Fix You (The Irish Rogues #3)

Chapter Three Maeve

O ne Week Later

Despite wanting to be thousands of miles away back in Dublin, I found myself en route to Callum’s wedding reception in Boston. My reluctance wasn’t about not wanting to see him or his new bride. It came more from my loathing of being surrounded by people from my past.

Turning my attention from my troubles, I focused on the dapple dachshund puppy on my lap. “Murphy-Boo, are you excited to meet Callum and Caterina? Will you be the bestest boy ever when you meet them?” I cooed.

“This is fucking torture!” Eamon groaned in the seat beside me.

Cocking my brows at him, I teasingly asked, “Do you seriously have a problem with me praising my good boy?”

At my praise, Murphy’s tiny tail began wagging so furiously it looked like an airplane propeller. At any moment, I expected it to launch him right off of my lap.

Eamon snorted next to me. “That dog is a menace. He hasn’t been good a day in his life.”

Covering Murphy’s ears, I shot back, “Don’t you dare insult him like that. He’s just a baby.”

“Not only did he chew up one pair of my shoes in the hotel, but he pissed on another one,” Eamon countered.

“Like you weren’t destructive when you were a kid.”

Crossing his arms over his, Eamon argued, “I highly doubt there was ever a time I pissed on one of your shoes.”

I grinned at him. “You peed in my face when I changed your diaper.”

He laughed. “So that makes us even?”

“Maybe.”

“Bullshite,” he grinned.

“Listen to the lot of you,” Mam harrumphed from the front seat.

Eamon and I exchanged a look. Mam had been in a mood even before we’d gotten into the car. It had started a week ago when we’d received word of Callum’s unexpected marriage. Since he hadn’t been seriously dating anyone, we were intrigued, but considering how arranged marriages worked in our world, it wasn’t overly shocking.

While Mam was incensed that she hadn’t been able to attend the wedding of her first child, the true horror came in the manner of how Callum had acquired his bride from an enemy family: He, along with Quinn, Dare, and Kellan, had broken into a religious order and kidnapped her. Then a few days later, Callum had married her somewhere in Sicily. By the time we heard about the unexpected nuptials, Callum and Caterina were back stateside.

Although Mam had insisted on flying immediately to Boston, Callum had asked that she give Caterina a few days to get used to her new home in a new city before she was bombarded by inlaws. So, we’d been staying at the Parker House hotel while Mam and a horde of female relatives helped plan a proper Irish wedding reception for the newlyweds, which we were currently en route.

Mam’s anxious mood for today was specifically about meeting Caterina. She was so afraid Callum’s actions had poisoned his new wife against our family. After years of strife, she had great hopes for the next generation.

More than anything in the world, Mam desired grandchildren, and she didn’t want any stumbling blocks from spoiling them rotten. Therefore, she hoped Caterina didn’t despise us.

As the bulletproof SUV carrying us pulled in front of my brothers’ luxurious Boston mansion, my jovial mood shifted with one glance out the tinted window. My stomach twisted so harshly that I fought to breathe.

Over a year had come and gone since I’d been raped in the Kavanaugh crypt by Oisin O’Toole. Despite the days, weeks, and months that had passed since that horrible night, I still found myself entrenched in an emotional battle.

All the people streaming in and out of the brownstone sent my emotions into a tailspin. My skin shriveled over my bones at the thought of their intense stares.

The whispers.

The pitied looks.

And sometimes even the looks of disgust.

I could deal with crowds anywhere that I was unknown. I managed to live in a teeming city like Dublin and attend a large university like Trinity. I could bump into strangers in crowds of people, and it didn’t bother me at all.

It was only here among our family and friends that I felt like a pariah. To them I wasn’t a successful third-year university student with a bright future in accounting.

Instead, I was that poor girl whose own father demanded her brothers to hold her down during her assault.

Even if I somehow managed to discover the fucking cure for cancer, I would always be seen as the girl who got raped..

Maeve Kavanaugh was no longer the envied clan princess. Once she was something rare and beautiful who had been broken beyond repair. Whoever I once was had been ripped as viciously from me as my virginity.

