Forbidden Billionaire Rockstar (Raising Havoc Bandmates #4)

11. Mallory

11

Mallory

The cold sheets beside me tell a familiar story. Once again, Jace has vanished like a midnight dream, leaving nothing but the lingering scent of his cologne and the ache of his absence. It’s a bittersweet reminder of our arrangement - passionate nights followed by solitary mornings.

That’s what our secret affair is about — he sneaks into my room every night, pleasuring me in ways I never imagined, crashes next to me, and it all feels like a wonderful dream when I wake up alone.

Just once, I’d love to wake up and find him watching the slow rise and fall of my chest with a small smile playing on his lips, but I can never get that lucky. I push myself up from the bed, even though I’d love nothing more than to crawl under the blanket and hide from the world, then make my way into the bathroom.

The notion sends a pang through my chest, a yearning for something I shouldn’t crave. This isn’t part of our deal. But then again, neither is the way my heart races every time he walks into a room.

If Julia hadn’t left the tour already because of her pregnancy, I’d be calling her to share my feelings while I did my morning routine. Instead, I’ve got myself and the thoughts running in my head.

I’m about to rub face cream along my cheeks when there’s a soft knock on the door, and I walk over to open it.

Jace pushes past me, a smile on his face, and holds a paper bag in the air with a bright smile. “I brought you a gift.”

The scent of sweetness fills the air, and I groan loudly while reaching a hand out for the baked goods. “Gimme, gimme.”

He jerks the bag away from me, brow arched in the air, and trails his gaze along my body in a way that never fails to make me shiver. “What do I get, sweetheart?”

I lean forward, giving him my best smile, and say, “If you don’t hand over that bag in three seconds, you won’t like what you get in return.”

“Feisty,” he purrs, his eyes dancing with amusement. Then he throws a wink in my direction. “I like it.”

There’s paper scattered on the desk, but not as terrible as a few weeks ago when I was going out of my mind trying to handle everything. Ever since Jace and I started this pact, my work has been going as smoothly as ever. I had a lot to make up for with my mistake on Sweet Surrender’s socials, but I’ve managed to do that and more.

Sweet Surrender is one of the hottest bands in the country right now. Most of their songs are hitting the top one hundred billboard charts, and I’ve scheduled plenty of interviews for the guys—both individually and together.

Ledger got the endorsement deal that I’d been waiting for, which was a huge relief and resulted in a celebration by his bandmates — one to which I was also invited. My body clenches at the reminder of what Jace did to me in that club bathroom, and I nearly choke on the food I’m chewing.

“You okay over there?” Jace asks.

“Great,” I mutter, then eye him curiously. “You came back this morning. Why?”

His face pales for a moment, but the color comes back almost immediately as if it never happened in the first place, and he shrugs. “Just wanted to kick off your day with some good food. Is that not allowed in our agreement?”

“You’re the one who made it, just double-checking the terms.”

We sit in comfortable silence, with me staring out the large window behind his back and him watching me chew each bite of my chocolate-filled croissant. Once again, images from a few nights ago invade my mind, and I close my eyes, hoping I can send them away.

I remember the way Jace’s hands felt on me, how easily we moved in sync together — just like we did the night he rocked my world months ago — and the intensity of his eyes as he tracked my every moment from afar. I’m happy to say that aside from our intimate rendezvous, I managed to keep new Mallory out of the club restroom and old Mallory locked deep in her cage.

The old Mallory had nothing to do with the reason I allowed Jace to pull me into the restroom. It had everything to do with the way my body responds to him at any given moment. I could be standing. He simply stalks past me, and I feel like I’m going to burst with the need for him. It’s pathetic, really, but it gets sated at the end of the night when no one else is paying attention.

Speaking of paying attention.

One paper sitting in front of us catches my eye, shoving the memories of a few nights ago away, and I snag it up to glance over at the words.

"Tonight is a big night for Sweet Surrender because the contest closed out, and we invited the winner to come to tonight’s show so they can meet the band for themselves."

"This is one of the best ways to help expand their fan base. If people see that they are interacting with fans in this way, I believe it could boost their following to tremendous heights."

“You’ve got everything set up?”Jace asks.

I nod and give Jace a small smile. “It’s going to be awesome and a night this girl is never going to forget. I’m excited!”

He smiles. “I like this side of you.”

“Which side?”

