First Surrender (Chance Encounters #3)

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Natalie

I startle awake when an alarm goes off, surprised because it’s a Sunday, but Jackson groans as he shuts it off and gets up to go into the bathroom. I don’t know if that means he has to leave or if he’s just an early riser but my decision’s already been made.

I silently roll off of the bed and jog down the hallway, shutting myself in the hall bathroom to stare at my naked reflection in the mirror.

The woman I see isn’t someone I recognize but in the best way. I look happy and alive. I’m not the scarred girl I’ve been holding onto all these years. I’m more sure of myself than ever and I can’t help but smile about it.

It’s so cheesy but indescribably relieving.

I quickly brush my teeth and pee before tiptoeing back to his room because despite feeling confident in my decision, I’m not ready for that level of intimacy.

Not quickly enough though because he’s standing at the foot of his bed, staring at the twisted, vacant sheets. He thinks that I left.

The sudden hollowness in my chest confirms my thoughts. Choosing Jackson is the right choice.

I wrap my arms around his waist, pressing myself to his back and hugging him tightly. “It’s daytime.”

“Yeah, it is,” he confirms with astonishment, holding onto my forearms. I twist until I’m at his front and his hands naturally settle on either side of my head.

“Can I kiss you, Jackson?” His eyes squeeze shut at my question and he takes a deep breath. “Please.”

His lids snap open and his warm honey eyes look at me with gratitude. This man has no idea how special he makes me feel with a single look.

His head lowers to mine as I rise up on my tiptoes and with all the strength in my body, I choose him. I mold my lips to his because I trust him and I want him, not in a moment of spontaneity but for every moment. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

He holds me tenderly, pouring his heart out and mending mine because he wants me like no one else ever has. Somewhere between all the fighting, hesitation, and resistance, he became everything I desperately wanted.

My fingers hook his black waistband and I drag him along with me as I back onto the bed. He doesn’t resist, his lips pursuing me intensely as his tongue dances with mine, and covering my body with his own.

When his cock finds its home against me I sigh in relief as my legs anchor his hips, pulling him in even closer. Desperation drives us, our hands seeking everywhere but landing nowhere specific. Our hips move in sync as he grinds his length against me.

It’s torturous, it’s delicious, and I’m almost certain that I could climax like this. Especially as his momentum, or maybe my hands, have managed to lower his waistband enough to let the bare head of his cock caress my clit over and over.

As his wandering lips drag along my neck, biting that sensitive spot at the base before my shoulder, I moan loudly. “Yes, yes,” I mumble almost incoherently, needing him to keep going.

Our hands move in tandem, attempting to remove his boxers, until obnoxious ringing shrieks through the air, interrupting us.

“NO! Fuck!” He groans loudly, reaching over my head to grab his phone. His weight crushes me, momentarily deflating my lungs until he settles back into position between my legs.

“Malec.” He snips his name out to whoever called, the phone resting in the hand of the arm holding his body over mine. His free hand fists his hard-on, lazily drawing circles on my clit with his tip while I try not to make a sound.

His eyes flick to mine then down to my pussy repeatedly, continuing to torture me. I don’t know how he’s able to concentrate on his phone call but he’s responding at seemingly appropriate times.

My legs start twitching involuntarily as he continues to work the sensitive nub and now his hooded gaze is glued to my face as I get closer to an orgasm.

Experiencing this pleasure while he’s talking on the phone is taboo and only excites me further. It’s twisted and inappropriate. I can’t believe he’d be involved in such a scandalous act and I love it.

The tingling in my toes matches the tingling in my chest and I know without a doubt an orgasm is imminent. I cover my mouth to hide any noise that I can’t control but he drops his phone suddenly, wrenching my hands away so he can watch the release hit me and transform my face. Our eyes lock as his mouth covers mine, breathing in my silent cries, until I’m sated.

“I’m sorry, I went into the garage and the call cut out. I’ll be in shortly,” he speaks into his phone again as I blink back to life, chucking his phone down the bed after ending the call.

“You have to work?” I ask, breathlessly.

“Unfortunately,” he says against my neck. “There’s been bad stuff happening. I need to be on top of it.”

“Mhm. You’re pretty good at being on top of things,” I murmur sarcastically. I feel his chest shake against mine with his laughter.

“Fuck, I don’t want to leave.”

“Sheriff Malec, I do believe that I am becoming a bad influence on your potty mouth. You never used to cuss in front of me.”

“That’s because I never felt anything significant enough to punctuate with curse words. You make me feel a lot of things with great significance.”

His analytical response only makes me smile. Leave it to him to have an entire thesis prepared in his head regarding his vocabulary.

* * *

It’s close to midnight by the time he gets back. I’m waiting in the kitchen for him because I couldn’t stand to be in his bed without him. His footsteps are heavy coming through the front door and I can’t help but notice a slump in his posture.

When he notices me sitting on the counter on the kitchen island, he visibly relaxes, exhaling audibly. He looks tired, more so than simple sleep deprivation. The bags under his eyes are heavy, matching the weight on his shoulders.

He beelines to me, dropping the few things in his hands haphazardly on the floor and the couch on his way over before wedging his body between my thighs. His head drops to my chest in defeat as his arms circle me.

“You should be in bed,” he breathes against me, stroking my back softly.

“So should you.” I tilt his head back to kiss him but he’s looking at me so tenderly that I’m distracted for a moment, staring at him thoughtfully before my lips finally meet his. It’s nothing like the hungry kiss this morning. This is deep and filled with longing.

This is the kind of kiss a girl would dream about on her wedding day. A passionate, love-filled promise.

