Fatal Attraction (Love Kills Duet #2)

43. Forty Three

Forty Three

Spike

I made it out the elevator and picked up the pace as I started toward the exit, fighting like hell to keep my inner monster chained on its leash and to not attract any unneeded attention. I wanted to strangle Phoenix. I mean, seriously—what the fuck was he thinking? I understood he was in shock and freshly mourning Crow’s death, but he had no goddamn right walking away from Charlotte like that, especially not after she just told us she was pregnant with possibly one, if not both of our babies.

Pregnant. Charlotte was… pregnant . I never expected this to happen so soon—or at all, really—and although I was terrified on the inside, one thing I was not going to do was run away from this.

And neither was Phoenix .

Whether he liked it or not, he was going to apologize. He owed Charlotte that much after everything she’d been through.

I finally made it to the outer parking lot, calming the heaving in my chest and the ire marring every crevasse on my face as I witnessed Phoenix hugging Kendall with one arm and Kendra Wilson, Crow’s daughter, in the other, failing to soothe them as they sobbed harder and harder against his shoulder and chest. He whispered something I couldn’t hear thanks to their raucous cries, and then I watched with furrowed brows as he reached inside his pocket and pulled out something folded in half. It was a picture—no, two pictures to be precise. I was too far away to make anything out on either of them, but I was pretty certain one of them had to be of a young girl.

They both parted from him, their pretty faces two giant, blubbering messes, and glared down at the photos. Kendall’s hands shook as she took them from him, her lips parted wide, but it was Kendra who’d blinked down at the photos in utter confusion. Whatever Phoenix said next, again, I wasn’t sure, but it was enough for Kendall to nod and then wrap him in a tight embrace. Phoenix kissed both their foreheads, and together they sauntered right on by me and inside the hospital without so much as a glance.

“What the hell was that about?” I asked, knowing good and damn well he had to have sensed me standing behind him by now.

“Crow’s final wishes.” Phoenix sat down on the edge of the sidewalk, his back facing me, knees to his chest. “He gave me a task and what you just saw was me completing it. And before you ask, he wanted me to reach out to some of his old friends and deliver the news. There aren’t any names on the back of the photos he gave me, so I gave them to Kendall. She said she’d handle it.”

“Are you kidding me?” I stalked toward him, resisting the urge to pummel his head into the concrete as I plopped down beside him. “You ran away just so you could—”

“I came outside to get some air,” he bit back at me, his wet eyes flashing. “They were walking in as I leaving.”

“Why did you leave like that? You didn’t see the look on Charlotte’s face. She’s fucking devastated, man.”

“Because I’m scared, Spike.”

What? Was he serious?

“Scared of what? If anything, I thought you’d be happy about the pregnancy.”

“I want to be happy, but—”

“—but fucking what, Phoenix?”

He scoffed as he shook his head. “For all I know, when I walk back in that room, she’ll look at me and say she wants an abortion. ”

I sighed, taking a moment to rub away the stress pounding against my aching temples. So, that’s what this was about.

“You’ve got to let that shit go, man.”

“I have,” his voice cracked.

Now it was my turn to scoff. “Then what’s the problem?”

“The problem is me, Spike!” He jumped to his feet then, cursing as he scraped two flustered hands down his face. “It’s fucking me ! I understand this is sudden, and I really, really don’t want to be selfish about this, but I want these babies, Spike. I want this so badly that even if she doesn’t want them, I’d…” His words faltered, and he broke, tears spilling like a leaking faucet down his face.

“I’m a fucking monster for even thinking those things. I know I could never force her into having kids she doesn’t want, but I’m terrified that after everything with Karl, our cases, Blaire, and now Felix, Peter, and Perry, that I’ll lose her and them. After what Kendall did to me, I don’t think I’ll survive losing another one, especially if it turns out both of the babies are mine. That’s why I reacted the way I did. I’m not ready to have my heart broken all over again.”

“She’s not going to—”

“YOU DON’T FUCKING KNOW THAT!” he roared, his chest ruthlessly heaving. “Think about it, Spike. Our relationship is still new. We’ve never, not once, discussed having children because we haven’t been together long enough for the topic to evolve!”

Shit. He wasn’t wrong about that.

“And you heard what she said in there. If she hadn’t forgotten her appointment, this pregnancy never would’ve happened. I saw the look on her face, Spike. The-the pain in her eyes. She doesn’t want this. She’s not ready to be a mom and she’d hate us if we dare tried to force that responsibility on her!”

His words made my stomach clench, and knowing I’d seen exactly what he did when Charlotte broke the news made me want to vomit .

He was right. Charlotte didn’t want this, and it would be cruel to try and convince her otherwise. This was a decision she’d have to make on her own and regardless of how we both felt about the pregnancy, we had to accept it.

Her body. Her choice.

Phoenix stopped pacing at my approach and let me wrap my arms around him. He rested his head against my shoulder, and hearing his broken sobs had my eyes dotting over with tears.

“I love her, Spike. I want us to be a family. To raise these babies together despite who fathered them.”

“I know you do, bud.” I raised a hand and stoked the back of his head. “Believe it or not, I want the same thing. But you’re right… We can’t force her to become a mother if she isn’t ready.”

“So, what do we do then?” he asked, sniffling.

“We love her,” was my soft response. “We love her and give her all the support she needs, no matter how much it hurts.”