Feathers and Thorne Series Books 1 - 3: The Complete Collection

Chapter Eleven

Isabella

I feel something on the back of my neck.

Stirring, I flip onto my back, and both of my eyes fly open. The cream-colored ceiling swims into focus, and I realize two things at the same time. The first is that I’m still wearing Carter’s shirt from last night, leaving Carter’s deep, musky scent all over my skin. The second is that Carter has a hand draped over my stomach and is rubbing himself against me.

“Fucking finally.” Carter breathes before withdrawing his hand. He throws one leg up on either side of me and lowers his head to kiss me. “I’ve been waiting for you to wake up for a while.”

I stifle a yawn. “What time is it?”

Carter pins my arms up over my head. “It doesn’t matter.”

I wriggle and tilt my head to the side. “At least let me brush my teeth first.”

Carter helps me stand up and slaps my ass on the way past. “Hurry the fuck up, dove. You fell asleep before I came back, and we have a lot to make up for.”

My pulse quickens as I stagger into the bathroom and stop at the sink. I squeeze some toothpaste, lift the toothbrush up, and eye Carter in the large mirror. In broad daylight, I notice the stubble peppered across his jaw and the relaxed set of his shoulders. Although I can’t quite put my finger on it, I know something is different.

Especially when he steps forward and wraps both arms around my waist.

He pushes my hair forward and presses a kiss to the back of my neck. When I bend over to spit out the toothpaste, Carter toys with the hem of my shirt. He waits until I’ve gargled to lift the shirt up over my head and toss it onto the floor. Then he pushes me forward so I’m bent over the sink.

Carter is peppering my neck with hot, open-mouthed kisses now. “You have no idea how sexy you are right now.”

I grip the sink and glance at him over the shoulder. “Am I?”

Carter spins me around and crushes his lips to mine.

He tastes like spearmint and whiskey, and it’s a heady combination I can’t get enough of. Carter keeps one hand on the small of my back, and the other pushes the glass door open. Without missing a beat, Carter hoists me into the shower, and he draws back to switch the knob on. In one quick move, he steps out of his shorts and kicks them away.

This time, when he kisses me, I kiss him with just as much fervor and passion. I’m all too eager to lose myself in him. To let his kisses and his touch chase away my shadows and demons.

Carter pushes me against the wall and lifts one leg up, bringing it to rest against the shower bench. Then he nudges my other leg apart and settles against me. He cups my face in his hands and stares at me for so long that I feel like I’m going to melt at his feet. When one hand moves to the back of my neck, a shiver races up my spine, and I collapse against Carter’s chest.

His chest vibrates with laughter. “I haven’t even started yet, dove.”

I link my fingers over his neck and sigh. “You don’t need to. This is the kind of effect you have on me most of the time.”

Carter leans back to look at me and hoists me up so I’m at eye level with him. He kisses me again, but his mouth is gentle this time, like I’m the most precious thing in the world. When he sets me down on my feet, it feels like I’m still flying.

Like nothing in the world can bring me down.

One hand stays on my shoulder, and the other moves between us. His finger darts between my wet folds, and I call out his name. Another finger darts in, and my head falls backward. Carter sinks his teeth into my neck, sucking and biting on the skin there. I grip his shoulders, but it’s not enough to keep me propped up. My legs feel like jelly, and my chest feels tight.

Carter stops biting my neck and flicks his hair out of his eyes. He hoists me up, and I wrap my legs around his waist. Then he holds my gaze as he thrusts into me. I grow still as I adjust to the feel of him around me, invading every last inch of me. Unable to hold our gaze any longer, I let my head fall to the side.

He eases out and slams back into me, with practiced ease, with purpose.

I buck against him, but he has me pinned to the wall, and when he laces my fingers through his, I realize I’m completely at his mercy. Hot water cascades down my back and swirls at our feet, filling the bathroom with a thin steam. His mouth finds mine, and I cling to him, wave after wave of desire still building within me.

When I’m with Carter, nothing else exists. Each stroke, each touch, brings me closer and closer to the edge of oblivion.

My breath quickens as the force of my orgasm rips through me. Then Carter eases out and lifts my leg up over the bench. I’m still gasping for air when Carter stands behind me and thrusts. I grow still as I crane my neck over my shoulder and stare at him. He lifts his gaze up, and we stare at each other as he eases in and out of me.

