Firethorne

Chapter 33

Chapter Thirty-Three

Maya

A fter four days and nights of being alone, I felt deranged, paranoid, neurotic, and utterly delusional. I was a caged animal, ready to fight until my nails bled to get myself out of here. And I would get myself out of here.

I threw anything I could find at the windows, trying to break the glass, but it was impenetrable. I tried to prise them open, but they wouldn’t budge. In desperation, I’d kicked the door, but only left scuffs and marks where my feet had been. I’d scoured the apartment for vents or anything I could crawl through to escape, but I was left with nothing but exhaustion and the feeling of total and utter hopelessness.

And what use was a panic button if no one answered it?

I guessed he’d been lying about that part. It was a button that did nothing. I was wasting my time pounding on the thing and screaming for someone to come and get me.

Because they never did.

As the fifth day dawned, it felt like I was becoming psychotic, fearing I’d never see another soul again. Imagining terrible, awful things that might happen. Slipping away from this world into one that was a padded cell of a nightmare.

One I could never escape.

And so, when I heard the click of the door unlocking, I sprang from the corner of the room I’d been sitting in, huddled on the floor like a lunatic in my asylum, charging towards whoever would appear from behind that door. My hair was as wild as I was, like something from a Japanese horror movie that’d crawled out of the TV, but I didn’t care. I was feral. Ready to defend myself like a rabid creature.

I launched myself on the dark figure that entered, my teeth bared, ready to bite, fingers like claws to scratch, my body poised for attack.

Strong hands like steel closed around my wrists, holding me in place as I thrashed and hissed. A solid, male body clung to me, twisting me in their grasp and pushing me up against the wall, my back to their front as I huffed out a breath on impact and panted against the white plaster of the walls. I tried to break free, but they were stronger.

The hunter had caught his prey.

“There she is,” a familiar, deep voice whispered in my ear. “I knew you still had some fight left in you. But you need to calm the fuck down, Maya. It’s only me.”

I didn’t calm down.

I couldn’t.

Not when I was being restrained like this, my mind grappling for anything, any idea or ounce of power I could muster to break free of his hold.

“Breathe, Maya. Breathe with me.” He started to pant in time with me, bringing my breathing back to a normal level as he pressed his hard chest against my back. His hips pushed forward, his legs encasing mine as I closed my eyes, seeing stars dancing in front of me as my head began to swim.

“You’re gonna pass out if you don’t calm down,” Damien said, every inch of his body flush with mine.

And as the realisation filtered through my brain that it was Damien, he’d come back, my breathing slowed, but I couldn’t stop the tension running rampant through my body. I couldn’t halt the flow of adrenaline urging me to stay vigilant. My muscles were taut, ready, and as I struggled once again in his grasp, he moved against me, holding me closer, hissing, “Stop fucking fighting. I’m here now.”

“The button is a fucking lie,” I growled, my teeth clenched as my cheek grazed the wall. “I pressed it, and you didn’t answer. No one did. It was a fucking lie to keep me here, subdued for as long as you wanted under the pretence that I was safe. I’m a fucking fool.”

“I couldn’t be here,” he responded, not giving an inch as he held me tight. He wasn’t about to let me go any time soon.

“I’m done with playing your games,” I hissed.

“What fucking games?” His breath was warm against the shell of my ear, his body heat radiating into me, a reminder that he was in control.

“Why are you doing this to me?” I asked.

“Doing what? Saving you?”

“You’re not saving me. Kidnapping me and keeping me here isn’t saving me. I should’ve known...” I couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out. “You’re no better than your father.”

Instantly, he pushed his face right next to mine and growled, “I’m nothing like my fucking father.”

“Then prove it,” I challenged.

“I already have.” I felt the pressure from his body that was pressed up against mine ease a little as he said, “Haven’t I made it clear yet? I’d do anything to help you, Maya. I’d fucking die to save you.”

We stood together in silence as the words he’d spoken settled in the air around us. My body flush against the wall and him. His hands on my wrists, his face so close to mine I could feel his breath on my skin.

