Forbidden Obsessions (Deviant Desires of Bennington University #2)

Chapter Ten

Olivia

B reathe in for four, hold, exhale for eight. I repeat this over and over again like a prayer, trying to stave off my impending panic attack. I don’t know what to expect, not a clue what I’m walking into. I hate Tomas for not giving hints, for not relinquishing the secret he’s harboring when he knows that, due to my anxiety, waiting is destroying me.

What also kills me is that I can tell by the hard lines of his handsome face, it’s destroying him, too. That begs the question: what kind of selfish antics are my parents up to this week?

Gripping my sweaty palm, he leads me through the door. Nothing’s changed in the grand foyer. Family portraits of the three of us in various stages of life line the walls. As dedicated as my dad is to Bennington, I can’t say he ever missed out on being Dad. He’s a dedicated family man, through and through.

Did he have an affair? Did Mom? Are they getting divorced?

We continue deeper into the house. The white-washed walls in the living room, framed with a mix of modern and mid-century decor, look the same. There’s nothing out of place, nothing missing, and nothing new. But being here now, knowing something is about to rattle me to my core, gives me a pang of nostalgia. I can remember being little, dancing with Mom to Tom Petty and The Beatles as she twirled me endlessly. I haven’t visited or called enough.

Something beeps, and it roots me to the spot. I know that sound. Occasionally, it plagues my nightmares—the ones where my stupidity and hesitancy cost Tomas his life. How could I be an aspiring doctor when I didn’t do the one thing I needed to and call 911?

Tomas holds the crook of my elbow. “It’s okay, Olivia. Come on,” he prompts, guiding me gently.

“What have you been keeping from me?” I ask as black spots dance at the edges of my vision. Dad must have been listening nearby because he emerges from around the corner before Tomas can answer.

“Sweetie,” Dad says, trying to engulf me in a hug.

“No, tell me what the fuck is going on,” I spit, pulling back from the pair of them. Dad opens his mouth, but shuts it as I get my answer.

My beautiful mother shuffles into the room, a skeleton of herself. I can’t make a sound, let alone say a word, as my mom wraps her thin arms, as thin and white as a sheet of paper, around me. Our shoulders shake simultaneously as sobs wrack our bodies.

None of us need to say it. Her long, curly auburn hair is gone. Medical tape peeks out of her robe. She’s skin and bones, with hollow cheekbones and sad eyes.

I compose myself, stepping away from Mom, looking at the three people in this world I’ve trusted implicitly. This is what they’ve been hiding. Mom is clearly sick and their lies have cost me precious time with her.

“How long has this been going on?” I yell harshly as they all avert their gazes to the floor.

“I get it, you want to protect me. But you should have let me decide that for myself. Tell me the diagnosis. Is it treatable?” I plead, my chest cracking in two.

“It’s stage four, triple negative breast cancer.” Dad announces somberly.

“They don’t know. A year at best, probably,” Mom follows up with a slight wobble in her voice.

And that does it; that thoroughly delivers the final blow. I’m not an oncology researcher like Tomas, up to date on all the news. But I’m privy enough to know there’s not much of anything that they can do.

Even if chemotherapy and radiation remove it once, it will come back and metastasize.

“Mom, how could you allow them to keep this from me?” I sob.

“Oh, Olivia. I’ve done plenty of hard things in my life. They all pale in comparison to trying to tell your own flesh and blood, the essence of your being for the past twenty years, that you’re dying in spectacular fashion. There’s not much they can do, except try to give me more borrowed time,” she sighs.

My sobs and breath turn ragged. I can’t get enough air. Black and yellow stars dance at the edges of my vision. I succumb to the blackness, to the numb and hollow feeling flooding through my body, limb to limb.

I’m not sure how long I’m out, but I blink slowly. My eyes adjust to five sets of wide-eyes watching me with obvious alarm. “How long was I out?” I ask, trying to recall what happened.

“Tell me five things you see,” Dad prompts, recalling an old technique my therapist used.

