Finally Ours (Harborview #2)

23. Carter

23

CARTER

Angela kissed me.

Angela kissed me.

Angela kissed me.

That one sentence replays in my mind, over and over, as we head back to the harbor. For the last hour, I was barely paying attention to the birds I was watching through the binoculars. I was too busy paying attention to the lingering sensation of Angela’s lips against mine, and the press of her body against my side.

Maybe it’s working. Maybe she’s starting to forgive me.

I stand at the bow of the boat, while Angela keeps Archie company near the helm, chattering away with him about all the birds we saw, and asking him about his life on Isle North.

After we get back to the harbor, and dock the boat, Archie explains that he can take us back to Harborview anytime after 10:00 a.m. tomorrow, as he’s going to a midweek service at the island’s tiny church in the morning.

Archie heads out to do a few deliveries, and we go to Shaky Jane’s for an early dinner. On the way over, Angela tells me that she needs to call her boss, though the look on her face tells me exactly how excited she is for that conversation.

“It will be okay,” I reassure her.

“I told him I thought I’d be able to work tomorrow morning’s shift,” she says. “He’s not going to be happy when he finds out I won’t be able to. I can come in the afternoon, though. Archie said it will take a few hours to get to Harborview.”

“It’s past time that someone else there had to cover for you,” I tell her. “How many times have you called off work sick or for some other reason?”

Her silence says it all.

“That’s what I thought. Your boss needs to relax. I’m sure the other nurses have stepped up to cover for you.”

“Maybe,” she says and scrunches up her nose. “They aren’t really reliable.”

“It will be okay,” I tell her again. I’m a broken record, and I feel helpless—like my reassurances are lies. From what she’s told me, her boss won’t understand, and the other nurses likely aren’t happy about covering for her.

She calls her boss as we linger outside the restaurant, and even though I know I should give her privacy, I’m nosey and want to know how this conversation goes down. Angela sees me hovering and pointedly rolls her eyes at me.

“Hi, Tony,” she says. “I’m going to be back in Harborview tomorrow. But not until around noon…Yeah I know I said I’d be there tomorrow morning but things change. We’ve worked as hard as we can to find someone to take us back…No, I’m not treating this like a vacation, you know me better than that…Okay well what about Laura? Can’t she come in?”

She pauses, and listens for a bit. I catch a few of his words, and hear him say, “Angela, this is not like you and if you keep this up then…under review…”

“Look, Tony, it’s not really my fault that I’m literally stranded on this island, and Laura and Steph are just going to have to pick up the slack for me for once,” Angela says, her voice ice cold. That’s my snow queen. “I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon,” she continues, and then she hangs up.

I slowly clap, and even let out a small whistle.

“Stop,” she says.

“Why? He clearly deserved that.”

“Because I may have just lost my job,” she mutters.

“I doubt it. Even Tony is probably smart enough to figure out that firing you would be a horrible decision. You’re the only person on the team who puts in extra effort.”

“Then why did he just tell me he was going to ask senior management to review my contract if I kept this up?” Her blue eyes are wide with anxiety now, at odds with the chilly, confident presence she presented on the phone. Angela’s exterior is tough because she is protecting a sensitive soul underneath. Not that I’m ever going to tell her that. I’ll let her be as tough as she needs to be.

“Because he’s trying to control you. He wants to scare you, so he’s making empty threats. But he won’t follow through on them.”

“Huh,” she says. “That makes a lot of sense. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before.”

I pause, and think for a moment about how I want to say this. About how much of my feelings for her I want to reveal.

“It’s because you have a brave, honest heart, Angel,” I finally say. “You would never treat someone like that. You mean what you say and stand by it. So you expect others to as well.” Angela watches me closely, yet hesitantly. Like she’s not sure where I’m going with this. “Ever since I realized that, years ago, I’ve tried to be more like you.” I take a deep breath. “To be worthy of you.”