“Your face brightens when you talk about your passions, especially when doing something kind. Sweet Surrender didn’t have to agree to do this, but it shows their character that they did and were willing to go through with your suggestion for the meet and greet.”Jace says, his eyes holding mine intently.

“She’s going to freak out, and hopefully, it will help the band with traction.”

“You’ve already done amazing for them,” Jace says softly, then rises from his chair and walks around the table to stand behind me.

He places his hands on my shoulders and leans down, pressing a quick kiss to my temple like we’re an old married couple.

The domesticity of the gesture catches me off guard. For a moment, I let myself imagine a world where this is our reality - lazy mornings, shared breakfasts, casual intimacy. The fantasy is so vivid, so achingly desirable, that it takes my breath away.

The warmth of his touch is suddenly overshadowed by the cold reminder of our arrangement’s temporary nature. I steel myself against the longing, reminding myself that this is just physical, just stress relief.

But if that’s true, why does my heart feel like it’s breaking?

“I’ll see you tonight, sweetheart,” he murmurs, his breath warm against my ear. “Wear the purple one for me. You know what it does to me.” His words send a shiver down my spine, a promise of things to come. As he pulls away, I catch a flicker of something in his eyes - longing? Regret? Before I can decipher it, it’s gone, replaced by his usual cocky grin.

I hate the way my heart soars at the idea of being near him again later when I know that’s the last thing I should be getting happy about. Brent would not be happy to know that one of his bandmates is sneaking into his little sister’s room to defile her — no matter how much his sister wants the defiling done to her.

Keeping things a secret sucks, but I know it’s for the best when this thing we’ve got going on isn’t lasting much longer.

But as the days pass, I’m finding it harder to remember why it’s supposed to be temporary. The line between our arrangement and something more is blurring, and I’m terrified of what I’ll see when it comes into focus.

We're in the last leg of the tour, and there's only a few more weeks before we head back to our respective homes. A few more weeks of feeling Jace’s hands over my skin and burning with the touch.

Why do I feel a pang in my chest thinking about the end of our deal?

The thought leaves me feeling hollow, a stark contrast to the fullness I feel when I’m with Jace. I’ll miss not just the physical intimacy but also the quiet moments, the shared laughter, and the feeling of being truly seen.

I’m caught between the safety of our no-strings-attached agreement and the allure of something more.

The old Mallory would have embraced this feeling, diving in headfirst. But the new Mallory, the one I’ve worked so hard to become, knows the danger of mixing business with pleasure. I’m walking a tightrope between my heart and my career, and I’m wondering when I will lose my balance.

I shake my head, forcing myself to focus. Now's not the time to dwell on what-ifs and maybes.

I've got a job to do, a reputation to rebuild, and a band counting on me. With a deep breath, I push my emotions aside and dive into my work.

***

As I immerse myself in last-minute preparations, the hours seem to melt away. Phone calls blur into emails, which blur into hurried conversations with venue staff.

Before I know it, the sun has set, and I’m backstage, surrounded by the electric energy of pre-show excitement. The interplay of bright stage lights and dimmer backstage illumination creates an almost cinematic ambiance, framing the the frenetic energy of crew members darting to and fro.

In one corner, I catch a glimpse of Sweet Surrender huddled together, their voices a low murmur as they psych themselves up for the performance. The constant hum of activity is punctuated by the occasional burst of laughter or the sharp bark of a stage manager's instructions.

But even amid the chaos, my eyes are drawn to one person. Jace’s laugh cuts through the chaos, a sound that sends a shiver down my spine even as it warms me from the inside out. I’m hyper-aware of his presence as if there’s an invisible thread connecting us.

I’m so focused on watching Jace backstage, his head thrown back with a laugh at something Donny says, that I don’t catch Brent coming to a stop at my side until he nudges my shoulder.

“Brent,” I say breathlessly.

He smirks his gaze following my path with a frown. “Everything okay?”

“It’s great.” My response is too quick and too bright.

Brent’s eyes narrow. “Couldn’t help but notice his comments have miraculously stopped. It’s weird, and I wanted to check in.”

Shit.

My heart races. Maybe we aren’t being as careful as I thought.

I force a casual shrug. “It’s getting close to the end of your tour. Maybe he’s just focusing?”

Please, believe me, I silently plead.

Luckily, Brent seems to agree with my statement and nods slowly. “Could be, and everything’s going okay with the job?”