Closing my eyes, I inhaled a deep breath while visualizing the ocean. It was a technique my therapist had taught me for when situations overwhelmed me. Over the past year, Dr. Leighton had given me far more than techniques—she had saved my life.

Although my friends and my brothers had tried desperately to get me to talk to them, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. At first, I’d reasoned that I didn’t want to be a burden to them. Then I thought it was about not wanting to see my pain cause them pain. But then I finally realized why I kept my pain to myself.

They couldn’t comprehend the horrors of my rape because they hadn’t experienced it. Kellan and Eamon came closest to my pain but didn't experience the physical and emotional violation I did.

The only person who came close enough to understand was Mam.

She’d endured years of my father demanding his marital rights. If there was anyone who could understand my trauma, it was her. But to my utter surprise, she had looked me in the eyes and said, “While the images I have in my mind of what you endured are unimaginable, I won’t ask you to tell me about it. Not now. Not yet. Until then, I want you to do for yourself what I should have all those years ago.”

In a grave voice, she’d commanded, “Speak to a professional.”

It was almost like Mam had willed Dr. Leighton into existence because she appeared just minutes later. But I wasn’t having it. After refusing three times to talk to her, she’d finally asked Mam to leave us. Maybe it was her persistence that made me nod to Mam that it was okay to go.

Once we were alone, Dr. Leighton told me of being raped by her father from the age of ten until she’d been taken away by the authorities when she had a miscarriage at twelve.

Our shared trauma united us while her life experience and medical expertise helped me to cope with life post-assault.

“It’s as cliché as it sounds, but go to your happy place,” she would instruct. Thousands of miles from her, I could hear her voice so clearly. I forced air in and out of my lungs, I imagined cool waves lapping against my ankles while a salty smell tinged my nose.

At the feel of a hand on my thigh, my eyes snapped open. When I cut my gaze to my right, Mam’s concerned eyes met mine. “Are you okay, Róisín ?”

Even at twenty-two, Mam continued to use my childhood nickname in Irish, which meant “little rose”.

“All the eyes….” After swallowing hard, I whispered, “All the eyes on me.”

Eamon ducked his head, staring down at his hands. He still couldn’t bring himself to talk about that night with me, and whenever my rape was alluded to or my mental state, he couldn’t look me in the eyes. I couldn’t fault him for his feelings. He was only sixteen and dealing with his own turmoil.

Mam gave me a reassuring smile. “Callum will understand if you feel like you can’t be around everyone. You can slip in the backdoor and be up the backstairs before anyone notices.”

With a shake of my head, I countered, “Then everyone will say I’m hiding.”

Jerking his gaze up to mine, Eamon’s expression was menacing. “Anyone dares to say a fucking word to you or abou t you, and they’ll answer to me and the boys.”

For what he couldn’t put into words, he put into violence. “That won’t be necessary.”

“I mean it, Mae. One fucker looks at you wrong, and he’s getting it.”

“Eamon,” Mam chided. Even though her sons were all involved in the underworld, Mam hated it when they cursed.

When Nolan opened the car door, I cringed. Mam reached forward to squeeze my hand. “You take all the time you need.”

“Thanks, Mam.”

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go give your ejit of a brother a piece of my mind.”

Chuckling Eamon replied, “I have a feeling she’s going to give him a piece of her hand upside his head.”

I laughed. “I can’t say he doesn’t deserve it.”

Before exiting the car, I clipped on Murphy’s leash. By walking him, I would at least look like I had a purpose for not going immediately inside. Nolan extended his hand to help me out, but I shook my head at him. In the last year, I hadn’t allowed anyone outside of my family, including bodyguards, to touch me. Despite my constant refusal, Nolan and others still tried.

After stepping out onto the pavement, I eased Murphy onto the ground. He made a beeline for the grass and began sniffing around. “Maeve? Is that you?” someone called from behind me.

Instantly, I froze. Pinching my eyes shut, I silently willed them away. As the footsteps drew nearer, Eamon stepped between us. “Careen, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?”

A high-pitched giggle erupted from Careen. She was the daughter of one of my father’s captains. We’d grown up together before her family had moved to join my father in Boston. “Eamon Kavanaugh, I see you’re still incorrigible.”

“I’ve grown in many ways except for that.”

