Forever Starts Tonight (Wilder Family #4)

Chapter 9

Poppy

Four weeks later

“You look like shit.”

“I’m exhausted,” I snapped. “I think I’m getting sick, okay?”

“I can tell. Dr. Dean keeping you up too late these days?” He took a huge bite of his sandwich. “I like him. Did you see his face when Ivy beat him at chess last night?” Parker chuckled under his breath. “If he sticks around long enough, he’ll realize that’s a lost cause.”

“No, he’s not keeping me up too late. I’ve been on maybe four or five dates with him,” I said. “And one of them was dinner here last night. What am I supposed to do, sneak him upstairs into my bedroom? Put a sock on my door so Mom doesn’t interrupt?”

Parker raised an eyebrow. “Do you not remember how bad it was with Adaline and Emmett when they first got together? No one could go in the house for hours because we were afraid of what we’d walk in on.”

All he got in agreement was a pathetic sort of moaning sound. “Why are you here again? I thought you lived in Portland?”

As was his way, he shrugged nonchalantly, taking a leisurely sip of his giant glass of milk.

Milk. Like he was still a little kid. My stomach roiled unpleasantly at the sight of that glass in front of him, but I forced another bite of the leftovers I’d heated.

“Just needed a break. Felt like I haven’t spent more than a weekend here in forever.”

“Because you haven’t spent more than a weekend here in forever,” I pointed out. He’d been here a week, and every day that passed, Mom and I watched him with increasing concern. “And I don’t think you should be lecturing me on looking like shit.”

Even with dark circles under his eyes—a matching set to my own, thanks to the perpetual exhaustion I hadn’t been able to shake in days—Parker was one of those guys who was just … stupidly good looking. All my brothers were in their own way.

Erik and Ian were tall, dark, and broody with personalities to match.

Cameron and Parker were both tall too, but had the golden good looks they got from our dad. Tan skin, strong jaws, and big smiles. Since Parker started playing professional football, he’d added more muscle to his frame, and even though he still had the golden hair and jaw and all that went with it, the smiles didn’t come as easily since our dad got sick.

In fact, since he’d come home, I’d hardly seen it once.

“Can’t sleep,” he admitted gruffly.

I picked at my food, eyeing him underneath my lashes. “Is it Dad?” I asked.

His jaw clenched. “No.” Then he pinched his eyes shut. “Maybe. I don’t fucking know, Poppy. I just can’t get my head clear.”

Parker and I were the youngest in the family, even though he was quite a few years older when I was born. It was a second marriage for my mom and my dad—they both brought three kids into it with them when they tied the knot. I was the only biological child from that second marriage, which only added to that whole older, protective thing my siblings had going.

I was the baby by a lot.

One thing I’d learned throughout the years was that very few people confided in the baby of the family. They continually operated under the delusion that I was a child and couldn’t handle their shit, even though I’d been through loss, same as them.

Parker had a hard time watching our dad in his last round with cancer when he’d chosen not to do any treatments that would ravage his body. Parker made his peace with Dad by the end, but it still felt like we were tiptoeing through raw grief, all of us dealing with it in our different ways, even months later.

I couldn’t say my grief was any healthier than Parker’s, given my impulsive night with Jax still had me all shredded up inside. Turned out, ignoring that one night wasn’t as easy as I thought.

“Is it the game?” I asked quietly.

Now his jaw didn’t just go hard. His whole face went stony. No one had talked to him about it yet, probably because his face did the same intimidating thing it was doing right now, even though the replays made the rounds for weeks after the Voyager’s last playoff game.

But as I held his gaze, that stoniness faded with a slump of his big shoulders, and Parker leaned forward, rubbing his forehead as he sighed. “You mean the playoff game I dropped the fucking pass in the end zone as time expired? And because of that dropped touchdown we lost the chance to go to the Super Bowl?”

I winced. “Yeah, that one.”

He didn’t answer right away as his eyes locked onto the table for a few minutes. “You ever feel like … you don’t know what the hell you’re doing in life? Like it’s just moving forward all the time, and you’re scrambling to stay caught up with everyone around you.”

My eyes pricked with tears. “Sometimes, yeah. I didn’t know you felt like that, though. You’ve been off living your dream for years, Parker. And we’re so proud of you.”

Parker gave me a sad smile. “Ignore me, I know I have nothing to complain about. Just a rough ending to the season. I’ll get over it.”

“You can have good things in your life and still feel sad or overwhelmed. It doesn’t lessen what you’re going through.” I set my chin in my hand and studied him. “We have a great family, right? I have a beautiful place and a job I enjoy. But I feel … stuck, too, sometimes. You and I are the only ones who haven’t found that one person, you know?”

