Forever Starts Tonight (Wilder Family #4)

Chapter 35

Poppy

What did it say about me that watching Jax do yard work felt like foreplay?

Who was I kidding? Watching him breathe felt like foreplay for the past couple of days.

And if the man wanted to spend his evening breathing and weeding landscaping beds wearing one of those really nicely fitted Wilder Homes T-shirts, who was I to say no?

It did wonderful things to his forearms every time he yanked one of those little suckers out of the ground, and I sat on the back deck at his place, a bowl of sour gummy worms in my lap while I unapologetically gawked.

He caught me once, rolling his eyes good-naturedly when I sat there grinning at the way he tugged his shirt up and wiped some sweat off his forehead, affording me a delicious glimpse of the stacked muscles on his stomach.

I could’ve been at my house doing something less fun than this, but in these early days of our relationship, we were both feeling a bit like time apart was dumb, and there was no point. If we were apart, there would have been no talking, kissing, sex, or staring at each other when we did mundane homeowner activities like weeding.

Before work that morning, he sat at the kitchen island at my place, watching me make some eggs for breakfast. And boy, he was watching me in some sort of way.

It ended with my skirt pushed up around my hips, my underwear tangled around my knees, dried out eggs in the skillet, and Jax screwing me from behind while I held the very sturdy counter.

I was checking that position off on my list with a very enthusiastic thumbs-up and a note to add it to the rotation.

Maybe we had a competency kink. Was that a thing? I was a decent cook, and when the eggs didn’t get forgotten in the pan, they were way better than his. Jax watching my complete mastery of simple breakfast foods might have turned him into a mindless brute. Not that I was complaining. Starting your day with a screaming kitchen orgasm was pretty high on my favorite things list now. Just like I’d probably end my day with yardwork-induced sex because of what this simple homeowner’s task was doing to his forearms.

With a sigh, I bit off half a gummy worm.

“You eat those really violently,” he commented, tossing a few weeds into a bucket next to him. “Makes me wonder if I should be nervous when your mouth gets too close.”

Arching my eyebrow, I snapped off another chunk. After swallowing it down, I said, “Oh honey, I won’t use teeth unless you ask nicely.”

Jax gave me a heated look, tugging off the work gloves and dropping them to the ground while he ambled back onto the deck, settling his hands on the arm of my chair and stealing a long kiss from my upturned mouth.

“Delicious,” he murmured.

I held up the bowl. “Want one?”

“I’d rather taste them on you,” he said, sneaking another kiss before he walked back to his work.

“So I was thinking about something this morning,” I said. “You know, after the ruined eggs and the sex and we were off doing boring work. ”

“What’s that?” He dug into the dirt with the gardening tool, unearthing a particular stubborn weed with long, straggly roots.

“The trips you took. They weren’t all about me, were they?”

Jax gave me a wry, subdued grin. “I can’t tell which answer you’d rather hear.”

I threw a gummy worm, hoping to nail him in the head, but it fell a solid two feet shy of the target. “The truth, mister.”

Eyebrow arched attractively, he sat back on his haunches and gazed out toward his barn for a moment. “Most of them were, yeah,” he said, glancing back at me. “You were too young. Too sweet. And I just … I thought that space would do the trick. Make it go away. And it did, for a while at least. Then something else would happen and I couldn’t keep you out of my head like I wanted.”

“But my brother never knew.”

“That it was about you? Hell no.”

As I processed that, I twisted my lips to the side and tapped a gummy worm along the edge of the bowl. “But he always let you go. Always. I’d get emails from him telling me that you’d be gone for two weeks, with a day’s notice. How did you pull that off?” I held his gaze challengingly. “I’m the one who prints your checks. Or used to, until we expanded. I know what you make. How did you do it?”

Jax used his forearm to swipe across his forehead, expelling a forceful breath. “We’d get here eventually. Might as well be now.”

I took a bite of my candy, watching him with narrowed eyes. “Where?”

Turning to face me, Jax was unexpectedly serious. “I need you not to freak out about this.”

My eyebrows shot up my forehead. “Do you know that approach has literally never worked with any woman in the history of ever? The moment you preemptively tell someone not to freak out, they’re already starting to freak out.”

He exhaled a quiet laugh, his shoulders shifting uncomfortably. Then he set his jaw and met my curious gaze. “I don’t actually have to work for your brother.”

Tilting my head, I said, “Of course you don’t have to. You could work anywhere.”