Before I knew it, Eamon had practically dragged Careen away from me. The breath I’d been holding whooshed from my lips. Considering my reaction, I didn’t know how in hell I was going to be able to make it through the day. I wanted nothing more than to disappear.

But I couldn’t. Deep down I knew I had to face my fears. I wasn’t ever going to be able to move past what had happened to me if I didn’t.

Once Murphy had done his business and I didn’t feel I could stall any longer, I drew my shoulders back and started for the stairs. “Here, miss, let me,” Nolan said, before scooping Murphy into his arms.

With Murphy taken care of, I started making my way up the stairs. When I reached the top of the landing, Nolan’s voice echoed behind me. “I’m right here, miss,” he said softly.

I bobbed my head. “Thanks,” I whispered.

My trembling hand reached out for the door handle. When I stepped inside, buzzing conversations smacked me in the face. Although I felt the urge to flee, I continued on into the foyer.

At the sight of Callum, I rushed forward and dove into his waiting arms. Closing my eyes, I fought the rising tears. All my life his embrace had given me protection and comfort. Even though he was only eight years older than me, he’d always been a father figure.

“ Mo dhearthái r,” I whispered into his ear. Brother Mine.

When I pulled away, I turned my attention to the stunning brunette at his side. While Mam had worried about Caterina hating us, I’d been fighting my own fears that I would hate her. She was the woman who had the potential to come between me and Callum. The selfish part of me couldn’t bear the thought of his love and affection shifting from me to her. I still depended on it so much.

But with one look, I knew my fears had been unwarranted. With her welcoming smile and warm expression, I knew she could never be an enemy.

As I continued taking her in, Caterina Neretti didn’t seem like a captive with her captor. She didn’t exhibit any signs of trauma I’d learned so much about in therapy. Instead, she appeared willingly by my brother’s side. “Hi, I’m Caterina,” she said.

Since she seemed to know who I was, I then searched her eyes for the usual reaction. Instead of pity or disgust, her eyes were incredibly kind. Even though she’d only spoken two words to me, I couldn’t help liking her. She had an inviting aura about her, which I’m sure served her well during her time in the religious order.

Despite my usual aversion to touch, I reached out to hug her. "Welcome to the family.”

“Thank you.”

As I pulled away, I couldn’t help thinking of what she’d endured in the last week. Staring into her eyes, I said, “Although I do have to say, I’m sorry for the way you had to join it."

To my utter shock, Catherina grinned. “It’s okay.”

Apparently she didn’t mind being kidnapped into marriage with a man she’d never met. Or maybe she was still in shock and putting on a brave face. I wonder if she had her own breathing techniques to get her through today.

Turning my attention to my offending brother, I countered, “Believe me when I say, it is not okay. My mam and I are horrified that he would do such a thing.”

Caterina laughed. “Yes, your mother let her feelings be known by slapping Callum.”

Inwardly, I chuckled that Eamon had been right. With a grunt, Callum said, “Excuse me while I go greet our other guests and miss out on you both talking shit about me.”

I couldn't help laughing at him stomping off. It was so typical of Callum. "He hates it when he disappoints Mam and me. Trust me, the two of us were fit to be tied when we got wind of what happened.”

With a sly smile, Caterina said, “Don’t worry. I plan on making your brother pay for his transgressions.”

Oh, I really liked her. I could tell we were going to be fast friends. "He certainly deserves it.”

"Truthfully though, he’s treated me far better than I could’ve ever hoped for in such a situation.”

"That is some comfort to us.” Deep down, I knew Callum would never mistreat a woman. Violence might be in his blood, but it never correlated to women. It wasn’t just my assault that guided his behavior. He’d always been that way.

"I hear you’re at Trinity College,” Caterina said with genuine interest.

My face brightened at her comment. No one ever mentioned my education. They were too caught up in my trauma. “Yes. I’ve got one more year.”

“What’s your major?”

"Accounting.”

"I admire you for that. I’m terrible with math,” Caterina replied good-naturedly.

"I must admit I’m a terrible nerd when it comes to numbers. I think I like it most because math is standard no matter what part of the world you’re in.”

"Have you thought of coming to live here in Boston?”

I paled at the thoughts of life surrounded by people only focused on my trauma. That was the beauty of Dublin. No one knew me. I had a fresh slate.