I shake and writhe as another orgasm rips through me.

Carter gives a few more thrusts, and his own release follows.

A long moment passes during which neither of us says anything.

When Carter eases out of me, he spins me around and crushes me to him. After another long moment, he takes the bar of soap and runs it over my skin. He runs it over every crevice, every dip, until the smell of vanilla and lilacs fills the air. Then he spins me around to wash my back and shoulders. I place my hands against the wall and squeeze my eyes shut.

As soon as Carter is done, I take the bar of soap from him and return the favor.

His face is a smooth and impassive mask until I stop at his chest and place my hand over his heart. With a sigh, he presses his forehead to mine and exhales. His hands come up around my waist and stay there. The bar of soap falls to the floor with a thud, and I link my fingers over his chest. Carter and I are chest to chest and heart to heart, and for the first time in weeks, everything doesn’t seem as hopeless.

Maybe the two of us can find our way out of the darkness again.

Gently, Carter pulls himself away and switches off the water. He bundles me up in the robe draped over the stall. Then he carries me into the room, with my head coming to rest against his chest. After setting me down on the mattress, he retrieves a towel and secures it around his waist. I’m sitting up, with my head propped against the pillow, when Carter comes back into the room. He climbs onto the bed and lowers himself so he’s at eye level with my stomach. Then he drapes an arm over it and tilts his head to the side.

“Hi,” Carter whispers in a thick voice. “I know we haven’t met yet, but I’m your dad.”

My heart sputters and grows to twice its size.

Carter removes his arm and props himself up on his elbows, his eyes never leaving my stomach. “I know a lot of shit has happened—do not repeat that word. It’s not a good word to say, not until you’re much older.”

I run my fingers through Carter’s hair. “I don’t think he’ll remember any of this.”

Carter lifts his gaze up to mine, and his brows furrow together. “You think it’s a boy?”

I shrug and avert my gaze. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

“We need a nice strong name for you,” Carter continues after a brief pause. “What about Jack?”

I pull a face. “Yeah, I don’t know about that one. But I want Sam as a middle name regardless.”

Carter exhales. “I shouldn’t be surprised by that.”

I look back at Carter and hold his gaze. “This relationship isn’t three people. I know you and Sam have your issues, but she’s like my sister. And she’s not going anywhere.”

Carter frowns. “I know.”

“And by the way, I don’t know what you said or did while I was in the hospital, but she’s done a complete one-eighty. She actually likes you now.”

Carter raises an eyebrow, a flicker of amusement playing out across his features. “This is her when she likes me? Fucking hell. Poor Tristan.”

I give him a pointed look. “Tristan is lucky to have a woman like that.”

Carter’s lips lift into the ghost of a smile. “She’s definitely someone to be reckoned with. I pity the poor bastard who gets in her way.”

“Like you?”

Carter’s smile turns devilish as he leans forward and presses his lips to mine for a quick kiss. “I’m a lucky bastard, dove. Ever since you walked into my life.”

Without waiting for a response, he lowers himself back onto the mattress and gazes at my stomach. “You’re going to go to the best schools, and we’re going to take you on all these vacations.”

I place a hand on top of Carter’s head. “I don’t want our kid to be spoiled.”

Carter grunts. “He’ll be fine. You’ll be there to keep him humble.”

I sigh. “In other words, I’m going to be the strict parent, and you’ll be the fun one.”

Carter huffs a laugh. “You could put it like that. But we’ll both protect him, no matter what it takes. Any enemies you have will have to deal with me, and I’ll make them kneel before you.”

Ice settles in my veins as I sit up straighter. “I don’t think you should joke about that.”

Carter shifts and lifts his gaze to mine. “I wasn’t joking.”

I fold my arms over my chest, a shiver of fear and unease racing up my spine. “That’s the problem. I think we’ve had enough violence in this family, Carter. I don’t want our kid to be around that.”

Carter’s earlier good mood vanishes as he stands up and twists to face me. “He’s going to face violence whether he likes it or not. That’s the way the world works.”

