Finding Love in Ivy Falls

Chapter Twenty-Four

MANNY

They’ve Got Nothing On Dolly

Sitting in a paper gown waiting for a prostate exam was more comfortable than the silence in the truck from Lou. Principal Vogel had done her best to be kind about the situation, but I was still in shock.

‘Why did you think it’d be okay to push Brittany off her swing? You know we have rules about anger. If someone hurts you, you talk it out – not act physical.’

Lou tucked herself against the door like if she made herself tiny enough she could disappear. A heavy weight of sadness filled my chest. The last thing I ever wanted was for my daughter to feel small.

‘Come on, Lou Lou.’ I tried to make my voice as gentle as possible. ‘You know you can talk to me about anything.’

The silent treatment continued until we pulled into the driveway. She shot out of the truck like lightning and rushed for the front door. Once I had it open, she raced back to her room. Fergus’ russet head rose up from his napping spot, but he didn’t move. Mr Peepers flapped inside his cage. ‘ Raisins! Fuck, I want some raisins! ’ the bird screeched.

My chest went tight, and my breaths came out in spurts. I reached for a chair at the kitchen table and held on tight. I closed my eyes. Pictured a box. Slowly I pulled in a breath for four seconds until I got to the corner of the imaginary shape, holding on for another four seconds. As I rounded the curve, I exhaled for four. When I reached the next corner, I held my breath for another four seconds. The image repeated itself a couple of times until I felt like my chest wasn’t heaving up and down like a ship on a rough sea. I’d read in a magazine that Navy SEALs used the ‘box method’ to control their breathing in stressful situations.

At this moment doing secret missions under the cloak of night felt just as daunting as raising an eleven-year-old daughter.

The buzzing phone in my pocket stopped the routine. Tessa. Every part of me wanted to answer, but Lou had to be my focus right now. I let the call go to voicemail and walked down the hall.

‘Lou Lou,’ I called out. ‘Can I come in?’

The sound of muffled cries filtered through the door.

‘Hey, I’m right here. Please talk to me.’

A sob-filled ‘Okay, Daddy’ filled the air, and I turned the knob and opened the door.

When Lou was old enough to know her own mind, she’d told me she wanted a pale blue room with daisies painted on the walls. Calling in a favor from a talented artist friend, I had wildflowers, including a dozen daisies, painted across an entire wall.

Lou sat with her knees tucked to her chest under the fairy tent made of opaque yellow tulle in the corner.

Settling down on the edge of her bed, my gaze snagged on a framed picture of Gina on a nearby bookcase. She sat in her favorite rocker with a sleeping Lou tucked against her chest. I’d caught the image late one night after Gina finished feeding her. I’d stood in the hallway, listening as she sang ‘You Are My Sunshine’ in the sweetest voice. I rushed back to our room and grabbed my phone, instinct telling me I had to capture the intimate moment.

‘Lou, this isn’t working,’ I said, tearing my gaze away from the picture.

She stayed quiet, her sniffles filling the room.

I moved off the bed. When I reached the entrance to the tent, I said, ‘Pretty, pretty princess.’ Lou had a rule that daddies must say the secret password in order to enter her castle.

Her tear-stained cheeks wrecked me, but I waited for her permission. A slight nod of her head had me hunching down, taking careful steps inside. Soft white fairy lights were strung across the top of the tent. A mound of pillows and blankets covered the floor. Reggie rested his little white and black ferret head flush against her forearm, his favorite napping spot.

‘Did you know that I got suspended from school once?’ I sat on an oversized navy blue pillow, my body taking up a good part of the tent.

Her beautiful brown eyes went wide. ‘What did you do?’

‘A few of my friends decided to be funny and drive the coach’s car out of the school lot and park it on the football field. We thought it’d be a great prank. The principal did not agree.’

A long beat passed between us until she finally said in a bare whisper, ‘Brittany keeps saying you’re gonna leave Ivy Falls. That you’re famous now and famous people always go to California. That you’re not gonna take me with you because you’ll be too busy going to fancy parties. Meeting cool movie stars.’

I rubbed my stinging eyes. Pulled in a quick breath. This was what was causing my baby so much pain? I clutched my hands in my lap, trying not to let a dark swirl of guilt swallow me whole.

At first, the show had seemed like a good idea. The extra money let me start a college account for Lou. Helped me pay down our mortgage. But none of that was worth it if it made my only child miserable.

‘Is this what’s been bothering you lately? Why you’ve been so grumpy?’

She dipped her head and nodded.

