Faking It with my Billionaire Grump

17. Tilly

17

Tilly

Yesterday, Jake gave me a wedding ring. Today, I arrive at the ranch with the suitcase I brought from New York. Dad’s a bit concerned that we’re taking this too far. He thinks there are other ways to get rid of Bryan, like the sight of the double-barreled shotgun he keeps in his workshop.

Mom, on the other hand, thinks this is a great idea. Of course she does. In fact, this very morning before I left, she came into the barn to give me a pep talk.

“This might be just what you both need,” she began while I packed the last of my things. “I know it’s not exactly the way you wanted to get married—”

“Mom, it’s not real,” I said bluntly.

“Maybe not yet, but now, you can get to know each other again. I’m still convinced that the only reason Jake hasn’t settled down yet is because he still feels something for you.”

In truth, I couldn’t argue with that. It’s something I’ve been wondering about, too. Not whether he still feels for me, particularly, but why he hasn’t found someone to share his huge ranch with. And during these last couple of weeks, there have been a few moments between us. Nothing earth-shattering, but enough to make me stop and think.

“Besides,” Mom continued. “You’ll get a taste of what it feels like to be together again. That could be all that Jake needs.”

I spun to look at her then. “And what about me?” I said. “What about my needs?”

Mom was a bit taken aback by that statement, and floundering, she stumbled over her words. “Well… er, yes… you have to… I suppose if it’s what you want.”

“Honestly, Mom,” I countered. “I have no idea what that is anymore.”

And that’s the truth. I’ve been pulled back and forth by one person or another, and when I think about it, I’ve kind of lost who I am.

Mom looked at me for a long moment, her face a picture of uncertainty of what she was supposed to say. I don’t expect her to understand. We’re not the same. She’s lived her life for Dad and this small town, and if that’s what’s fulfilled her all these years, I’m happy for her.

But I don’t want to live for anyone else. I want to live for me. Only I hardly know who “me” is. Clearly, Bryan did his narcissistic magic on me, and I’ve done what I swore I’d never do: I’ve lost myself.

A little later, Jake picked me up, and now, I’m following him up the stairs of his house. Yes, it does feel weird. I just have to remember why we’re doing this.

“This is the guest bedroom,” Jake says, opening the door and showing me inside an immaculately clean room. “Cal uses it when he comes to stay. There’s no ensuite, but the bathroom’s down the hall. It’s all yours. I never use it.”

“Oh, good. So no embarrassing semi-naked encounters, then,” I blurt nervously.

I don’t know why I’m nervous, really. Jake is the only man I trust, apart from my dad. Besides, he’s going out of his way to help me. It would have been far easier for him to say no.

He grins down at me. “I’ll let you get settled in.”

Once he’s closed the door behind him, I look around the room. It’s tastefully decorated and very neutral. I suppose it is the guest room. Throwing my suitcase on the bed, I pull the zippers and flip the top open. My life, in one bag.

You’re being dramatic.

Maybe. But it’s not altogether untrue, either. Sure, I still have some things at Bryan’s apartment that I will likely never see again, but when I think about the last ten years, what have I really accomplished? Apart from doing pretty well in my job—and yes, I’ve been wise with my money—I have nothing else to show for all the time I’ve been away.

I shake my head and begin to unpack. I don’t know why I’m suddenly being so reflective. Jake’s ranch and what he has done with his life probably has something to do with it, though. Comparing our journeys is hardly helpful, but somehow, I just can’t help myself.

By the afternoon, my negative thoughts have left me. Either that, or while I’ve been outside, washing the windows of the house, the soft breeze out here has blown them away. We had lunch earlier, and I was surprised when Jake asked me what my plans were for the afternoon.

“Don’t you have a job you want to assign me?” I joked.

He shrugged. “You’re not my servant, Tilly. Just because you have to live here doesn’t mean you can’t come and go as you please.”

“I get that. But I owe you a debt for what you’re doing.”

He waved a dismissive hand. “I think you’re suffering enough. I don’t need to add to that.”

It was a far cry from our first conversation at the beginning of this whole saga when I had pleaded for his help, promising to do anything in return. But then, a lot has changed since then. Jake had mellowed toward me, for a start, and rather than considering it a burden, I now find I quite enjoying being at the ranch.

Looking after Greta makes me feel good, and the other animals—yes, even the pigs—are all starting to find a place in my heart. I thought Jake was nuts when he told me he had named them all, but now, I get it. They all have their own personalities and little quirks. The newest addition, the piglet we bought at the farmer’s market, is called Speedy. Jake thought it would be funny, and I’ll admit, I did laugh when he told me.

