Finding Love in Ivy Falls

Chapter Twenty-Nine

TESSA

False Hope

The scent of roasted chicken filled the air as I walked in my back door. Iris and Rose scurried around the table, setting down plates and napkins. Purple wildflowers spilled from a glass vase. LED candles we’d used in our Halloween pumpkins now sat in the center of the table, their opaque flames flickering.

‘What’s all this?’ I asked, putting down my purse on a small table by the back door.

Billy stood next to the stove wearing my ‘I Use the Smoke Alarm as a Timer’ apron. That bruise under his eye was plum-colored now. Those stupid plastic bug-style black sunglasses he always wore dangled from the collar of his denim blue T-shirt.

‘Daddy made us dinner.’ Iris gave me a megawatt smile.

‘And we picked flowers from the empty lot behind the house!’ Rose added. ‘It can’t be a pretty dinner without them.’

Part of me loved the gleam in my girls’ eyes. The other part of me wanted to clobber Billy with the cast-iron skillet. What was he doing showing up here unannounced?

I walked to the stove and dragged a towel over the mess he’d made. ‘How did you get in?’

‘Oh, you mean because my key no longer works?’

I gave him an irritated stare, and he raised his hands in mock surrender.

‘I get it. I would have locked me out too.’ He tried to give me that grin that used to make me crumble. Not anymore. ‘I was waiting here when Torran dropped them off.’ He lowered his voice. ‘She really let me have it. Which I totally deserved.’

He flashed a look at the girls, who were now playing a game in front of the TV.

‘I’m doing my best here, Tessie. Silvio hired me at the store. I’ve been to the police station. Got all the info about the tow yard and walked the half-mile there to get my car. Called the insurance company to see how to make a claim.’

I gaped at him.

‘Yes, I do have insurance. I knew you’d drop me off the policy.’

‘Can you blame me?’

‘No,’ he sighed. ‘But I’m making changes, and I want everyone to see it. When Silvio shoved the apron into my hands today, he told me he’d be watching me like a hawk.’

‘I’m not surprised. It’s not like you have a sterling reputation around here.’

His gaze went to the floor. ‘I know.’

‘He and Mrs Vanderpool are giving you a second chance,’ I added. ‘You better not mess it up.’

‘I swear I won’t.’ His gaze moved back to the girls. ‘I hope you’ll let me show you I’m different now.’

Iris peeled across the room and threw herself at his waist. ‘I told Daddy all about soccer practice today. How I scored two goals during my scrimmage.’ Rose followed her into the room but hung back. Wary of this man she still didn’t know. ‘You should have seen it, Mama,’ Iris went on. ‘It was like I got all this energy, and just dribbled through everyone’s legs. My tummy didn’t hurt once today.’

I glanced at my rosy-cheeked girl and loved the light in her eyes.

‘Is dinner ready?’ I asked Billy.

‘Sure is.’

He placed the roasted chicken on one of my big white platters and set it on the table.

Once we were all seated, he had the gall to say, ‘Should we say grace?’

He reached out and took my hand. The girls looked at us under their fans of dark lashes. Acid coated my throat. We were giving them the wrong idea, false hope, but I didn’t pull away because, for one night, I wanted all the worries of the day to be far from their minds.

Rose said a sweet prayer about family and how she liked her teacher. Iris added that she hoped she’d score a goal at her next game, and she was happy her daddy was finally home. Billy couldn’t hide his smile as he watched her.

The first time I saw him cry was the day Iris was born. A nurse asked if he wanted to hold her, and Billy nodded. She told him that the best way was skin-to-skin. While he removed his T-shirt, the nurse waited with Iris in her arms. In that moment, I saw a different side to him. How he hungered for the family he’d never had. When he held her, he began to sing a lullaby of his own creation. The tune would transform over the years as Iris grew bigger and then when Rosie came along. It was his special bond with the girls. The last thing they asked for when he put them to bed at night when he was home.

My feelings were like the Christmas lights you unpacked every year. A tangled mess that looked impossible at first, but after time, and patience, you finally separated them into different strings. I wondered if it was possible for me to do that with Billy. To allow myself to still have resentment. Anger. But put aside the past so he could reconnect with our children again.

‘Mama,’ Iris said, bringing me back to the conversation. ‘Do you think I could take guitar lessons? Learn how to play like Daddy?’

‘What about soccer?’

She shrugged. ‘Maybe I could do both?’

‘It’d be good for her, Tessie. There’s data that shows music helps kids with science and math.’

I arched a brow.

‘What?’ he huffed. ‘I do read, you know.’

The girls watched us with intensity, and I forced a smile to my lips. ‘That’s good to hear because you’re on story time duty tonight.’

Iris and Rose cheered, and Billy shot me another grateful smile.