‘First,’ I said, tilting up her chin, ‘I’d never leave you or Ivy Falls. This is our home. All the memories of your mom are here. Iris and Rose and Miss Torran and Miss Tess…’ I took a thick gulp. ‘They’re our family too. Nothing on this planet, not even an out-of-control space meteor, could get me to go, Lou. And as for famous movie stars,’ I made a pfft sound, ‘they’ve got nothing on Dolly Parton. You know, if I was truly famous, she’d be the first one we’d meet. Together.’

That finally got her to crack a smile, and she scooched in close to me. ‘Yeah, Dolly was number one on my list too. My teacher says she gives books to young kids all over the state.’ Her eyes went mischievous. ‘Her Nashville house is an hour and fifteen minutes from here. I googled it.’

‘Louisa! You know you’re not to use the computer without supervision.’

‘I asked Auntie Torran about it one day, and she showed me how to use her phone.’

Oh great. Now my best friend was breaking my rules. That was a conversation for another time.

‘Lou Lou,’ I brushed a gentle hand over her hair. ‘I know the show’s been a lot, and it’s gotten in the way of the time we spend together. And, although I hate it, I’m aware that kids at school have phones. That they probably show you all the stuff that’s being posted. But honestly, none of it is more important than you.’

She leaned into my side. ‘Most of the kids have been teasing me.’ She narrowed her eyes and gave me an intense look. ‘What does “Zaddy” mean?’

I choked on my own saliva. ‘Uh, it’s an adult term.’

‘Like a bad word?’

‘It’s a word that shouldn’t concern you,’ I said, desperate to change the subject. ‘We’re going to be okay, the two of us. I’m busier now, sure, but that will never mean I’m not here to listen. If you need me for any reason, I’ll drop everything to help.’

She gave me a big hug. ‘I understand, and I probably haven’t said it, but it’s kinda cool that you’re on TV.’

‘Thanks.’ I ruffled her hair, held on to her for a minute longer until I said, ‘So you know the rule about punishment, right?’

‘Do I really have to write Brittany an apology letter? Couldn’t I just send her an email?’

I swallowed a laugh. ‘No. A handwritten note. And it needs to be kind and honest.’

She let out a frustrated huff. ‘But she was the one being mean!’

‘What do we say about conflict in this house, Louisa?’

She rolled her eyes, but her shoulders gave a little. ‘We can’t control how other people act, but we can control how we behave.’

‘And…’

‘A clear conscience makes for a happy mind.’

I pulled her into another hug. A big part of me wanted to stay in this spot forever. Keep Lou in this cocoon so no one could tease her or make her feel forgotten again.

‘Manny?’ A sweet, lilting voice that always made my blood spark to life filled the hallway.

‘Is that Miss Tessa?’ Lou set Reggie down, jumped to her feet and tore out of the room. I quickly followed and watched as she threw herself at Tess’ waist. She let out a small ooof before tugging Lou in closer. They stayed like that for a long moment, and I tried not to let my mind race. Think about how if Tess and I could have a future together, there could be more moments like this one where my little girl, who’d been crying only a moment ago, now beamed brighter than the summer sun.

Tess let go of Lou but held on to her hands. ‘You okay, Lulubean?’

Lou glanced over her shoulder at me as I leaned against the wall, sure my cheeks were warm from watching the scene. Fergus trotted up, banging into the wall once or twice before he rubbed his head against Tess’ side. The dog couldn’t see, but he could sure sense how special she was.

‘Can I tell her I was suspended?’ Lou asked.

I rubbed a nervous hand along the back of my neck. ‘I think you just did.’

Tess looked into Lou’s eyes. ‘Wanna tell me what happened?’

She shrugged. ‘Daddy can tell you. I gotta go back to my room and write a ’pology letter.’

Tess ran a loving hand over the top of Lou’s head. ‘That sounds important. Better get to it.’

Lou bounced back to her room, and Fergus quickly followed her. I waited until I heard the chair to her desk slide out before I went to meet Tess in the middle of the hall. Every instinct in me wanted to reach out and touch her hair. Lean in and press a soft kiss to her pretty pink lips, but things were still new, and I didn’t want to confuse Lou if she saw us.

Like she understood what I was feeling, Tess laced her fingers through mine and pulled me to the kitchen. ‘Sorry I came in unannounced. I knocked several times, but there was no answer, and I was worried.’

‘How’d you know about Lou?’

She gave me a look, waited a beat.

‘Miss Marta?’ I said.

A faint smile lifted her lips.

‘It’s fine,’ I sighed. ‘I’m glad she told you. Happy you’re here.’

She reached out and ran a hand down my cheek. Her touch was exactly what I needed in this moment.

‘Looks like you need coffee. Lots of it,’ she said.

‘You have no idea.’

She moved around my kitchen like she belonged here, and I tried not to think how much I wanted that to be a reality.