Everything I Desire (Lupine Valley #3)

12. Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

Porter

It physically hurt to refrain from returning all Addy’s accidental touches tonight.

I want nothing more than to feel the soft skin she’s hiding under that damn black dress. I wish like hell we were alone when she opened that door tonight. The need to hike up her dress and bend her over the kitchen island was so strong it almost broke my barely there willpower. I knew I had to keep myself in check. I couldn’t act on it, no matter how much I wanted to.

Who am I kidding? I need to stay the course, avoidance.

So here I am, doing the only thing I know how to do when I need to avoid my feelings. I’m sitting in my shop, staring at the old Corvette I’ve been hired to restore to its original beauty.

“I knew that was you.” A voice slurs behind me.

Maura. She found me finally.

“Maura. You’re back,” I say tensely, refusing to turn around.

“You got my kid?” she asks .

I turn around to face her. She’s more of a mess than I remember. Swaying on her feet, dirty and ripped clothes on her equally dirty body.

“Where have you been, Maura?” I corner her with my stare.

“Not in my fucking house, you asshole.” She takes a drag off a cigarette.

I walk over to where my toolbox is to turn off the music and open the voice recording app. I want this for proof she doesn’t need to be Kayla’s guardian.

“That wasn’t a house, that was a dump. You let your child live in filth like that, with drug addicts coming around looking for their next fix, or dealers you work for looking for money, or god knows what else they’d take in place of the money. You just left her here for months, Maura. She’s a goddamn kid.” I cross my arms over my chest.

“Oh like you’re some fucking saint. You fucking left us too. Fucking hypocrite.” She stumbles and falls to the ground.

“Yeah, I did. And I tried to help you, and Kayla. But you couldn’t let that happen.” I scoff.

“Fuck you.” She spits.

I turn back around, grabbing my wrench off the stool. “Go away, Maura. Go to rehab. Leave your daughter alone. She’s happy and doesn’t want to see you.”

A weight lands on my back and her arms loop around my throat. Luckily she’s too sloppy to actually do damage. I walk outside the bay and peel her off my back, setting her down in the parking lot .

I step into her space. “Get yourself help, Maura. Find a rehab place and send me the bill. You need to get it together. You’ll never get Kayla like this. I can promise you that.”

Blue lights light up the parking lot.

“You got a problem here, Son?” Sheriff Miller asks, stepping out of his cruiser.

“No, sir. Just talking to my sister here so she can go find a treatment facility.” I step back from Maura.

“What is this bullshit? You two are fucking friends now? That’s rich.” Maura sways and slurs.

“Maura, what are you on, darlin’?” Sheriff Miller asks her.

“Fuck you both. I don’t need this shit. You can keep that fucking princess that thinks she’s fucking better than me. She isn’t and neither are you, asshole.” She steps forward and tries to swing at me.

“Ok that’s enough, darlin’. Let’s go.” Sheriff Miller steps in and cuffs her.

He escorts her back to the cruiser and shuts the door.

“I assume you won’t be bailin’ her out this time, Son?” he asks me.

“Not unless it’s to check her into rehab,” I answer, staring through the back window of the cruiser. I’ve bailed her out one too many times.

Even though it kills me to see her like this, kills me to let my sister sit in jail, it’s what she needs right now. She needs to sober up and the jail is the best place for that. She has too many hook ups for a fix around here.

“Well, sounds like she’ll spend a night in the tank then. You come on by in the morning if you want to, maybe she’ll listen to ya when she’s clear headed.” He nods to me and walks back to his cruiser, bringing Maura in for the night.

I hope so. As much as I’m pissed at her over what she did to Kayla, I will still happily pay for her rehab. I will happily move her where she doesn’t get sucked back into the same crowd. We grew up in the same house, with the same addicted parents, I understand how she got here. But it’s a choice, I chose to get out. She chose to stay in.

I guess this is part of what Ronnie was saying. That I am better than them. I made the choice to be better than them everyday and ignore the habits my parents were offering.

I shut off the recording and send it over to Stacey so she has it for evidence of Maura’s state of mind.

She’s worse than I remember. Now she’s drunk and high. She reeked of alcohol and is so damn skinny her clothes were all but falling off her. I gave her my offer of sending her to rehab. Something our parents never did.

She knows where I am. I’m not wasting any more time trying to get her into rehab if she doesn’t want it. She can sober up and I know Sheriff Miller will remind her of my offer in the morning, plus I’ll swing by in the morning and hope she’s still there. I can only hope she’ll take me up on the offer. I've had a facility in mind for years, ever since I started trying to get custody of Kayla so Maura could go to rehab.

