Finding Home (Heart & Home Duet #2)

4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Christian

August 2018

Mom and I drove up the long driveway toward the old stone colonial home with white-painted pillars and black shutters. It reminded me of those plantation houses, and it very well could’ve been back in the day. While I loved visiting my grandparents here, dread filled the pit of my stomach. It was to be our new home.

When Mom and Dad’s divorce went through, Mom couldn’t afford to live in Washington, DC, anymore on her nurse’s salary, so we had to move here and live with her parents until she could get back on her feet, if ever.

God, I was so not going to fit in here. I was a city boy, not a country boy. We lived in a condo in the city. There was too much green here and not enough concrete. It was also too quiet. There was no traffic or honking horns. Country people were not going to accept me as much as they had back home.

“I know it’s a big change, Christian. Starting over in a new town and school will take some adapting, but I’m sure you’ll make friends. You’re such a sweet person, and they’ll see that, too.”

I had great friends back in DC, and I’d miss them, but I seriously doubted I’d make many friends here. There were bullies back in my old school, sure, but here? There would definitely be more. Regardless, I refused to change who I was.

“Yeah, right. Being gay and more on the feminine side will mesh really well with the local rednecks. Don’t guys around here wrestle bulls or something?”

When she pulled the moving van to a stop, she ran a hand through my hair, which looked like hers. We had an unusual color of red, which was darker than most, but hers was curlier than mine. She always wore it up high on her head, with little ringlets falling down.

We were both pretty short, too. If I were a girl, we’d look like twins, although I was often confused as one.

She looked at me with guilt and understanding. “Not all of them are like that, but you’re not wrong. Small-town people can be… small minded sometimes. But if you want them to be accepting of you, you have to be accepting of them, too.”

Mom was right. If I wanted people to like me for me, I had to do the same for them. “God, I just don’t want to deal with the haters all over again.”

“I know, sweetheart. I really wish we had the option to stay in Washington, and, while I make decent money, it’s not enough to afford to live there or even in the suburbs. Most of the homes outside of the city are running nearly a million dollars. It’s insane. But staying with my parents will save us some money, and they need nurses here.”

I sighed and nodded. We had few options, so I understood it, but I hated to adapt and have to come out as gay all over again.

“Just be yourself, honey. Always be yourself. Don’t let anyone dictate who you are.”

Mom always accepted me and taught me to embrace my true self. But that didn’t make it any easier. Dad struggled more with my sexuality, but he still loved me, at least. Too bad my parents didn’t love each other anymore.

“Not like I have a choice,” I sighed. I didn’t want to make it harder on her, but this was my life, too.

Her sigh hinted at impatience. “Christian…”

“I’ll do my best, Mom.”

“That’s all I ask.”

I opened the truck door and jumped out, landing on gravel and staring at the old house. It really was a beautiful home, and my grandparents were as accepting as Mom was. At least I had allies and a support system. It helped me not feel so alone.

My grandparents came out onto the porch as I walked up to them. Grandma held her arms open to me and stepped into her embrace.

“I missed you, Christian.”

“I missed you, too.”

When I pulled away, Grandpa hugged me, too. “You’re getting so big.”

I wasn’t really, standing at only five-foot-five. We were all pretty short, though. Mom was only five-foot-four. At least I was taller than her now, but not by much.

“Thanks, Grandpa.”

After they hugged Mom, they led us inside.

Their home had been built in the early 1800s, and looked it, too. The floors still had their original hardwood and creaked in places. It smelled like home-cooked meals, burned wood from the fireplaces, and love.

As soon as I walked in, Bean and Bubbles barked and jumped up and down, trying to get attention and pets. The Jack Russell terriers were a bit wild, but they were so cute. Bean was a boy and was all white, and Bubbles was a girl, covered in white fur with brown and black spots on her ears and tail.

Grandma wrapped her arm around me. “Why don’t you go up to your room? I have a present for you sitting on the dresser.” Her brown eyes twinkled and crinkled with her smile.

“Thanks, Grandma.”