“Not every aspect of it,” I retort, my voice rising toward the end. “Whatever he faces in the real world, we won’t be able to control it, but we can at least try and provide him with a safe environment.”

Carter’s expression darkens. “Are you trying to tell me that I’m going to endanger my son? Because that’s a fucking low blow.”

I swing my legs over the side of the bed and stand up. “I never said that, but we both have to look at facts, Carter. Like it or not, we both have blood on our hands.”

Carter makes a low noise in the back of his throat. “It isn’t the same for you, dove.”

My stomach dips. “Yes, it is. I—”

Carter bridges the distance between us and grips my shoulders. “Listen to me, you didn’t kill Rich Donahue. I took care of it.”

A long moment passes.

“What? What do you mean you took care of it? The body wasn’t there, and… I’m the one who shot him.”

Carter is still holding me in a tight grip. “You might have been the one to shoot him, and you seriously injured him, but you didn’t kill him.”

“I stepped over his body,” I refute, a bubble of disbelief and hysteria rising up within me. “I took the keys, and I… I—”

Carter holds my gaze. “Did you check for a pulse?”

I start to nod and then stop. “I… uh, I don’t know.”

“Exactly.” Carter releases my shoulders. “Not that it matters much. That weaselly piece of shit deserved to bleed to death, but at least it wasn’t by your hands.”

Something low unfurls in the center of my stomach, and a faint niggling sensation starts in the back of my skull.

It couldn’t be.

“You hunted down Rich?”

Carter runs a hand through his hair. “I was hunting down Lilian. I paid our dear mayor a visit, and let’s just say that he isn’t going to be a problem anymore.”

The world spins as I sink against the nearest surface and end up perched on the edge of the bed.

Carter spins around to face me, his bare chest still glistening with water and silhouetted by the warm glow of the early morning sun. “I don’t understand.”

He kneels in front of me, and only then do I realize how cold my hands are. “The mayor isn’t going to be a problem anymore. Neither is Lilian.”

I taste bile in the back of my throat. “What does Rich have to do with Lilian?”

“They’ve been working together, apparently since Lilian and I were involved. The two of them have been playing us all along.”

My lips part, and a gasp falls from my lips.

I know Rich has been playing me like a fiddle, but I didn’t stop to consider the bigger ramifications. While a part of me is disappointed that everything I’ve shared with him, every last secret and smile, was a lie, another part of me is angry.

I hate that I’ve allowed myself to be used by a man like that. And worse is that I almost let him drive a wedge between Carter and me.

“That’s not even the most fucked up thing,” Carter continues, his eyes moving steadily over my face. “The two of them have been banging each other’s brains out while working the Natoris and Philipses. Lilian’s end game was to get to me, and Rich wanted more land under the Donahue control and you.”

I try to swallow, but I can’t. “Me?”

Carter gives me a curt nod. “You. And that piece of shit almost got away with it too.”

I burst into tears and throw my arms around him. “Carter, I’m so sorry. I should’ve seen through him. I should’ve known.”

Carter’s arms come up around me, and he squeezes my shoulders. “It’s not your fault, dove. You’ve got a good heart, and he took advantage of that. That’s on him. Now that fucking bastard can burn in hell.”

I stop crying as the unfurling in my stomach grows. Slowly, I pull back to look at Carter, and my chest tightens. “When you say that you took care of him, you mean…”

Carter nods. “Yes.”

I stand up so quickly that it makes me dizzy. Carter’s hand darts out to steady me, but I move away from him. I catch the wounded look on his face seconds before he stamps it out. Over and over, I turn Carter’s words around in my head, waiting for the familiar surge of relief and for the weight to feel like it’s been lifted off of my shoulders.

But it doesn’t come. And the longer I wait for it, the more agitated I become.

“You don’t look happy,” Carter says in a quiet voice. “Why aren’t you relieved that his blood isn’t on your hands?”

I look up at Carter and release a deep, shaky breath. “Because it means it’s on yours.”

Carter blinks. “I’ve got plenty of blood on my hands, dove. What else is new?”

I make a vague hand gesture. “This, us. We’re supposed to be doing better, not worse.”

Carter frowns. “We are doing better. You stood up for yourself, and I didn’t torture Rich the way I wanted to.”

