Finding Me in the Storm (Sweet Christmas Kisses)

Chapter Five

Elaina

I finish up the dishes from the super light lunch and our mini cake and cookies. Which didn’t turn out so bad, considering we only added water. We are running out of food, but making the most of the meager supplies, making some unusual meals such as the bean soup today. Still, Nate has made this experience far from boring. I have to admit this might turn out to be my favorite vacation, even if these little flutters of my stomach and long glances are starting to really mess with my head. I can’t fall in love with my best friend’s brother, for goodness’ sake.

“Penny for your thought,” the object of my thoughts breaks into my quiet moment.

My face heats up as I obviously can’t tell him what I was daydreaming about. I would rather run out into the snowdrifts in bare feet than tell Nate I’m finding myself oddly attracted to him.

“Just my mind racing about all over the place,” I offer back, hoping that will satisfy him. “What are your plans now?” I gaze out the window. “It appears the snow has stopped or lightened. You think we will be able to get out today or tomorrow morning?”

“I would guess in the morning,” he says. “You willing to stick around for some outdoor fun, maybe even getting you on some skis.”

“Oh, I’m not so sure about that,” I tell him. “If Luna hasn’t told you, I’m not the most coordinated. I would be the one those funny videos of people going backward down hills and taking out crowds are made of. I’m not interested in being famous for such a thing.”

“Come on. I teach small children to master these slopes. Well, I don’t do all the lessons personally, but I promise I would, in your case, have you taking on a black diamond slope in days,” he tells me with a cheeky grin. “Unless you are chicken.”

“You know that is not fair. I told you how that statement fires up my competitive nature,” I retort.

“That might be my plan. I wonder if you would care to take on a fantastic game of Uno,” he says, pulling out the card game from a side drawer. “I think we should be able to pass some time expending our competitive natures on this game.”

“I love Uno. Let’s do it,” I call out as I recline at the table.

I am going to miss it when I have to go back to work. I’m uncertain where I’m going to be employed, and I have a number of new opportunities on the table at the moment. My concern is they will all limit free time, and these days with Nate have shown me what you can do with the right person, some games, and a bit of imagination. This has felt like a reset from a long, stressful slog through residency, and I’m so grateful.

“Are you going to deal?” Nate asks.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I mutter. “I keep finding my brain wandering. You know, when I finally get out of this, I would love to spend a few more days before I have to go back to the real world. I have some big decisions to make, and I’m struggling with it.”

“What kind of decisions?” Nate asks, as I turn to him and see he truly appears interested.

“You remember me telling you I finished my residency? I have been fielding job offers now for other hospitals and programs,” I tell him. “I’m ready to be out of the big hospital setting. I’m just struggling about what direction I should take. I also hadn’t heard from my top choice by the time I left, which was making me concerned.”

“When you have big decisions such as this, what is your normal way to process the decision? Do you like pros and cons lists? Maybe you talk to a best friend and brainstorm your options?”

“Honestly, I do talk to Luna a lot about my choices,” I tell him with a grimace. “It’s been hard because she’s so good at balancing her life and work, that my job is a bit too much for her. I think she has been the one to tell me more than a thousand times that I should just quit. I love that she has a role that allows her to be super balanced in her approach to life, but medicine is not that—at least as far as the options I’m looking into.”

“I will say that the older I get, and I know I’m almost a decade older than you, time away from work is vital to me. Honestly, it’s why I encourage anyone who calls to come out here and regroup. What about your parents? Have you asked for their input? I know that my mom and dad, along with Luna, are the best people I have in my corner to bounce questions off of,” he states.

“Yeah, I’ve actually talked to your mom more than mine. I don’t know if you are aware of my birth story or not. It really factors into my career path, and my parents are slightly biased on how they believe I should pay my good fortune forward.

“I would hate to say anything unkind about my parents, who truly are the kindest people. Unfortunately, they also seemed to have a solid plan in place for me, and I’m struggling to hear my voice in the middle of their opinions.”

I’m stunned that Nate appears to be leaning in and thoughtful on this topic. Having someone so removed from my world is maybe exactly what I need to make such a life-altering decision.

