Fearless Bond (Bears of Beauville #1)

Chapter 22

22

CALVIN

Two weeks pregnant

“It’s positive,” Hunter said as he returned to the office. “But that’s no surprise, right?”

Barclay grinned at me.

I grinned back. “It’s great to be certain.”

I hadn’t doubted my pregnancy—the changes in my body had been distinct and immediate—but it was still nice to have it confirmed by an objective source.

“Your bloodwork looks good, but I’ll send a sample to the lab for more tests. It’s all standard procedure, so no worries. We can book the ultrasound for week ten.”

“Um. Is it necessary?” Barclay asked. “There aren’t any risks, are there?”

“Not really. It’s a shifter baby. He’ll be fine. But maybe you’d like to know beforehand if he has a little brother or two.”

I almost choked on my tongue. “Triplets?”

Barclay went a little pale.

“Calm down, both of you. Twins and triplets are more common with shifters, but only slightly. Three in one hundred for people, six in one hundred for shifters. Unless it runs in the family, the chances are low.”

I glanced at my mate. “Does it run in your family?”

“No.” He looked just as relieved as me.

We were looking forward to becoming parents, sure, but having more than one kid right away seemed rather overwhelming.

Hunter rubbed his hands together as he looked from me to Barclay and back. “That’s it. Congratulations.”

Barclay hugged me around my shoulders and kissed my temple.

“Um, Hunter. Can I ask you a few questions about something else?” I looked at Barclay. “Is it okay if you wait for me?”

He sighed and nodded. We’d talked about it, and while I could sense he was a little sullen having to leave me alone, he understood.

After squeezing my shoulder reassuringly, he went to wait for me at Jordy’s.

Hunter leaned back in his chair and raised his eyebrows.

“Has he been mean to you?”

I could tell he was joking. I let out a nervous laugh. “Not at all. It’s about my anxiety. I didn’t want to make him worry.”

“He worries anyway.”

“I know he does. But I’m working on my independence. I have things I need to learn to do alone and not break down.”

“How can I help you, Calvin?”

I fiddled with the hem of my sweater. I barely knew why I was nervous talking about it with Hunter. He was a doctor. While he didn’t have a specialty in psychiatry or anything like that, he would understand. I didn’t have to be ashamed. Yet I still was—reason one hundred and one why I had to work on myself.

“I feel good now. Really great. But I was a complete mess before I met Barclay.”

The switch was subtle, but Hunter went into full professional mode. It was intimidating but reassuring too.

“Meeting your mate and bonding with him can have a transformative effect on your health,” he said. “Sadly, it isn’t a miracle cure.”

“Exactly. Barclay and I have done everything together during the past few weeks, but I don’t know how I’ll cope once I’m away from him. I want to work. Phil says that I can start at the daycare whenever I’m ready, and I’m excited about it but terrified too. What if I get anxious at work and mess up? And I want to be able to take care of the baby by myself when Barclay’s out and about. Hell, I want to go and visit Laurel in the city. Or go shopping alone. I should be able to do all those things.”

“Bonded mates rarely leave each other’s side, especially when the bond is fresh. And you had a rough start. It’s natural that you feel most secure when Barclay is near.”

“But with my history, there’s more to it. I’m scared that if I’m away from him, I’ll fall apart completely.”

Hunter nodded. “You’re afraid that you’ll be afraid.”

“I know! It’s ridiculous.”

“It’s common for people with anxiety to feel like that. Barclay isn’t here now. Are you afraid?”

I pointed at the window facing the main street. “He’s at Jordy’s. I just saw him walk in. And I feel safe with you.”

“Fair enough. Let’s go back to before you met Barclay. When did you start experiencing this kind of fear?”

“I don’t exactly remember. It snuck up on me after Laure moved away for college. I think I was seventeen.”

“Did you ever go to therapy?”

“No. Only one time, when I had a bad panic attack at school, I ended up talking to the nurse, and he booked counseling for me, but my father didn’t want me to go.”