“No,” he said gently. “I mean that I don’t need that job. Before Henry’s dementia set in, he appointed me the executor of his estate. It’s … extensive, and he set it up so that I get paid a healthy salary to make sure his investments are taken care of, that he’s always taken care of. This is just one piece of property he owns—his favorite, admittedly. When I travel around the Pacific Northwest, I can stay at any one of his places. He’s got four or five in total. I sold a couple last year that were more trouble than they were worth. I’ll probably sell a couple more this year, because they’re worth so much, and I’d rather let someone else handle them.” He paused, blowing out a slow breath. “And when he sold all the car dealerships, the assets grew tenfold. I made a percentage off that sale too.”

Mouth hanging open, the gummy worm clattering onto the deck when it fell out of my limp hand. “You… what?” I breathed. “Wait, so I’m paying Henry, but I’m sort of paying … you?”

He quirked an eyebrow. “You know I’m not touching a cent of that money. It’s still going to Henry’s estate. And yes, some of that funnels back to me, which will funnel back to our child. Every cent you give me is going to go right into an account for the kid. College or whatever.”

I blinked a few times. “So you’re telling me that all this time, you’re like … loaded?”

He smiled. “I’ve done all right,” he said modestly. “But someday, hopefully not soon, when Henry passes away, it’ll all be mine. ”

Not even sour candy would help with this. I sat back in my seat and stared at him.

There was only one question that felt important enough to ask.

“And you choose to deal with my brother and Greer every single day?” I shook my head. “Why ?”

Jax laughed, and I marveled at how much more easily the sound seemed to come from him in the past couple of days. “I’d go crazy without something to keep me busy,” he said. Staring down at the landscaping, he plucked another weed. “I like working outside. Like working with my hands. And your brother is probably the only boss who’d be this understanding.”

“So he knows about Henry and all your hidden money.”

Jax’s teeth gleamed white against his beard as he smiled. “Yeah.”

“No one ever tells me anything,” I muttered.

Standing slowly, Jax flicks his eyes to me briefly. “Would it have changed your opinion of me?”

Because I knew he was asking seriously, I gave it serious consideration. “Maybe,” I said after a long moment.

His gaze sharpened. “Yeah?”

I nodded. “I might have climbed into bed with you sooner.”

Jax didn’t laugh, but his eyes smiled as he watched me. “That so?” he murmured, the flex in his arms distracting my attention for a moment.

“Oh yeah. What a great baby daddy you’ve turned out to be. You give out orgasms like candy. You’re independently wealthy. And you love me,” I said simply. “What more could I ask for?”

“What more, indeed,” he said, a ghost of a smile as he turned back toward the weeds. “Still don’t know how to change a diaper, though,” he added .

I tried to hide my smile, but it didn’t work. “It’s easy. You’ll get the hang of it in no time.”

“Aren’t there like, multiple tabs and velcro and shit?”

“Yes,” I said gravely. “And there is a correct way to put them on, but I promise, even you can figure it out. I’m sure there’s a chapter about it in your pregnancy books you tried to shove in the kitchen cabinets when I walked in.” I fluttered my eyelashes.

His face went slack with shock but recovered quickly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he murmured, a slight flush of pink tingeing the back of his neck.

I wanted to eat him alive. Briefly, I wondered if we could manage backyard sex without getting too loud. Five acres of land was a lot, but the right kind of sounds echoed.

“Mmmhmm,” I said. “Don’t think I didn’t see those before you hustled me out here and distracted me with candy.”

He grimaced and got back to work. Then he stopped, turning his face back to mine, and the determined light in his eyes had me tilting my head curiously.

“I made a thing,” he said.

I arched an eyebrow. “You might need to elaborate.”

Jax sighed. “It’s not a crib. It’s smaller. You put it in the bedroom with you when they’re, you know, tiny.”

A helpless smile curled my lips. “A bassinet?”

His cheeks were flushed slightly with a delicious pink, and he nodded. “Yeah. It’s not … I didn’t finish it yet. Thought I would this weekend, but I got a little … distracted.”

I laughed. “Sorry about that.” Jax gave me a warm look that told me how much he needed an apology for that. “Is that why you were in the shop that night?”

Eventually, he nodded. “Ian gave me some tips. But I…” He sighed heavily. “I wanted to do something. I kept thinking about how small they’ll be when they’re born. How they’ll need a safe place to sleep.” His eyes darted over to mine. “It ro cks, too. So you can just lean over in bed and help them get back to sleep.”