And then, as the seconds ticked by, I said, “You’ve done your job, now you need to let me go.” But as I said the words, the thought of being out in the world on my own, alone, just like the last few days, filled me with dread and fear. Did I really want that? To cut the strings that bound us together? To walk away and never see him again? After everything?

He didn’t reply right away, but when he whispered, “I’m sorry, I can’t do that,” I needed to know why.

“Why not?” I asked in a hushed tone.

“Because... you’re different. Because this is different.”

I paused, taking in what he’d said. Then I asked him, “Which one is it? I’m different or the situation? Because none of this is making sense, Damien.” And I wanted him to make it make sense. I wanted to know what he was thinking, what he was feeling. What he felt about me.

He rested his cheek against mine and said in his deep, gravelly voice, “I love it when you say my name.”

“Then I won’t say it again. Not until you tell me what the fuck is going on,” I snapped, goading him like I always did. But in the back of my mind, a gentle, hesitant voice asked, is that all you love?

He gave a gruff, low chuckle.

“My father sent me away for a few days on business. I couldn’t get out of it. It would’ve looked too suspicious. But I had eyes on you. I’ve always got eyes on you. You’re more than a fucking job to me, Maya.”

And in that moment, I knew the strings that bound me to him, bound him to me just as tightly. In reality, there was no taming a man like Damien. He was still a Firethorne, after all. Like lightning in a bottle, you had to savour the magic that was uniquely him. And yet, despite being a Firethorne, he had moments of kindness, softness, a thoughtfulness that belied the brutal upbringing he’d endured.

And he had them with me.

“I was here for days, on my own. I thought I’d never get out of here. That I’d never see anyone again. I thought... that I’d never see you again.” I spoke calmer now, even though a fire raged in my belly and my heart. “If something happens to you out there, what happens to me? Because I tried to get out of here, and I tried?—”

“Nothing will ever happen to you.” He let go of my right wrist and began stroking the hair from my face. “There’s an escape plan in place if something happens to me. You’d be out of here and in another country, living a completely new life within a week. I’ve made arrangements.”

I pressed my free hand against the wall and said, “Then let’s go. If that’s the arrangement, let’s go now.”

Another stroke of my hair and he said, “You know I can’t do that.”

“Damien.” I spoke his name breathlessly, like a plea, and he smiled, twisting my hair as he hummed in response. “What is going to happen here? Tell me, how does this end?”

Tell me what you want.

His hand worked my hair, twisting and twirling it until he’d pulled it into a ponytail of sorts, gathered in his fist, and then he tugged, pulling my head back as he yanked hard.

“Is it so wrong that I want to keep you here for a while, and see where this could go?”

“What do you mean?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper. Hope blossoming in my chest.

“I mean, that I can’t ignore the fact that we’re drawn together. Every time I see you, I feel these... urges. Like the night of the party. I could’ve walked you to that door, shown you who Lysander and Miriam really were, and walked away, but I couldn’t. And deep down, I think you know yourself that you didn’t want me to. I had to touch you, because I knew, that night I knew that you were mine. I touched you because I couldn’t stop myself. But you wanted me to touch you, didn’t you? We’re like magnets, you and me. We fight, repel each other, but when we work together, when those fucking stars align, that magnetic forcefield is fucking unstoppable. Nothing can break it.”

“But you won’t leave with me.”

“I have to see this through to the end. You know I do. But I’m not a fool, Maya. I know exactly what I want. And I saw you... that night, when I stood outside your bedroom window and watched you get yourself off, your fingers buried inside that tight little pussy. You were thinking of me that night, weren’t you? You were imagining me, wanting me. And I wanted you so fucking badly it hurt.”

I swallowed, barely able to breathe.

“I watched you make yourself come,” he went on. “And it took every ounce of restraint I had not to smash that fucking window, climb through and take what I wanted. What was mine.”