“As good as it’s going to get, they’ve got a meet and greet tonight that I think will give them the exposure they need for their fanbase.”

He nods, then flashes me a small smile. “I’m proud of you, sis. You’ve worked your ass off to get here, and I’m glad it’s finally paying off.”

I’m about to elaborate when Trevor approaches, his easy smile a stark contrast to the tension I feel. “Hey, Mallory. Got a sec?”

Brent gives me a look that says we’re not done talking but steps away.

Trevor leans in, his voice low. “I just wanted to say thanks. For everything you’ve done for us. The band... we’re really hitting our stride, and a lot of that is down to you.”

His sincerity catches me off guard. For a moment, I forget about Jace, about our complicated situation. This is why I’m here. This is what I’ve worked for.

“Thanks, Trevor. That means a lot coming from you, you know?”

As he walks away, I catch Jace watching us, his expression unreadable. The pride I felt moments ago is quickly replaced by a familiar cocktail of desire and guilt. I’m juggling so many balls, and I’m terrified of which one I’ll drop first.

A commotion near the stage door snaps me back to the present. I spot Hilary ushering in a wide-eyed girl - must be our contest winner. The sight of her starstruck expression takes me back to that day when I answered Hilary's call, fully expecting to be fired on the spot.

I remember walking to her room, my head held high despite the dread pooling in my stomach. I was prepared for them to tell me I was done, to get on the next flight out of here. But instead...

"Mallory!" Hilary's sharp voice cuts through my recollection. "The meet and greet?"

Right. I shake off the memory and plaster on my most professional smile. "On it," I assure her, moving to greet our special guest. As I guide the girl towards Sweet Surrender, I can't help but feel a renewed sense of gratitude for this second chance.

I’d like to think that the idea of losing my job is what got me into gear, but I know that’s not true. It’s all Jace and the attention he gives me each night. The way he worships my body like it’s a priceless artifact, or how easy it is to be in his presence when the moments are over.

We’ve spent a few nights talking after having earth-shattering sex, and I’ve come to know the man behind the mask. He’s sweet, caring, loyal to a fault, wants the best for his family, and believes that everything happens for a reason. I’ve watched him from afar each night of a show, laughing with his friends, noting the way his eyes crinkle in the corners and the glimmer in them.

Jace’s presence affects everyone, not just me, and that’s why this is a bad idea. Everything about this deal we’ve got going screams for me to run, but I’m too far gone to back out now.

As if sensing my thoughts on him, Jace turns and glances at me over his shoulder. He looks over my frame, taking in the outfit I’m wearing tonight, and winks at me before turning back to the conversation with Evan and Donny.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen him so light and full of sunshine before, which makes me believe I’m the cause of it — and damn it, if my heart doesn’t do a little flip in my chest at the thought.

Screwed — that’s the only word to describe my situation, and I’ve got zero clue how to fix it before it’s too late.

The realization hits me like a physical blow, leaving me breathless. I've spent so long trying to reinvent myself, to be the perfect professional, that I've almost forgotten what it feels like to simply feel.

The old Mallory would have embraced this whirlwind of emotions, reveling in the passion and excitement of it all. But the new Mallory, the one I've worked so hard to become, detaches from her emotions.

I'm caught in a tug-of-war between my heart and my head. Every stolen glance with Jace, every secret touch, sends a thrill through me that I can't deny.

But with that thrill comes a wave of guilt - guilt over deceiving Brent, guilt over potentially jeopardizing the band's dynamic, guilt over putting my own desires before my professional responsibilities.

Do I want to fix it at all?

I’ve spent so long running from my old self, but what if I really need to find a balance?

As I watch the contest winner's face light up upon meeting Sweet Surrender, something clicks into place.

This - this moment of pure joy, of dreams coming true - this is why I do what I do. My goal isn't just about advancing my career or proving myself. It's about creating these moments, about helping artists connect with their fans in meaningful ways.

Suddenly, I realized that's what I want for myself, too.

Not just professional success but genuine connection—the kind of connection I feel with Jace, as terrifying as it is.

I want to stop running from my past and stop hiding behind the facade of the perfect professional. I want to find a way to reconcile all parts of myself—the ambitious career woman and the passionate, feeling person I've been trying to suppress.

The path forward isn't clear, and the risks are still there. But for the first time in a long while, I feel a sense of clarity about what I truly want.

Now, the question is; do I have the courage to reach for it?