Finn (Breakaway Hockey #4)

Chapter Seventeen

Sammie

“ D amn, I can’t believe you’re going to Alaska,” Ellie says. “I have to be honest. I’m a bit jealous.”

I laugh as I place another hoodie into the suitcase on my bed.

Glancing over to where she’s standing by my walk-in closet, helping me decide which clothes to pack, I say, “Oh, stop. I’m sure you and Nils will have plenty of fun right here in Atlanta. Besides, didn’t you say you two were considering taking a short trip to some private island?”

“Yeah,” she sighs. “I think we will do that. But it’s not Alaska. Also, that trip won’t happen till at least a week or two from now, maybe longer. We have nothing set in stone. No reservations or flights.” She pretends to pout, and then she mock-whines, “You get to go tomorrow. Lucky bitch.”

She’s teasing, so I just shake my head at her pretend drama.

Ellie’s right, though. Finn and I do leave tomorrow.

As expected, the season for the Thunder ended two nights ago. It was bittersweet. One half of me wanted them to make the playoffs, as I know how important hockey is to Finn. But the other half was hoping all along that the season would end early.

That’s how much I want to go to Alaska with that man.

Anyway, he wants to get out of Atlanta as soon as possible. He’s down at the arena now, cleaning out his locker, having his exit interview with the coach, and saying goodbye to the guys.

Tomorrow morning we’ll fly out to Seattle, then catch a flight to Juneau later in the evening.

Ellie came over to my townhouse to help me pack after she found out we’re leaving so soon. She insisted we have one last day of girl time, especially since I won’t be around for a few weeks.

After fussing around on a shelf in my closet, she emerges with two thick sweaters and another hoodie.

“Here.” She holds all three garments out to me. “You’re going to need more of these.”

“I already have a bunch stuffed in here,” I protest, nodding to the suitcase on my bed. “Finn does have a washer and dryer up there, you know? Plus, I’m sure there’s a dry cleaner in the area.”

“Still.” She shakes the clothes. “Just pack them anyway. Better to have more than not enough.”

“Okay, you have a point.” I acquiesce and take the sweaters and hoodie, placing them in the suitcase.

Taking a step back and leaning against the open closet door, Ellie folds her arms over her chest and gives me a look.

“What?” I ask.

Smirking, she says, “Sooo, you’re going to a secluded cabin in the woods with Finn. And you’ll be there for a few weeks . Are you sure you two are still just friends? Or have you been holding out on me?”

I roll my eyes at her. “I’m definitely not holding out on you. We’re still just friends.”

“Hmmm,” she murmurs. “You don’t think that may change when it’s just the two of you hanging out alone in that cabin, do you?”

I shake my head. “No, nothing will change.”

She looks doubtful as she scoffs, “Ha! We’ll see about that.”

I am a little worried about spending all that time alone with Finn. I mean, I really want to. But I need to remain strong.

I think I can.

Look how well I’ve done these past three months.

Okay, there have been times that I’ve wanted to kiss him or feel his touch again. A lot of times. But I never gave in.

I’m sure Alaska will be no different.

Groaning, Ellie pushes away from the closet door and throws her hands in the air.

“What now?” I ask.

She walks over. “Ugh, I wasn’t going to say anything, but, Sammie, I just don’t understand.”

“What don’t you understand?” I ask carefully as I sit down on the bed next to the suitcase.

Ellie plops down across from me.

Looking over at me, she says, “I know you don’t like to talk about it, but really, why are you and Finn still just friends? You guys spend so much time together, so you clearly get along. I’d have thought something would have happened by now.”

Little does she know something happened at the very beginning, and that’s why the whole let’s-be-friends-only decision came about.

“Are you not attracted to him?” she asks. “Do you not see how fucking hot the man is? And he’s such a good guy, Sammie. I just don’t get it.”

In an effort to divert her, I ask, “How do you know it’s me and not him who wants to remain just friends?”

“Pfft.” She shakes her head. “First, I see the way he looks at you. Oh, and then there’s the little fact that he mentioned one time to Nils that he’d like more.”

My brows shoot up. “He did, did he?”

Looking smug, she states, “He sure did.”

I’m equal parts surprised and intrigued that Finn confided in Nils. But I shouldn’t be. They are good friends, after all.

“Listen.” Sammie points a finger at me. “I know you said a while ago that you had no time for men or for love. But you sure have plenty of time to hang out with Finn. I think that means there’s something there.” She lowers her finger and adds in frustration, “But you just keep denying it. It’s like you don’t think you deserve to be happy, Sammie.”

If she only knew how right she is.

“Maybe I don’t,” I whisper, looking down.

“Stop it. Of course you do,” she says softly.

I shrug, and a single tear rolls down my cheek.

I do want Finn. I’ve not admitted it to myself until recently, but I think I’ve fallen in love with him.

No, I know I have.

That makes more tears fall.

Ellie sees me crying and comes over to my side of the bed. Sliding the suitcase out of the way, she sits down next to me.

Slipping her arm around me, she lets me lean in and cry on her shoulder. “Shhh, shh,” she soothes. “It’s okay. Just let it out.”

I do let go, and once I’ve calmed down, still holding me, Ellie says quietly, “I’m sorry I pressed you. It’s just that I want so badly to see you happy. And I know Finn can make you happy. Hell, he already does. In fact, it seems the idea of not being with him makes you sad.”

“It does,” I admit with a sob.

“Then be with him,” she says. “What’s the problem?”

I sit back and swipe at my eyes, drying my traitorous tears.

Finally, I murmur, “It’s just not that easy.”

“Sure it is!” Ellie exclaims. “You just have to let go of whatever it is that’s holding you back. You need to move forward, Sammie. Be happy. You do deserve it. I know it. Finn knows it. And I think down in here”—she taps my heart—“you know it too.”

Do I?

Do I deserve happiness?

Could she be right?

For a long time, I thought no, I didn’t.

But a tiny part of me is beginning to feel more and more that maybe, just maybe, I do.