Fated Shot

Chapter 33

Jack

I had a dream Mia told me she loved me. I was warm and at peace before the cruelty of the day and reality invaded my body. It’s not real life, Jack.

I woke up beside her, though, barely remembering anything from last night. I’m partially grateful for whatever form of self-protection has blocked it out, but also humiliated. I stay blinking down at the beautiful girl in front of me. Sun-kissed cheeks, freckles painting every inch of her face, she’s too perfect for this world, she’s too perfect for me.

I’m meant to be alone, it’s been destined to be that way forever. I think I’ve always known it would all come crashing down, I just thought I might have more time to avoid the inevitable. Her impossibly long lashes flutter open under my stare as I shut my eyes in a desperate attempt to not get caught.

“Jack.” The sincerity of her soft voice pulls at my heart. She has every inch of it.

I meet her doe-eyed gaze, peering right into my soul. Taking a deep breath, sinking further into reality, I start, “I’m sorry for last night. I’m not sure what came over me.”

The last thing I remember is falling asleep to her rubbing my back. I let myself lean into that feeling, just wanting to be around her one last time.

“You don’t have to apologize, I wish you had called me. You just disappeared. ”

“I couldn’t face them.” I swallow hard at the recognition of my own cowardice. “I can’t face them.”

Admitting it out loud feels worse than a puck to the face.

“I just panicked.” Weak and a coward, a winning combination.

“You need to talk to me, Jack. Let me in, I want to know what’s going on in your head.”

Everything was too good. I knew it, too. I just didn’t want to come to terms with it. I’m going to lose her anyway, she might as well know the truth.

“Penn’s brother used to play hockey too. Reid, he was even better than both of us. Team Captain, headed straight for the draft. Even then, everyone knew he had a huge career ahead of him.” It’s difficult to talk about even now. It should be him playing for the Tundra. It was his dream, but instead, it’s me.

“I made a bad play. I had possession of the puck and ended up passing it to him. It was a suicide pass, I didn’t even look around him to see the two massive defensemen who charged at the same time. He didn’t stand a chance; he fell to the ice just like Penn did. Knocked unconscious for over ten minutes. I thought he was going to die.”

I try to continue through the dryness that’s invaded my mouth.

“That was because of me, Mia. I’m the one who got him injured. After a hit like that, it was too much of a risk to keep playing. He easily could have gone pro; he was so much better than me, but with one stupid play, I destroyed his career and ruined his life. I took everything from him.”

I wait for her reaction, preparing for her to bolt out of bed and my life.

“You can’t blame yourself for that. Hockey is a physical game.”

“It was my mistake, Mia. ”

Even after all that, the Brooks family still somehow kept me around, coming to every single one of my games. I don’t know how you can forgive someone after something like that, but somehow they did. Over time, I came to terms with it and let myself believe I could be a part of their family. But now this? I don’t deserve them, I don’t deserve to be happy.

She’s staring at me, every ounce of understanding on her face, but it’s not warranted.

“As soon as my mom got sick, I knew I was going to be alone. My own father left us, left me.”

I had told Mia a bit about how I was practically raised by a single mom. I’m pretty sure the last time I saw my dad, I hadn’t even started school yet. Living without her still hurts to this day. I wish more than anything that my mom was here. I wish she could have met Mia; she would have loved her. Somehow, the thought makes all of this sting even more.

“I knew I was headed straight for foster care, but it was the Brooks family who picked up all the pieces. They took me in like I wasn’t the biggest burden on their lives, and I wasn’t even blood.” There was no hesitation in who stepped up to care for me, they acted like it was the most natural decision to take in another teenager.

“Blood doesn’t make a family, Jack.”

“They have no reason to stay in my life, especially not now. I’m not a kid anymore, they don’t owe me anything.” They forgave me once, there’s no way they will do it again, I don’t deserve their forgiveness.

“God, I should have just stayed on the ice. I could have stopped it.” I think back to the moment I skated over to the bench. I’ve replayed it so many times in my head, screaming internally at myself, trying everything to rewrite what happened just like I did eleven years ago.

“They love you. ”

I shake my head, “They took pity on me. I was just a helpless kid, and they have been stuck with me ever since. No one else would have taken me in, no one wanted me.”

It’s true, but it doesn’t stop the pang of pain in my chest.

“You deserve so much more than me. I’ve just been waiting for the moment that you realized it. I’m always going to end up alone.”

Her deep green eyes well with tears as she shakes her head.

“That’s not going to happen.” She rests her hands on either side of my face, forcing me to look at her.

“I don’t know how you can’t see how amazing you are, how loved you are, but that doesn’t matter right now. You’re not alone, you’re not going to be. I’m here, and we’re going to get through this together.”

I stay quietly watching over her fierce determination. “Okay?” she asks expectantly.

“Okay,” I say. At my words, her face relaxes.

“Here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to go grab some things and feed Bean. You’re going to get dressed, and we’ll head back to the hospital together. How does that sound?”

Sounds horrible, but I don’t have the heart to dampen her clear attempt at rescuing me from myself.

Repressing the feeling of impending doom, I manage a faint “Sounds good.”

***

We exit the elevator hand in hand, and I can’t deny the small amount of courage I’m getting from the quiet strength she’s radiating. Just knowing that she’s here for me, knowing that she’s here with me, it provides a level of comfort I haven’t felt in a long time .

