Filthy Rich Santas

39. Tristan

39

TRISTAN

The afternoon light is starting to fade as our visit winds down. Grandma Meg starts gathering the empty platters and plates, her movements as spry as ever despite her age. I push myself off the couch, ignoring the twinge in my left leg from sitting for so long.

“Let me help with that, Gram,” I offer, already reaching for a stack of dishes.

She beams at me, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “Such a sweet boy. Always were.”

We make our way to the kitchen, the sounds of laughter and conversation following us. I catch a glimpse of Lana on the floor, laughing as she tries to coax Meg’s dog, Baldwin, into rolling over.

Since he’s one of the hairless variety of Chinese Crested dogs—not counting the stringy fur around his face, tail, and paws, of course—Grandma Meg is always knitting him cute sweaters to wear. It feels like some kind of message from the universe that the ugly Christmas one she chose for him today just so happens to match Lana’s so well.

“It’s so wonderful to have you here, Tristan,” my grandmother says as we start loading the dishwasher. “I’ve missed you.”

I lean down to kiss her cheek, breathing in the familiar scent of cinnamon and vanilla that always clings to her. “Missed you too, Gram. More than you know.”

We work in companionable silence for a few minutes, falling into the easy rhythm we’ve perfected over years of shared chores. But I can feel her eyes on me, studying me in that way she has that always makes me feel like she can see right through me.

When laughter sounds from the other room, we both turn to look just in time to catch sight of Baldwin working through his repertoire of tricks. The dog’s yappy bark mingles with Lana’s musical voice, and something in my chest tightens.

“That Lana,” Grandma Meg says, her tone casual but her eyes sharp. “She’s grown into quite a lovely young woman, hasn’t she?”

I nearly drop the glass I’m holding. “Uh, yeah. I guess she has.”

Meg hums thoughtfully. “And I couldn’t help but notice how… close the four of you seemed on the drive up. You and Lana. And Ryder and Beckett too.”

Heat creeps up the back of my neck. I video-called her a few times during the road trip, checking in on her the way I always do now that she’s living all alone. And yes, a few of those times, the others popped onto the screen to say hello.

I just didn’t stop to think how perceptive she always is.

“Gram, I?—”

She holds up a hand, cutting me off. “I’m not judging, dear. I’m just… observing.”

“Okay.”

I believe her. She’s never judged me and has always supported me wholeheartedly.

Then she grins. “Well, maybe not just observing. I’m curious too.”

I swallow hard. I’ve never lied to her about anything important, and she knows me too well to believe it even if I tried. Still, I know she’ll drop it completely if I want her to.

I don’t want to, though. I don’t even think I have it in me to deny what I’m feeling for Lana, and certainly not to my grandmother, who knows me better than almost anyone. “There was… something,” I admit, doling out my words carefully. “During the trip. Between all of us. It wasn’t planned, or expected, it just… happened.”

Meg nods, her expression warm and compassionate. “And now?”

“And now it’s over.” The words taste bitter on my tongue, but they’re still true. “We’re back in the real world now, so whatever it was we were doing can’t continue, obviously.”

Meg is quiet for a long moment, her hands stilling on the dish she’s drying.

“And why is that, sweetheart?” she finally asks.

I blink. “What?”

She puts the dish aside, dries her hands, and faces me fully, her voice soft but firm. “Why can’t it continue?”

The question hits me like a punch to the gut.

The answer is so obvious it goes without saying, isn’t it? And yet… I’m having trouble articulating it as I stand staring at her with my mouth gaping open like a fish.

She smiles at me, patting my hand fondly even though her gaze stays serious. “Tristan, honey. I’ve known you your whole life. I’ve seen you go through more pain than anyone should ever have to endure. And I’ve never seen you look at anyone the way you look at that girl. That goes for the way your friends look at her too. And that sweet girl? She looks at each one of you like you hung the moon.”

I swallow, my jaw working. “It’s complicated, Gram.”

“Life usually is,” she says with a soft chuckle. “But that doesn’t mean it’s not worth holding on to the things that make our hearts sing.”

Another burst of laughter drifts in from the living room. I can pick out Lana’s voice, bright and clear, mixed with the deeper tones of Ryder, Beckett, and Caleb. The sound wakes up that deep ache in my chest again, and I turn back to the sink, my hands shaking slightly as I reach for another dish.