My head starts swimming, and I can barely hear past the faint ringing in my ears.

Looking at Carter now, all I can see is Rich and Lilian on their hands and knees, begging for their lives. When I blink, I see Carter holding one gun to each of their heads, the same blank look on his face. I swallow and rub my eyes to shake the image away, but it’s no use.

I can’t understand why this is any different. Carter has killed for far worse reasons before. Why is killing Rich and Lilian any different?

Without them, the world is a safer and better place, especially for us.

Carter steps in front of me and tilts my chin up. “Dove, I think you’re overreacting. With everything that’s been happening over the past few days, it’s okay if you feel a little unsettled—”

“Unsettled?” I step away from him, a snort falling from my lips. “I am a lot of things right now, Carter, but unsettled isn’t one of them. Horrified, shocked, and confused, to name a few.”

Carter’s eyes move over my face. “Explain.”

“I told you in the hospital. I told you that the answer to violence isn’t more violence. We can’t keep going back and forth on this. It needs to stop.”

Carter stiffens and folds his arms over his chest. “I will not apologize for doing what I need to do in order to keep my family safe.”

I make a low, choked sound. “That’s the problem. There’s always going to be a reason to kill people.”

Carter’s expression grows darker. “You’ve never had a problem with this before.”

“I’ve always had a problem with the killing,” I say, pausing to release a shaky breath. “I just couldn’t see it happening, so I pretended it wasn’t, but I can’t do that anymore. I can’t keep turning the other cheek.”

“You know the man you got involved with, Isabella.” Carter’s voice is low but measured and even. “I have never made any excuses or apologies, and I won’t start. You’ve known who I am from day one, and you agreed to marry me anyway.”

I throw my hands up in the air. “That was before I knew I was pregnant! Why can’t you see that everything is different now? It’s not about you and me anymore.”

Carter snaps his mouth shut.

“Do you really want me to raise a baby in this environment?” I take a step in Carter’s direction, my heart thumping erratically inside of my chest. “How do you picture that going? While I get the baby ready for bedtime, you come home covered in dirt and sweat and blood? Or what about when he’s old enough to go to school? Is he even going to be safe?”

Because as long as Carter and I are part of that world, our daughter’s chances of a normal and peaceful life are doomed before he even gets here. And I can’t stand the thought.

I want afternoons spent playing games and watching TV. I want bedtime routines, lullabies, and bubble baths with plastic toys. And I want mornings where I sit across from Carter while he feeds the baby and plays with her.

I want all of it and more, but the closer we get to that dream, the further away it feels.

Carter bridges the distance between us but doesn’t touch me. “I am going to do everything I fucking can to protect our baby girl. The fact that you would even think otherwise is insulting.”

“I never said you wouldn’t. Our enemies aren’t going to hesitate to come after her—”

“You think I don’t know that? You think I haven’t spent every waking hour thinking about how I’m going to keep our daughter safe and what I’ll need to do in order to ensure that? You have no fucking clue what I’m thinking.”

My eyes widen, and I reach between us to take his hand, but he moves it away. “Carter, please. I’m not the bad guy here. I didn’t plan any of this—”

Carter’s expression is stormy. “You sure as hell didn’t stop it either.”

I drop my hand and take an involuntary step back. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Why didn’t you get the goddamn implant put back in, huh?” Carter is pacing now, like some kind of caged animal. Each movement is slow and jerky, and the anger is rolling off of him in waves. “If you’d remembered to do it, we wouldn’t be in this fucking mess to begin with.”

“I was on pain meds! How could I possibly have remembered something like that? I’d just lost my dad, in case you’d forgotten.”

Carter wheels around to face me, and he curls his hands into fists. “Stop using his fucking death as an excuse. We’ve all lost people before. You need to get over it.”

I snap my mouth shut and stare at Carter as if I’m looking at a complete stranger.

“You should’ve remembered the goddamn birth control,” Carter continues as he advances on me. “We wouldn’t be having this conversation. Hell, we wouldn’t even be worried about any of this if it weren’t for you.”

I suck in a harsh breath and dig my nails into my palms.

Carter is breathing heavily now, and his eyes are wide and crazed.