It’s not difficult to navigate back to Penn’s room, we can hear the happy voices from the end of the hall. It must have caused me to stagger for a moment, because Mia pauses, turning to me.

“I’m right here with you, okay? We’re going to do this together,” she says, squeezing my hand twice before continuing forward.

As soon as we walk in, their eyes lock onto us and my heart stops for a moment, a sharp pang clenching my gut. Neill and Reid are crammed into two small gray chairs beside Penn’s bed, while Nancy occupies an orange leather two-seater on the opposite side.

“Oh honey, we’ve been so worried about you.” Her warm voice hits my soul, instantly easing me. It physically pains me to hear it because I don’t deserve to feel the relief I do. She rises from her chair, pulling me immediately into a suffocating hug as I close my eyes, starting to feel some tension washing away.

She pulls away, turning her attention. “And you must be Mia!”

“It’s so lovely to finally meet you, Mrs. Brooks,” Mia beams, extending her arms to embrace Nancy.

“Oh, just Nancy, honey,” she says while squeezing tightly, “Oh my, are you ever beautiful.”

Mia’s cheeks perform their usual flushing, which only makes her even more striking, pale pink shimmering below her fair and freckled skin, but she smiles happily.

“Thank you.”

Turning to me, Nancy raises her eyebrows and gives me a knowing look. I’m a lucky guy for sure, but don’t I already know it…

A deep throat clears as Neill stands, towering over her, stretching out his hand for a firm shake.

“I’m Neill, Penn’s father. This is our other son, Reid.” He motions his hand over to him .

On cue, Reid stands, leaning over Penn’s bed to shake her hand.

“I’m the better looking Brooks brother.” He grins ear to ear. “It’s nice to meet you.” His gaze lingers on her, but she turns to me instead, smiling encouragingly.

“Uh, hellooo,” Penn’s voice calls out, breaking the momentary silence. “If you’re all done, this is supposed to be about me, I’m injured over here.” His cheeky smirk lifts my mood instantly.

“You’re milking it like the baby you are,” Reid calls back, throwing up an elbow, causing Penn to flinch while Reid just laughs and slouches back into his chair.

“Mia, did you bring me cookies?” His hopeful tone calls out.

“Penn Callum Brooks, where are your manners?” Nancy’s attempt at a stern voice reaches his ears, turning them pink.

“Mom, she’s a baker, she lives for this. Right, Mia?”

Her soft chuckle hits me.

“Right,” she says, reaching into her tote bag to pull out a Tupperware filled with M&M cookies.

To say his face lights up would be an understatement as he whips off the lid, gasping and shoving an entire cookie in his mouth.

“You’re the best.” A dopey smile spreads across his face.

“Do you know how to play 31?” Reid asks, which happens to be the Brooks family’s favorite card game, it would always get quite heated. My girl shakes her head, making her way over. “Grab a seat, it’s super easy, we’ll teach you.”

Shooing Neill away, he clears a spot for her at the edge of the bed.

Taking a deep breath, I seize my opportunity to face what I’ve been running away from. Turning to Neill and Nancy I ask, “May I speak with both of you? ”

They both nod, following me out into the hallway. As I’m working up the courage to say what I need to, Nancy begins. “She’s so lovely.”

I can’t help the smile that breaks out.

“She’s amazing, I don’t know how I got so lucky.”

“I know how,” Nancy replies, patting my arm lovingly. I smile slightly, trying to refocus my energy on my mission. With a sigh, I let it all out.

“I wanted to apologize. I can’t thank you both enough for everything you’ve done for me and everything you’ve given me.” I choke the words out, looking over briefly at the happy scene in the room. Swallowing down the lump forming in my throat, I continue. “I don’t take it lightly how much I know I’ve let you down. It’s been twice now that I’ve failed to protect them, and I will never forgive myself for how everything played out.”

“Oh, don’t be silly, Jack,” Nancy replies in her usual chipper tone, catching me by surprise.

“I’m not being silly. It’s like history repeating itself right in front of our eyes. I didn’t prevent it from happening. You should hate me.”

Her round face contorts into one of sorrow and understanding. Her mouth opens to say something but she’s interrupted by a clearing of a throat.

Neill’s face is equally pained but stern. “No, I won’t hear another word of this.”

“But, sir,” I try to interject, as he raises his hand to signal a stop, his head shaking slowly. Nancy and I wait for him to continue, commanding presence on full display as neither of us dares to interrupt a Neill Brooks train of thought.

He closes his eyes in disbelief.

“This should go without saying. Hockey is a physical game, and everyone knows the risks associated with it. Nothing that has happened or inevitably will happen again will have any impact on how Nancy and I feel. It has been nothing but a joy having you as part of our lives.”

There are sniffles coming from about a foot and a half below me as I get pulled into a side hug, but my eyes stay locked on Neill.

“Now, I know you have a father, but I want to be clear. I have never thought of you as anything less than a son, and we are deeply grateful to have you as part of our family.”

I try to make a sound, but I struggle to get anything out.

“Is that understood?” There’s a firmness to his voice, but it’s mixed with nothing but sincerity.

I clear my throat. “Yes, sir.”

“Good.” With a brisk nod, he heads straight past us, returning back to the now animated card game happening on the edge of Penn’s bed.

“We love you so much, Jack.” Her voice reflects the genuine warmth that emanates from everything about Nancy Brooks.

“I love you all too,” I say, squeezing her tightly. Appreciation is an understatement, I owe them everything I have.