At Caterina’s expectant expression, I replied. “Oh no, I can’t imagine living here in the States. Even though I grew up in Northern Ireland, it’s not so very different in the South.”

"Since I have three overbearing older brothers, I can only imagine it’s quite freeing not being in the same city as yours,” she teased.

I loved how much Caterina already got me. “Aye, it’s been nice having my freedom.” At the thought of what happened a year ago, sadness filled me. “At the same time, I couldn’t imagine what I’d ever do without them.”

"I know exactly what you mean.”

With my emotions threatening to overwhelm me, I said, "Speaking of my brothers, I better go say hello to the others,” I said

"It was so nice meeting you.”

Her genuine words and expression had me giving her another quick hug. I then quickly turned to make my way to the stairs. I fought to keep the tears pricking my eyes from falling.

When I reached the landing, I debated closing myself up in one of the boys’ rooms until I got a hold of myself. But then standing before me was Kellan. Eamon must’ve said something funny because his handsome face was stretched wide in mirth.

But at the sight of me, the grin slipped from Kellan’s face. Although we’d never spoken about that night, Kellan never needed words to show me his anguish. Even though he was the most attuned with expressing his emotions, he couldn’t bring himself to say the words.

While I stood rooted to the floor, he closed the gap between us in two long strides. With tears sparkling in his eyes, he swept me into his arms. “ A’ mé anamhlaidh leat. "

Enveloped in his arms, I closed my eyes, allowing the tears to flow. “I’ve missed you, too,” I whispered.

“I guarantee he wouldn’t have missed you if your damn dog had been pissing and chewing on his shoes,” Eamon grumbled.

With a laugh, I pulled back to smile up at Kellan. Although Eamon’s comment had been well-timed to break the seriousness, Kellan’s eyes remained haunted. “Did you know I have a new puppy?” I asked.

“Have you?”

“Aye. His name is Murphy.”

“Murphy–the fucking menace,” Eamon added.

This time Kellan smiled. “I’d love to meet him.”

Glancing around, I said, “The last time I saw him Nolan had him.”

“Nolan’s on the rooftop.” With a wink, Kellan added, “Last I saw him he was having a well-earned Guinness.”

“Are you trying to say being our bodyguard this week has driven him to drink?” I demanded with a grin.

Kellan held his hands up. “I’m just saying the boyo made a straight beeline for the bar.”

“Ha, ha!”

As we started to the roof in search of Murphy, Kellan asked, “What possessed you to get a dog?”

With a snort, Eamon said, “That’s a daft question considering how many animals she snuck into the house over the years.”

Kellan and I laughed. “True. But she’s on her own and busy with school now,” Kellan replied.

“My therapist thought it might be a good idea to combat loneliness,” I answered honestly.

Both the boys froze on the stairs. “Your therapist?” Kellan questioned.

“Yes, Dr. Leighton’s been with me since my stay in the hospital. She felt having a dog or a cat would give me a purpose.”

“That’s a gas,” Eamon muttered.

Furrowing my brows, I asked, “Why do you say that?”

“Like you’d need a purpose when you’ve got your family and your school.”

“Don’t comment on what you don’t understand,” I argued.

Eamon’s eyes popped wide while tears once again shimmered in Kellan’s eyes. “Oh, Maeve.”

“What?”

“Are you…” He swallowed hard. “Do you need a purpose to keep going?”

Although I knew how much it would wound him, I had to be honest with him and myself. “Yes.”

While Kellan sucked in an agonized breath, Eamon asked, “Have you been thinking of leaving us?”

Before I could answer, Dare’s booming voice came from the landing. “There she is! Come give your favorite brother a big hug and kiss!”

I gave Kellan and Eamon a slight jerk of my head before giving Dare my brightest smile. “I don’t know about my favorite, but definitely the one with the biggest ego,” I teased.

Chuckling, Dare pulled me into his arms. I closed my eyes, inhaling his comforting scent. “I hope you’re wearing your dancing shoes because I’m ready to dance.”

Although it was the last thing I wanted to do, I bobbed my head enthusiastically. “Let’s go.”

Without another look back at Kellan and Eamon, I let Dare drag me out from the dark into the light.