My eyes filled with tears, but I blinked them back. “Sounds like you thought through everything,” I said lightly, my heart aching with the force of how much I loved him.

He swallowed, focusing his attention on a particularly stubborn weed. After a few moments, Jax’s movements slowed, and I watched something play out over his face.

“Your ultrasound is soon, right?”

I nodded. “End of this week.”

His brow furrowed slightly. “Do you want to find out what it is?”

“I don’t think I do,” I told him. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah,” he said quietly. Then he nodded. “Yeah, that’s okay. I like not knowing too.” The line of his throat moved on a swallow, and he stared down at the ground. “God, it’s going to feel so much more real, isn’t it? Seeing them. A nose and hands and a mouth and a tiny fucking human that’s ours.”

Jax paused, pinching the bridge of his nose for a second before his hand dropped into his lap.

“What is it?” I asked.

When he looked up, his eyes were heartbreakingly earnest. “Do you think I’ll be a good dad?” he asked quietly.

“Of course.” I sat forward and held my hands out. “Come here. I don’t like being so far away from you when we’re talking about this.”

Jax smiled softly, swiping his hands over his pants as he walked over. Settling his weight on the cushion next to me, he stretched an arm out behind me, and I turned, easily swinging my leg over his lap so that I could sit facing him. A few more weeks, and the logistics of a good lap straddle would be too difficult, but for now, it worked.

He eased his hands up the tops of my thighs, along the sides of my belly and around to anchor on either side of my hips. “Closer, as commanded,” he said .

I cupped his face, my thumbs bracketing the sides of his mouth. “You’re going to be a great dad, because you care enough to ask that question. Because you think about where they’ll sleep and if they’re safe.”

I swallowed, watching the shift in his expression as he looked up at me. Somehow, my opinion had always mattered to this man. Far before I ever realized it, and more deeply than I could have imagined.

Having his heart in my care was such a precious gift, and nothing I’d ever take for granted.

“I thought maybe you were afraid to have a kid,” I admitted. “When you didn’t want to feel the baby kick.”

Jax’s eyes closed and he shook his head. “No, it wasn’t that. I mean, I am afraid, but I think most people are, right? Aren’t you?”

“Terrified,” I admitted with a smile.

“I was afraid of you,” he said simply. He settled one hand on the side of my belly, feeling for motion underneath the tight skin. I moved it up and to the right where I felt the baby, pressing his fingers in more firmly. When the baby did a tiny little kick, I raised my eyebrow and he smiled, closing his eyes at the sensation. “It’s silly now, maybe, but touching you felt like I was tempting myself more than I could handle.” He swallowed. “Thought I’d have to get used to seeing you with someone else. Someone better for you.”

Bruises on our hearts were so slow to heal, and I knew that this one would take time for both of us. And that was okay. In conversations like this, open and honest and extending grace to the other person for however they might feel would make this relationship a lasting one.

It wasn’t in having similar personalities because we definitely didn’t have that, and it wasn’t in the chemistry that helped us cross the first line. It was shared values, and it was understanding. Every day, it was choosing to see the best in each other .

I sighed, leaning forward to give him a soft kiss. Jax’s hands tightened on my hips as his tongue brushed lightly against mine.

“There’s no one better for me than you,” I spoke against his lips, imbuing those simple words with every ounce of what I felt for him, the way I trusted him, the truth of who I knew him to be, the sheer rightness of the two of us together. “There never has been, and there never will be.”

For a moment, we sat there, trading breath and staring into each other’s eyes. We were so close, I could see every nuance of color in his eyes, see that all those reservations that had haunted him before were cleared away and gone.

Now there was just love. Perfect, sweet, head-spinning love.

Tilting his head, Jax took my lips in a fierce kiss, a deep, possessive groan rattling his chest and yanking the hairs up on the back of my neck. When his tongue licked hot against mine, I let out a small whimper as I snaked my arms around his shoulders and dug my fingers into his thick hair.

There was a devastating effect to kissing Jax Cartwright, how something relatively simple could slice through my very being. I’d never take this for granted. Never.

And I knew, as he kissed me so thoroughly, made me feel so incredibly wanted and sexy and confident, that this is how it was going to be between me and this man. Jax’s hand moved up, and deftly, he filled his palm with one aching breast, handling it gently like I’d asked, soft, teasing brushes against the hardened tip until my hips moved restlessly.

