Falling for Ezra Thomas (Life With the Thomas Brothers #4)

8. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

Ezra

Lorelai has never been one to mince words, but this is the first time she’s been herself since the kiss. The lost and longing expression is gone, and in its place is the brightest smile I’ve seen in a long time. This is the face I want to remember when my body is pushed to its limit. I want to see her in my mind when I’m lonely and need something to look forward to.

Sure, Vivien is my best friend. She always will be, but our relationship has changed since she and Beck got together. It’s in a good way, a right way, but it’s changed all the same. We still have that closeness, and the way we read each other like a book still exists, but now it’s different. It’s more in some ways since she’s about to be my sister, and less in others because now she shares so much more of her life with my twin.

But right now, none of that seems to matter while Lorelai is dragging me down the front porch stairs of my parents’ house.

“Where are you taking me?” I ask, knowing it doesn’t matter. I’ll go anywhere she wants.

“For a walk. Gotta get some sunshine and exercise, right?”

“Sunshine? It’s night. What sunshine?” I chuckle but follow her, anyway.

“Okay, fine. I wanted to cheer you up. Get you in the right frame of mind for what’s coming. Also, we need to buy stamps.”

“Stamps?”

She arches a dark eyebrow and grins. “Yes. You know, stickers you put on envelopes so the post office will magically transport letters to and from people?”

“I know what stamps are, sassy pants, but the post office is closed. Want to get some dessert? Talk about whatever this is between us that popped up out of nowhere?” I ask, testing the waters to see if she’s as amped up about this as I am. I remember once Vivien made fun of herself by comparing her situation with Beck to a horrible young adult romance novel complete with an enemies to lovers, best friend’s brother, insta-love trope line. I had no idea what any of it was at the time, but after a little education from my best friend, I have since learned all there is to know about romance novels.

And I’m pretty sure I’m about to repeat her story only with her sister and make it friends to lovers. It makes complete sense and no sense at the same time.

“Dessert? We haven’t even had a proper dinner with everything that’s happened in just a few hours, but I could be persuaded to skip all of that and sit on the back porch with you.”

“We won’t be alone there for long,” I admit, knowing my family won’t be able to stay away. It’s both a blessing and a curse.

“Well, I guess I’ll take you up on dessert then. Shall we break into your mother’s bakery and wreak havoc?” Lorelai’s eyes sparkle even brighter under the moonlight. There is no doubt in my mind that she’s doing this for my benefit. She and Vivien are exactly the same in that regard. I know Viv put on a little show when I told her about my joining the Army, but if there’s one thing I can say about the Mays sisters, it’s that they are loyal and supportive. Okay, two things.

“I happen to have a key, so we won’t need to break in.” I grin and offer my arm. Might as well get this date started while we walk through Coldstone Creek. Lorelai obliges and snuggles up to me. I sigh and kiss the top of her head. “You know, sometimes I forget my father was married once before my mother.”

Lorelai looks up at me, perplexed. “What’s that got to do with anything right now?”

I hip check her and elicit a giggle before pulling her tight against me again with an arm around her shoulder. “Just that sometimes when you think life is going to be one way, God has a way of showing you the path He made for you in the most unexpected of ways. Sometimes we’re not ready for it, but if we surrender to the plan, then it all seems to work out. Dad met Mom and now they have ten kids. The bakery is still going strong with Aunt Tress, Uncle Dominic, and Miss Rose there too.”

“What are you getting at, Ez?”

I pause and turn to face her, dropping my arm so I can take her hand. “Just that even though this seems like it will be difficult, I think it’s all already worked out for us. I think my family is proof that trusting God with the details will work out in our favor.”

“Well,” she says, and releases me to slide her hands behind my neck. “It seems to have worked out for three of your brothers. What do you think about us?”

“I think I’m ready for it. I’m ready to long-distance date you, Lorelai Mays, and I have a really good feeling this story is going to be every bit as epic as theirs.”

“Maybe more.” Her little nose is red, so I nuzzle it like a lovesick fool. She sighs and lifts her chin to kiss my cheek.

And I think I’m an idiot. All this time spent worrying about how to tell her the truth, and I could have been enjoying the last weeks of my time in Coldstone Creek like this. We could have been working through the details, spending time snuggling and falling in love.