Once dinner was over, the girls raced around the kitchen with soapy hands, trying not to drop plates as they slid them into the dishwasher. They’d begged to turn on some music and were now dancing through the house to the Hamilton soundtrack. They loved all the rapping, but I knew I was never going to get the bridge to ‘Satisfied’ out of my head.

I pressed their smiles and giggles into my memory. This was how their life should be – not nightmares and stomachaches.

Billy sang along with them in his deep baritone. After high school, he’d had offers to do studio work in Nashville, play at open mic nights. He never followed through on any of those opportunities, because he was too scared, too worried he might prove his father right and fail. Which, sadly, he did anyway.

He spun Iris around, his short, bleached hair looking white in the soft kitchen light. As I watched them, I waited for the anger to come. My questions about how long this would last until he did something stupid again, but I forced them away. For now, my girls were smiling. Happy. And that was all that mattered.

Once the music was over, and there was only one plate casualty, I told the girls it was time for bed. They grabbed onto Billy’s hands and tugged him down the hall. He turned and mouthed ‘thank you’, and the ice around my heart began to thaw a little.

A few crumbs still littered the kitchen floor, and I grabbed the broom and went to work. The sounds of a guitar filtered out toward me. I walked toward the girls’ room as Billy sang that lullaby. His voice dipping, churning, crooning as he sang of starlight, moonbeams and being whisked off to a land of sweet dreams.

I pressed the dish towel to my eyes. Shook my head. A swell of worry mixed with a good deal of dread filled my chest. He was so good with the girls when he wanted to be. But despite his claims, I couldn’t believe he wouldn’t just take off again. Destroy any good memories he’d ever built with them.

Slowly I walked down the hall, another chorus filling the house. A slight knock sounded at the back door, and I expected to find Torran standing there. Probably still fuming over having to leave the girls here with Billy. When I saw Manny standing in the shadow of the faint light, I couldn’t hide my smile.

‘Hi,’ he whispered. ‘Can we talk?’

I closed the door behind me and walked down the stone walkway beside the house.

‘Everything okay?’ I asked when I stopped on a small patch of grass.

‘Yeah, I just wanted to check on you. See how your day’s been.’

‘Billy’s here,’ I blurted out.

‘Okay,’ he said in a measured way. ‘Are you all right with that?’

‘No. Yes,’ I mumbled. ‘How the hell did my life get this way? I just want things to go back to the way they used to be.’

Manny’s gaze went to the ground. ‘You mean before you and I…’

‘No. I don’t have any regrets about that. But this thing with Billy.’ I flung my hands back to the house. ‘It’s making my stomach churn, and I hate every minute of it.’

‘What can I do to help?’ The loving tone in his voice nearly wrecked me.

‘I don’t know. To be honest, I’m not sure how I’m going to navigate through all this.’

‘Don’t take it on alone.’ He ran a hand lovingly along my cheek. ‘Lean on me whenever you need it.’

‘Stop doing that,’ I said softly.

His eyebrows went up. ‘Doing what?’

‘Being so damn good to me.’ I took a slow step forward, and he wrapped his arms around my waist.

‘This is only a rough patch. A bump in the road,’ he said, laying his cheek on the top of my head. ‘Things will settle down and get back to normal.’

I chuckled against his warm chest. ‘Hate to tell you this, but when Billy is around, nothing is normal.’

He pulled back and gave me a steady stare. ‘That was before.’ He hesitated. ‘Well, before I was present in this picture. I mean if that’s what you still want. Me. Present.’

‘Of course,’ I said, pressing my hand to his cheek. ‘I just have to figure out how to keep all the plates spinning, while also making sure Billy’s return doesn’t cause too much chaos. I hope you can be patient with me as I figure it all out.’ I chewed on my lower lip, pushing out the next uncomfortable words. ‘That may mean taking things a bit slower with us.’

‘Tess, you tell me the pace, and I’ll follow.’

He gave me a hopeful smile, and I melted into his arms again. We stood in silence for a moment. I loved the gentle, melodic thump of his heart beneath my ear, reminding me that he was the solid rock I could always lean on.

‘Uh,’ he mumbled. ‘There’s one thing I need to tell you.’

The worried tone in his voice made me pull back. He took an uncomfortable gulp and pointed to a reddish-purple mark on his neck.

Oh no. No. No.

‘Your sister knows about us.’ He pressed a small kiss to my nose and then leaned his forehead against mine. ‘She saw that spot. Figured it out.’

‘Great. One more thing I’m going to have to explain to her. Did she let out a cheer?’

‘No.’ His wide chest bounced up and down with a chuckle. ‘But she may have done a really awkward dance that reminded me too much of a June bug flipped onto its back.’

I laughed and buried my head into his shoulder. ‘It would be nice if I could catch some kind of break one of these days.’