My hands dug between us and pulled frantically at his belt while we panted against each other’s mouths.

“Here?” he whispered, tugging at my bottom lip with his teeth.

“Here.” I leaned forward and ran my tongue along the shell of his ear, relishing the way he shuddered. “Can you be quiet enough?” I whispered back .

Jax pulled his head back so that his gaze locked on mine, two blunt fingers moving between my legs to wrench my underwear to the side and sliding inside me. “Can you?” he asked with a daring lift to his eyebrow.

I rolled my lips together, my eyes fluttering shut. But I managed a jerky nod.

“Good girl,” he whispered, nipping at my bottom lip while he did a thing with his wrist that had me gasping.

Withdrawing his fingers, Jax started helping with zippers and belts and things. He lifted his hips just far enough to shove his jeans down, and we both laughed when it was harder than we thought.

He took me like that—small, slow, torturous rocking movements as I canted my hips in time with his—with no one to see us but the tall, swaying trees and the blue, blue sky. He had one hand clamped tight on my hip, directing my movements, and the other fisted tight in my hair as he whispered filthy things against my lips.

This wasn’t sex like a lightning bolt, fast and fierce and immediate. It crept up my body, sneaking up my veins so that I hardly noticed the build until my skin went tight and a decadent groan escaped my mouth.

“That’s it,” he moaned, licking up the side of my neck.

My orgasm was like honey left out in the sun—thick in my veins and delicious on my tongue, rolling over my skin sticky sweet. Jax followed quickly after, grunting through his own release into my mouth while we kissed each other through it.

I slumped against his chest and tried to catch my breath, sighing quietly while he smoothed his hands up and down my back. It was probably too warm to be cuddling like this, but neither one of us moved as we came down.

Gently, like he couldn’t help himself, Jax brushed kisses over my temple, tangling his hands into my hair and pushing it over my shoulder as he held me close. Under my cheek, the steady thrumming of his heart mirrored the pace of mine .

A quiet hum left my mouth before I could stop it, and he tightened his arms around me, a protective, strong embrace that I could claim as my own.

“I like backyard sex,” I murmured sleepily.

He laughed under his breath. “Probably shouldn’t attempt it at your place. The neighbors might not like it.”

“Fair enough,” I sighed, closing my eyes and letting the warmth of the moment lull me into a near sleep.

It seemed bizarre, to find a moment of peace such as this after sex like that. My hands curled into his shirt, trying to find an anchor so my emotions didn’t go flying into happy tears.

“Honey,” he repeated quietly, gazing down at my hands where they gripped the front of his shirt.

“Hmm?” I sat up and arched my back, hissing slightly when Jax pulled himself out from inside me and tucked himself back into his jeans.

His grin was unrepentant, and I rolled my eyes slightly at the smugness on display.

Honestly, though, he’d earned it.

“Earlier, you called me honey.” His hand reached for mine, and he ran his thumb over each knuckle, moving to the next, back and forth. “I’ve never had a pet name before.”

I smiled. “Not sure that one fits right. We’ve got time to figure it out.”

He hummed, tilting his chin up so his face was fully in the sun. “’Spose we do.”

Weaving my fingers between his, I settled our joined hands on my thigh and studied his face. “What are you going to call me?”

“Come on, you had your nickname a long time ago, Poppy. You gonna get greedy on me now?” he asked, a teasing tilt to his lips that had my skin warm.

“Not that one,” I said on a laugh. “I mean … am I your girlfriend? Your partner? Your baby mama?” I teased. “What are we? We haven’t even gone on a date yet. Feels premature to say, this is my boyfriend, Jax . But you’re…” I was feeling slightly vulnerable by the change of conversation.

Jax’s eyes landed unerringly on mine, and I swear, I could see his entire heart there. “Everything,” he finished. “You’re mine. And you’re everything.”

I leaned forward, cradling his jaw with my hand, my heart squeezing at the way he leaned into my touch. “I like that,” I said softly. He met me in the middle, our lips brushing decadently, the tease of his tongue at the seam of my lips had me opening on a sigh.

The breeze was cool and sweet on my face as we kissed, and eventually, he pulled his mouth from mine, tugging me closer into a tight embrace. My eyes burned with unshed tears at the slight tremble in his frame as he held me.

Everything , I thought, right here in our little corner of the world. We sat like that for a long time, with the sun warming our skin, until he took my hand and walked us back inside his house, miles away from where we started and with an entire lifetime ahead of us.