Fate’s Unseen Shadow (Cager #1)

Chapter 14

14

T hat kiss.

Holy shit. That had been the single sexiest moment in her life, and he hadn’t done anything but kiss her. But after a silent ride home and a quick peck goodbye, Damon had disappeared into his apartment and told her he’d see her in the morning.

That wasn’t going to happen. Not when this thing between them had some momentum. Her determination was the only aspect of this situation that felt related to her old self.

Damon wasn’t the only one who could go after what they wanted.

She showered and changed into a Cager T-shirt and shorts. It didn’t matter how long she’d known him. Like Lacy had said, when it clicked, it just clicked. And their kiss had solidified it for her. All the feelings of attraction were real.

She liked Damon.

That’s all it came down to.

“And you’re a grown woman and can make this decision,” she said aloud as she bounced down the stairs, willing to risk her ego and the rejection for a chance for something more.

She knocked on the door, and it opened almost immediately. “Are you okay?” Damon asked, looking past her into the darkness.

“Yes and no. Nothing is wrong, but I can’t seem to settle down and go to bed. Can I come in?”

“Yes.” He stepped back, closing the door as she walked past him into his apartment.

He’d showered, leaving him in shorts without a shirt. His lower back had a new large bandage covering the knife wound. She stood in his living room but didn’t know what to say or do to get what she wanted. Did she kiss him like she’d done at the bar? Make the first move this time? Sit down on the sofa and see if he followed? Walk straight into his bedroom and make it undeniably clear what she really wanted?

Ella did none of those things. Instead, she stood awkwardly, shifting the weight between her feet and looking around. She clasped her hands together behind her back. “I imagined this going a little differently.”

“What did you imagine?”

“I don’t know.” She forced the discomfort from her mind. “I want to stay here tonight,” she announced.

He shook his head. “Ella?—"

“I know that’s probably aggressive to say,” she continued, pushing her point. “I like you, Damon. I could start listing why I like you if you need more than that. I still have a tough time remembering that we just met. But it doesn’t matter. It feels right with you.” She ran her hand through her hair. “And I hope you’re not going to run away now that I admitted it.”

“No.” His expression softened. “I like you, too. I’m not going anywhere. But that doesn’t mean you need to stay here and complicate everything else. It is possible to take this slow. I think you should go back to your apartment.”

“Most men would jump at this chance,” she snapped, hurt by the rejection.

Damon crossed his arms, his jaw hardening. “Let me know if you want my honest response to being compared to Matteo.”

She rolled her eyes. “Damn. You hit low, don’t you?”

“I do when you compare me to other men that are only interested in you for sex.”

“I’m not…I…I didn’t mean it that way. I’ve never wanted to be with someone like this. To be around them. I was only with Matteo because the alternative was to be alone.” She was screwing this up. Shaking her head, she paced away, trying to figure out how to change the conversation away from Matteo. She came back to him. “I’ve never done this before, Damon.”

“Never had to convince Ma?—”

She pressed her finger over his lips. “Do not say his name again. And I’m not talking about that. I never stayed the night. I’ve never had any urge to sleep beside a man.” She chuckled, caressing his face, his beard soft but scratchy, and forced herself to be honest with him. “When I first saw you at Cager, it was hard to even look at you, the attraction was so powerful. And now that I’ve seen what a kind, loyal, loving person you are”—Ella paused, worried about the rejection but knowing it needed to be said—“I can’t help but fall for you. Hard.”

“Loving?” Damon wrapped his hand around her wrist and lifted her hand away from his cheek. “Very few people on this planet would use that term with me.” He pulled her hand over his shoulder, drawing her to his body. He grasped the side of her ribcage. “I don’t want you to confuse your feelings for me helping you with reality.”

“I’ll admit these aren’t normal circumstances.”

“No, they’re not. Which means you need to take double the time to figure this out.”

“What if I don’t have double the time?” she whispered. “I don’t know what will happen. I don’t know if you can find the stalker before the police find me.” She swallowed before taking a steadying breath. “Or he finds me.”

He bent down, brushing his lips across hers but not engaging in a kiss. “Stop, Ella. That’s not going to happen.”

“Please, let me stay with you.” She lifted to her toes, wanting the kiss he still withheld.

“I’m holding back so you don’t regret this.”

Fed up with his sidestepping, she cradled his face in her hands and forced him to look at her. “And I don’t want you to continually question my intelligence when I make a decision. Either you’re interested in me or you’re not. That’s the only side of this conversation you need to concern yourself with.”

With a quick grin, he said, “There she is.” He kissed her forehead. “Yes, ma’am. If you say this is what you want…” He bent down, hauling her over his shoulder and rising.

She squealed. “Don’t! You’ll reopen that cut.”

“How about you not telling me what to do, and I won’t imply that I know your feelings?”

“What about you not telling me what to do?” She bit her lip, trying to contain the excitement of someone carrying her like this.

“Nope.” He dipped down, letting her fall onto the bed. “That I still get to do.”

