First Surrender (Chance Encounters #3)

Chapter Fifty-One

Jackson

M y eyes are raw with exhaustion but I push through because I’m almost done writing my reports. Discharging my firearm multiple times today, taking two lives, and explaining the actions of every other person involved has taken its toll on me but at least it’s over. The crime in Rollins that I’ve been working to stop for over a year should die alongside Reverend Porter.

My desk lamp is on but the sun is rising through the blinds over my office windows. Today’s events were actually yesterday’s events, and I haven’t had a wink of sleep.

A soft rap on my door surprises me and I barely manage a mumbled, “Come in,” before the door swings open slowly.

“It’s me.” Natalie walks through the door, rousing my brain. She should be at home with Dec, sleeping.

“What are you doing here, sweetheart?”

Her eyes squeeze shut at my question and when they open again, they’re filled with sorrow. “What’s wrong, Nat?”

“I had to tell Dec.”

“What?” I know she’s referring to my involvement in his dad’s death but we had agreed to talk to him together. I wanted to wait until everyone got some rest.

“He woke up screaming and wouldn’t let it go until I answered his questions. He’s smart Jackson, he knew something bad happened while he was in the woods.” She shuffles from foot to foot, drawing my attention to her outfit. She’s fully dressed for the day, not like someone who should’ve just rolled out of bed.

“He’s angry with me?” I ask, already knowing the answer.

“He’s upset. He doesn’t understand why his dad had to die. I mean, I told him you had no choice but he can’t wrap his head around it. He’s really upset, Jackson.”

“Let me talk to him.” I get up from my desk, moving toward her and the door.

“No.” She holds a hand up to stop me. “No, you can’t. He doesn’t want to see you,” she chokes the words out and takes a deep breath. “We’re leaving.”

“Nat, don’t.”

“I’m sorry. He needs time and space. He needs to get away from all the bad memories here.” Her first tears fall, rolling down her cheeks in thick streams. “I’m taking him to New York.”

“Give me some time, I’ll take a leave of absence, I’ll go with you.”

“Jackson, he needs time away from you. I’m sorry, but he’s confused. I have to do what’s best for him.” Her eyes don’t match the strength of her words but it doesn’t matter, it’s a punch to the gut anyway.

All I can picture is my favorite eight-year-old boy devastated by what I’ve done. The hurt he’s feeling is tearing me apart and it’s all my fault. I killed his dad.

My entire world is crumbling and I have no power to stop it. It feels like Declan won after all.

“You guys are leaving me,” I utter the realization, losing any lasting strength keeping me upright. My knees hit the floor hard.

She embraces me then, holding my head against her stomach. The place where I thought we’d be growing our family but instead, it’s over.

“I don’t want to go, Jackson. Please, believe me. I don’t want to leave you but I need to do what’s best for Dec. You have to understand. Please, don’t make this harder on me, I can’t take it,” she begs, crying through her words. “I lo-”

“Don’t,” I beg. “Don’t say those words, not now. Not if you want me to let you go.”

“I don’t want you to let me go,” she whispers sadly against the top of my head. “I wanted a home with you, but I have to do this. We have to leave, please believe me.”

This is it, my heart is being ripped from my chest and the prophecy is fulfilled. I’m losing them and it’s killing me.

She kisses the top of my head gently and releases her hold on me, but all I can do is slump further to the floor as she walks away from me.

Watching her walk away from me is worse than death by a thousand cuts.

I’m losing the woman I love.

I’ve lost Dec.

I’ve lost my family.

Everything.

* * *

Natalie

We’ve barely made it a few hours north when my phone starts vibrating excessively in the passenger seat. After my phone got destroyed by Declan yesterday, I was lucky to have an old spare tucked away. It’s one of those survival techniques that I thought I was past by now. Always have a backup for when life turns to shit.

I glance at the screen, hardly containing the sob threatening to leave my throat. I can’t believe after everything we went through, it ended like this. I always assumed that he would screw up and break my heart, I never thought I’d be the one to break his.

Jackson: Missed Call

Jackson: Missed Call

Jackson: Let me know when you make it to NY safely. Tell Dec I’m sorry for everything and I love him. Please.

He loves Dec. I know he does but it doesn’t change the reality. Jackson killed Dec’s only living parent and now my brother is left to deal with the emotional aftermath. Even after explaining to him that it was my life or Declan’s, I know this is too much to expect a child to process.

That’s why we had to leave. I wasn’t going to force Dec to stay in a house with a man that he can’t even stand to look at. My mother did it to me numerous times growing up, but the situation was never quite as complicated as this.

So, I continue navigating to New York and hope that I’m making the right decision. I’ll get Dec the help that he needs to process his grief and I’ll give him time.

My feelings for Jackson are greater than anything I have ever known, but Dec will always be the priority.

I only hope he can forgive me for choosing my brother over him.