“I see you all watching me, and it’s unnerving,” I admit. The group takes a collective step back. A glitzy Mia and Lex come running through.

“Dammit, Mia. I’m keeping you from your sorority event.” Tears that I didn’t think I had left to cry fall.

“No, no, babe. You’re going, too. Me, you, and Mia are going together. Tomas is going to drive us. Before you argue, even your parents think you need a night out,” Lex says, gripping my hands.

I dig deep for the energy to protest their wishes. Even then, I can’t find it. “I don’t have anything to wear for a masquerade.” It’s a stretch because I’m sure I actually do have something to wear. If I don’t, I’m sure Mia does.

“Way ahead of you. I bought you these last week,” Mia tells me quietly, placing an expensive-looking box in my hands. Once again, I search for words—a protest or something—but I can’t think. I’m tired and sad; so fucking sad.

“I bought them last week after we talked. I figured we could get ready together and make it a girls’ night.” That overflows the dam again. “Don’t cry, babe. We’re going. It’s going to be a fun night. We’ll let your hair down. We’ll talk and cry together, if that’s what you want. Anything you need, we’ve got you, Liv.”

Just like weeks ago at the cabin, Lex and Mia hold me gently, letting me take whatever I need from them. “I love you two so much. I love all of you. Please don’t keep shit from me. I know I’m fragile, but I’m also strong. I can break and put myself back together. Julian taught me that.”

Mia and Lex usher me upstairs to my old bedroom. Memories of Mom flood me instantly. So many years of doing my hair before dances. Her telling me what it would be like to find my own prince and kiss him for the first time. Most of the biggest moments in my life, where I needed to consult and hug my mom, happened in this very room.

“Well, I guess this solves the mystery of the random proposal.”

Mia stares at me blankly for a moment. “Shit. I guess it does. I apologize, Liv. I swear.”

I wave her off. “How could we have known?” All the time, I considered that Dad was just a cover story for him and Vanessa. It sounds crazier the more I think about it. My mind has never been good at finding logic in situations. “Ow, damn. You’re rough with hair,” I say as she brushes a piece. It feels like she’s pulling it from my fucking scalp.

“You mean to tell me our dear professor doesn’t pull your hair this hard?” Mia asks, bemused.

“No, bitch. You’re a bigger sadist than him, apparently.”

Lex’s face turns beet red. “Can I ask how you knew you were a sadist or a masochist?” I forget how sheltered she is sometimes, thanks to her parents.

Mia gives a small smile. “You find someone you’re attracted to and experiment together without fear of shame or judgment.”

“And expectations. Just exploring one another and your likes and dislikes without pressure. It’s a lot of fucking fun. And despite whatever kinky stuff you end up being into, Lex, I’ll love you, anyway. I vow to never yuck your yum, too.”

Lex, Mia, and I continue laughing until we cry for the next hour. We descend the stairs. Tomas sits on the tufted, white mid-century loveseat, browsing his phone and waiting for us.

He meets me on the landing platform, taking my arm. I almost trip over my floor-length black dress. It’s a mix of silk and intricate lace detailing. I want one in white for our wedding–if we ever have one.

The prospect of marriage has haunted me for the past hour, since I came to the realization that Tomas was trying to help. He nor Mom need to ask. I already know I’ll give Mom her dying wish. If that’s seeing me get married, so be it. Although he hid this from me, it was at my parents’ request. Other than this, I can’t recall a single instance where he’s lied to me.

“You make me want to change my mind about going,” Tomas groans. “You’re stunning, Olivia. Absolutely breathtaking,” he murmurs, kissing the sensitive spot on the nape of my neck.

“I promise round two after you pick me up tonight, Tomas.” He wraps his strong arms around me protectively. I’m not as mad at him as I was earlier, although I’m still hurt.

Mia and Lex pile into the backseat of his black Audi coupe. “You’ll be careful tonight, right?” he asks sternly, rubbing soft circles on the hand he’s holding. His grip is strong, like he doesn’t want to let go of me.