Parker snorted. “Could’ve fooled me. You’ve got the vet wrapped around your fucking finger, and don’t tell me you don’t. What did Mom say? He’s smitten .”

My cheeks felt warm. “I know he is. I like him,” I said simply. “I think maybe I was a challenge to him at first, but … he’s nice. And funny. And there’s a lot of potential there, but I can’t say he’s my soulmate.”

At that term, Parker rolled his eyes. “Soulmates aren’t a real thing.”

“Yes, they are,” I argued. “Look at Mom and Dad. And you know what I mean about our siblings. They’re all building lives, and I’m still sleeping in my childhood bedroom.” I let out a short, dry laugh. “Sleeping a lot these days, actually. So now I can add stuck and lazy to my résumé.”

Parker’s eyes finally glinted with humor. “You’ve never been lazy a day in your life, Poppy. It was annoying because anytime I slacked in school, I had your punk ass showing me up.”

“Someone has to keep you on your toes. ”

At that, his mouth edged up in a grim smile. “Indeed. I could use a little less of that, to be honest.”

I sighed, folding an arm on the table and laying my forehead down. “Ugh, I slept twelve hours last night, I took a nap this morning, and I feel like I could go back to bed. What is wrong with me?”

“You’re not pregnant, are you?”

He said it jokingly. Lightly, with an edge of teasing. And right along with the light teasing edge, I felt the world drop out underneath me.

My head snapped up. “What?”

He took a huge bite of his sandwich, eyeing my face. “When Mom got pregnant with you, I remember her laying her head exactly like that on the table during dinner once. First sign she was pregnant, actually.”

My heart had stopped beating. Completely. When it restarted, I lifted a shaky hand to my forehead while I started counting the days in my head. I was late, but honestly, I’d been so tired I just didn’t think about it.

Parker’s eyes widened, his jaw falling open at whatever he saw on my face. “Holy shit , could you be pregnant, Pops?”

My gaze locked on his, eyes blurring with immediate tears. “M-maybe,” I whispered.

“I heard you and Greer talking yesterday, so I know you haven’t slept with Dean yet,” he said.

No, there was zero chance it was Dean’s. In truth, our dates had been a little high school-style pent-up sexual frustration. Lots of making out in cars, and some under-the-clothes action that had felt nice, but nope, nope, nope, there was zero impregnating happening from that beautiful man.

“The finance guy? The date you went on?” he asked.

“How did you know about that?” I snapped.

“Greer told Cameron. Cameron told me. And Ian told me, actually. Basically everyone knows.”

“This fucking family,” I hissed under my breath. “No one can ever have any privacy.” I stood from the table, pacing back and forth in the kitchen. “Oh shit, shit, what if I’m pregnant?”

Parker stood too, gripping my shoulders and bending down to make sure I was looking at him. “Stop. Breathe. What do you need?”

My chin quivered. “A pregnancy test?”

He nodded. “Okay. I mean, I’ve never bought one, but how hard can it be?”

“You can’t go buy me one,” I yelled.

“Why not?”

My hand waved in a wild gesture. “You’re, you’re you . You’re ten feet tall, and everyone knows you, and the last thing you need is some tabloid headline that Parker Wilder is out buying pregnancy tests for a mystery woman.”

He rolled his eyes. “I’ll wear a hat.”

“Oh, because that’ll disguise who you are.”

Parker merely raised his eyebrows. “Would you rather walk into the drugstore to get your own?”

At the mental image that conjured, all eyes in the entire town zeroing in on me in the pregnancy test aisle, I whimpered, and my stomach roiled dangerously.

“That’s what I thought.” He squeezed my shoulders. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Get the digital one,” I called out as he hustled out the door a few minutes later, Voyagers hat tugged low on his forehead.

He waved a hand over his shoulder as the door slammed shut behind him. When the sound of his truck engine disappeared, I curled up under a blanket and tried to steady my breathing.

I didn’t even need the test. Deep down, I knew. I knew .

Jax Cartwright and his super penis couldn’t just give me one night of good sex. He had to impregnate me . God, it was unfair. Of course his sperm would be stronger than birth control.

Frantically, I thought back to the week before I’d gone to his house, my throat closing up with the realization that I’d been sick and taken antibiotics to knock out a nasty head cold. Shit. That messed things up, didn’t it? Immediately, I wanted to call Greer. Or Cameron’s girlfriend, Ivy. Or my mom.

But they’d freak out. Like level ten, code red panic. They’d want to avenge my honor.

They’d march into every bank in Redmond trying to figure out who the guy was. And oh fuck my life , when they found out who did the impregnating.

My stomach bottomed out, and I took a deep breath to try to keep myself from dry heaving. I wouldn’t, couldn’t , tell them anything until Jax got home. I snatched my phone and immediately pulled up his number.