My heart pounds as I say the last few words, and I fight the urge to tack on “and of being your friend” to the end, to protect myself and how I feel. But I’m trying to be brave with my feelings, and I have to practice talking about them in order to do that.

“Carter,” Angela says gently. “I’m not brave. Not even a little bit. I’ve let things in my past keep me from being in the present for a long time. That’s not brave at all.”

I’m smart enough to read between the lines. I know that she’s talking about what happened between us, and I hate that I’m the person who did this to her. Who made her feel like this.

“You are brave, Angela. I promise,” I say, rather than asking her to say anything else. The look on her face is so fragile and trusting, and I don’t want to push her. She’ll tell me more when she’s ready. “Should we go eat?”

She nods, and I hold my hand out to her. She places her hand in mine and together we walk through the doors of Shaky Jane’s.

We’re seated by the same taciturn woman we met the other day, and the same teenage waitress takes our orders. A few locals say hi to us, including Margery and Mitchell, who are seated next to one another in a booth. The close-knit feeling of it all makes me miss Harborview.

“Going back home will be nice,” I say to Angela.

“It will be,” she says. “And not only because I want to get back to work. I miss my moms. And Cat.”

“Don’t tell Hunter or Jamie this, but I actually do miss them,” I say.

“And I miss Jack’s coffee. And the diner. And the way Cat’s bookstore looks at night, with all the twinkly lights wrapped around the books.”

“I miss the lighthouse,” I tell her. “A few times a week when I’m home, I walk down the beach and around it. I wanted to be a lighthouse keeper for a few months when I was a kid. Before I realized I liked science.”

“That’s cute,” she says. “You’d make a good hermit. Sounds like you already have the celibate thing going on.” She smirks as she says this, and I know she’s thinking about what I admitted to her the other day about not sleeping with anyone.

“What can I say, no one measures up to you, Angel,” I say honestly. “I don’t want anyone else.” I wink, trying to make that statement seem lighthearted, but it still lands heavily between us: my longing, her indecision, our past, my mistakes.

Luckily, we’re saved from acknowledging it by Archie, who heads towards our table from the kitchens.

“Just sold Jane ten of the lobsters we caught today,” he says to us.

“I feel bad eating them now,” Angela says.

“Don’t. They’re delicious.” Archie laughs as he says this, and I get the sense it’s not something he does very often.

“Sit with us?” I ask him, partly because I’m afraid that if I’m left alone with Angela much longer I’ll make another desperate confession to her.

Archies nods and sits down next to Angela. We get to talking about Harborview, and he explains that his Agnes had family in the area. Her younger sister moved there and married, and had a few kids. Archie hasn’t seen them for a while now, since she died.

“You should come visit us,” Angela says. “We’d love to see you again, and I’m sure your niece and nephew would be happy about it, too. What are their names?”

“Sam and Sophia Bennett. Agnes’s sister is Eileen Bennett.”

“Oh, I know Eileen,” Angela says, and I’m not surprised. She knows most people in town from working at the hospital, or from her moms, who are friendly with just about everyone.

“And I know Sam,” I say. “He’s a good friend of Hunter’s and works on the construction crew with him.”

“That settles it. You’re coming to visit us.” My heart soars at hearing Angela say “us” like that—like we’re together, and like we might still be in the future.

Archie agrees begrudgingly, and gives us his cell phone number, as well as his landline because service on Isle North can be spotty. The landline makes me miss Harborview even more—my house there is in the woods with horrible cell reception. I have Jamie and Hunter’s landline number memorized and have since we were kids.

We finish our dinner happily chatting away. Even though I might miss Harborview, part of me wishes Angela and I could stay here, in this alternate reality where she doesn’t avoid me at all costs and actually seems to like me, forever. As I look at her, laughing across the table at something Archie said, blue eyes blazing and blonde hair like a halo around her head, I promise myself that this isn’t the end.

I won’t let it be.