Something in me cracks open, and a whimper falls from my lips. I don’t realize I’m crying until my shoulders shake. I take a few more steps back and wrap my arms around myself. Then I spin on my heels and dart out of the room. On my way downstairs, I race past Anita, who calls out after me, but I ignore it.

I’m crying so hard I can’t see anything through the tears. And it isn’t until I run straight into Sam that I stop to breathe, little gasps of air that hurt.

Each breath hurts like a knife through my heart.

Sam’s arms come up around me as she leads me through the front door and into my living room. There, she pulls me onto the couch and tucks me into her side. I curl my legs under me, bury my head into the crook of her neck, and continue to cry.

Carter’s vicious words echo in a loop in my head when I hear him at the front door.

There is a loud cacophony of voices, including Anita’s, but I can barely make out anything. Sam stands up and returns with a glass of water and a box of tissues. I lean sideways and see Carter in the doorway, with Tristan and Anita blocking the door. Through a narrow slit in between them, I see Carter’s hair in tufts on top of his head and a crazed gleam in his eyes.

“Go back to the house, Carter,” Anita says firmly. “You’re in no shape to have any kind of discussion, and neither is Isabella.”

“She’s my fiancée,” Carter bites out, his gaze darting between the two of them. “You can’t keep her from me.”

“She doesn’t want to be around you right now. Isabella needs time to calm down and reflect,” Anita insists in the same tone of voice. “No one is keeping you from her, but all this stress and tension can’t be good for the baby. I know you know that.”

Carter exhales. “I want to talk to her.”

Anita glances over her shoulder at me and holds my gaze. I give her a slight shake of my head.

She gives me an imperceptible nod before swinging her gaze back to Carter’s. She stands up straighter as Sam sits next to me and drapes an arm over my shoulders. “Now isn’t the time, Carter. I know the two of you fought, but you need time to cool off. Both of you.”

I hate that Anita is right. Because even as I sit there, half of me missing Carter and the other half shrinking away from him, I know it won’t last.

Even as I keep replaying his words over and over in my head.

Sam helps me hold a mug of tea, and her smile is gentle and understanding. “You can stay here with us. This is your home anyway.”

“I don’t want to impose,” I whisper, pausing to blow on the steam rising from the mug. “Are you sure Tristan will be okay with it?”

Sam’s smile doesn’t falter. “I’m sure.”

I glance away from her, and I hear Anita and Tristan murmuring something to Carter. I can’t see him anymore, but I can imagine how agitated and unsettled he is. He and I don’t like being apart from each other, no matter the circumstances.

But Anita is right. Too much has been said, and none of it can be taken back.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, Anita steps out of the house and loops her arm through Carter’s. I twist to watch her drag him across the lawn and into her house. My last glimpse of Carter is when Anita urges him through the front door. He glances over his shoulder, and our eyes meet from across the distance.

I’m the first one to look away, and it almost kills me.

When Tristan lets the door fall shut, it clicks with such finality that I start crying again. Gently, Sam pries the mug out of my hands and sets it down. Then she drapes an arm over my shoulders and leads me to the guest room on the bottom floor. There, she draws back the covers and pats the mattress. I throw myself onto the bed, curl in on myself, and squeeze my eyes shut.

Are Carter and I going to be able to come back from this?

For the first time since declaring my love for him, I realize I can’t picture a future together, not as clearly as I used to. As long as Carter blames me for not remembering to put the patch back in and as long as I keep holding Carter accountable for the pile of dead bodies, neither of us is going to get anywhere.

As much as I hate to admit it, I can’t imagine Carter walking away. And I doubt I’ll be able to settle into a routine as long as he thinks the worst of me.

The bed dips and creaks, and I smell Sam’s fruity perfume seconds before she wraps her arms around me. I curl up into her side and sniff. “I’m sorry I dragged you into this.”

Sam strokes my back. “It’s what sisters are for. Don’t apologize.”

I lift tear-stained eyes up to hers. “He hates me, Sam. He thinks I got pregnant on purpose, to entrap him or something.”

Sam’s eyes widen, and her grip tightens. “He said that?”

I sniff and use the back of my hand to dash the tears away. “He said that I should’ve remembered to have the implant put back in and that it’s my fault we’re in this mess.”

