Exposed (Let Me Love You #3)

Chapter 9

9

PAY IT FORWARD

MATT

N ine hours later, the sun is above the horizon, and I’m relatively sure I got zero sleep.

Simon is awake yet again and fussing in his crib, so I surrender to starting my day. Shani wags her tail, eager for breakfast.

“Shh, buddy. I’ve got you,” I whisper as I pick up Simon. He smiles at me, and my heart skips a beat. I only met him yesterday, but my heart already feels three sizes bigger with the love I have for him.

Trying to be quiet so I don’t wake Pepper, I change Simon’s diaper, then strap him in his carrier on my chest so I can make breakfast.

My mornings usually consist of lifting in my workout room and running with Shani on the beach. Yesterday, I bought a jogging stroller, but Simon is too tiny for it now. I’ll have to ask the doctor about that. Looks like working out in my room will be happening a lot until Simon is older.

I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I’m a dad. My entire life will look different from here on out.

For years, I imagined having a family with my girlfriend Grace. When she passed away, all thoughts of becoming a dad died along with her.

All those thoughts have been resurrected. Except now, I’m going to be raising my kid on my own. I never thought I’d be a single parent.

This crap is too deep to think about on an empty stomach. Grabbing eggs and bacon from the fridge, I whip up breakfast for Pepper and me.

“When can you eat food, little dude? I’ll ask your doctor. In the meantime, you’ve gotta tell me what I did wrong last night.”

I don’t know what to do differently. Simon was cozy in his new pj’s, he had a clean diaper and a full tummy. The only thing I can think of is that it’s a new place for him. Most of the night was spent rocking him back to sleep after he woke up what seemed like a hundred times.

The overnight feedings are killer. I have to find an easier way to get his formula prepared during the night feedings.

“We’ll figure it out, Simon,” I think out loud and run my fingers over the fine, soft blonde hair on his head. “Last night was rough, but it’s probably because you’re in a new place, huh? Tonight, you’ll feel better. I’ve got to work, but my mom and dad will be with you. My mom will put you to bed. She’s better than I am. You’ll sleep like a… actually, don’t sleep like a baby. Sleep like a full grown adult who’s exhausted and sleeps through the whole night.”

Simon watches me speak, then smiles. My heart stops. “Did you just smile at me? You did. You like hearing Daddy’s voice, don’t you?”

He likes me . I’m going to get a lifetime more smiles from him. Losing sleep suddenly doesn’t seem so bad when my son smiles at me like I’m his whole world.

I finish breakfast while singing to Simon, then fix a plate for Pepper.

A few minutes later, I hear rustling in the guest bathroom. I hope I didn’t wake her up.

Pepper drops her backpack off at the front door before coming into the kitchen. I don’t like that she takes her belongings with her every day like she’s ready to make a run for it at a moment’s notice. Everyone deserves a sense of safety, but I think Pepper feels danger around every corner.

When I watched her those few weeks when we worked the same events, I felt like she was special. She stirred my heart and made me feel things I haven’t in years.

After Grace died, I doubted I’d be able to love again. But with Pepper, I want to put myself out there again. I want to give her something real. Something deep, and not just deep like my cock inside of her. I like her, maybe more than I’m ready to admit. I want to connect with her in a way no one’s connected with her before.

“I’m sorry,” are the first words out of her mouth as she walks into the kitchen where I’m currently nursing a cup of coffee and patting Simon’s back with my free hand.

She looks braced for my anger, and I’m confused.

“Why are you sorry?”

“I started my period last night and bled on your sheets. Not a lot. I already washed the spot with cold water and soap and most of it came out. I’ll wash them today.”

“No worries. I’ve got stain remover,” I say nonchalantly. I hate that her past experiences and relationships have left her expecting people to be angry at her.

“Really? Right, okay. Thanks,” she responds, nodding her head.

“Do you need pads or something?” I ask.

“I can’t believe you just asked me that,” she giggles nervously. “And no. I have some from last month. I started a day early, so I wasn't expecting it this morning.”

“I’m not easily embarrassed. I had a serious girlfriend, so I’ve bought my share of that stuff,” I explain.

“Oh. Sorry it didn’t work out with your girlfriend,” she says softly.

I’m quiet for a moment before I respond. “Thanks.”

She senses I don’t want to talk about it and changes the subject. “You get any rest?”

