Fake Game (The System #3)

Chapter Forty-Four

FORTY-FOUR

JACKSON

M aybe today.

I load my latest batch of brownies into the glass Tupperware container, hoping that when I go downstairs that the container from yesterday isn’t still sitting outside.

It’s killing me.

She’s not replying to any of my messages, and all my calls are going to voicemail—there’s been nothing but radio silence. Every fiber of my being wants to break her door down and force myself inside so I can hold her. I’m not sure how much longer I can respect her healing process until I force the master code from Parker and let myself in.

My fingers tighten on the container as I steel myself and head to the elevator, ready to try again, to knock again and hope maybe today I get some kind of response.

“Hey, you bringing those down to Deer?” Parker wanders up beside me.

“Yeah.”

“Can I do it today?”

“No.” I punch the elevator button.

“Aw, come on. Let me give it a try. You know I have the golden touch.”

“No.”

The elevator doors begin to slide open, and Parker’s arm shoots out across the frame to bar me from entering.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Just let me take them down.”

What is with him?

“I said no.”

I push his arm out of the way, but then he just sticks his leg out, creating another barricade.

“Please.”

“Fuck, dude.” I reach out and grab him by the shirt, forcing him aside as my patience runs thin. “Stop.”

“Come on, Jackson.”

It’s then that I catch it—a desperation wavering through his eyes.

My grip tightens.

“What happened?”

His easy smile twitches down ever so slightly before he catches it. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, what are you hiding? What happened? ” I push him against the elevator.

“Chill for a second.” His eyes flash with that rare heat and he puts his hand on my chest, applying a quiet force.

“Parker,” I growl out.

“What the fuck are you two doing?” Aleks stalks over and tugs Parker out of my grip. I’ve known Aleks long enough to know when not to put up a fight. I might be stronger than him, but he plays dirtier.

“He’s hiding something.” I point a finger at the platinum blond, who’s shifted behind our mediator and out of my reach.

Aleks lets out a loud sigh, turning to raise his brows at Parker, who in turn just points a finger back at me—or, more specifically, my container of brownies. Aleks’ face neutralizes, eyes flicking up to mine.

“You going to see Deer?”

“Yeah.”

He looks back at Parker briefly before placing a hand on my shoulder to guide me back into the apartment.

“I need to talk to you first.”

“But—”

“Jackson.” My best friend gives me a look that causes a rock to drop into my gut.

We sit on the couch, and he takes the Tupperware container from me, placing it on the coffee table.

“There’s something we need to tell you.”

“What?”

“Deer’s dad flew in last night.”

“Oh. Okay.” Shit. I would’ve gone down there and been caught completely off guard. I’ve been going there each day in just my sweatpants. Not how I would’ve wanted to meet him for the first time. “Thanks for the heads-up.”

“No, it’s,” he pauses, looking to Parker again, “it’s more than that.”

“Al,” I deadpan, “you’re killing me here.”

“Her dad came and took her home. He thought maybe—”

“What do you mean home ?”

“I mean Ireland.”

No.

No, there’s no way.

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not. She’s gone.”

“No.” I shake my head, pushing up from the couch and beelining for the elevators.

“Jackson,” he calls out.

They both follow me inside the elevator, and I hit the button for her floor over and over and over until the doors close. A gentle hum begins to build in my ears. My foot taps against the cold floor as I try to swallow down the knot in my chest, trying to make it go away.

Aleks stands silently in the corner, watching me. Parker nervously spins his cartilage piercings, looking anywhere but me.

They’re wrong. They have to be.

The doors open, and before I realize it, I’m running, sprinting down the hallway to her apartment. My steps falter when I notice the Tupperware container is missing.

“Deer,” I yell, rapping my hand against the hard door. “Deer, baby, just let me know you’re in there.” My knuckles smash on the wood again and again, but the pain is nothing.

Come on.

Come on .

“Deer!” My voice cracks, the fear leaking out.

“Jackson,” Aleks whispers.

“No,” I snarl, spinning to face him. “No, she’s in there.” My eyes zero in on Parker. “What’s the master code? Let me in.” I stalk over, scarlet clouding my vision.

Parker raises both of his hands, palms facing me. “Hold on, mate. Give me a second.” He treats me like a rabid dog, speaking slowly as he carefully circles me.

He presses a code into the electronic lock, and it makes a light chiming noise before he reaches over and pulls down the door handle, flinging it open and stepping aside so I don’t barrel into him.

The apartment is dark, blinds closed, lights off—not even the magenta hue from her streaming room shines through. I can feel it in my bones, the emptiness, the lack of life inside.

“Deer?” I call out hesitantly.

Her bedroom door is open.

A stampede of animals is thudding inside my chest, knocking against my ribcage with each silent step I take.

I swallow, trying again, “Deer?”

My feet breach the doorway, and the world falls out from under me at the sight of her empty bed, the sheets strewn haphazardly. My nose pricks, and I clench my teeth at the pressure building behind my eyes.

I dive into her closet, trying to find her favorite suitcase, but it’s not there.

“No.”

All the hesitation leaves my body as I begin running around, checking every room, calling out her name. I kneel on the floor to look under the bed and couch. I lift each blanket and pillow I can find. I open every closet and drawer, no matter how small.

Somewhere.

She has to be somewhere.

“Jackson.” Aleks’ voice tries to break through the blood rushing in my ears.