Sam’s expression falls. “Oh, Isabella. I’m so sorry. I’m sure he didn’t mean it.”

I hiccough. “But he did. You should’ve seen him when he was talking to me. He looked so angry and… It was so horrible.”

Like I was a problem he hadn’t foreseen.

Carter and I have been through a lot together, but he’s never looked at me like that.

Sam runs her fingers through my hair. “It’s been a few hectic weeks, Isabella. I’m sure Carter didn’t mean any of it. He’s just lashing out because he’s scared, and he has no idea how to handle this. You said yourself that Carter isn’t a man who likes to lose control.”

“He isn’t.”

Sam continues to stroke my back. “In the span of a few weeks, he’s realized that his ally is a snake backed by the mayor and a bitchy journalist. He’s had to fight not one but two of the biggest crime families, and he had to do it all while you were out there, in hiding, because of him.”

I sniff. “None of those things were his fault.”

“Exactly, but he tried to fix things anyway. Carter hasn’t caught a break in a long, long time, and for a man like that, to watch things spiral so quickly…”

I swallow. “I get what you’re trying to say.”

“And then add a baby to the mix,” Sam continues in a softer voice. “Now, I’m not saying he handled it well. He absolutely should’ve done a better job, and we can bust his ass for it later, but for now, I think it’s better if you leave him alone.”

My heart misses a beat. “Really?”

“He needs some time to reflect and figure out what the hell he wants to do,” Sam points out with a frown. “Arguing and screaming at each other isn’t going to get him there. Neither is pointing fingers and playing the blame game.”

I glance away and wish I could make myself smaller. “I wasn’t trying to blame him. I just don’t want this environment for my baby. How does that make me the bad guy?”

“It doesn’t, and Carter will realize that. He just doesn’t like sharing, and I think he’s having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that you have other priorities now.”

I clear my throat. “I guess so.”

“You’re welcome to stay here as long as you want,” Sam adds, her voice barely above a whisper. “Tristan and I can switch rooms with you if you want if you’re more comfortable upstairs.”

I shake my head. “No, I’m okay. You have guys already done a lot.”

More than enough for me to feel welcome.

When I start drifting off, I feel Sam pull her arm away and stand up. She pulls the covers up to my chin and tiptoes to the door. I pry one eye open, and Sam looks back at me with a smile. My heart is heavy when I flip onto my side and chase sleep.

A short while later, Sam comes in with a tray full of food. She leaves it on the nightstand and leaves the door slightly ajar.

I flip onto my back, and my eyes fly open. I’m staring at the ceiling and counting backward from one hundred when I hear Sam and Tristan whispering. They drift closer to the door, so I squeeze my eyes shut and hold myself still.

“Is there anything I can get her?”

“You’ve already done a lot. I know she appreciates you standing up to Carter.”

Tristan snorts. “Yeah, he is not happy about that, and he’s probably going to make me pay for that later, but it’s okay. I can handle it.”

“You won’t be alone,” Sam says, her voice rising towards the end. “I know he’s your cousin, but he can be really…”

“Overbearing? Pig headed? Thick headed?”

“All of that and more,” Sam replies with a sigh. “I know they love each other, but right now, I don’t think they’re any good for each other.”

Tristan exhales.

They’re quiet for so long that I wonder if they’ve moved away.

“When I first heard about Isabella, I wasn’t happy, and I’m not happy about how I handled things,” Tristan admits, his voice trailing off toward the end. “But I’ve seen the effect she’s had on Carter, and I know what a dumbass I was.”

“He’s had a good effect on her, too. I didn’t see it at first, but I can see it now. They need each other.”

“They’ll find a way back to each other. Carter doesn’t give up on people he loves,” Tristan replies after a lengthy pause. “They just need a few days, that’s all.”

“And you’re sure you’re okay with her staying here?”

“Of course. This is their house, anyway. Isabella is welcome to stay for as long as she needs.”

I pry one eye open and twist on my side. When I see Tristan drape an arm over Sam’s shoulders, I breathe a sigh of relief. The two of them share a tender kiss and a sweet look before drifting away. I stare at the space they occupied for so long that my eyes start to burn.

Then, I bury my face against the pillow and let out a muffled scream.