Everything I Desire (Lupine Valley #3)

22. Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Two

Porter

“Porter?” A meek voice comes from the bay I’m working in.

I curse under my breath, recognizing the woman’s voice.

Maura.

I slide out from underneath the car I’m working on and wipe off my hands on my coveralls.

The action makes me grin, because it reminds me of Addy. Last week she did my laundry for me and lectured me about rubbing my greasy hands on my clothes.

I get up, putting my tools away and taking my time to walk over to Maura. I need a few moments to get ready for whatever she has to say. I’m not ready for another fight. I don’t want another fight.

I watch her out of the corner of my eye. She’s wringing her hands together, fidgeting, unable to stand still. Surprisingly she looks sober.

I walk over to where she waits, “What do you need Maura? ”

She winces at the anger in my voice. “I deserve that.”

She pauses, waiting to see if I have anything to add. I cross my arms and lean on the door frame.

“Um, I was just wondering,” she fumbles on her words, “is your offer for rehab still on the table?”

My jaw drops.

“What changed, Maura?” My voice softens this time.

“Sheriff Miller. After our talk the other morning, he committed me to a seventy two hour hold. It was my own fault, I said things I shouldn’t have to him and the doctors. But it gave me a chance to go through the beginning of withdrawal, and be sober enough to think about everything clearly at the end. I keep replaying everything Kayla said to me. That broke me, Porter. I know you don’t think I do, but I love her. So damn much. I just don’t know how to be a good mom, one she deserves. We both know we didn’t have any references for good parenting in our life. Not that that is an excuse. I know.” She confesses.

“Just not more than drugs? Are you ready to stay sober, Maura? Are you going to come home and this is going to start again? She’s old enough now to make her own choices. She’s impressionable. Do you want her to end up like you? Like Mom?” I throw out questions at her. Not giving her a chance to answer.

“No, Porter, I mean, yes. I don’t -”

“Listen, Maura. I’m not some scared kid anymore. I have people backing me. I am not backing off. If you want to go to rehab, I’ll take you. But Kayla stays with me. Even if you complete rehab you won’t be ready to move back here and be a mom. Then she’ll be in college and you’ll be alone in the house again. That’s too much for you. Too much change, too much stress for someone fresh out of rehab.”

She looks at the floor, “I know that, Porter. I - I’ve thought about it all. I had nothing else to do while I was in the hospital.” She shrugs, “I’ll give you custody. Permanently. But I want to see her before I go to rehab. I want the chance to talk to her.”

“I don’t know, Maura. That’s up to her. I’ll have to talk to her.” I sigh.

“Of course, Sheriff Miller put me in a room at the Inn. So I guess just call me and let me know. I’m in room three.” She turns to leave without waiting for a response from me.

Something about her broken retreating form snaps emotions buried deep in me.

“Maura, wait.” She turns to face me. “I’ll go home in a few minutes and talk to Kayla. If you’re serious I can get you on a flight tomorrow. The rehab facility is in Florida. On the beach. I think it’ll be the best fit for you. Someone will meet you at the airport and bring you to the facility. But I want you to promise me you won’t get high between then and now.”

A smile takes over her face .

“I promise, I won’t. Thank you, Porter.” She steps forward as if she’s going to hug me, but then turns and walks back toward the Inn.

I run my hand through my hair. Fuck.

I send a text to Addy to let her know what just happened. I ask her to meet me at the house to talk to Kayla.

We make plans to meet in half an hour when she’s done with a meeting at school. Kayla is still in her classroom waiting to come home.

I clean up, and close the shop so I can run home and take a shower before they get there. I am covered head to toe in grease today.

The scent of onions and garlic wafts up the stairs and infiltrates my senses after I get out of the shower. I walk to my bedroom door and hear the girls laughing in the kitchen.

I love when Addy cooks dinner. I’ve gotten pretty good at breakfast items but dinners aren’t really my strong suit. I pull on a pair of clean jeans and my tee before going downstairs to the kitchen.

“Mmm, something smells good in here.” I say sniffing the air in the kitchen.