He was right. I had thought about him, but the spiteful part of me couldn’t help but blurt out, “You didn’t stay long enough to save me that night, though, did you? You stood and watched, but if you’d been there moments later, you could’ve stopped them when they came for me.” I hated myself sometimes. I hated that my mouth sprang into action before my brain could engage.

Why was I blaming him?

He’d done everything for me.

“And there’s not a minute goes by that I don’t hate myself for that,” he hissed as his body pressed closer to mine. “But life goes on. We won. And now, I’ve waited long enough. I want to claim what’s mine.”

“Which is?”

“You.”

His words were like boulders crashing through my restraint. His body a wall of heat, warming my stone-cold heart. Damien had been an angel and demon to me. And it’s hard to let go of the demons that haunt you when they’re the ones who catch you when you fall. And he had, caught me, that is, each and every time. Even when I didn’t know he was doing it. He was there. Always.

I could feel myself folding, softening, and as the whisps of anger inside me withered away, turning into something else, I whispered, “You’re all I’ve got, Damien. I don’t have anyone else. Only you. My whole world revolves around you.”

The hold he had on me, on my hair as he pulled it a little tighter didn’t ease up, but his voice was different when he whispered back, “Do you think it’s different for me? Because it’s not. It’s exactly the same. You’re all I have, Maya. All I think about. All I want.”

“You have a family.” I sighed, feeling the swell of tears I didn’t want to shed gather in my eyes.

“I have people who share my last name. A name I despise. I have colleagues with a common goal. But the only thing that gets me out of bed every day, that spurs me on, that ignites anything inside me, is you. I wasn’t fucking joking when I said I have a cold, black heart underneath it all. How else do you think I’ve survived in that house and that family for this long? But with you, everything is different. My life has gone from shades of grey to screaming colour. Do you really think I’m going to let that go? Let you walk away from me and take any chance I have at living a normal life with you? Because I won’t. I can’t.”

I blinked, the tears falling down my cheeks now, and I tried to hide them as I whispered, “Why me?”

“Because it is you,” he replied. “Why is the sky blue? Why do we need air to breathe? Why did it feel like I’d been hit by a train the minute I walked into the foyer of the house and saw you for the first time that night?

“I tried to hide it. I played the role of the bastard perfectly, like I always do. But I could barely breathe. I had to walk away and leave you with Lysander, all the time knowing how wrong it felt. Because I wanted you to be mine. You were mine. And yet, I knew why you were here. I wanted to scream it from the rooftops and run away with you. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t jeopardise our whole operation. It’s been my life’s work to bring this evil trafficking ring down. But you? You’re my reason for everything now. Tell me, Maya,” he begged. “Tell me you feel it too.”

He was being vulnerable in a way I’d never expected him to be. In a way that made my own heart bleed. My raw and aching heart, that had been through so much, yearned for him, too. Needed him to make it better, make it all go away. Because every moment spent with Damien, was a moment when I felt free again. When I lived. I didn’t want to give that up, but I was so confused. I didn’t know how to navigate my way through this. The grief I felt over my father, the pain from what’d happened, it all became unbearable sometimes, but he was the only one who could numb it.

“Yes,” I gasped. “I feel it too.”

And instantly, he spun me around, pressing my back to the wall as he caged me in.

His hips were flush against mine, and his hands cupped my face as he said, “I can’t fight this anymore. I won’t. I was inside you, at that party. And there hasn’t been a day since that I haven’t craved to be inside you again. I need you, Maya. I’ve just spent four days with the worst fuckers in this world, pretending that I’m one of them. And now, I need to get lost in you. I need to remember how good you feel.”

His words, his body, the way he was looking at me like he wanted to devour me made me crave him, too. Made me want all the things he was promising. And his face, so close to mine, his breath lacing my own, made me yearn for him to kiss me. So much so that I couldn’t wait any longer, and I leaned forward, pressing my lips against his. Taking the first step for both of us.