“Yes, I’ll be careful. Mia and Lex will take good care of me,” I promise. Tomas stops at the curb in front of the venue.

Expensive cars, and drivers in expensive suits, line the front of the three-story building. I don’t know what I had in mind, but this wasn’t it. “Wow. You girls didn’t spare a single expense, did you?” I say to Mia.

She smiles and shakes her head. “Wait until you see the inside.” With that, we step through the front door.

My first thought is that I wish I brought Tomas, anyway. There are so many bodies and a sea of masks. With the mix of solid and strobe red lights, the scene is macabre and dangerous. “This looks like something out of Halloween,” Lex marvels. I have to agree with her. The whole thing feels mysterious and dangerous .

“ This was by invitation only, right?” I ask, chewing on my lip. Mia nods enthusiastically. “My team handled the guest list and coordinated with Matt’s fraternity, too. It’s secure.” I believe it. Mia doesn’t miss a detail.

Mia drags me deeper into the party. Scantily clad men and women, with flimsy pieces of lace, toned and erotic, swing from aerial ropes tethered to the ceiling.

“Holy fuck,” Lex whispers in my ear. I’m in disbelief, too.

“What do you want to drink?” Mia yells over the thumping bass.

“Surprise me,” Lex and I yell in unison. She takes off, greeting everyone in her path.

“Do you know anyone?” Lex asks as she studies the sea of people in front of us.

“Nope. You?”

She shakes her head. “Not a soul.”

There’s a girl hovering nearby us, but the more I study her, the more I’m pretty sure that I don’t know her. She’s standing alone, studying the crowd, occasionally looking between us. Maybe she came alone and she’s too shy to make new friends.

Mia returns with three shots of tequila. I gag a little at the thought. She stomps at my unspoken look. “The two of you told me to surprise you. Consider yourselves surprised,” she beams.

“Consider yourself warned that I will throw up all over something if you pump me full of tequila.” I make the mistake of taking a small sniff. Oh, the horrid memories of tequila-induced spins and hangovers.

“Drink up, bitches,” she says, tipping the shot back. We follow suit.

“Fuck, that burns,” Lex yells, giggling a bit.

“Well, we know Mia is undoubtedly a sadist,” I rasp, my throat burning from the alcohol. A flurry of red hair moves past us. “Hey, Mia, is that your friend Dagny who just walked by?”

Mia cranes her neck. “Dagny!” she yells, stopping her in her tracks. Dagny gives a slow smile, looking at the three of us.

“Well, look at this gorgeous trio,” she purrs, lifting her brows suggestively. She lowers her mask, giving us a look at those piercing green eyes and a seductive set of pink lips. “Who’s your new beauty?” she asks, not removing her eyes from Lex.

Lex, barely recovered from earlier, flushes again. “I’m Lex. Alexandria, if you want to get formal. I’m starting at Bennington in September, planning on rooming with Mia.”

Dagny drags her gaze up and down Lex’s form-fitting little black dress. “Lucky her,” she muses. Lex’s chest rises and falls in shallow breaths as she scrutinizes Dagny.

Another half-naked woman in towering stilettos walks over. “Another round?”

“Thank you.” Lex’s hand flies out to snatch the shots quickly, handing one over to me.

“Whoa there, easy tiger,” I urge. Lex has never been good at pacing herself.

Dagny waves me off. “When in Rome, no?” She holds Lex’s gaze, swallowing the shot in one fluid motion. “Your turn,” she prompts, guiding the shot to Lex’s waiting mouth. I can see the blotchy patches forming on her neck.

Dagny leans in closer, resting a palm on her lower back. I can’t tell what she whispers, but it’s something salacious based on Lex’s reaction. Mia’s already gone, caught up in hosting and sorority duties, I suppose.

And here I am as the third-wheel at an event I didn’t want to attend in the first place.

“Bathroom,” I yell to Lex. She looks over and nods for a moment before turning her attention back to her new fiery redhead.

