Finding Me in the Storm (Sweet Christmas Kisses)

Chapter Nineteen

Elaina

“Hi. I’m so glad you called,” my mother tells me when I connect the call.

I take a short breath. “Can you get Dad on the line as well? I have some news that I would like to talk to you about together.”

“Can’t you just stop in to see us when you are back in town? Is this regarding New Edge Specialty Medicine and the role there? I know that they require a detailed—”

“Mom,” I interject. “Can you just get him?”

“Okay,” she says, but I can hear the hesitation in her voice.

I look down at my hands and am appalled to see them shaking terribly. I have assisted in surgeries where life and death hang in the balance without feeling this nervous. After a lengthy three-hour meeting with Derek today, the final decisions for my role are beginning to formulate in my head. I feel this new lease on life starting to carve the corners of my mouth into a huge grin.

“Elaina, your mother dragged me away from the news. I hope this is going to make our entire year,” he mutters.

“Well, I wanted to let you both know that I’m turning down New Edge Specialty Medicine. I think they are a fantastic firm, and the benefits are wonderful. They are still in Chicago, but I’m worried about work-life balance with the contract there. I would like to give some other opportunities a fair try and have decided I’m going to become a concierge doctor here in Haven, then do a stint, when possible, with Doctors Without Borders,” I tell them, all in one rushed speech.

Silence.

Great, now I broke both of my parents, I muse to myself. These two have made an Olympic sport of giving speeches about what is best for me, now in this biggest moment of my life—nothing? I’m not going to continue babbling like a crazy woman, as I know they probably need just a second to wrap their head around the truth bomb I just landed on them.

“Is there a joke punch line coming?” my father asks. “We did not put you through college and all the effort we went through for you to turn into a ski bum. Is that even what they are calling them these days?”

“No, Dad, that is not what they call concierge doctors that work in a ski resort town. We are called doctors, just as if I were to go to work for New Edge Specialty Medicine. The difference is more personal, patient care and, yes, some amazing scenery along with the ability to ski. I wish you would both come out and see the area and meet the new team of doctors I will be working with before you are so judgmental.”

“You know that we don’t travel as much as we would like. We have responsibilities and patients here,” my mother replies. “Are you having some sort of mental health crisis? Should we find you someone to talk to out there?”

I close my eyes and inhale. That is the tone they have used on me all my life that makes me feel like I’m five again caught in the cookie jar when I was supposed to be doing homework. I need them to see me, as the rest of the world does, as a fully competent adult woman.

“You both know I appreciate the drive you have instilled in me all my life. I’ve done the education steps we laid out when I was eleven. Perfect grades, the right extracurriculars, college, medical school, and even the ideal residencies. I’ve never made a single misstep due to your guidance,” I tell them. “I’m grateful for all of that, but I think we forgot one truly important aspect of life when we built this road map.”

“I don’t think so. You are in a position any twenty-eight-year-old woman would die to be in. Every ounce of guidance we provided got you to this point. Do you understand just how privileged you are?” my mother replies with some inflictions in her tone, clearly telling me she is working up to one of her world-class tantrums.

I know my parents love me in their way. I just need to find some new common ground between us to ensure that the path forward is a bit smoother for all of us. I’m not bending to their will and getting stuck in a career that is sure to not fill my heart and soul as much as I feel these new ventures will.

“I know that you have been the absolute best parents to me and made sure I have a solid foundation for my future. The issue is that I need to be happy in whatever path…I choose. I want to give back and help others a lot more than feed my own bank balance. Mom and Dad, I’ve thought about this in great detail over these last weeks, and New Edge Specialty Medicine is not going to personally fulfill my needs. I want to travel, help in countries that need the skills I can bring, and, best of all, work with patients here more one-on-one. I want a life, love, family, friends, and new adventures.”

Silence.

The killer of confidence is no response for your parents on these big life decisions. No matter how old I get, I don’t want to disappoint them. I don’t want the same choices they made for their lives.