I closed my eyes, wanting to block out the rest of the world as I drowned in the taste of him. And he kissed me back, sliding his fingers into my hair, gripping the nape of my neck as he tilted his head and opened his mouth to deepen the kiss. His tongue tangled with mine and I groaned, wanting more, wrapping my arms around him as I pulled him closer.

Damien tugged my hair, yanking my head back, making me gasp. With his lips a whisper away from mine, he growled, “If you’re not ready for this, you need to say now. Because once I start, I won’t be able to stop.”

“I don’t want you to stop.”

I tried to edge forward, to put my lips back on his, but he held my hair tight, angling my head back as he said, “I’m serious, Maya. Consent is important to me. I need to know I have it.”

“I get that. It’s important to me, too,” I gasped. “I want you...” Then I hesitated, and I saw a flicker of something in his eyes, uncertainty perhaps, or fear maybe? “I want you to make the pain go away.”

I felt his body stiffen.

“I’m not a distraction, Maya.” He watched me for a moment, contemplating his next words. “I don’t want you to use me to forget. I can’t?—”

“Bad choice of words,” I stated, knowing exactly how my words had made him feel, and regretting the way they’d come out. “You’re not a distraction, Damien. But you do make me forget. I can’t deny that. And being with you, I feel like I have a purpose, a future. I want to feel, I want you to make me feel. I want you.”

I waited with bated breath, expecting him to launch himself on me, to carry on devouring me like I wanted him to. But he didn’t. He just cocked his head and asked me the same question I’d asked him only moments ago.

“Why me?”

He released my hair, letting my head fall forward, but he stayed pressed against me, waiting for the answer he needed. Staring at me intently, his eyes flickering between my lips and my eyes, waiting.

“Because every time I’m around you, you affect me. You alter the chemistry in my brain, the air around me. Your presence makes my whole body spark to life. Because when you look at me, my insides do a thing that makes me feel like I’m on some kind of rollercoaster. Like that night, when you walked down the stairs for the first time at the party and I saw you. You took my breath away. You always take my breath away. And because...”

I paused, ready to open my heart.

“You knew what colour my eyes were when you made that sketch of me that you left in the dining room. The one I thought Lysander had drawn. But it wasn’t. It was you who made my blue eyes shine. And even when you were playing the role of the bastard, you always looked out for me, protected me from the drugged drink at the party, sending me gifts to give me hope. And you saw me. The real me. You know what books I like, you think of ways to help me, cooking for me, encouraging me with my dreams. You’re the first person to ever stop and listen. And when you talk, your voice echoes through me, it calls to me. At the end of every day, when you leave, I still hear it. I savour it. You’re like the anchor that’s kept me grounded and sane throughout this whole godforsaken mess. You’re my person, Damien. No matter how much I argue with you or try to fight my feelings, I know it. You are my person.”

I stood still and waited for him to respond but he said nothing. He just stared back at me.

“Say something,” I urged, feeling self-conscious and worrying that maybe I’d said the wrong thing, but he shook his head.

“I don’t know what to say,” he replied quietly. “I think you just made every single dream I’ve ever had come true.”

My heart swelled at his words, and I couldn’t help but smile.

“And yet, you’ve barely touched me. I guess that proves the power of our words.”

“And actions,” he added.

“Actions speak louder.” I leaned forward to press my lips to his again, and I whispered against them, “I think I’m ready for more of those actions now.”

Damien reached down to lift me up by the backs of my thighs, and as he did, I wrapped my legs around his waist.

“As much as I want to bend you over that sofa and prove that you’re mine, I’m not that much of a bastard, despite what people say,” he said as he carried me across the living room.

I wrapped my arms around him, holding on tight as he added, “For your first time, you deserve a bed.”

“I just want you,” I told him, speaking my truth. “Not a watered-down version. Only you.”

“Oh, I won’t be watering anything down, don’t you worry.” He hummed. “I want to take my time, make us both comfortable, and then, I’ll fuck you until you can’t take anymore.”

“Is that a promise?” I asked.

“Damn fucking right it is.”