My grandmother’s advice about life has usually been spot on, but this time, I can’t see it the way she does. And that hurts.

“What’s really stopping you from pursuing this, sweetheart?” she asks gently.

I focus on the dish I’m rinsing. “I’m not sure there’s really a ‘this’ to pursue. We all agreed it was temporary, Gram. Something to explore during the road trip, but that’s it.”

She snorts, shaking her head. “No, I asked what’s really stopping you.”

I fight off a smile despite myself. She always did call me out on my bullshit. But then I sigh, because this time, there truly are valid reasons.

“She’s Caleb’s sister, for one thing,” I begin, the words tumbling out. “He’d never be okay with that. And the guys and I will be moving out of L.A. in a few months anyway. You know long distance things never work. And even if we could get past all that, I love Ryder and Beckett like brothers, but polyamory? I’m not even sure I’m cut out for a serious relationship, and I hear they’re complicated enough with just two people involved. With four of us…”

I shake my head, that constriction in my chest getting tighter and tighter as I spell it all out.

But my grandmother’s eyes never leave my face. When I finally run out of words, she reaches out and takes my hand.

“Tristan,” she says softly, “I’ve known you your entire life. I’ve seen you grow, struggle, and overcome so much. And in all that time, I have never seen you look at anyone the way you look at Lana. Never .”

I don’t doubt for a second that it’s true, but when I open my mouth to respond, she cuts me off with a little squeeze of my hand.

“You’ve always been good at hiding your feelings, but I know you too well, dear. The way your eyes follow her, the softness in your voice when you speak to her? It’s all there, plain as day to me. And as for your list of reasons…”

She cocks her head, narrowing her eyes at me.

“Caleb is a wonderful man—but he’s Lana’s brother, not her keeper. What she chooses to do with her heart is ultimately none of his business, and I’d like to believe that he’s mature enough to come to terms with that, regardless of any knee-jerk reaction he may or may not have. And long distance relationships? I most certainly do not know that they never work. What I do know is that all relationships take work, and the good ones often look like compromise on the outside, but from the inside…”

She shakes her head, smiling fully now.

“What?” I ask, my heart pounding.

“Well, from the inside, each relationship is as unique as the people who are involved in it. And if that’s all four of you, then that is absolutely no one’s business but your own, no matter how unconventional it is. And do you know what’s almost as challenging as making a good relationship succeed?”

I shake my head.

Her smile softens. “Making a business succeed the way you and your friends have done with Radiance, my dear. Balancing each other’s strengths and working through your differences to nurture something you all love.”

She holds my gaze as if she’s daring me not to see the parallel she’s drawing, to argue again that I actually believe sharing something important—or some one —with Ryder and Beckett would ever become a problem between the three of us.

I swallow hard, because I can’t argue that. It’s just not true, and in my heart, I know it.

“I’ll think about that, Gram. I promise.”

She huffs a laugh, patting my cheek again before turning back to the dishes. “Do better than just thinking about it, sweetheart. You know I’ve never been one to tell you how to live your life, but you deserve to be happy. Don’t let this go without figuring out which of those reasons you just listed are actually big enough to keep you apart.”

Her words stick in my mind, and I find myself turning to look back into the living room as if needing visual proof of what I’ve been trying to convince myself I have to give up.

Lana is there, sandwiched between Ryder and Beckett on the couch, Baldwin on her lap and her head thrown back in laughter at something Caleb has said. The sight of her there, so perfectly at ease with the men who are as close to me as brothers, makes my heart swell.

I feel a gentle touch on my arm and turn back to find Meg watching me with a knowing smile. No words are needed; the understanding between us is as deep and unshakeable as always.

I cover her hand with mine, a silent thank you for her wisdom and unwavering support.

We finish up the dishes, and not long after, we take our leave, heading back to Lana’s and Caleb’s parents’ place. During the drive back, Grandma Meg’s words continue to echo in my mind, and I steal glances at Lana in the rearview mirror, the certainty growing in my chest getting stronger and stronger with each mile we pass.