“Addy is teaching me how to make Beef Stroganoff. It’s Eric’s favorite. Do you mind if I invite him over for dinner?” Kayla asks.

“Well, let’s talk before we make a decision on that, ok?” I sit at the kitchen table. Addy turns the stove down, and comes with Kayla to the table.

“What did Mom do this time?” Kayla takes a deep breath like she’s exhausted by this back and forth .

I feel awful, she just wants to be a normal kid inviting her boyfriend over for dinner. A kid without the drama of an addict mother.

“She came by the shop today, she was sober, Kayla. She wants to go to rehab. But she wants to talk to you first before she goes,” I explain.

“About what? About how much she fucked up my life?” She asks sarcastically.

“Kayla, I understand you’re angry, you have every right to be. I don’t blame you at all. But I think she just wants to talk, she wants closure or something before she goes. I found a place for her in Florida, I actually talked to them on the way home today and she can go tomorrow morning on the first flight out. But she just wants to see you before she leaves. She’ll be gone for a while. Despite how she acts, I know she loves you in the best way she knows how.” I show her the rehab facility I found, and try to let her know that I support however she feels no matter what.

“Will you and Addy be there with me?” She asks.

Addy answers, “You can do this however you want. Whatever makes you feel most comfortable, is what we’ll do.”

“Okay. I think I would be more comfortable if she came here to talk in the kitchen so you guys could be close by. And she has to come alone.” Kayla decides.

“You got it. You want me to call her or do you?” I ask .

“Can you please?” She turns to Addy, “What about dinner? I was supposed to learn?”

“We can finish after your talk. No worries. We’ll eat a late dinner. And if all goes well you can probably still invite Eric.” Addy goes to the stove to turn off the burner so they can finish cooking later.

I walk outside to the porch to call the Inn and ask for Maura. I tell her that Kayla is willing to talk on her condition that Maura come here alone. I let her know that I will not tolerate any bullshit under any circumstances. She is not going to come here and upend Kayla’s day, once again. She agrees to everything and she’ll be here in ten minutes.

I take a deep breath and sit on the chairs on my front porch to wait for her.

Addy comes to join me out on the porch and sits beside me on the small table between the chairs.

“Are you ready?” She looks at me with a soft smile.

“I don’t know. I just hope she doesn’t start any bullshit.” I answer. “Where is Kayla?”

“I think she went up to her room. She needs some space before seeing Maura.”

Of course she does. I would need to be in a different state to prepare for Maura, just like I was for ten years.

“She’s here,” Addy whispers, nodding to the driveway.

I stand up along with Addy. I stuff my hands in my pockets, waiting for her to get to the porch. Addy stands behind me, her small hand resting on my back, letting me know she’s here for me.

“Hi, Porter. Hi, Adelaide. Thank you for letting me come over.” She says quietly.

“Kayla let you come over," I make it clear that Kayla is in charge. "Come inside and I’ll go get her.”

I open the door and hold it open for her and Addy.

Addy goes right upstairs to get Kayla, leaving me and Maura alone in the living room.

“Your home is nice, Porter. Something we never imagined we would have, huh?” She looks around, and I know what she means. We were never allowed to dream of more than what our parents were.

“Thank you.”

Kayla comes down the stairs and we both look in her direction.

Maura follows her into the kitchen to talk and Addy and I sit on the couch, close enough to hear if anything goes wrong, but far enough to give them some privacy.

After a while, they come back into the living room. Kayla is smiling but has tears on her cheeks.

They hug goodbye and I walk Maura outside.

She stops on the front porch, and turns to face me. “Porter, I just - thank you.”

“You have a ticket for tomorrow morning, someone from the facility will meet you at your gate when you arrive to bring you to the facility. It’s a ninety day program. We’ll pick you up at seven in the morning.” I nod to her .

“You don’t have to give me a ride.” She looks down.

“I know. I’ll see you at seven.” I give her one last look and go back inside, watching her walk away from the safety of my living room. My heart breaks a little inside watching her go. I love my sister, but the heartache she has caused isn’t something I think I can forgive.

At least not yet, but maybe for Kayla I can.