I need to talk to you. Please call me when you have a chance.

I pressed send, holding my breath, and then lost it in a gust when a red exclamation point showed up next to the text. Undeliverable. With a growl of frustration, I threw my phone onto the couch and waited for Parker.

He was home in record time, bursting through the door with a bag in his hand. When he dumped it over, seven or eight boxes fell in a pile.

Brows high on my forehead, I glanced up at him. “How many do you think I need?”

Parker tugged on his hat, twisting it backward on his head so I could see his face. He looked about as frazzled as I felt. “I don’t know, but you said digital, and there were like four kinds, and I panicked and grabbed one of each kind.”

For a long moment, I just stared at the pile of boxes, unsure of what to do next .

Once I knew, there was no going back. My skin prickled ominously, the telltale signs of a panic attack creeping up to the edges of my vision. I took a minute, steadying my breathing, reminding myself that it would be fine, and no matter what, I would be okay.

I snatched one of the boxes and marched to the bathroom.

After the test was capped and set down on the counter, I leaned up against the edge of the vanity and closed my eyes, listening to the whooshing sound of my pulse in my ears.

Pregnant.

Pregnant.

Pregnant.

Jax was going to lose his mind. I’m the one who told him we were fine without a condom. Mr. I don’t want a family would probably hate this.

My chin quivered again, and I could hardly see the painting on the bathroom wall while I tried to get my emotions under control. When I was sure a couple of minutes had passed, I opened the bathroom door with the test gripped in my hand.

Parker was pacing in the hallway, his face tight with worry. “Well?”

“I haven’t looked yet,” I whispered. “I’m scared.”

My brother straightened his massive shoulders, sucking in a deep breath. “Do you want me to look for you?”

I shook my head, feeling very much like I was going to toss my fucking cookies right there in the hallway.

“And it’s not Dean’s, right?” he asked.

Eyes wide, I glanced up at my brother. “Parker .”

“Right.”

I sucked in a deep breath. I’d count down from sixty and then look. Miserably, I answered, “Besides, Dean plans on waiting to have sex until he gets engaged. Something about his college years and being an athlete, and it felt meaningless sleeping around so much or something. He’s … he wants to wait.”

Parker blew out a slow breath, eyebrows high on his forehead. “Your boyfriend is regenerating his virginity?” he asked slowly.

I pinched his arm. “Does this feel helpful right now?”

He raised his eyebrows. “No, but I’m just imagining telling someone that story with a straight face on the first date.”

“Second,” I said glumly. “Second date. It was a little awkward, and I almost laughed because I thought he was kidding. Have you seen him? But…” I shrugged. “It’s not the worst thing in the world, right? Like, there are worse things than dating a man who looks like him, and he won’t sleep with me?” My breath was coming in short, choppy pants. “Let’s think about what those things are. Maybe we can make a list?”

My brother attempted a smile, but it fell quickly. Probably because my freaking out was so big that he was absorbing it by osmosis.

“Poppy,” he said gently. “I think it’s time to look.”

“Right, right. Not the time for a list.”

Heart thrashing in my chest, I joined him in the hallway, and we stood side by side while I lifted the test with shaking hands and focused on the screen.

Pregnant.

A sharp exhale left my mouth, my heart pinwheeling down into my feet, and my whole mind going blank and fuzzy while I stared at the tiny little screen.

I’d imagined having a family. Someday. But not like this.

I’d imagined a partner who loved me, who I loved in the same way. I imagined a nice little home we made for ourselves, and a big white wedding surrounded by all our family and friends. Maybe it wasn’t very modern of me—to want such simple things, love and marriage and then babies after—but there was no ignoring the way my heart hurt from removing so many of those foundational pieces from the equation .

“Holy shit,” I whispered, the first tear sliding down my cheek. “ Holy shit. What am I going to do?”

“I mean, you might want to tell your boyfriend first,” he muttered. “Shit, he’s gonna think you had an immaculate conception.”

“Parker,” I wailed. “You’re so bad at this.”

He huffed out a soft laugh. “Sorry. This is … new.”

“What am I going to do?” I said again.

My big brother gentled his face and gently gripped my shoulders. For just a moment, he looked like the old Parker with his eyes fixed on mine. “I’ll tell you what you’re going to do. You’re going to let your family take care of you. That’s what we’re here for.”

The hurt in my heart broke open into something sharper, something unnamed that I felt down to my toes. The grief of so many different things was too big to fit into my skin, and I felt it like a tear through my bones. “That sounds like something Dad would’ve said,” I said in a trembling voice.

In the next heartbeat, Parker had me wrapped tight in his arms, and while my brother held me, I let myself cry.