me know when you know it too,” I yell after his disappearing form.

This infuriating man! When will he see what I see in himself? His life has taken its toll on him, and it makes me so sad for him. But one day, one day he will see what I do, and I'll be here waiting for him.