Falling for Finn (Maplewood Falls #1)

Chapter Seventeen

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

OAKLEY

DAY 19

I wake up with a heaviness in my heart, and I’m full of dread as this is the day I leave for good. Yesterday, I experienced one of the best Halloweens I’ve had as an adult. I was especially glad I woke up without a hangover, considering how much cider I had.

The Maplewood Falls festival was incredible, and the reaction from the crowd when my painting was presented was even better. When everyone applauded and gushed over it, I nearly burst into tears but somehow kept it together. Afterward, the city council and mayor thanked me so many times, I lost count. I made Finn promise he’d send me a picture once it was hung in the town hall.

Although Finn and I didn’t dress up, the kids in costume were adorable. Watching the winner of the pumpkin-carving contest accept their trophy was one of the highlights. Hundreds were carved and set out for people to vote on as well as a panel of judges. All I have to say is Vermont takes their pumpkin carving very seriously, and I don’t know how half of these designs were humanly possible.

Most importantly, I spent the day with Finn. We held hands and kissed, and being together felt right. I ate so many caramel apples, my stomach hurt, but I didn’t care. That evening, Finn took me around the farm so I could say goodbye to everyone. Hugging his grandma was the hardest.

Once we got home, we made love and held each other until we fell asleep.

However, all of that is making today that much harder.

After we wake up and devour each other—which felt more like a final goodbye than a good morning—Finn kisses the softness of my neck as he holds me. I try to take in every second with him and cherish every moment we have left. I breathe in his musky scent, trying to remember the softness of his sheets and comforter, and how warm his body feels pressed against mine while I sleep.

We lie in each other’s arms until we’re forced to get up and get dressed. Reality calls, and I can’t miss my flight. He wouldn’t let me anyway.

Finn puts my luggage in the truck as I make us some coffee. I try to keep the mood light, but it’s obvious neither of us is enthusiastic about my departure. A black cloud floats over us, and I’m sure it’ll follow me back to California.

I’ve avoided thinking about what I’d say and do when our fling ended. Now, it feels like it snuck up and is smothering me.

“Thank you,” Finn says when I offer him his to-go mug. He wraps his strong arms around my waist and slides his tongue inside my mouth.

I moan against him, wishing things could be different.

“Welcome.” I take a sip of mine, and it nearly burns the roof of my mouth.

“We should get going,” he reminds me as if he knows I’m stalling.

“Yeah, guess so.” I breathe out slowly.

“I’ll get all your supplies shipped this week, so you should have them in a few days.” He gives me a sad smile.

I look at the boxes stacked by his front door. “One more task from this pain in the ass, and you’re in the clear.”

“Ha! Loading them might break my old back,” he says, and I laugh at him being able to make a joke at his own expense.

He locks up and grabs my hand as we move to the truck. Quickly, he opens my door, and I hop inside. I yawn at how early it is. The sun hasn’t even come out, so fog hovers above the road.

“So how would one go about ordering some of that cider?”

“On the website,” he explains. “You liked it, huh?”

“Hell yeah. Might have to make it a tradition after I finish up a project,” I offer.

“Sounds like a good tradition,” he tells me. We’re making small talk about nothing because I don’t know what to say after the time we’ve spent together. I didn’t expect it to hurt like this.

When he turns onto the main road, I clear my throat. “Have you decided what you’ll tell everyone when they ask about us?”

He nods. “I’m gonna tell them that we broke up. Make up some excuse that neither of us wanted to do the long-distance thing and that you couldn’t uproot your life to move here.”

“Sounds reasonable,” I tell him and glance out the window. “I’m sure they’ll all forget about me once you start dating someone else.”

He laughs. “Oh, sure. Because handfuls of women are waiting on the sidelines to swoop in once you leave.”

I shrug. “Hey, you never know.”

Finn reaches over and grabs my hand. “Oakley, no one is going to forget you. Especially not me. I had a lot of fun.”

“Yeah, I did too.” I’m sure he can hear the sadness in my voice. But we do what we do best and avoid discussing it.

Soon, the airport appears in the distance, and I swallow hard. I try to hold in my emotions, not wanting to deal with how I feel right now. Finn owes me nothing and has already given me every part of him while I was here. Especially a glimpse into a life I don’t currently have.