As we walk down the sidewalk towards the heart of our hometown, my heart aches. It’s not the same as leaving for college. I don’t know where I’ll go after training, but I know this little town will be in my heart wherever I end up. By the time we hit Main Street, I’ve recorded no less than a dozen things I want to remember about Coldstone, not the least of which is my parents’ bakery.

Sweet and Salty has been a town treasure for decades. My whole family has grown up around it, cousins included, and there’s something about it that brings so much light and warmth to my heart. So many memories have been made in the little shop, a lot of them that include Lorelai. Still…I never saw this coming. But just because I didn’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t welcome. Desired, even. Because every part of this woman screams home when my gaze settles on her, and I have a feeling that no matter where the Army sends me, if she’s with me—physically or in my heart—I’ll always be home.

It’s a good feeling, because as we pass places like City Hall where the Kilmers have worked for decades to make sure we have the best small town in the world, the local grocery store, and even the pharmacy, I recall so many heartwarming interactions I’ve had with almost everyone in town. Meeting a stranger in this town is almost impossible, and even more impossible is finding someone whose face I won’t miss when I’m gone.

“You okay?” Lorelai asks, looking up at me as we stand in front of the entrance to my family’s bakery.

I try to grin past the pain, but the truth is, it’s going to hurt to leave this town behind. “Yeah. Just thinking about all the things I’ll miss.”

“It’ll still be here when you come back. Coldstone Creek isn’t going anywhere.”

“And you?” I ask though I’m sure this letter dating idea is merely a formality. I want this woman, now and forever, which is pretty much how the Thomas boys roll at this point. I have it on good authority my mother is shooting for wives for all ten of us by the end of the year.

“I’m not going anywhere either. I thought we established that already.” She frowns and lowers her gaze. Another thing I know about Lore? She’ll slam up a wall if she thinks she’s putting herself out too far and might risk getting hurt.

I squeeze her hand. “Listen, you’re gorgeous and men everywhere are probably lined up to date you, so a guy can’t be too sure. Especially when he’s about to be indisposed for a long time.” I unlock the door and pull it open to let her inside. Once it’s shut and locked behind us, we head to the back to raid what is left of the day-old items.

“There are literally zero men lined up to date me. In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been perpetually single for a very, very long time.” Considering Lorelai knows the bakery as well as the rest of us, I’m not surprised when she pulls a tray of leftovers from Rose’s hiding place. It’s only a few scones and muffins, but it’ll do for a night time sugar craving.

“You’re sort of scary,” I say and take the banana nut muffin from the top. She doesn’t like those, so I dig for a chocolate chip scone and finally find one at the bottom. “For you, princess.”

“You remembered.” She smiles and accepts the scone while I head to get us something to drink. She hops onto the counter and nibbles it. “And I’m not scary. At least, I don’t try to be.”

I pour two glasses of milk and hop onto the counter beside her. “Maybe scary isn’t the right word. You’re driven, and I think men realize you don’t have time for their nonsense.”

The way she quirks her eyebrows tells me I should rethink what I said. I basically told her she’s a scary monster who runs men off because she is dedicated to her craft. Not exactly what I meant to imply, so I try to work my way out of this corner before I get stuck in it.

“You’re beautiful, intelligent, and you know what you’re doing. You graduated high school and college two years early, Lore. You gotta admit, that’s intimidating for a lot of people.”

No matter how I say it, I can’t wipe that frown off her face. She picks at the scone, not because it’s partially stale, but because she’s let worry set in. I don’t know when I learned to detect her emotions, maybe I always could, but the worry lines on her forehead and the nervous chewing of her lip send warning signals. I’m dangerously close to shutting her down, and I’ll be on the wrong side of her wall. It’s not because she doesn’t trust me or she thinks I’m trying to hurt her, but because there is nothing I could say that is harsher than what she says to herself.

I set aside my muffin, which I haven’t even bitten into yet, and palm her face. “Lorelai, you don’t scare me, if that’s what you’re worried about. I think you’re amazing, always have, and I always will. It doesn’t matter that you quit your job, because I still think you’re an incredible veterinarian. I know that whatever you do next, whether it’s working for another doctor or opening your own practice, whatever, you’ll be amazing at that too.”