“You really have thought this through?” my father asks as he clears his throat.

“I have. I don’t want this to form a wedge between us. I’m hopeful that you will meet me in this new space I’m creating for myself. I would love to have you come up here for the holidays. I know you don’t like time away from the practice and will not hold it against you if you choose not to come,” I tell them as I draw a cleansing breath.

“Well, you are an adult, and we need to respect those choices,” my mother says as I pull the phone back to look at it. “I know you have a good head on your shoulders, and we only want you to be happy and successful in anything you do. Your father and I will see about the holidays out there and get back to you.”

“Thank you,” I stutter as I respond. “That would be amazing. I do love you both so much.”

“We love you as well,” comes the joint response, as the line goes dead a moment later.

Knowing them as I do, they will take time to process this massive shift in our dynamic. For some reason, I can’t seem to stop the smile from spreading over my lips as I turn to head toward Nate’s office. I’m feeling large and in charge of my life for the first time—ever. Now, one more hard conversation to be had, and this might be the toughest, most awkward of all.

I knock on Nate’s office door, and I see him bent over the computer screen with a scowl on his face.

“You know that computer never did anything to you, right?”

He looks up with cavernous furrows slashing across his forehead. “Speak for yourself; this device is testing my final ounce of patience.”

“What’s up?” I question. “Is there something I can help with?”

“Nah, I have a new reservation system that is giving us a bit of trouble. You know salespeople make you feel like it will plug in and run like a dream—but that never happens.”

“Of course not. So, I think we need to talk,” I tell him as I feel a lump forming in my throat.

“Those are the scariest words ever combined in all of creation,” he says as he stands and walks toward me.

Our eyes hold as I can see his face squishes a bit as if he is trying to figure out a puzzle. The slight red coloring, knitting of the brows, and his unsteady gait all point to him being just as ill at ease as I am—and I haven’t spoken a word yet.

“You mind if I go first?” he starts. “I’ve been holding back something that I just want to get out on the table.”

“Okay.”

I watch his face as I move from foot to foot, worried about whatever has him on this one edge. He looks more nervous than me, and I wonder for a moment if this entire thing is about to blow up. I came in here so happy, thinking this would be some monumental shift in my life. Now, I’m wondering if I somehow misread this situation in a way that is about to embarrass me, for all time.

“Maybe we should walk,” Nate says after a moment. “You want to take a hike?”

“No,” I grumble before I start laughing. “I want you to say what is on your mind so that I can tell you my news. We don’t have time to dance around the topics anymore—so speak now, or hold your peace while I tell you my truth.”

Nate inhales. “I’m falling in love with you. I love how you are up for any adventure I throw at you. I adore how you are so independent and smart yet more than willing to get vulnerable about things in your life you don’t like. The need driving you to help others is something I’m looking forward to seeing you follow with Doctors Without Borders, and I hope I get to travel alongside you for all the rest of our days,” he says all in one breath.

I start laughing. I’m not even sure where it came from, but it’s like all the stress I’ve been worrying about breaks through. I can’t stop myself from bending over slightly and trying to get myself back in control.

“I’m a professional,” I mutter. “I’m not sure what is wrong, but I had worked myself up to a tizzy. I thought for sure you were about to tell me something horrid, and then I was going to feel like the biggest fool in all the world.”

“Why would you feel like a fool?”

“I accepted a role today with the concierge service and am going to be working on a schedule to go with Doctors Without Borders. I even—” I can’t finish as Nate is next to me, hands on both sides of my face, gazing at me with the cheesiest grin.

As he draws near, my brain quits thinking of anything but his kiss. I’m so happy and can’t wait to see what the future holds for the two of us. I can’t remember ever being this happy, and the minute his lips crash against mine, everything feels perfect. All the fighting for what I needed, the tough conversations and the uneasy start with Nate—suddenly comes into focus. This is what I’ve been moving towards all along, and this man is everything I never hoped to dream about.