His eyes find mine and I swear they’re filled with the same promise. I kiss his cheek and then his jaw, erasing that thought from my brain. I’m not a fairy tale ending kind of girl, a wedding isn’t something someone like me gets.

He helps me off the counter, interrupting my self-deprecating thoughts, and leads me down the hall by the hand. I don’t inquire as he silently opens Dec’s door, pausing to stare at his sleeping form. I watch him watch over my brother for a moment before he closes the door again and we continue to his room.

“Is everything okay?” I finally ask as he sits on the bed in defeat.

“No, nothing is okay.” This time it’s my turn to step between his legs, holding him while he gently sways me from side to side. “Except for you. This is more than okay.”

“Then lean on me,” I offer, and his head tips up to look at me. There is so much said when he looks at me, but mostly I see a man who is exhausted from life. Someone who has never had anyone to share his burdens with.

“Come on.” I pull him toward the bathroom and start the bath, determined to take care of him like he’s done for me. He lets me undress him without protest while I do my damnedest not to stare at his wide chest and his sculpted arms. As much as I’m dying for him to take me again, this treatment isn’t about sex.

Regardless, he’s hard by the time I get to his pants. I try to ignore it, but it’s hard to miss as I usher him into the tub. When I turn back to him after tossing his clothes in the hamper, he’s watching me closely.

“What?”

“I’m waiting for you to get in.”

“This is for you, not me.” I tuck my hands on my hips, intending to stand my ground.

“If it’s for me then I want you in here with me.”

I don’t think I can argue with that logic, nor do I really want to. I throw my sleep shirt off and hear him suck in a breath at my nakedness. I didn’t bother wearing underwear to bed this time.

I step in between his legs and he guides my hips down, settling me between his tree trunk thighs. There is no ignoring the elephant resting along my spine.

Despite our nudity, we behave ourselves. My fingertips skim the surface of the water, his arms, and legs, warding off the heaviness of my eyes while his hands caress me everywhere he can reach.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask, distracting myself further as his fingertips graze my aching nipples. He cups my breasts firmly, but sighs, defeated.

“The teenage boy who had been missing for quite some time was found dead. Overdosed. He was only 16. It’s the second death on my watch since Friday. The first one was a prison stabbing.”

“How is it on you?”

“My job is to keep these people safe,” he says blandly.

“Jackson. You can’t do that to yourself.” He only sighs as a response so I flip over to look him in the face. “It’s not your fault.”

There’s an aching sadness in the depths of his eyes as he meets my gaze.

“Jackson, it’s not your fault,” I whisper tenderly, but with more conviction.

“Thank you, sweetheart,” he whispers against my forehead, letting his lips linger there.

“You don’t believe me, I can tell but it doesn’t mean it’s not the truth you stubborn goat.”

“Wow, that’s a new one. Can I have a nickname that doesn’t involve an animal or insult?” He teases.

“You are a good man and a good Sheriff, Hercules,” I say with all the seriousness I can muster and it makes him laugh.

“Better than stubborn goat, I guess. Come on, time for bed.” We take turns drying each other off and climb into bed, settling into our usual entangled position.

“Can I tell you something?” I whisper against his chest.

“Anything.”

“That first time in your office… When you heard me say no, it wasn’t because I wanted you to stop, not really.” He doesn’t respond, but I take his silence as an excuse to continue. “You were so annoyingly good, you made me orgasm when no man had ever accomplished that before. I was mad that you were the one to do it and I couldn’t stop it from happening. You’re perfect at everything you do, I was pissed. And, jealous, honestly. So, you can call me a stubborn goat if you want.”

“And, now?” He asks, ignoring my goat comment.

“I’m really glad that it was you. And, still you,” I whisper. “I still think you’re good at everything you do, but it doesn’t bother me like it used to. I guess I’m starting to find you somewhat endearing,” I admit, hiding my face in embarrassment. I’m not used to being so open with my thoughts but it’s a sacrifice I’ll make if it means he’ll end his day less dejected.

He cups my face tenderly. “I think about that night every time I walk through that doorway, every time I sit at my desk. You’re the only one that I’ve ever had in my office. In my bed. This is a unique experience for me as much as it is for you. We can navigate it together.”

“You’ve never brought a girl here?” Not that I want a full account of his sex life, but I am curious.

“No. I always cut all my encounters short. I had no interest in playing house with anyone.”

“But, you brought me here.”

“You’re special. I knew that a long time ago.” He brushes his thumb over my chin delicately.

“Jackson, you’re insane. I was mean to you all the time, how could you have possibly known that I was special?”

“Arguing with you made me feel alive again. Having you and Dec here only confirmed that. Now, I don’t want you to leave,” he whispers, hesitantly.

“That’s a big commitment. You can’t mean that.”

“I don’t say anything that I don’t mean. You should know that. Don’t worry about it though, I didn’t mean to drop it on you like this.”

“What if I want to stay, too?” I ask under my breath, not quite able to meet his eyes.

“Then you’re home, baby.” He drops his forehead to mine and I can’t help but smile.

“Don’t you realize how hard this is for me to believe? I’ve never been able to depend on anyone.” And, it doesn’t seem real that anyone would actually want me.

“I know, but I’m willing to put in the work to convince you.” He pulls me in tighter, sighing contentedly.

“Jackson, we haven’t even talked about what we are. Not really. Aren’t we supposed to, I don’t know, be in love before we live together?” I ask against his collarbone.

“We’ve had our own timeline, that’s true, but I’m way past pretending that I’m not in love with you. I’m only waiting to say it so I don’t scare you off. This doesn’t count, by the way.”