Everything I Wish For (Lupine Valley #5)

8. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

Lauren

I wake up and feel like I’m in a dream. Despite falling asleep on opposite sides of the bed, at some point, I must have ended up in Brad’s arms. My face is buried in his chest, and his leg is tangled over mine. It feels so right, it physically pains me to extricate myself from him.

He implied yesterday that he’s open to some friends-with-no-pants-benefits, but I’m not sure how my heart could handle it. Even knowing that I can’t have this in my life after the wedding, it breaks my heart already.

I tiptoe out of the room and go downstairs in search of the coffee I can smell brewing. I set off for the kitchen to find Lacey already dressed and standing in front of the coffee pot with her largest coffee mug.

She catches me walking out of the corner of her eye and turns to face me, leaning her hip on the counter. “Busted. I can’t sleep late anymore. After years of getting up with the sun and children, it’s just in me now.”

I grab a mug off the shelf and pour myself a cup. “I get that. I still get up early to send listings to clients.” I laugh.

“So. I notice my couch is missing someone.” She nods toward the living room with a smirk on her face.

“Ugh. I came down after tossing and turning for a couple hours. I felt bad he was smushed on that couch, all because he’s doing me a favor. So I told him I’d sleep on the couch. But you know how stubborn he is. We settled on sharing the bed, but sleeping on opposite sides.”

“Mmm. And how did that work for you?” she asks, knowing the answer.

“Not well. We started strong. But this morning I woke up in his arms.”

She gives me a knowing look, the same look she gives me every time she thinks that the two of us just need to give in, admit our feelings and stop dancing around each other.

“Lauren, you need to tell him. In exact words. Tell him what you want.” She raises her eyebrows at me.

“I can’t. You know that. Especially not after he all but said he wants a friends-with-benefits situation.” I look down at the floor.

“He didn’t!” Her mouth drops open.

“He did. Well….. Kind of. He alluded to it.” She grabs my arm and pulls me over to the kitchen table. Grabbing those tiny muffins the kids like on the way.

“Okay, this I need the story on. How did that come up? Did he just like, ask you or did something happen? Something spicy ?” She waggles her eyebrows.

“You need to stop reading those books.” I laugh at her latest obsession.

“Nope, and no deflecting.”

“Well, I might have been acting like an uptight control freak and he might have helped me relax a little.” I dare look at her and see her grinning like a Cheshire cat.

“Oh, so he got you off and gave you an orgasm that you’re not likely to forget any time soon?” I nearly spit out of my coffee on her.

“Lacey! Anyways,” I continue, my cheeks flush red, “after a massage, we decided to have a no pants rule in the hotel, then he said we should practice and now here we are. But it had to be a joke right? Besides, I think it’ll hurt more if I let it happen.”

“Listen, I love you. You know that right?”

“Maybe. Depends on what you’re going to say next.” I roll my eyes at her.

“Tell. Him. How. You. Feel. I swear, men do not get you off without them getting off too because they want a friends-with-benefits situation for a week. Please , tell him how you feel while you’re down there. It’s the perfect opportunity.” She reaches out to hold my hand.

I know she has my best interest in mind, but I’m too scared. It’s almost like there’s something hidden between us that keeps us from really crossing that line fully, at least emotionally. These last few weeks are the most I’ve ever gotten from him. I knew our relationship would be perfect in every way, but the way he’s leaning into it, really has me screwed up, especially knowing it will end. And it might be more painful to watch him eventually find someone else to spend his life with after this.

“Can I just promise to try?” I ask, trying to keep the unshed tears from falling.

Lacey gets up and pulls me in for a hug. “You need to be happy, girl.”

“Good morning, ladies!” Colton’s voice booms from the entrance of the living room with Brad on his heels.

“Are we ready? I’m going to load these up.” Brad asks, pointing to our bags.

“Yup, they’re ready!” I say too quickly, trying to get away from Lacey before I cry and have to tell Brad why Lacey has made me cry before the sun has even come up.

If it can go wrong, it has gone wrong. We hit tons of traffic on the way to the airport. The security line was the busiest I’ve ever seen it, we barely made it to our gate before we boarded and now we’re sitting on the tarmac delayed, waiting for them to de-ice. My nerves are as fragile as glass at this point and tears are threatening to come; especially after Lacey got in my head this morning.

I feel like all of this is a bad omen and this lie I’ve started is going to unravel the minute my mother sees me and set off a wave of hurt for so many people.