“Does your wound hurt?” she asked as she crawled beneath the covers, barely containing her giggle at the excitement of staying the night with him. Like a sleepover. She never had those growing up, either.

He twisted, trying to look at his lower back. His eyebrows drew together. “Damn. It does when I try to do that.” He clicked off the bedside lamp before lying down. The bed shifted under his weight. She rolled in his direction as he rolled hers.

This was perfect. Being right here with this man. Safe. Protected. She kicked away the thought of losing him once they caught the real killer. But there was zero chance this wouldn’t last longer. She couldn’t imagine walking away from Damon and returning to her old life as the same Elizabeth as before. Maybe a mix of the two, but she didn’t want to give up either. For now, she’d pretend they had forever.

“I know you probably don’t want to discuss it, but were you in a specific war?” she asked.

Damon huffed. “There are situations constantly happening around the world, Ella. Not only the wars you see reported on TV.”

“I know that, but I didn’t know how to phrase it. What did you do?”

“Specialized reconnaissance, mostly. We went ahead of the unit and sent back information.”

“That seems dangerous.”

“All the jobs are dangerous. Skill makes it less dangerous. Xavier and I were good.”

“Did you and him leave the Marines about the same time? You seem close.”

“We met in basic training and went through the rest of training together. After we lost the other two team members, yes, we left. Not because of the danger. You go into it accepting the risk involved. But we had lost trust in our commanders. We’d warned them before they issued orders for us to go into a certain situation. But they sent us anyway. It wasn’t worth the lives lost. And when we realized we couldn’t take orders, we had to get out. That attitude would jeopardize our entire team, and we knew it was time.”

He reached out and drew her tight to his chest, her head resting on his bicep.

Ella closed her eyes and kissed the warm skin underneath her cheek. “I’m glad you’re here.”

Damon tightened his arm around her shoulders. “I’m glad you’re pushy.”

“Do you believe in fate?”

“No.”

She lifted her head, barely making out the features of his face in the dark. “Never?”

“Never. I don’t believe in playing what-if games when no viable solutions exist. It’s pointless mental torture.”

“What do you mean?”

He stroked a hand down her hair. “I’ll give you an example. Hayley. If my mission hadn’t gone the way it did, if we hadn’t lost half our team, I would’ve still been deployed when she was taken. I wouldn’t have been there with Xavier to find her. Then, if Xavier hadn’t met Ryker when he did, we wouldn’t have gotten that video as quickly as we did to save her.” He twirled a strand of her hair. “That line of thought is unproductive. There’s no point in tormenting yourself about something that didn’t happen.”

“What do you mean by unproductive?”

“Saying ‘what if I wasn’t there’ doesn’t change anything I can control. But asking questions before the action is productive. What if Hayley’s captor was in the garage when we arrived? That’s a contingency plan. It’s another viable action that I could’ve taken. Simply saying ‘what if I was never there’ doesn’t help me. If it’s a change of plans and a productive conversation, I’ll talk about it. But a fatalistic attitude will get you killed if you’re constantly evaluating the past like that. Why ruminate if I don’t see how I can change the outcome? That’s what fate is to me. Or destiny. Whatever people call it.

“It sounds whimsical that we were fated to be together, but you can’t pick and choose when to apply fate. I can’t say, what if we never met? Or what if I didn’t turn you down the first time? Would Teddy be alive? Maybe. Would you and I have ended up like we are? Possibly. But would we have found those kids in time if I’d delayed those cases for yours? I don’t know. We can never take that path now.”

“Wow. I never thought of it that way. So finding you exactly when I needed you is sheer luck?”

“Yes. You’re lucky to have me.” He laughed, kissing the top of her head. “Go to sleep, Ella.”

Sleep? If she had been tired before, that feeling would have left the second they had lain down.

She wanted him.

Ella stroked his skin, contemplating her next move. For the last few years, it had been only Matteo. Casual. No stress. No feelings. It wasn’t even fun.

Shifting, she pulled herself a little higher to kiss his shoulder and then neck.

He gripped her thigh, dragging it up to his hip.

Ella kissed his jaw.

“Ella?” His voice held a warning tone she ignored.

She nipped at his edge of his ear before kissing down his neck. Propping herself up on her arm, she kissed up the other side, her body now fully pressed against his.

Damon tightened his fingers on the back of her shirt. “Stop playing.”

“Playing?” Amused, she sat up. “Sorry I didn’t make myself clear. I’m not playing.” She took her T-shirt off and dropped it on his face. “Is this any clearer, baby ?”

Damon ripped the shirt away and threw it to the other side of the room. “Perfectly clear.” He yanked her back down, rolled over, and covered her lips with his.

The kiss was wild; he seemingly let go of the restraint he’d had at the bar. She attempted to participate, kiss him back like before. That proved pointless.

He grabbed her wrists and held them pinned to the bed above her head with one hand. With the other, he skimmed down her arm until he filled his palm with her breast. He took a deep breath, growling on the exhale. “You’re never allowed to wear a shirt again.”