Finn slowly stops and looks at me once he’s parked.

“I’m going to miss you,” I tell him.

“I’m going to miss you too, Sunshine. Probably won’t sleep for weeks after you leave. I’m so used to your ass rubbing on me.”

I chuckle to prevent myself from tearing up. “Why did we do this to ourselves?”

“We couldn’t stay away from each other even through the arguing.”

I meet his heated gaze and nod.

“Do you regret it?” he asks.

“Never,” I admit without pause. “I’d do this a million times over, even knowing I had to leave at the end, if it meant meeting and spending time with you. But I still wish things could be different, Finn.”

His mouth tilts up into a sad smile as he leans toward me and cups my face. “I feel the same. You changed me, and I’m forever grateful to have met you. I know you’ll continue to do amazing things with your art, Oakley. It touches so many lives, and you should be proud of that.”

As soon as I feel the tears spill, I go to wipe my cheeks, but he catches them before I can. There are a million things I wish I could say, but nothing would change our situation. This is what we agreed to.

My heart feels lodged in my throat as blood rushes through me. It’s cold outside, but my entire body feels as if it’s on fire and nothing in the world could extinguish it. The electrical current that’s always buzzed between us nearly electrocutes me as my feet touch the pavement.

He gets out as well and grabs my two suitcases and duffel bag from the back.

“Let me walk you in,” he offers, his biceps flexing from the weight. I can’t help but admire how good he always looks.

With his free hand, he grabs mine, and I know this is the final time we’ll do this. I walk closer to him and squeeze his fingers as I carry my other bag.

After I’ve checked my two large bags, I follow him into the secluded area before the security line. When we stop, Finn meets my eyes.

“Text me when you get home so I know you made it safely.”

“I will,” I tell him, my heart hammering with sadness.

He tangles his fingers in my hair, gripping my head and pulling me closer. “Can I kiss you goodbye?”

“You better.”

He brushes his mouth over mine, soft and gentle at first before sliding his tongue between my parted lips. The kiss turns deeper as I fist his shirt, tugging him impossibly closer. People walk around us as we fuck each other’s mouths, but I don’t care. I selfishly want every last millisecond with him.

When we pull away, our breathing is ragged with swollen lips.

He places his palm on my cheek and rubs the pad of his thumb against my face. I lean into him, staring into his chestnut-brown eyes. “I hope everything works out with your apartment.”

“Thanks, me too.”

Then he leans in and kisses my forehead, his lips lingering a second longer than usual. I suck in a deep breath and let it out, feeling the tears threatening to spill again.

“Bye, Mr. Grumpy.”

“See ya, Sunshine.” He gently smiles and watches until I walk toward the long line.

Once I’ve passed security, I try to stop my heart from racing. The tears welling in the corner of my eyes won’t fall, and it makes them burn. This fucking hurts more than I ever expected it would.

Once I’ve found my gate, I go to the bathroom and find a stall, then give myself permission to cry. I quietly sob in my hands, replaying all the memories we shared, knowing this is how it has to be. Still, I hate that it feels like I’ll never see him again.

“Are you okay?” I hear a woman ask from the other side.

“Yeah,” I tell her, sniffling. I grab some toilet paper and blow my nose, trying to compose myself as heartbreak washes over me. A fling shouldn’t feel like this, like I’m mourning a soulmate I was never meant to meet.

Once I’ve cried all the tears, I wait for my flight by the large windows. A few planes land as others move toward the main runway, but I’m numb as images of Finn’s final expression linger in my mind. I hope Levi keeps an eye on him as promised.

What is Finn thinking right now? Is he feeling just as shitty as me?

Needing a distraction from my thoughts, I pull my phone from my pocket and text Tiernan. She’s always been able to make me laugh or take my mind off things.

Oakley

Wanted to let you know I’m at the airport.

That’s all I can type. I can’t seem to pull words from my tangled web of emotions and explain the turmoil I’m experiencing.

Tiernan

Great! How’d leaving the farm go?

Oakley

It was a goodbye. How do you think it went?