I pulled away and rushed up the stairs with the dogs yapping at my heels. My room looked the same as it always had whenever I visited, but this time, I’d decorate it the way I liked it. I planned to hang fairy lights, toss fuzzy pillows onto my bed, and hang up posters of Troye Sivan. God, he was so beautiful. I had the biggest crush on him.

The old, tall dresser held a small black box sitting on top. I grabbed the box, opened it, and found a pair of dangling pearl earrings.

I gasped and quickly pulled them out of the box and put them in my ears. Mom allowed me to get them pierced last year, so I never missed an opportunity to wear something pretty. The earrings were Grandma’s. She always wore them at Christmas, and I fell in love with them.

My heart beat with excitement as I looked into the mirror to see how they looked on me. They were absolutely perfect.

I rushed downstairs, with the dogs clacking their nails on the stairs as they followed me, and found my grandmother in the kitchen. I pulled her into a hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

She chuckled. “You’re welcome, dear. I know how much you liked them, and I wanted to put a smile on your face.”

“You’re the best!”

Mom stepped up to me and touched one of the pearls. “They’re so beautiful on you.”

“Thank you!”

It didn’t make up for uprooting my life, but the gift reminded me of how loved and accepted I was. That I’d survive this big change with them on my side.

It was my first day of school, and my hands trembled as I buttoned up my pale blue lace shirt over a white tank top. I pulled on my baggy dark wash jeans and tightened the leather belt around my waist. Last, I clasped the pearl choker around my neck to match my pearl earrings.

I hated that I had to start in a new school. Being the new kid would be the worst. At least the school year just started, so I wasn’t arriving in the middle.

As I stood in front of the full-length mirror, making sure everything was perfectly in place, I ran my hands through my wavy, dark red hair, which fell to my chin.

Kids were going to make fun of me, but I refused to bow down to the masses, and heck if I was going to dress like a cowboy or some… lumberjack. This was me, accept it or not.

Despite my internal bravado, I was terrified. And since my stomach wouldn’t stop twisting so hard, I felt ill. There was always a chance of getting beaten up, which wouldn’t be the first time.

I put on some pink lip gloss and spritzed on some cologne as the final touch.

A knock on my door startled me. Bean and Bubbles, sleeping on my bed, were suddenly alert and barking. I opened it to Mom, smiling and wearing magenta scrubs. She’d gotten a job as a nurse at the Inova Loudoun Hospital. “Ready? You don’t want to miss the bus.”

“I think so.”

“Nervous?”

I nodded. “Enough to throw up a little.”

She chuckled and stepped forward, straightening my collar and adjusting my necklace. “You look handsome, honey. Good luck today, and don’t take shit from anyone. ”

That was easier said than done when you were short, had no muscles to speak of, and looked more like a girl than a boy, which I fully embraced. It wasn’t that I wanted to be a girl. I loved being a guy, but I also loved pretty things and pairing them with masculine things. I embraced my androgyny.

When the bus arrived in front of the house at the end of the driveway, I climbed on with my insides in complete chaos. It was my first time on one since I used to walk to school back in DC.

The students suddenly stopped talking and stared at me as I tried to find a place to sit alone. All the seats were taken, so I had to find a student who appeared to be the least threatening.

No one said a word to me, which I was grateful for.

I ended up sitting next to a girl who looked as scared as I did. She wore thick glasses that made her blue eyes seem huge. Her hair was long, brown, and silky. She was actually quite cute.

“C-can I sit here?”

“Yeah.”

With a deep breath, I got my shit together. I was still alive. Silver linings and all that.

“I’m Christian Mallory,” I said, holding out my hand.

She smiled with a mouth full of braces. “Dani Vincent.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“You, too. I like your pearls.”

I smiled broadly, finally relaxing a bit. “Thanks.”

We chatted a bit about school, and I learned she had U.S. History with me. Hopefully, I’d made a new friend. Let’s hope the rest of my day went just as well.

My first class was language arts, which was uneventful, except that the students kept staring at me like I was some object to be gawked at, but I’d expected it .

My second class of the day was algebra, and when I looked up from my desk, the prettiest boy I’d ever seen walked in. He was even prettier than Troye, and that was saying something.