“Hey.” Brad places his hands on either side of my face, turning me to him. “You’re doing that thing again. You know, barely breathing. What’s going on?”

“I just—do you think this is all a bad omen? Am I an awful daughter? How are we going to pull this off? Oh God, I’m an even worse friend for pulling you into this!” I spiral out of control the more I voice my worries.

Brad’s lips crash to mine, I assume to keep my voice from getting any higher in this small place.

“Listen to me. If I didn’t want to be here with you, I wouldn’t be. There is nowhere else I would rather be. And if your mom is mad that you lied to her we will explain the truth. And I’ll be right there with you.” He kisses my forehead and lets go of my face. He hands me one of his airpods.

“What is this for?” I ask, placing the airpod in my ear for whatever he is doing.

“We’re going to watch The Holiday together, and we’re going to relax and enjoy the flight. We are not going to stress out about anything.” He reaches into his bag and pulls out Twizzlers. My favorite candy.

“Okay.” I submit to his demands.

“Good, now take a Twizzler. Enjoy your favorite Christmas movie.” He presses play and leans back, putting his palm up on my thigh for me to slide my hand into his.

Part of me wants to scream at him. He’s showing me all the ways we could be perfect together. Our chemistry is off the charts, and then it’s just going to end in a few weeks. I have to give all of this up, because this is all fake. Of course it’s all my fault, but why doesn’t he see me as worthy of being more? What about me is stopping him from making it real?

I open my eyes to realize that I’ve fallen asleep on Brad’s shoulder. A Twizzler still dangling from my fingers.

“Did you sleep well? We’re about to land.” That must be what woke me up.

I sit up quickly, wiping at the corners of my mouth. “Oh, my God, how long have I been out?”

Brad laughs at me as I try to put myself back together in a small plane seat. “About the whole flight.”

I look down at my lap and notice that we are still holding hands. Brad must notice what I’ve noticed. “I told you I was here for you. Even if you don’t know it.”

Shit. Maybe Lacey is right. I just need to tell him. “Brad, I…we—” When the plane lands roughly on the ground, we’re thrown forward and the moment is broken.

“What were you about to say?” he asks.

“Nothing.” I plaster a smile on my face. “I’m glad we’re finally here.”

As we deboard the plane, I look at Brad. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

He grabs my hand that is swinging by my side, nods through the glass windows at my parents, and kisses my cheek. “Always ready for you, L.”

“Oh my gosh, would you look at these two, George!” Mom gushes to Dad, pulling him forward to meet us.

“I see them, Maryanne. Ain’t no need to rip my arm off.” He grumbles, pulling me in for a bear hug with my other hand still laced in Brad’s.

“I love your mom, but she’s a little too excited today,” he whispers in my ear. I chuckle because she is. Mom always gets extra happy to see her babies happy, if you ask her.

“Oh Brad! I’m just so happy for you two!” she gushes holding Brad’s shoulders. “So happy!” She claps her hands in front of her from excitement and starts to walk toward baggage claim.

Dad claps Brad on the shoulder. “Son, good to see you again.”

“Good to see you as well, sir.” Brad answers as Dad walks ahead of us to take Mom’s hand. Their love is the one I’m looking for.

I look down at my hand, still clasped with Brad’s and smile. Through all that he never let go. Almost as fast, a frown falls on my face, because I don’t want this to stop.

“Hey, what’s wrong? I think that went well!” Brad says to me.

“Yeah, no it did. I’m just tired. I could probably use a real meal too after all those Twizzlers.” I shake my head and he squeezes my hand tightly.

Our bags are luckily some of the first ones off the plane, making their way around the belt pretty quickly. Dad takes my suitcase and starts wheeling it toward the car.

“Oh, baby girl. I’m so glad you’re here. We just miss you so much when you’re all the way up there in Lupine Valley.” Mom pulls me in close for a hug at the car.

“I miss you guys too, but I’m happy to be here now.”

“Me too, it’s nice to see sand instead of snow.” Brad laughs.

“Well you’re in for a treat then, because you’re about to see a lot of it. We’re going to go grab some lunch from our favorite spot,” Mom says, and I groan inwardly. I just want to wash my face, and change.

“Mrs. Bradshaw, would you mind if we stopped by the hotel first? We wore snow worthy clothing and I’d like to change into something more sand worthy.” Brad laughs, gesturing at his jeans, boots, and long sleeve tee that hugs every muscle on his body.

I might be staring too much. He guides me into the car with his hand on my back and I mouth a silent thank you to him. He winks back in response.

He really does know me better than I know myself.