Finding Home at Randy’s (Diner Days)

Chapter 15

H ow I managed to pick up dinner and my kid, and then make it back home, is a mystery.

Telling Denver we’ll see where things go between us is one thing, coming face to face with my words when I’m alone is a whole other. The problem I’m having is, why? Why me? Why now…? Just…so many questions I didn’t voice earlier because everything seemed too good to be true. Distance has forced everything to the surface, and it’s fucking terrifying .

“Okay, Cher?” Rory asks as I poke at the food on my plate.

I try to smile and pretend everything is normal. The last thing I need is for either of them to worry.

“Lying is a sin, Dad. You’ve been weird since you picked me up from Granna’s. You should talk about it if it’s bothering you.”

“I’d much rather talk about what’s going on with you,” I reply.

Callum rolls his eyes. “Not much. We went to the shelter, and Granna helped me with my social studies work. I have some math stuff I need Da to look at after dinner, but other than that, I’m fine.”

“I’m glad you had a good day. You talk to any of your friends today?”

He shrugs. “Just Nat. Did you know they’re getting a kitten? Their uncle’s cat had kittens, and said they could have one.”

Ah, now I know why the cat conversation has reared its head again. For the last few years, every few months it seems to be the same thing, Callum asks for a pet, and Rory and I have to gently tell him no. Maybe Rory is right and now’s the time to allow it. Hard maybe. It depends on how serious he is about caring for it. I’ve done my time taking care of small creatures, and mine can talk back now, I'd rather not have to deal with another. Though maybe a fluffy one would be better behaved.

“Well, my day was boring as all hell,” Rory says. “Half the meetings I had today could have been an email, or at least a phone call where I didn’t have to see the person face to face. I’m working from home the rest of the week because if I have to see another person, I might scream.”

Reaching over, I squeeze his hand. “Sorry it’s rough. I’ll be mostly sequestered away, trying to put some more progress down on that damn book. Callum is home the rest of the week, except Friday.”

“There’s a homeschool group outing to the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum then,” Cal explains. “It’ll fulfill some art credits that a few people need, and we’ll probably hang out afterwards.”

“Want me to take him?” Rory asks.

Normally, I’d say no, but… Denver said earlier their next day off was Friday, and we agreed to meet up after Callum’s outing, as I was going to drop him off with Rory since we would already be in the city, but maybe seeing them sooner than planned would be good for us.

“If you can, please.”

“Sure, no problem.

“Can I be excused?” Callum asks. “It’s Da’s turn to clear the table.”

“Yeah, sure. Go prep your homework questions and I’ll be up in a bit,” Rory says. He waits until Callum’s bedroom door slams shut upstairs before looking at me with a familiar ‘you better not think about lying to me’ expression. “So, what’s going on with you, Cher?”

For half a second, I consider not telling him, but…I can’t do that to either of us, that’s not the type of relationship we have.

“I…talked to Denver today. About their relationship with Luka and what they’re trying…and about my relationship with them, or the promise of one.”

Rory smiles. “That’s great, Grae.”

I shake my head. “It’s not. You know why I’ve kept my distance.”

He rolls his eyes. “Because you think your needs and kinks don’t line up. And maybe you’re right, maybe you aren’t a match in that way, but Cher, you won’t know unless you try.” I go to speak but he holds up a hand. “You fought this way when we separated, remember? You got so lost in your head, and what you thought was right, that I almost lost you as a friend. We almost lost this.” He gestures around to the house as a whole and encompasses our life in general. “Your needs changed, and that’s okay. Maybe the type of Doms you and Denver are aren’t compatible, but there are other ways to be together.

“We fell out of love, Cher. Long before we fell out of kink together. If that didn’t happen, I don’t think we would have broken up, do you?”

I shake my head immediately. No. Kink was never the be-all end-all to our relationship. We could have found our way together had we not fallen out of love, but that’s not what happened. Instead, we did what we’ve always done: we used our long-standing friendship to help move us and our family forward into something that makes sense to us .

I love him, wholly and truly, but I’m not in love with him.

And I hate that he knows me so well.

“You think Denver and I could still work,” I say softly. It’s not a question so he doesn’t bother answering. “You think our friendship is more than what it appears to be, and that if we try to see what happens, we might find something for us that has nothing to do with bedroom activities.”

Rory gives me a soft, gentle smile and he reaches for my hand. “I do. I think you closed yourself off so much after we separated, because you’re afraid of things changing again. But Cher…change isn’t a bad thing. I don’t want or need another serious relationship, but you do. Even if it’s not with Denver, you should at least try. Figure out what you do and don’t want.”

I give him a watery smile as a lump forms in my throat and tears burn the back of my eyes. “Je t’aime,” I say quietly. “Thank you for being here for me. I’m not sure what I would do without you.”

He squeezes my hand. “I love you, too. You and Callum wouldn’t survive without me, so it's good thing you never have to find out what that’s like. Now, does that help?”

Taking a deep breath, I nod. “Yeah, it does actually. We loved each other before the kink, and though that love is different now, it still counts.”

“It does.” He squeezes my hand again.

“What about Luka, though?”

Rory shrugs. “You’re not opposed to poly. We might not be the best example since we did the whole open kink relationship before calling it quits for good, but you know somewhat how it works. It’s something you’ll have to talk to both of them about, but whatever happens will be because all of you want it.”

“I know, it’s just nerve-wracking. Denver says he’s shy, and I saw a little of that. I haven’t gotten to know him well, but I would like to.”

“There you go then. You won’t know unless you try, Grae.”

I hold onto his hand just a bit tighter and give him what I hope is a believable smile. “You’re right.”

I have no idea what I’m doing, but as always, Rory knows what to say and do. I know he mostly said it in jest, but I really would have been lost had we not stayed close after our divorce. Needy and codependent? Maybe, but it works for us.