“What if I’m not?” she whispers, tears pooling in her eyes. “What if I messed up and I can’t fix it? What if I’ve ruined my career and lost all of that money and time invested in my education? I feel like everything blew up in my face, and now all that—”

“Lore, stop. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself, okay? You’re allowed to slow down and take a breather. You didn’t waste anything, and I am certain this will work out.”

When she makes eye contact with me again, her tears slip free and dribble over my hands. Her questions have nothing to do with her career and everything to do with blowing up our friendship and ruining this chance in front of us.

“We’re not talking about work anymore, are we?” I ask.

She shakes her head slightly and more tears fall.

“We’re going to write the most sincere, open-hearted letters to each other over the next few weeks, okay? I’m going to tell you things not even Vivien knows, things Beck doesn’t know. My personal thoughts and dreams and things I’ve wanted that I’m afraid to even pray for, because the very idea that they might be out of my reach scares me. And I want to share those things with you, Lorelai. That has to mean something, right?”

Her soft gasp and the sudden tension in her neck puts me on edge. Is that good? Did I go and blow it already? Now I’m the one worried about ruining this thing before it even gets its footing, but any question I had about what I said goes right out the window when she leans forward and kisses me. It’s soft and wet with tears, but it’s sincere and holds so much promise.

She pulls back and rests her head on my shoulder, allowing me to wrap my arms around her. “Ezra?” she whispers.

“Hmm?”

“Do you ever worry that you spent your whole life praying for guidance, only to realize you ignored God the whole time?”

“What do you mean?”

“That maybe the path you thought you were supposed to take isn’t the right one, but now you’re so far down the road, you can’t turn around without serious consequences?”

I chuckle and she looks up at me. “Uh, yeah. I’d say I’ve felt that fairly recently.”

She smiles and resettles on my shoulder. “What if I don’t want to be a veterinarian anymore? What am I supposed to do if I discover that’s true?”

I can’t help but pull her tighter and kiss the top of her head. Like this, she feels like mine, and it’s a feeling I don’t think I can lose. I have ideas, plans I’d like to implement that would ensure she’d never have to worry about anything ever again, but I can’t swoop in and fix this for her with declarations and promises. She’s got to find her path again, pray, let the stress of the last few years go so she can look to the future with confidence once more.

So instead of making those promises she might not trust yet, rather than try to fix it all for her, I double down and support what Vivien suggested.

“I think Viv was right. You should go up to the cabin for a while. Not just for a few days. Take a week or two to relax and reconnect with God, maybe even read that giant pile of books you never touch on your nightstand.”

“You’re probably right, but it’s what happens after that that I’m worried about.”

“Don’t worry about after. Viv already said she’s got you covered, plus you have money saved. You have time to figure out the future. For right now, I want my girl to have a break.”

“Your girl?”

“Hey, I already told you, a guy has to be sure before going off for weeks at a time with minimal contact.” I can’t help that she makes me blush, but Lorelai Mays is the smartest, most beautiful woman a guy like me could ever hope to have in his life, and I don’t want to leave anything to chance. “Besides, I already wasted enough time being an idiot. I should have told you the truth sooner, and maybe we could have avoided all the drama.”

“I’ll agree with you on that,” she teases and bites the scone. “This is so good, even stale. Remember when we used to do this in high school?”

Ah, those were the days. Back when Rose would get so mad at us for leaving crumbs and dirty dishes behind. Once, she got so mad she made Uncle Dominic ban us from the bakery for a whole month. It was a sad, pastry free month that taught us a hard lesson.

“Yeah, I remember. And I want to make a lot more memories with you, okay? So chin up. We have some amazing things to look forward to.” I kiss her nose before digging into my muffin. Despite the pit in my stomach that fills with regret at the thought of leaving her, I believe what I said. I think we do have a lot to look forward to, and I almost can’t wait to leave so we can share those letters, grow closer, and solidify this connection that seems so effortless.

I think maybe we’ve both been fooling ourselves for a long time. Because there is no way these feelings for her appeared out of thin air. I think, all along, I had a thing for Lorelai Mays but I was too stupid and scared to admit it. I wish I had more time to spend with her so we could reach a more serious point in our relationship before disappearing for a few months. Serious enough I’d even consider marriage if it made her happy and took care of her. But it’s time I don’t have, so I focus on what I do have.