“I’ll be honest, Luna didn’t give me much information on you other than college. I know when you two met, I was already well into my career. While I keep in regular contact with her, and you obviously were a big part of her time at college, we didn’t dive deep into the topic. I promise whatever you wish to share stays here with me,” he replies.

“Thank you. I would appreciate that. I’ve really been struggling with this for a while, and someone who doesn’t have a personal interest might have some new insights. My parents are the best—truly. They are as old as your mom and never were successful in having a child. My dad worked as a pediatrician at the same hospital where I did my residency. One night, I was brought in, hours old, and addicted. My birth mother had been found slumped against the wall unresponsive and lifeless in the cold Chicago night by someone walking by and managed to get me to the hospital in time. My dad swears it was love at first sight, and he immediately called Mom. They talked to the social worker, and after six weeks in the hospital with them at my bedside, I was adopted and went home with them—and the rest is history.”

“Wow. I had no idea. That has to be really crazy to think about how different life might have been for you,” Nate responds with a stunned expression on his face.

“Oh, I’ve thought about it a lot over the years. I adore my parents for the amazing life they have given me, and I’ve always said that I wanted to walk in my father’s footsteps and help others. We have talked about medicine since the first conversation in college, and literally, I worked in his department even.” I sigh as I think about how ungrateful this next part sounds. “I just don’t love it like he does. My dad has been married to his career, and honestly, Mom was too. But I spent more time with my mom than I ever did with my dad. I’m not angry about that, but when I think at my age, and I’ve have not had a meaningful relationship, that bums me out. I just don’t have the time or energy.”

“I can imagine that is a lot you are dealing with all the time,” Nate says. “So, is love, marriage, and babies something you want soon?”

I blow out a long breath. “I don’t know. I want the option to at least try dating. Maybe get a hobby or two. I know some doctors manage to have it all, but even with great time management, the role at the hospital has been more than I want to sign up for long-term. My father, though, has been working to sell me on the idea of it like his very license depends on it. I feel terrible and worry about letting them down.”

“You think they won’t love you?”

“No,” I tell him with a funny expression in his direction. “Nothing that drastic. I just feel I owe them.”

“I would bet if you come up with a solid plan for what you want and sit them down for a talk—it will work out. So, what have you thought of doing?”

“Doctors Without Borders, as I love to travel. Buying in on a more rural practice. I also have several offers for family clinics, but they’re not in Chicago. I’m sure I can make that work, but I want to be absolutely sure it’s the right thing to do,” I explain.

“There are no guarantees,” Nate says. “You have to work it out with your head and then leap with your heart. You can always redirect right if it doesn’t work the way you anticipate?”

“Yeah. That also is a big determining factor. Some have longer contract requirements, and others are more reasonable. It’s just overwhelming, and I feel like if I go back to Chicago with no plan, well, I just slip into the hospital and end up being there thirty-five years like my father before I even know it.”

“Well, if I can be of any assistance as you try to make these choices, please let me know. I’m always a listening ear,” he offers.

“You know, I thought this was going to be a complete drag having to be locked up in this cabin with you,” I confess. “I have to say, you’ve surprised me. Thank you for being such a good sport and willing to listen.”

“I couldn’t agree more. I was planning terrible ways to get back at Luna when I first saw you out in the snow. Now, I’m actually finding this time with you has been a revelation. I am happy it was you and not Luna. I love my sister, but this has been great,” he confesses.

“All this mush is a distraction, but you know I’m going to school you in Uno,” I tell him, changing the direction of the conversation. “Are you ready for this lesson?”

“Bring it on,” he says as our eyes meet, and I feel the contact to my core.

This truly is turning all my preconceived ideas of Nate upside down. I’ve never been this connected with anyone, and I’m looking forward to seeing if, with his aid, I can’t make a great career choice. That would be the cherry on one amazing few days spent laughing and learning more about this diverse, quirky, and unexpectedly wonderful man. I hope that even as we find our way back to our normal lives, we find a way to remain connected.