Feathers and Thorne Series Books 1 - 3: The Complete Collection

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Isabella

“Tristan, come on.” I link my fingers together and frown. “It’s just a walk.”

“I’m sorry, Isabella, but Carter will have my head on a pike if I let you out.” Tristan shakes his head and shifts to block the door. “There’s a gym downstairs. Why don’t you use one of the treadmills?”

I throw my hands up in the air. “I don’t want a treadmill. I want fresh air.”

“Why don’t you go out into the garden?”

With its barbed wire fence and large trees and bushes obscuring us from view, the garden isn’t much better. Knowing that we’ve been cooped up here, away from everything, doesn’t help, nor does the knowledge that I’ve been away from Carter for a while.

We’ve never been apart for this long. And it’s making me angsty and restless and keeping me up late into the night.

Only the thought of the life growing inside of me gives me any kind of incentive to do anything. Because I know that I need to stay healthy for our baby. Our baby needs me more than I need Carter.

I huff. “Fine, can you at least get in touch with that guy who delivers stuff? I need a few things from the pharmacy.”

Tristan purses his lips together. “Write it down.”

“Why don’t I just carve it into the wall like other prisoners?” I grumble before shifting away from him. I feel Tristan stare at my back, but I don’t acknowledge him. Instead, I step into the kitchen and rummage around for a pen and paper. After writing down a few things, including a few vitamins Sam recommended, I hand Tristan the paper.

He folds it and places it in his back pocket. “Anything else?”

“I’m going to be a little late for dinner, warden.”

Without waiting for a response, I turn my back on him and hurry down the stairs to the basement. I flick the lights on and wait for my eyes to adjust. The pool is covered, and there is state-of-the-art equipment to work out on, but none of it feels impressive.

It feels cold and impersonal. And they’re all covered in a thin layer of dust. I hate this place and everything it represents. It’s not the haven Carter wishes it was, through no fault of his own.

Frowning, I find a clean rag and wipe down the treadmill. Then I power it on and bring my arms up on either side of me. While I walk, I wonder how much longer I’m going to be staying here.

And whether or not Carter is going to keep his promise.

News has been scarce, with Tristan only giving me the bare minimum regarding Carter. Not being able to see him is hard enough, but not being able to hear his voice is worse.

Still, I know it’s for the best; otherwise, I’m going to sink further into my depression. My frown deepens as I change the speed on the treadmill and move faster as if I can outrun this place and everything it represents. An hour later, Tristan’s footsteps reach me, and he emerges carrying a plastic bag in his hand.

He sets it down on the floor and straightens his back. “Any preferences for dinner?”

“I didn’t know I had a choice in any of this.”

Tristan runs a hand over his face. “I don’t want to be here either, Isabella. Do you think I like knowing that I’m stuck babysitting while the rest of the Blackthornes are out there fighting for our future?”

I jab the stop button and wait for the treadmill to slow to a halt. “Then let’s go back. We can both be useful, Tristan. You know that Carter needs me right now, and I know he needs you.”

Tristan shakes his head. “Not as much as he needs you to be safe. I’m not going to make that mistake again, Isabella. Carter and I might have our differences, but I know how much he cares about you. I’m not taking you back.”

I give him a blank look and press my lips together.

Tristan’s expression hardens. “Look, I don’t care if you sulk or pout or whatever it is that you want to do. I’m here to keep you safe.”

“I’m not a child.”

“I don’t fucking care,” Tristan snaps with a sweeping hand gesture. “We’re both here whether we want to be or not, and it’s because of Carter. So do with that what you will.”

With that, he spins on his heels and leaves.

As soon as he does, I sink to my knees and draw my legs up to my chest. Tears stream down my face when I bring my back to rest against the wall and squeeze my eyes shut. I’m dashing away the tears and ignoring the damp smell that’s making my stomach recoil when my phone rings.

Sam’s number flashed across the screen. I let it ring for a while.

When I answer on the last ring, Sam sounds relieved. “I was beginning to worry.”

“I’m not mad at Tristan, not really.” I twirl a loose thread around my finger. “He’s just following orders. I know that, but he doesn’t have to be such a dick about it.”

Because it reminds me too much of Carter and what I’ve left behind. I don’t even know if Carter is coming back to me. And the thought keeps me up long into the early hours of the morning.

I can’t eat, and I can’t function.

And I hate that I’m locked up in my gilded cage while Carter is out there, fighting for the future of his family. While a part of me is proud of him for standing up for what he believes in, the other part wants this to be over.

I’ve never been so conflicted in my entire life.

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news—”

“I know it doesn’t end with this war,” I interrupt, pausing to run a hand over my face. “I know this is just part of the life that Carter leads, but I can still hope for some peace, can’t I?”

Sam sighs. “Or you can ask Carter to walk away.”

“Walk away from the mob life?” I pull the phone away from my ear and snort. When I press it against my ear again, I’m filled with amusement and disbelief. “Have you met the guy? It’s like so deeply ingrained in his personality, I don’t think he knows how to function like a normal human being.”

Carter’s been the head of the Blackthorne family for a long time. So long that I doubt he remembers what it’s like to be an average guy.

I don’t think he would know how to function in the real world, where his biggest problems would be traffic, taxes, and keeping up with the rising cost of living. The more I think about it, the more ridiculous I feel.

Carter can’t have a nine-to-five job and come home to me at the end of the day so we can watch movies and talk about our days. As hard as I try to picture him in a suit, with a briefcase, a boss, and a regular salary, I can’t. Since the moment I laid eyes on him, I’ve known Carter was different, ruled over by ambition and single-minded determination.

It’s what has gotten him this far. It’s one of the many reasons I love him, in spite of the darkness. And I don’t want to think about what would happen to the Blackthornes if he walked away.

What would become of Tristan, Anita, Paul, and the others? Would they even survive without Carter in their corner?

As scared and worried as I am, I know I can’t condemn his family to that life, not without carrying that guilt around. Carter loves me enough to consider it. Hell, he might even agree to walk away for a time, but I don’t want him to resent me for making him walk away from his empire and his own blood.

Like it or not, the Blackthorne empire is part of the package deal.

Sam murmurs something in the background, and I hear a door click shut. “You could always ask. You’ve got nothing to lose, right?”

I shake my head. “I’ve got everything to lose. If Carter feels like I’m having doubts about him or us, he’s going to fly into a rage. And he needs to stay focused. One problem at a time.”

“Aren’t you having doubts though? Isn’t that what this is about?”

I stretch my legs out in front of me and blow out a breath. “I don’t know, but I do know that being here isn’t good for my mental health. It’s driving me crazy, Sam. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

Or how much longer I can remain at the mercy of the vicious voices in my head. The ones telling me that Carter might not come back to me after all.

What if when he’s done, he realizes that I’m too much of a hassle?

I don’t fit into his world. I’ve never fit in, and a part of me will always wonder if he could find someone better suited. Especially in my current condition.

“Please tell me you at least told him about the baby,” Sam whispers after a lengthy pause. “I don’t know how much longer I can keep it a secret.”

“I left him a note.”

“A note? Why didn’t you just tell him?”

“I kept trying, but I couldn’t find the words. Anyway, he’ll see the note when this is all over, and then we can talk about it.”

“I hope you know what you’re doing.”

I do, too.

Because right now, I’m just trying to keep my head above water to survive.