Jake had left to fix the fence surrounding one of the paddocks, and I sat on the porch for a while, looking out over the beautiful land. An hour later, I could feel myself getting restless, which is why I’m currently at the top of a stepladder, washing windows that look like they haven’t been cleaned for months.

I’m not super tall, so I have to stretch a bit, and as I do, I feel the ladder wobble under my feet.

“Easy, Tilly.”

Taking a firm hold on the wall, I rub at the windows, trying to stop the ladder from wobbling, but it’s still a bit unsteady. I’m nearly done. I just need to get that last…

And then, a horrible tingling feeling rushes through my body as the ladder shifts beneath me. I try to readjust my weight, but it’s too late, and as my bucket goes flying, the water spilling all over the place before it hits the ground, I hear a voice yelling behind me.

“Tilly!”

But there’s nothing I can do, and I try to twist myself so I might at least land on my feet.

“Argh,” I squeal as I fall, anticipating the pain I’m going to feel.

But as the ground looms up to meet me, I suddenly slam into something a little softer—and I say a little, because as Jake catches me, I thud against his muscular body. He stumbles back with the force of my body clashing with his, but unlike me, he regains his balance and remains on his feet.

Breathlessly, we look at each other, our eyes wide with panic.

“Are you alright?” he pants.

My heart is thumping out of my chest, and I can only nod. My life didn’t quite flash before my eyes, but the fall terrified the living daylights out of me.

I expect Jake to lower me to the ground, but for a few seconds, he holds me there, gazing down at me. He’s still concerned, even though he doesn’t need to be, given the fact that he caught me. His heart is thumping in his chest; I can feel it against my arm. I can also feel the solid structure of those muscles I know he has hiding under his shirt.

As the fear dissipates, another feeling arises. Evoked by his closeness and the fact that he smells amazing—patchouli and lemon, I think—my stomach clenches. Now I’m feeling a little breathless for another reason entirely, and as I gaze up at him, our eyes seem to lock, as cliché as that sounds.

Lost in the moment, we just look at each other. And whether I want it to or not, I can feel the electricity sparking between us.

“I’m fine,” I say hurriedly, suddenly wanting to break the tension that’s building.

Slowly, Jake lowers me to the ground, and I smile nervously. “Well, that was exciting.” It’s a stupid thing to say, but I need to say something.

“I don’t remember our deal involving you injuring yourself,” he says. “Thank heavens I was here.”

“Yes. Thanks for saving me.”

He’s still looking at me like I’m an injured bird, and it’s making me feel uncomfortable.

“Jake, I’m fine. Really. I’m more bothered that I made a complete fool of myself.”

He frowns and shakes his head. “Why are you always so hard on yourself?”

His words surprise me, and I’m a little taken aback. “I’m not.”

“You are,” he argues. “It’s like you have to be perfect in everything. But you have nothing to prove to me, Tilly.”

I sigh and look down at the ground as I feel a wave of disappointment wash over me. “I’ve just made such a mess of everything. I should have my life sorted out by now, and—”

“Says who?” he interrupts.

“I don’t know.” I shrug. “But it’s a given, right? I’m nearly thirty years old. Doesn’t everyone have their life together by now?”

Jake laughs. “No. And there’s no rule that says that you should, either.”

“You have,” I counter.

“Tilly, you can’t compare yourself to everyone else. You’ve got to live your life for you. Whatever that looks like.”

I smirk up at him then. “When did you become so wise?”

He tilts his head up, pretending to think about it. “Somewhere between breakfast and lunch, I think.”

I giggle at him, and he grins back at me.

“Come on. The windows will do just fine. Let’s go for a ride.”

Once more, I’m blown away by the beauty of his ranch as we spend an hour checking on the cattle and the horses. When he’s not showing me where his land ends, and I’m not taking in the beautiful view, my mind is thinking about what Jake said earlier.

It’s nothing I haven’t heard before; I suppose I’m just surprised I heard it from Jake. Not because it’s Jake. I just didn’t realize I had been hard on myself in front of him. But I must have been, right? Or he wouldn’t have mentioned it.

After dinner, we sit out on the porch and listen to the crickets chirping to each other. It feels a little strange. I’ve never been here this late.

“You busy Saturday night?” Jake asks out of the blue.

I shake my head. “Don’t think so. Why?”

“It’s the annual hoedown. I thought we might go.”

Inwardly, I groan, thinking of the last time we were at the hoedown together. That was the night I completely humiliated Jake. The night I lost it. The night I ended it between us.

“It’s okay, Tilly,” he says, like he’s reading my mind. “All that was a long time ago.”