“Why?”

“He said chitchat never solved anything or something along those lines. He told me my problem was that I was spoiled and should focus on my studies.”

“He’s a real charmer.”

“Yeah. He isn’t the most sensitive parent.”

“It’s plausible that his parenting could have negatively affected your overall mental health.”

I snorted at the way Hunter formulated the sentence. “My father contributed to me becoming a nervous wreck, yes.”

He gave me a sad smile. “What happened after high school?”

“He got a doctor to prescribe me medication that I was supposed to take when I was overstressed or afraid. I didn’t like taking it because it made me dizzy and tired while I could still feel all the fears churning inside me. But at least I could sleep.”

Hunter narrowed his eyes. “That doesn’t sound right. Did you bring the prescription with you?”

“I have it on my phone.”

“Can I have a look?”

I logged into the pharmacy app and clicked on the link. The screen showed the meds I’d gotten and their dosage. I handed the device to Hunter.

He glowered at the screen. “Who prescribed this to you?”

“I’ve never met the man. It might have been one of my father’s friends from the tennis club.”

“This is way too strong, Calvin.”

“I know that now. I only took the pills when it got bad and stopped entirely a month ago. They weren’t helping anyway.”

“Don’t take them. Especially not now when you’re pregnant.” Shaking his head disbelievingly, he gave me my phone back.

“Hunter, um, am I being naive here? Like, how realistic is it that I’ll ever be completely fine?”

He folded his hands on the table, his soft gaze full of kindness. “It might go up and down, but it doesn’t mean you can’t live a fulfilling life. When did you start feeling better? The moment you met Barclay? You broke up with your ex before that, didn’t you?”

“Um. Yes. Damian treated me like shit, and I finally had enough. I was furious with him. That helped. I wasn’t anxious when I was mad at him. And I wasn’t panicking when I was trying not to freeze to death.”

“I know too little about you to be sure, but it sounds to me like your anxiety could be largely connected to your former life situation and the pressure your father put on you. If you feel like you need medication, I suggest a low dose of antidepressants that you take long-term. I could prescribe you something that will be safe during your pregnancy. But with the main stressors in your life being removed, you might not need medication at all. First and foremost, you should consider therapy. Find out what triggers your fears.”

“Aside from one attack, I’ve been doing great since I’ve been with Barclay. So, yeah, I think I’m okay without meds for now. But could you recommend a therapist for me? I can’t travel far, but maybe I could do it online. I shouldn’t need to be glued to Barclay twenty-four-seven to keep it together.”

Hunter smiled. “He doesn’t mind.”

I grinned back. “No. But still.”

“I know someone who could be a good fit for you. He’s an omega, a shifter’s mate too, and has his practice in Green Peaks. You could alternate between visits in person and video calls.”

“That would be awesome.”

“I’ll email you his contact details. And if you need anything else, you know where to find me.”

“Thank you.”

“Look, I’m no expert. But I think you should try doing the things you want to do and see what happens. Have a backup plan in case you get unwell.” He reached over the desk and patted my hand. “But I’ve seen with my own eyes how fearless you can be, Calvin. I’m not worried about your future.”

I left Hunter’s office in a great mood. And hungry. I was always hungry these days. At Jordy’s, Barclay sat hunched over the bar, nursing a beer, but his face brightened when he saw me.

I stretched on my tiptoes to hug and kiss him.

“Everything okay?” he asked.

“Great. Hunter recommended me a therapist. No meds for now.”

“Okay.” He studied my face.

“Stop worrying. I’m just hungry.”

At that, he smiled. “Good. Let’s have dinner. Jordy, what’s this week’s special?”

Jordy pointed to the sign behind him. “Spareribs.”

“I’m in. Calvin?”

“Cheeseburger with caramelized onion and sweet potato fries. And the non-alcoholic ginger beer I had last time?”