He pulled me into another hug, and for the first time in hours, I relaxed.

‘So he’s inside with the girls?’

‘Yes, he’s reading them a bedtime story. He’s only here for them, Manny.’

He went quiet, his breath going ragged.

‘My guard is up around him. I know every trick he likes to play. Him being here tonight is a one-off.’

‘You don’t have to explain things to me. I trust you,’ he whispered into my hair.

‘That’s one of the many things I adore about you. The fact that you watch, protect, but never interfere.’

‘I’d do anything for you and the girls.’

‘We know that.’ I pressed a kiss against the stubble on his cheek. ‘I’ll set firm boundaries. When he can spend time with the girls. How he should start providing for them monetarily.’

The phone beeped in his pocket. He hesitated before pulling it out, his lips going thin. ‘I have to go. Susan and Barb had Lou over for dinner, and they’re ready to take her home. I want to be there for her bedtime routine.’

‘Go.’ I pressed my lips to his, meaning for it to be quick, but he wound me in his arms. Deepened the kiss. I let the heat of him wash over me. Pressed my body against his until he threaded his fingers through the back of my hair.

The hinges on the back door whined. ‘Tessie, you out here?’

I stepped back from Manny, pressed a hand over his heart, and then walked onto the lighted path.

‘What are you doing out here?’ Billy asked.

Manny stepped out of the shadows.

‘Oh,’ Billy mumbled. ‘Hey, Manny.’

‘Billy.’ His stare narrowed on the sunglasses tucked into the collar of Billy’s shirt. A tic in his cheek warned something was wrong. ‘When did you first get to town?’ Manny said with a rough clip.

Billy looked startled. ‘I came in last night like I said.’

‘You weren’t skulking around the soccer fields a few weeks ago? Watching the games? Watching the girls?’

‘Manny, what are you talking about?’ I said.

He pointed to the sunglasses. ‘A couple of weeks ago I saw a guy at the fields. He was wearing those glasses. Same kind of hoodie and dark pants. Even had the same cocky walk. He was hiding behind the trees like he didn’t want to be seen.’

I rounded on Billy. ‘Were you there?’

Billy took a step back. Held up his hands. ‘Not sure what you saw, man, but it wasn’t me. And these glasses, I got them at the dollar store on a rack with like a dozen lookalikes.’

‘Tess, it was him.’ Manny insisted.

‘What the hell are you talking about? I just told you I wasn’t there.’ Billy turned to me. ‘I swear, Tessie, until I drove here from Atlanta, I have not been back in Ivy Falls.’

Billy had many tells when he was lying. He never looked you in the eye, often fidgeted, putting his hands into his pockets. He did none of that now.

‘Manny, could it have been someone else?’ I pressed.

‘I know what I saw.’

He and Billy stood in an uncomfortable stalemate until the door opened, and Iris peeked her head out.

‘Mama, is something wrong?’ Her frightened stare swung between Manny and Billy. ‘You were supposed to come and tuck us in.’

‘It’s okay, Iris. Go back inside,’ I said.

Manny’s face crumbled. ‘I was just leaving.’ He leveled a tender gaze at Iris and then back to me. ‘I’ll see you later, Tess.’

‘Good night,’ I said as he walked to his truck parked in the driveway.

‘Tessie.’ Billy started to speak again.

‘No,’ I said under my breath before going to Iris. ‘I’ll be there in a minute, sweetheart. Grab Rosie a glass of water and then wait for me in your room.’

‘All right.’ Her voice hitched before she disappeared from the doorway, the sound of the faucet running a few seconds later.

Billy gave me a pained look, waited for the sound of Iris’ receding footsteps. ‘Tell me you believe me. We were together for over ten years. You’ve got to take my word over some guy you barely know.’

The whole situation felt like a bad nightmare I did not want to deal with right now. The girls were confused, and Manny would never make a claim like he had unless he was sure he was right.

‘Manny is not some guy I barely know. These last few years he’s been here for us when you weren’t.’

‘Tessie,’ he sighed. ‘But I’m back…’

I held up a hand to stop him. ‘You know the way back to Mrs Vanderpool’s.’

His stare went back to the ground. ‘Thanks for letting me have tonight. I appreciate getting to spend more time with the girls.’

‘Don’t…’ I started but bit back my scalding words.

‘Go ahead,’ he said, defeated. ‘Say what you want.’

‘I’m begging you to not let them down again. They need you in their life. Please, Billy, be the father they deserve.’

His eyes went watery. ‘I’m trying. I hope you believe me.’

‘Tonight was a good start,’ I offered.

‘Thank you, Tessie. You always were fair, even when I didn’t deserve it.’ With a sad nod, he whispered good night and melted into the Ivy Falls darkness.