His hair was jet black, and he had skin as pale as snow. He was tall, and you could tell he had muscles. He gave off an intelligent and confident vibe, not the expected cocky swagger of most gorgeous and popular boys.

The person sitting next to me elbowed me. I turned to face another girl who had wavy, light brown hair and pretty, soft brown eyes. “That’s Dillon Copeland, the quarterback for the junior varsity team. Isn’t he hot?”

I nodded dumbly. “Yeah.”

“He never dates anyone, but I’ve been hoping he would look my way.”

“Good luck.”

“Thanks. Hey, I’m Jasmine.”

“Christian.”

“Oh! And stay away from Darren Wilson.”

“Who’s that?”

“He’s also on the football team, but he’s a bully. He’s friends with Dillon, though I don’t know why. Dillon is way cooler and nicer.”

“Thanks for the heads up. What does this Darren look like?”

“He’s huge—broad and tall with light blond hair that’s buzzed and mean green eyes. You can’t miss him. He’d be cute, too, if he weren’t such a dick.”

I filed that away for later, hoping I didn’t have any classes with him.

“Oh, my god!” she hissed excitedly. “He’s coming over to sit here.”

Dillon walked over and sat in front of me. Once he got settled, he turned around, reached over, and offered his hand. “I’m Dillon. You must be new here.”

God, he was so nice, too.

“Yep, I’m Christian,” I said, shaking his hand.

“Welcome to Loudoun County High School. ”

“Thanks.”

God, it would’ve been amazing if he were gay, too, but I doubted it. Even if he were, he wouldn’t be open like me, not someone on the football team.

As I rushed to class, I dropped one of my textbooks. I quickly picked it up and took off before I slammed into a wall.

I looked up and up to find it wasn’t a wall, but a boy, a big boy, a boy who looked like that Darren guy Jasmine had mentioned.

“Whoa, there,” he grunted. “You okay?”

My eyes grew wide, saying nothing. I sidestepped him to run off to class, but I quickly looked back at him, opening his locker, and watching me. I swallowed down my fear as I reached my class.

I had biology for third period, and my luck quickly ran out when I saw that enormous blond guy I’d collided with earlier in the hall, sitting at his desk, reading through his textbook.

Oh, god . It was him. The bully. He could literally break me in half if he wanted to.

“Why don’t you have a seat next to Mr. Wilson?” my teacher said, waving her hand at the empty desk next to my future bully. I swallowed hard, and my hands got all sweaty.

“Uhm…”

She must have read my mind, because she chuckled. “Darren looks big and scary, but he’s one of my best students. I taught him last year, too. You’ll be fine.”

Making good grades didn’t mean you couldn’t be a bully, but it was unusual. Still, it did nothing to calm my nerves.

I slowly walked over to my desk and eased into my seat as quietly as possible, as if tiptoeing around a sleeping grizzly bear.

Of course, he noticed, anyway.

He looked over at me, unsmiling, with hard, forest-green eyes, scanning me up and down, no doubt seeing my jewelry and lacy shirt, while he wore a light gray hoodie and loose-fitting jeans. I was literally everything he wasn’t.

Sweat prickled my back and pits as my stomach turned again.

“It’s you. ‘Sup? I’m Darren.”

“C-Christian,” I squeaked and quickly faced the front of the class, ignoring him and begging him not to say another word.

God, I just screamed, ‘bully me now’ with how I was acting, but I couldn’t help it. I’d been bullied before, and it was always a terrifying experience.

Once class started, he was fully focused on the teacher, and I soon relaxed and tried to follow along.

I’d spent my lunch with Dani, and Jasmine joined us, talking about my love of pretty things.

By fifth period, I was in hell. Darren was also in my Spanish class. At least I didn’t have to sit next to him, so he didn’t talk to me, but he sure kept looking over at me. I could tell from the corner of my eye, refusing to look back at him.

All in all, my day hadn’t been as bad as I’d expected. Some kids in the hall between classes made comments about my appearance, some using slurs, but I was used to that. That I could take. Just don’t touch or physically hurt me. That was all I asked.