I can’t stop moving, can’t stop checking each room, over and over and over again. Her streaming room is trashed; webcam smashed, ring light in pieces on the floor. The gaming chair has been flipped over and the LED lights that lined the walls have been ripped off. Her router’s been torn from the wall, chunks of plaster marring the plush rug.

Seeing everything in ruin forces the poisonous truth to the surface.

“Jackson.” Aleks’ hand lands on the middle of my back, palm pressing between my shoulder blades.

It debilitates me, sending me to the floor, knees crashing—his touch forcing me to accept reality, forcing me to accept that she isn’t here.

My heart fractures in two, splitting open and leaving me empty.

“No.” I look up at him, tears quickly filling my eyes. “No.” I shake my head, causing them to spill over.

He kneels on the ground next to me, his hand returning to my back.

“I’m sorry.”

Those two words snap the final thread, and I fall apart. Beads of tears tumble down my cheeks as I squeeze my eyes shut against the pain strangling my chest.

I’m not sure how long I sit there, how long I grieve the loss of her, but eventually the tears dry up and that sharpness in my chest turns to a spark. I feel it inside me. I feel that sparkle of her . Deer might be gone, but I still carry her with me. If I search through the shattered pieces of my heart, I can find that sparkle, and I’m going to hold onto it.

I’m going to hold onto her.

I’m going to find her.

My hands push on the ground as I leverage myself to stand. The guys steady me, sharing worried looks.

“I’m going to Ireland,” I tell them. My knees ache with every step I take, but I push through it.

“Shit,” I hear them mutter before their hurried feet catch up with me.

“Mate, you don’t even know where she is.” Parker jogs ahead, turning to walk backward as he tries to reason with me.

“I don’t,” I pick up my pace, looking him square in the eye as I stalk past him, “but you do.”

Parker sighs. “You need to give her time. You can’t go barging over there when she clearly needs her space.”

“You don’t know that.” I pull my key fob out and scan it at the far elevator bank that connects to our private lift and press the button. “You don’t know her—us.”

He doesn’t know how I held her in my arms as she slept, chasing away her nightmares. He doesn’t know every time I came running when she felt scared. He doesn’t know that I love her.

He doesn’t know.

I know.

“Look, I’m just saying—”

“I don’t want to hear it!”

The elevator doors open, and I stalk inside, slamming on the button for the penthouse. They follow in quietly, still sharing that apprehensive look.

“I’m going to Ireland.”

“Then you’re going to be wandering around like a child because I’m not giving you her address,” he pushes back.

“Parker,” Aleks warns.

“Really?” I get up in Parker’s face. “You really want to try that?”

His eyes burn icy blue as he stares at me quietly.

“What if it were Sydney?”

That burning wavers.

“What if she were hurting and she ran back to Missouri; would you not follow her?”

He looks away, fingers coming up to twist the twin studs in his ear. “I—”

“And you,” I spin on Aleks. “Don’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same for Stephanie.” My teeth clench as a I spit out, “Don’t even fucking try to tell me you wouldn’t go to the ends of the earth for her if she up and disappeared.”

He opens his mouth but just sighs.

The elevator doors open, and I turn my back on them, leaving them behind as I head for my bedroom—tunnel vision blocking out everything except the fact that I need to throw a few things into a duffle and leave. It doesn’t matter what, I just need to get on the first flight out.

“You’re not going anywhere.”

I spin to find Sydney leaning in my doorframe.

“Yes, I am.”

“No, you’re not.”

“No disrespect, Sydney, but we pay you. If I say that I’m taking some time off and going to Ireland, I’m doing that.”

“Don’t be an asshole.” Her eyes narrow, and it’s then that I realize they’re rimmed with red and slightly puffy. She sighs, walking in and perching on the edge of my bed. “Sit.” She pats the spot next to her.

I slam the T-shirt I’ve been holding into my duffle with a huff before trudging over. While I might be behaving like an ass, I’m not one—the guys and I have always respected Syd, always trusted her.

“I’m hurt that she left as well, but I get it.”

“Get what?”

“That she needs the space to heal. What she’s going through is traumatizing, and up until now, all she’s done is ignore her trauma and shove it aside, time and time again. At some point, all that pain is going to poison her from the inside out. It’s what happened to me when my brother died.”

“But she doesn’t have to do it alone.”

That’s what hurts the most.

“Actually, she does. Until she decides to heal, it doesn’t matter how much anyone around her says otherwise. She needs to make that mental choice for herself. Once she takes that first step, then, yeah, we can help her. But she has to start the journey on her own two feet first.”

“I can wait. I’ll go to Ireland, and I’ll wait.”

“I know you can, you have the patience of a saint. But you’re not going to Ireland—you won’t if you want to keep her safe. Rick is in the wind, so the rest of us are grounded. Deer’s family is going cold until he’s in custody. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

I want to fight her on it, but I can’t when the reasoning is Deer’s safety. That’s all I want, for her to be safe. And if it means I have to stay here and feel like my heart is being run over by a truck every five minutes, then fine, so be it. I’ll endure that pain so she can heal from hers.

But I won’t give up. I’ll never give up.

Deer is my star, and without her, the night sky is but an empty void. So, I’ll wait until the time comes for her to return and light up my world with her sparkle.

“Fine.”

“Thank you.” Syd chuckles softly. “It’s funny how love changes people.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you, you big oaf. I can practically hear your heart beating from here. It’s going D-Deer, D-Deer, D-Deer.”

“Shut up.” I nudge her with my shoulder before flopping back on my bed.

Except, she’s right.

Deer owns my heart, and I’m going to keep it safe until she returns.