My grandmother is right. I don’t have all the answers to the obstacles I laid out. Hell, I don’t have any of those answers. But I also don’t want to let this go.

“Everything okay?” Ryder asks me as we trail after the group heading into Lana’s parents’ house.

“Yeah.”

“You’ve been quiet.”

I raise my eyebrows, and he laughs. I’ve always been the most reserved one in our friend group, but I get that he’s saying something more. He can tell something’s going on in my head. I’m just not ready to share it yet since I’m still figuring it out.

And maybe the truth is I want to share it with Lana first.

Ryder lets it go, and as soon as we walk in, Caleb is called away by his father to help him with some project in the garage, and Lana’s mother is on hand as if she’s been waiting for us, asking for help with a bit of furniture moving for her party.

Lana slips away, heading upstairs, and Ryder gives me a nudge in her direction, proving how perceptive he really is, before more loudly volunteering himself and Beckett for the furniture moving.

I give Ryder a nod of thanks, then follow her. My heart pounds as I take the stairs two at a time, catching up to her just as she reaches the landing.

I don’t have a plan, I just have a sense of urgency that can’t be denied now that I’ve pulled my head out of my ass.

“Tristan?” she asks, smiling at me with that adorable dimple peeking out and a light in her eyes that really does make my heart sing, just like Grandma Meg pointed out.

“I need to talk to you.”

I pull her into her childhood bedroom, and her eyes go wide with surprise as I tug her against me, one arm wrapping around her waist while my other hand cups her cheek.

“Tristan?” she repeats breathlessly. “What are you doing?”

I take a deep breath, drinking in the sight of her as I experience a blinding moment of clarity.

The answer to which obstacles in front of us are big enough to keep us apart is: none of them. Not if there’s a chance she wants this to work too.

I stare into her eyes, the blue of a summer sky—hopeful and light.

“I can’t pretend this is over anymore, because it’s not. Not for me.”

Her breath catches in her throat as her eyes search mine. “What do you mean? It’s not… it’s not possible to keep it going, right? How can what we had on the road trip work beyond being just a temporary fling?”

Something relaxes inside my chest, and I smile, resting my forehead against hers as I let my thumb trace the curve of her cheek and dip into the sweet divot of her dimple.

She’s not saying she doesn’t want it. All her questions are laced with the same hope that sparks inside me too.

“I don’t know exactly how we’ll make it work,” I tell her honestly. “I just know that we’ll figure it out. Because I’ve never felt like this before, Lana. Never. And I’m not willing to give it up.”

Her chin trembles, her eyes turning glassy. “But?—”

“No buts.” I cut her off with a finger over her soft lips, my voice dropping to a whisper as the words pour out of me like a dam breaking. “You’ve woken something in me I didn’t even know was there. The way you look at me, the way you touch me… it’s like you see all of me, scars and all, and you still want me. I’ve never had that before.”

“Tristan,” she whispers as she pulls my finger away from her mouth. “I?—”

I shake my head, smiling at her. I’m not done.

“You’re a light, Lana. You make me feel light, on the inside. You’re radiant. Glowing. Hell, even your brother saw it today. But that radiance inside you spills out into everyone you touch, into me , and I’m not ready to let it go. I’m not ready to let you go.”

A single tear breaks over her lashes, tumbling down her cheek.

I catch it, smiling down at her. “I’ve always been drawn to you, but the feelings that have grown between us during this trip are too big to stuff back inside and pretend to ignore now. Even if I could, I don’t want to. I want… more.”

“With me?”

“Yes.”

That radiance I just told her about breaks through like the sun breaking through the clouds, lighting up my whole heart as she smiles at me.

“I want more too,” she says breathlessly. “I?—”

The soft click of the door interrupts her, and we both turn to see Ryder slip into the room. His eyes lock onto us, a mixture of determination and vulnerability in his gaze that I’ve rarely seen.

“Am I interrupting the party?” he jokes as Beckett follows him into the room.

“It looks like we’re just on time,” Beckett says gruffly, his eyes searching Lana’s face before landing on me. Whatever he sees in my expression makes him smile, his shoulders relaxing. “And unless I’m way off base, we’re all here for the same reason.”

Lana brushes another tear from her cheek, giving them each a shaky smile. “I really hope that’s true.”