First Surrender (Chance Encounters #3)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Natalie

I ’ve never been more confused in my entire life. It’s as if an imbalance in my brain forces me to see every good intention as a fallacy. I’ve convinced myself for months that Jackson is someone I could never get along with. We’re too different.

He has this amazing career and success in his life, while I have struggled day in and day out for years. Even before I had guardianship of Dec, I struggled. I didn’t know what I wanted to do for a living, and then when I decided to turn my love of cooking into something I had to bust my ass to afford school. School that I never got to finish.

I’ve been taken advantage of and mistreated by every man that has ever come through my life. The very first is the father who never bothered to exist. How am I supposed to take 25 years of these preconceived notions and change my way of thinking for him?

I should because he’s kind to Dec. He’s given us an opportunity to get back on our feet and succeed at something. He argues with me toe to toe and I love that he doesn’t back down. He fights with me without making me feel less than.

So, why can’t I tell him the truth?

Hey, Jackson. I’m carrying your baby and have been lying about it for weeks because I didn’t trust you enough to tell you. Hey, Jackson, I’m an idiot and was convinced I hated your very existence and you hated mine. I’m too much of a chicken to tell you the truth about either of those things.

Yeah. I can imagine that the conversation will go great.

I’ve had so many opportunities to tell him but I can’t. It’s easier to pretend it isn’t happening at all. I’m still acting as if everything is normal and fine, but I’ve realized that I hate myself more than I’ve ever hated him.

I’m having a hard time remembering why I hated him in the first place when he’s redeemed himself so many times.

His ex-girlfriend, or whoever she was, showed up and bragged about him showing up at her doorstep the night we fought and my world crumbled. I was suddenly the other woman.

The fool who got knocked up.

When he dismissed her so easily and insisted that he wanted me, I couldn’t process it. All I could think about was my dirty secret.

Did he really care about me or was he lying to get out of a confrontation?

If I told him the truth was he prepared to go from being a bachelor to a parent of two?

The number two still makes me nauseous to think about. I have a baby inside me and Dec will have a niece or nephew. One that I’ll have to raise alongside him.

What if Dec hates me for bringing a baby into his life and disrupting it further?

How do parents of multiples cope with sharing their time and attention? What if I’m not capable?

I’m running to the bathroom, puking my guts out before I can stop myself. I don’t know if this is from my stress or the pregnancy sickness finally made its debut, but I puke until there is nothing left in my system.

I’m supposed to be getting ready for the appointment with the lawyer that Jackson set up but my stomach rolls again. I breathe through it and attempt to put on a brave face.

“Natalie?” Jackson’s voice sounds from the other side of the bathroom door.

“I’m ready, I’ll be out in a minute.” I smear some concealer under my eyes to fix the bags and ensure my eye makeup is up to standard. It is but I don’t feel like myself. I’m seeing a stranger in the mirror.

I fling the door open, preparing for what lies ahead of me, but what’s ahead of me smacks me right in the face. Jackson was waiting on the other side of the door and catches me as I full-body slam into him.

“Ow, why are you standing so close?”

“I don’t know, I was afraid you were in there panicking.”

I was panicking but he doesn’t need to know that. I scoot past him and out to the kitchen in the safe zone, busying myself with prepping stuff for dinner. I need to keep my hands busy or I’ll be a nervous wreck.

“She’s pulling in. Are you ready?”

“Yeah. Let’s do this.”

The lady that walks through the door is not what I was expecting. I thought she’d be old and frumpy. Instead, she’s an Ivy League hair model. Her pantsuit is navy blue and crisp, but her hair is chestnut brown and billowy, catching the light perfectly. She looks cut straight out of a Law & Order crossover episode with America’s Next Top Model.

Liv Greenwood. She introduced herself and dove right into it, outlining what we should expect with the proceedings. I don’t miss how she refers to Jackson and me as a ‘we’ throughout her spiel. Or, the sparkling engagement ring on her left hand.

I ignore how relieved I am that this beautiful perfect woman has seemingly no interest in the man that I’m secretly impregnated by.

“We’ll want character witnesses. As many as you can get. Once we’re in Family Court you’ll want any and everyone there to support you. It looks good.”

Her technical language was one thing because I didn’t understand it, but asking me to have a village when I don’t have one… That terrifies me. My wide eyes search for Jackson’s across the island. His are already on me and he gives me a subtle nod, as if I know what that means.

“Declan will try to assassinate your character. He’ll try to negate all the work you’ve done so far with Dec. The biggest thing in our corner is that you are a damn good guardian and Declan was never present in the first place. We’ll destroy any argument he has. Do you trust me?” She asks the loaded question as if I’ve been able to give anyone my trust, ever.

I look to Jackson again and he nods his head again. My eyes linger on him as I reply, “I trust you.”

“Okay, all we have to do is wait for the petition of custody from Declan and then we’ll be summoned to Family Court. We’ve got this Natalie.” She leaves a few minutes later and I’m left staring at the wall.

“Are you alright?” He raises his hand slightly as if he’s going to touch me, but it clenches into a fist, dropping before he makes contact.

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

“We will get this done. I’ll write you a letter, help Dec write one, and we can ask your old manager. Dec’s teachers, Dec’s friend’s parents. Anyone who has seen how well you’ve done with that little boy.”

I had never even considered all of those people. Of course, he thought of it. All I can do is swallow the lump in my throat.

“I have to get back to work, will you be okay?”

“Of course. I’ll be fine.”

He looks at me worriedly but nods. As soon as he’s out the door, I run to the bathroom and hug the toilet.

Two days later we get the call and the first court date is scheduled.