Barclay patted my ass and hummed with satisfaction. “That’s my boy.” He liked it when I ate a lot. It must have been instinct telling him he needed to feed his omega. I didn’t protest—it was cute. Besides, I was pregnant with a shifter and having wild monkey sex with him on a daily basis. I did need to increase my calorie intake.

We sat in a corner booth, and after a while, Monty joined us. He threw a couple of good-natured jokes at Barclay, but then he turned to me and asked question after question about Laure. It seemed my friend had left a lasting impression.

Then Hawke came to sit with us, followed by Hunter, who’d closed the office for the day, and I was once again surrounded by a bunch of bear shifter alphas. I didn’t mind at all. Snuggled to Barclay’s side, I munched on my fries and listened to their stories and friendly ribbing.

I was so content that when my phone buzzed and I saw my father’s caller ID on the screen, it didn’t even elevate my heartbeat. I’d unblocked his number a few days ago, just in case, but I hadn’t expected him to reach out anytime soon. Curious, I decided to accept his call.

“I’ll take it outside,” I told Barclay, who stood to let me out of the booth.

I grabbed my parka and answered. “Hi. Just a second, I need to go outside. It’s noisy here.”

In front of the pub, I shrugged into my parka before putting the phone to my ear. “Sorry for that. I’m listening.”

The phone was quiet, but I could hear his breathing. “Dad?”

“Hello, Calvin.” He sounded strangely unsure.

“Hi,” I repeated.

“Um. Where are you?”

“In Beauville. Where else would I be?”

“Hm.”

“What do you need, Dad?”

Another moment of silence followed. That was very uncharacteristic of my father. His phone calls were usually a barrage of instructions or a rapid-fire interrogation.

“You haven’t changed your mind.”

“No. I’m bonded to Barclay. People don’t just change their minds about their fated mates.”

“What you said before. About… being pregnant. Is that true?”

“See, strange as it is, I’ve never lied to you. Ever. People lie to their parents all the time, but I never did. Maybe I should have. Maybe some things would have been easier if I had learned to lie.”

His sigh crackled in the phone. “Are you pregnant or not?”

“Yes, I am. I was at a doctor today. It’s early days, but most definitely pregnant.” I couldn’t dampen the excitement in my voice. “And I’m about to start a new job at the daycare here in Beauville.”

“So you’re keeping the child.”

“Of course.”

“You’ll be earning pocket change as a daycare teacher.”

“Barclay and I will have enough to get by.”

This time, I let the silence stretch. If he ever decided to make amends for his behavior, I wouldn’t go out of my way to help him. I didn’t owe him anything.

“I won’t be employing Damian at the company.”

That made me pause. “Why?”

“He was understandably upset by the turn of events.” The accusation was clear in my father’s tone. I’d made his precious Damian upset. Well, tough . “But he should have handled his emotions in a dignified way. Instead, the day after we returned from the mountains, he caused a scene at the office. He made quite the spectacle of himself.”

I could only imagine. If Damian lost his temper in front of my father, the consequences must have been dire.

“Are you feeling well?” He sounded so disgruntled; it made me smile.

“I’m very well, thank you. I’m happy.”

“I have to go now. Have a good evening.” The brisk, abrupt goodbye was more like him.

“You too.”

“Yes. Um. Good night.”

And he ended the call.

For a while, I remained outside, just staring at the lights dotting the slopes of Beauville. It was starting to snow. A few fluffy flakes drifted toward the ground gently like feathers through the still air. Covered with a white blanket, the town looked like a winter wonderland. This was now my home—I couldn’t stop marveling at that.

I hadn’t been the least bit nervous talking to my father, and he must have noticed the change. Was that why he had acted so weird? Maybe one day, we could have a decent relationship after all. He would never be a loving parent—he didn’t have it in him. But I would settle for polite acceptance.

When I returned to the pub, Barclay gazed at me questioningly. I assured him that I’d explain everything later. I didn’t have to fake my laughs and pretend everything was fine. While I had no idea what was going on in my father’s head, the phone call reassured me about one thing: I was healing already.