“Sure as hell doesn’t feel like it. Sorry if we kept you up,” I apologize, but she waves me off.

“I don’t mind. Sleeping on a mattress is divine. I wish your little man could rest. He doesn’t know how good he has it, but he’ll get there.”

“He smiled at me,” I beam.

“He did? Aww,” she coos, and damn if she’s not the second cutest thing in the world.

“His smile is the cutest thing in the world,” I brag.

“I’m sure it was,” she smiles, then looks at Simon and runs her fingers on his arm. “Smile for me sometime, okay, little man?”

Her dark hair is up in a ponytail, and she has on her catering uniform. The scent of my laundry soap on her makes me feel possessive. I think she’s going to touch me, and my skin tingles in anticipation of her sweet touch. Instead, she gently tickles Simon’s toes and sniffs him.

“I love how babies smell,” she grins, oblivious that I want her hands on me.

I fight the urge to grab her wrist and pull her to me. I can’t do that with Simon strapped to my chest, but I want to really fucking badly.

Pepper reaches down to scratch Shani behind the ears and tell her good morning.

That’s it. Screw it. “You’re seriously going to touch everyone in this house but me?” I ask.

“Feeling left out, golden boy?” Pepper laughs, then scratches my shoulder lightly with her fingernails.

I didn’t bother putting on a shirt when I got out of bed, and goosebumps break out where she touched my bare skin. I want her to scratch me again. Damn, I’m a desperate son of a gun when it comes to Pepper.

Abandoning my coffee cup, I go to the sink and fill up my gallon water jug for the day. Simon squirms in my arms at the sound of the water.

“He’s ready for the day,” Pepper nods her chin at Simon, and I turn to catch her smile as she looks at him. I’d like her to look at me with that world-brightening smile.

“I know, right? You’d never guess he hardly slept. A plate of bacon and eggs is in the microwave for you.” I give her a small grin.

“Are you serious right now?” She asks, her eyebrows knitted in concern.

“About making you breakfast? Yeah.” I shrug. “Had to cook for myself, so may as well make extra for you.” I don’t bother to tell her that I usually cook after I work out. She told me she’s catering an event from this morning until later this afternoon, and I didn’t want her working on an empty stomach. I can heat mine up after I finish lifting.

Pepper looks down and wipes invisible lint from her shirt. “You don’t have to do that for me.”

“Do what?” I ask.

Take care of her? Because I’m wondering if anyone has taken care of her the way I could.

“I can take care of myself.” Her eyes find mine again, defiance shining bright in them.

“I never said you couldn’t. Letting someone else take care of you doesn’t mean you’re incapable of doing it on your own. But no one should have to do life on their own all the time,” I reason.

She averts her gaze, looking at the wall and biting her lip, before making eye contact again. “Thanks for breakfast. I’ll pay you back.”

“Not necessary,” I shake my head.

“Yeah, it is.”

“Why?”

“I don’t like feeling indebted to anyone,” she answers.

“You’re not indebted to me,” I assure her.

Money isn’t an issue for me. Hope got with Noah a couple of years ago, and Noah is an investor. He offered to do an investment portfolio for me, and my money has been growing since. Even with the recent recession, he’s still miraculously growing my funds. Hope said he’s been studying finances since he was a kid, and he’s the most knowledgeable professional on the stock market.

“I don’t need your money. Pay it forward once you’re back on your feet,” I instruct.

“Whatever, golden boy,” she snaps, clearly uncomfortable with me helping her.

“You’re kind of a brat.”

“I’ve been called way worse. You can do better than that,” she retorts as she walks to the cupboard.

“Really?” I ask, stopping her with a hand around her bicep. “What if I wanted to call you something else?”

“Something worse?”

“No. Something better,” I answer. Like princess , or beautiful . I wonder what pet names she likes.

Her eyes dart around the room, looking anywhere but at me. They finally land on Simon, and she whispers, “Focus on your son, Matt.”

She pulls out of my grasp, and I let her go. For now.

“I’m perfectly capable of focusing on both of you,” I say, but she doesn’t reply as she plucks a glass from the cupboard and fills it with water. And yes, I blatantly check out her beautiful, feminine hands and her delicate wrist as she flicks the water on, then off once the glass is full.

Pepper is a mystery to me, but I’m determined to figure her out.