With a sigh, I pace the floor, looking for any sign of where the bathroom is hiding. I expect to see the same lonely girl who had been camping out near us, but it seems even she’s moved on. I’m not annoyed or jealous about Lex flirting. It gives me hope to see her being outgoing and finding her way. Hell, maybe she’ll grow up to be a sorority girl like Mia.

Right now, though, I just want to crawl into bed and cry. Maybe I’ll have Tomas come pick me up. It’s been a long night for everyone. I should leave him alone so he gets a few hours by himself.

Where the fuck is the bathroom? My gaze flits to the top of the grandiose marble staircase. Mia and Lex have all but disappeared. Fuck it. I’ll just head upstairs and come back down. No big deal.

Once I reach the top of the stairs, my steps falter, unable to pretend I don’t hear the explicit noises filling the air. My knuckles grip the icy metal railing so tightly I fear I might break it. Find the bathroom and leave, Olivia.

Willing my legs to push forward, I continue through the dimly lit, narrow hallways cautiously. There’s at least a dozen rooms up here. Like downstairs, the red lights are more disorienting than helpful. My skin prickles with unease. It would be easy to blame my hesitance on the fact that I don’t want to watch all these people fuck.

Truthfully, it’s the opposite. All the moans and hushed whispers are starting to get to me, despite the orgasms from Tomas hours earlier. Maybe my real concern is about my values, how my friends and family would view me if they knew I liked to watch, that I suspect that I would like to be watched even more so.

A woman dressed in a red ball gown comes barreling out of what I assume is the bathroom. Yes, finally! The door swings open as I twist the gold knob. I sigh, relieved, to find a single white bulb instead of the red.

The bathroom is underwhelmingly plain compared to what I’ve seen so far of this place. I recognize the woman who stood near us earlier as she fixes her blood-red lipstick in the mirror.

“Hi,” I say, giving a tentative smile.

“Hi, Olivia,” she responds, lifting her intricate mask. That’s when I realize the girl from earlier isn’t a stranger at all.

Finally, being face-to-face and alone with Vanessa surfaces an array of emotions. It starts off as white-hot rage..

“Hi, Vanessa. What a surprise,” I say with a snarl.

“Lock the door,” she urges quickly and hushes, enunciating every syllable to ensure I understand. Fear grips me, surging more adrenaline that makes me feel shaky. I back up slowly until I’m flush with the cool, wooden door.

The potential direness of the situation sinks in, and it’s a doozy. Being locked in the bathroom with the girl who blackmailed your boyfriend with homemade porn, and turns out to be the stepsister of the psycho stalker who stabbed your boyfriend, doesn’t sound so promising right now. My trembling hand reaches behind my back to grip the knob as stealthily as possible.

“Don’t,” Vanessa hisses, lunging as she swats my hand away. My mind races, trying to concoct a plan to distract her. I think I can take her if it escalades into a fight.

I have the advantage in height. She’s thin and petite, and it doesn’t seem like she has muscles hiding. Tomas and I have continued our gym sessions, which has resulted in me pushing myself beyond boundaries I thought possible. It’s been cathartic to celebrate what my body can do without worrying about how it’s impacting my physique. That was always Julian’s primary concern.

“Okay, Vanessa. Fine, but start explaining,” I seethe.

“Listen to me. I’m not your enemy. We need to work together if we want to leave here of our own accord,” she whispers, her eyes flitting between me and the door to my back.

“He knows I’m in here. We can’t stay here. We’re going to have to move.” I could ask who, but I know with every fiber of my being who she means. How did he know I was going to be here, though?

The color leeches from my face. The other day in the lab. She heard us talking about the event.

“You sold us out to him,” I accuse.

“No, I didn’t say anything. I swear,” she says in a low cry.

“I’ll take my fucking chances, Vanessa. Goodbye,” I spit, leaving her to fend for herself or report me to Nathan. I don’t give a shit. I’m out of here.