Footsteps that are softer than Maura’s enter my shop. I whirl around to find Lorelei Harper, Addy’s mom.

Great. Just what I need her to witness.

“Porter, are you alright?” she says softly.

How many times had I wished that I had a mom like Lorelei growing up? Wished that I had someone to check on me just like she is now?

Too many times to count.

I used to fantasize about the day Addy became my wife, not only because I’d have her forever, but because I’d get the family I always wanted.

“I’m fine, I’m sorry you had to witness that. I don’t know how much you saw but any of it was more than you needed,” I say.

I wipe off my stool and I gesture for her to sit.

She puts her hand up to politely decline. I don’t blame her. This is just a dirty shop she doesn't belong in.

“I only saw Sheriff Miller in the parking lot, so I pulled in when I saw you standing by the door. I only want to make sure you’re alright. I assume that Maura showed up since I saw someone being put in the cruiser?” Concern laces her voice.

“Yea. She did,” I say flatly.

“I’m so sorry, Porter. You shouldn’t have to deal with this. You’re doing a wonderful thing for Kayla. I’ve really seen her blossom under your care. She is a wonderful girl.” She smiles weakly walking into the shop more.

“Thank you, Mrs. Harper. I appreciate you saying that.”

“Porter, can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer if you think it’s too personal. I've been told once or twice I meddle too much.”

Curiosity gets the better of me. “Ask away.”

I sit on my stool, extending one leg out in front of me to keep balance.

“When are you going to accept my girl’s love for you? No one has ever compared to you, and I see the way you two watch each other.”

“I’m not good enough for her, Mrs. Harper. You should want better for her than me, your husband was right.” I look at the floor.

“Oh, you stop that. My husband was many things, but being right in that situation was not one of them. My girl loves you with every bone in her body. Always has. I could see that back when you were seventeen and sneaking off to the lake.”

My cheeks blush at the fact that she knows about that. “I’ve only ever loved her. I don’t think that’s a secret. But Mr. Harper made our future impossible. I don’t mean to speak poorly of him, I know he was just looking out for Addy, but I know he’s the one who called Sheriff Miller and gave my name. And you saw what just happened. You want Addy to be involved in that mess?”

“She already is. She has been since the day Kayla set foot in her classroom. Better yet, since the day she met you in Preschool. She’s involved whether you like it or not, whether you love her or not. She’s a strong girl. But I know you need to get over this nonsense of not being deserving of my girl. You love her, and that’s all I could ever ask for any of my daughters.” She walks to the bay entrance. “I’ll leave you with that thought, and you can do what you wish with it. Have a good night, Porter.”

With that she walks back to her car and drives off. Leaving my mind spinning.

Isn’t this what I want? Lorelei is as close to closure as I’m going to get with Mr. Harper. But she didn’t agree with him all those years ago? Why was he hell bent on getting me out of Addy’s life at the expense of disagreeing with Lorelei?

Addy is all I want, all I’ve ever wanted. Without her my life isn’t half what it could be with her in it. What would my life be like without her permanently? If I had to stand back and watch another guy take their chance and give her the future she wants?

I shake my head at that. I can’t fucking do that. She’s mine. She belongs to me. But I just want her to have the life she deserves. Is that something I can truly give her?

I run my hands through my hair, tugging at the ends to ease the headache that’s coming.

Since tonight is not going as planned, I might as well pack it up and head home. I shut the bay door and start cleaning up my tools .

As I’m washing the last of the grease off my hands, I hear the click of the door. “Goddamn it, what now?” I mutter to myself.

I whirl around, ready to have an attitude with anyone else who dares to interrupt my night.

Instead, I’m met with the baby blues that I’ve been dreaming about. “Baby, what are you doing here?”

She steps in and closes the door, but doesn’t come closer to me, so I stay put where I am.

“You need to stop ignoring me, Porter. You need to stop putting me on this pedestal like I’m a perfect saint. I’m not. I’m a regular woman who loves you, and I’m done letting you figure it out. You’re here to stay. It’s time to stop.” She crosses her arms, pushing her cleavage up.

“You know, you’re the second person to say that to me tonight.”

She looks at me confused.

“Your mom was here earlier.”

“Well. She’s a smart woman. And I’m sure she picked up on what was happening tonight,” she says standing her ground.

I step closer to her, within inches of her perfect body, and the perfect view of that cleavage she’s still pushing up. “You know what, baby? I am done. I am so fucking done.”

I take two steps past her toward the door. She sucks in a breath not knowing if I’m going to walk out the door or not. Even if I wanted to walk out right now, I couldn't. The pull to her is stronger than any willpower I will ever possess.