Faking It with My Bossy Ex (Sweet Christmas Kisses)

21. Amy

Chapter 21

Amy

My heart freezes in my throat. When I realized I forgot my phone, Laura turned around and brought me back to the library. I figured that everyone would already be gone. I didn’t think I’d hear Dylan talking to Clara, of all people.

She’s just asked him on a date. I’m not surprised. Dylan is hot, and I don’t mean ‘he’s easy on the eyes hot.’ I mean, he’s the type of guy that has every girl watching as he walks by, wondering what they could do to get a chance with him.

I should back out, take the back entrance, and pretend I didn’t hear a word. But my feet aren’t listening. They’re planted firmly, eavesdropping in full “I’m-rude-but-I-need-to-know” mode. I mean, a little self-torture never hurt anyone, right?

It would make sense that he and Clara would reconnect. I haven’t exactly been warm and friendly to him.

“Clara …” he starts.

“If tonight’s not good, we can always do it tomorrow, or I could even come and see you in New York. I’ve always wanted to visit.” Her voice reminds me of honey, sticky and dripping, uncomfortably sweet in the worst way.

“Clara, I need to be honest with you, and I know it might hurt to hear this. Back in college, I used you to make someone think I’d moved on. It was selfish, and I should have told you the truth back then. I am sorry I didn’t consider how it would affect you. My feelings haven’t changed, and you deserved honesty from the start.”

“This is still about Amy, isn’t it?” Clara sounds wilted, and I can’t even bring myself to be happy about it because I’m holding my breath, waiting to hear what Dylan’s going to say.

“Yes, it’s about Amy. I’ve always been serious about her. Letting her go was the biggest mistake I made. She means everything to me, and that’s never going to change. I’m sorry if I hurt you.” His voice is steady, solid, like he’s told himself this a thousand times.

Clara pauses, her voice quieter now. “I guess I always knew. I just thought maybe, if I waited long enough, things would be different.” She lets out a shaky sigh. “But … I respect that, and I really do hope things work out for you.”

Wait. Are they serious? My chest tightens, my heart stammering as if it can’t decide whether to race toward hope or run from it. I should turn around, march right up to him, and demand, “Do you mean any of this? Or is it just some lie, another well-rehearsed line?”

But I don’t move. I just stand here, rooted to the spot, because I’m terrified. Terrified he might actually mean it. And if he does … What then? If Dylan’s really changed, if he’s actually that man I used to dream he could be, it means letting go of all the excuses I’ve been clinging to like armor.

It means opening up my heart again to the very person who broke it.

***

So, any update over there?

Your radio silence is starting to worry me …

Leo

Thanks for writing to me and getting my brain up and running. I think … Dylan might want to get back together. I’m not sure. I mean, we’re just fake dating, but he’s done some things, said some things that make me wonder.

Even if he’s not faking it when he talks about us together, I don’t know how to let go of the past. I’m so scared of it all happening again, of losing everything, that I’m not sure if it’s worth giving a future a shot. Do you know what I mean?

Every time I let myself trust, people leave me, and I don’t know if it’s worth the risk of getting hurt again to give love a second chance. I’m rambling, but you’re like my only anonymous friend I don’t know in real life that I can ask.

So what would you do? Forget the past and hope things turn out better this time, even though it’s kind of risky? Or stick with what happened in the past and make sure not to ever put myself at risk again?

Sorry for all the heavy topics lately. You’re a lifesaver.

A

Wow, complicated matters of the heart. I’m not sure I’m qualified for this sort of advice, but I think we’ve been friends long enough for you to know I care about you. As someone who cares, all I want is for you to be happy.

I also think it’s important to remember that we all make mistakes. I’ve made a lot of them myself. When we make them, we might not see how much they will affect us or those around us. I’ve never told you this before, but I let the love of my life walk away from me once. Once she was gone, I saw how much I messed everything up. I don’t know if it’s too late for me, for a second chance, but I’m going to do everything I can to try and win her back, because no matter what happens, I want to know I did my best.

Do you think this guy is going to make you happy? What would future Amy want? Don’t be scared of risking everything if you have everything to gain.

Of course, if you’re sure that you’ll be miserable, then run!

Don’t literally run. You know what I mean.

Leo

***

Dylan is easy to spot in the dining area of the Cozy Haven Inn. I smile when I spot Pepper curled up by the fire. It looks like even he is getting special treatment with all the activity going on.

He runs over, wagging his tail, and I give his golden head a few pats before joining Dylan.

“There you are. I was about to go and look for you, though I would have had to give up this premium seating.” He waves his arm in the direction of the fireplace and I smile.

“Thanks for saving me a spot.” My mind scrambles for something else to say, but Mrs. Parker's voice cuts through the moment as she clears her throat in the microphone.

“Thank you, everyone, for joining us. Tonight, we are doing a very special segment of the competition. It’s called communication.”

I exchange looks with Dylan and offer a small smile to ease some tension. It's slightly awkward. I'm not sure how to act after everything. Part of me wants to talk it out, but another part still needs that space I asked for. That bomb he dropped is still messing with my head, and it’s hard to pretend it didn't happen.

Jake did meet up with me for coffee and we went over the whole thing. I was pretty mad at him at first, but once he explained that he was the one who lit into Dylan about destroying my dreams, things made more sense. I don’t think that he meant for Dylan to end things or to end it the way he did.

At least I got to get my proper apology from him, as well as his sworn promise he would never, ever interfere in another relationship of mine ever again.

“Did you hear that?” Dylan says with a smirk, reaching over and taking my hand in his as if nothing is wrong between us. He’s so good at pretending we’re together and that we’re happy. How can I tell what’s fake and what’s real?

“Hear what?”

“We’re doing an eating contest. You’re going to have to guide me to feed you while I’m blindfolded.” Dylan’s grin grows wider.

“Did she really say that the women have to be the ones to do the eating?” I level him with a playful stare. Maybe ignoring what happened for now is the best bet. I think I made myself clear about how I felt about the past, and he hasn’t spoken to me in any way to make me think there’s anything he has to say in response.

We’re good at this, at pretending. Enjoying it while it lasts seems like a possible solution.

“No, I guess not, but I think I’m a better listener.” He accepts a blindfold from one of the young ladies passing them out.

“I’ll take that.” I snatch it from him.

“Wait!” I tie it over my eyes before he can do anything about it. There’s no way I’m trusting Dylan to feed me. He’s going to ruin the dress I’m wearing.

“Are you serious?” Dylan asks, but I can tell he’s holding back a laugh. Warmth washes through me. This is the Dylan I want, the Dylan I remember. If only it were more than fake.