It’s a rude response, but I don’t know what she expects me to say. Great?

It wasn’t. It was awful.

My phone rings and it takes every bit of strength I have to answer because I don’t feel like talking.

“Are you okay?” my sister asks in the tone she uses when she’s handling me with care.

“No,” I admit. “I feel sick and my heart hurts.”

“Lovesick?” she asks, and I don’t answer. “Are you sure you’re not pregnant?”

She knew that would make me speak up. “No, I’m anxious and emotional. I’m going to miss Finn and his family. Plus, all the shit I need to take care of when I get home is weighing on me, and I’m already overwhelmed by it. My life is dangling by a thread and about to unravel all at once.”

“Talk me through it. Save yourself a call with a therapist,” she offers.

I chuckle, even if I want to sulk. “I don’t know what I want. My career is the most important thing in my life, but I also know Finn and I connected on a deep level that I’ve never experienced with anyone before. He made several comments about how our lives are in two different places and why it made sense that we were only together while I was there. He’s probably right about that, but it still doesn’t make it easy.”

“Did you talk to him about any of this?”

“No. It’d only make it harder to confess our feelings when we can’t be together. There are too many obstacles keeping us apart. Neither of us seems to be a fan of long distance, and if neither of us will move away from our homes to be with the other, what’s the point?”

“Hmm. Well, we both know I’m not the best when it comes to relationships, so take my advice with a grain of salt. But I truly believe that if something is meant to be, it’ll find a way. Remove the outside bullshit and ask yourself if you’ll regret not being with him.”

“I don’t know. It was supposed to be a fling. But it felt like… more .”

“If it feels like a breakup, it wasn’t a fling.”

Her words stab me directly in the heart, and although she’s right, I’m too stubborn to admit it. How can it be a breakup when we both knew it would end when I left?

“Now you do sound like a therapist.”

“I’m giving you a different perspective from the outside. Only you know how you truly feel and what you and Finn experienced. Regardless of your fling , you were hired for a great commission job, received some nice exposure online, built your portfolio, and met a bunch of new people. If you weren’t sad about leaving after having an amazing new experience, I’d be worried that you were a psycho with no emotions,” she tells me.

I can hear the smile in her voice. My sister is logical and thinks differently than I do, so I always appreciate her insight.

“You’re right about that. It was an experience of a lifetime. Maybe I need some good quality sleep. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in my own bed, and on top of all that, I’m mentally exhausted.”

“That’s very true. You have a lot of decisions to make. You just completed two huge projects back-to-back that took a lot of mental and physical work. Gotta give yourself some grace, Oakley.”

“Yes, mother ,” I say with love, knowing she’s going to be an amazing parent with good advice. My niece will be so lucky to have Tiernan as her mom.

“Go home and rest for a few days, then see how you feel once you’re not exhausted. Promise me, okay?”

“I promise.”

Tiernan chuckles. “You know they say distance makes the heart grow fonder. And if it doesn’t, no big deal. You’re young, beautiful, and talented, so there’s no rush on who you’ll spend forever with.”

“Before you called me, I broke down in the bathroom. I’ve never done that before.” I laugh at myself. “But I’m already starting to feel a lot better after chatting with you and letting it all out.”

“Good. Cheer up because it’s all going to work out. It always does. Try to remember to take baby steps so you don’t overwhelm yourself. I know you, Oakley. You go, go, go nonstop. You always have.”

“I can’t help it, but I’ll try. Thanks for talking me off the ledge.”

“Of course. What are big sisters for?”

I chuckle. “Conversations like this.”

After I’m much calmer, we talk about the baby and the surf shop. I’m happy to have the distraction.

Once it’s time to board my flight, I let her know I have to go.

“Thank you again,” I graciously say. “Seriously.”

“You’re welcome, sis. Text me when you get home, okay?”

“I will. Love you!”

“Love you, too.”

I board the plane, and as we lift off into the air, I watch the autumn colors disappear below the clouds. A few tears roll down my cheeks, and I wipe them away before closing the window blind.

I have no idea what the future holds, but my heart will forever be in Vermont with Finn. We might’ve only been together for a short time, but the pain will last a long time.