Fracture

4. Stella

CHAPTER 4

STELLA

Dylan wanders into the kitchen, bleary-eyed, in nothing but black boxer briefs. I sit silently at the window and watch him stumble to the coffee machine. He pulls out the pot, then seems to remember he doesn’t have a cup, and turns to find me watching him.

“Oh, shit. Uh, I mean, good morning.”

“Morning.”

He averts his eyes sheepishly. “Sorry, if I’d known you were here I would have gotten dressed. I thought you’d be at work.”

I shrug lightly, looking out the window. “Stupid me took all my vacation days thinking I’d be catching up with you both.” I take a sip of coffee. “More fool me, huh?”

Dylan is suddenly standing next to me, still holding the coffee pot. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how many times I need to say it for you to believe me, but-”

“I don’t need you to say it at all.” I rise to my feet and fix him with my gaze. “I don’t need words, Dylan. Words don’t mean anything. You could stand here and say you’re sorry til you’re blue in the face, and all I’d think is that you wanted to get laid.”

His dark eyes widen. “Stella, that’s not what it is at all.”

“No? Sure felt like that the other night when you got all handsy with me.”

He runs a hand over his head, still clutching the goddamn coffee pot in the other, and he splutters as he tries to find the right words. “I-I fucking love you, OK? What do you want me to say? That I didn’t come out of prison hoping to get you home and fuck you senseless? Yeah, I did.”

A laugh lodges in my throat. “See? Nothing but a piece of ass.” I move past him over to the sink, and then the coffee pot is on the counter next to me and I’m spun around in Dylan’s arms. He stares down at me, his gaze a mixture of determination and deep pain.

“There has never been a single moment where I saw you as nothing but a piece of ass.”

“Right. You love me.” I don’t know why I’m giving this beautiful man such a hard time. I don’t know why I’m ignoring the sharp thud of my heart in my ribcage as he holds me close. I’m desperately tempering the need to pull his face down to mine, to kiss him till our lips hurt, to let him put me up on this counter and fuck away the longing and loneliness of the last ten years. I blink all that away, and stick out my chin. “I’m done being loved by people who hurt me, Dylan. I’m sick of it. If that’s love, I don’t want it.”

“I’ve never wanted to hurt you, Stella.” He lifts a hand and traces it down my neck, along the curve of my shoulder, and it makes me hurt even more. “And I know I have, because I was stupid and reckless. I know that. But you have to believe me, I never meant it.”

I shrug, my eyes stinging so hard I have to blink to stop the flood of saltwater that’s threatening to escape any second. “More words. More apologies. I can’t do anything with that.”

He takes a step back from me with a growl, his jaw feathering and his hands on his hips. “Stella, I don’t know how to do this. OK? I spent my 20s in prison. I don’t know what I’m doing here.”

“So figure it out.”

“How?” His voice is strained with frustration, his hands cupping the air in front of him hopelessly.

“Read a book. Go to Reddit. Fuck, I don’t know, talk to somebody. Therapy is great, and after spending your 20s in prison, you probably need it.”

He lunges at me, seizing my face in his huge, tattooed hands, his body flush with mine. “Listen to me. I’ll do anything I need to do to win you back.”

“I’m not a prize, Dylan.”

“Yes, you are.” He lowers his face to mine to nudge my nose with his, a small, sweet gesture that chips away at my anger, just a little. “No more words. I promise. But you got to tell me that I have a chance here.”

His eyes gaze intently into mine. I want to tell him that I don’t have to do anything. That I don’t owe him anything. But with his warm hands against my face, and those dark eyes filled with hope, I don’t have the heart to be a bitch and tell him no. Because I want him to have that chance. I want to give myself that chance. Which makes me a fool. I’ll just get hurt again.

But the memories of how much I loved him are too strong.

“You have a chance. But I won’t promise you more than that.”

His face breaks into a devastating smile, and suddenly he’s that 19 year old boy again, full of hope and joy whenever his eyes landed on me. He leans his forehead against mine, and laughs softly.

“I’m going to make you so happy, Stella.”

I swallow down my bitterness, the words threatening to spill out. No you won’t. I’m broken. I’ll hurt you. I’ll make you miserable. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know who I want. I clamp my eyes shut and push all my sick thoughts away.

Dylan can’t know that about me. It’ll disgust him. It disgusts me. Instead I just smile and nod, pulling on the mask I wear so well.

“I hope so,” is all I say. And some small part of me, foolishly, does.

Dylan won’t tell me where he’s going when he leaves, but I guess he’s headed to his grandfather’s. I feel a pang as I watch him pull out of the drive on his bike, the engine roaring down the tree-lined street. His grandfather was always mean-spirited. He hated Dylan’s mother, and by extension was horrid to Dylan after his parents died.

That time is bound with so much sadness but also love. That was when Dylan and Levi became close, and he spent so much time at our house. He was always there, lighting up every room he walked into. And, in time, Dylan and I became close, too.

With a sigh, I walk down the hallway and up the stairs. It’s a beautiful day, and I consider going swimming. I pull my phone from my pocket, ready to text my cousin Lily and see if she’s free, when I walk past Levi’s open door.

I cast a glance into the dim room, light spilling across the bed from between a crack in the curtains. Straight over Levi’s naked body sprawled out on the bed. He’s lying on his back, one arm tucked behind his head. He’s snoring lightly, obviously fast asleep. Thank god, because here I am staring at him while he’s butt ass naked.

His body is beautiful, sleek muscles adorned with tattoos. I swallow, clutching my phone hard enough to crack the screen as my eyes land on his dick. It’s difficult to make out a lot of detail in the half-light, but his girth and size are more than obvious. The throb I feel between my thighs at the sight is deeply unpleasant.

At that moment, my phone begins to ring.

Levi’s head shoots up to look straight at me in the doorway, and I shriek out a Sorry! Before racing to my room and slamming the door behind me. I clutch my still-ringing phone to my chest, and try to compose myself. My step-brother just caught me staring at him naked. I clench my eyes shut. Oh my god, I’m disgusting. He’s going to be packing his bags when I get back out of this room.

If I ever get up the nerve to leave this room again, that is.

The phone stops ringing and almost instantly starts again, and I look down to see Lilly’s name flash up on the screen. I swipe my thumb across the screen and lift the phone to my ear.

“H-Hey!” I clear my throat when my voice squeaks. “I was just about to call you.”

“Haha, twinsies!” She laughs. “I was just calling to see if you wanted to go for lunch?”

“Yes, yes, I would love that.” I answer way too fast, but I need to get out of this house and as far away from Levi as possible. “Where are we going?”

“I was thinking DeLuca’s, I need a cobb salad. Like, I medically require one.”

I laugh awkwardly, shifting on my feet as I hear movement out in the hallway. A few seconds later the shower turns on. I breathe a sigh of relief. The perfect time to escape.

“That sounds great!” I shuffle off my pajama shorts and grab a sun dress from the closet. “I have a few errands to run downtown and then I’ll meet you.”

“Perfect! See you at 12!” Lily makes a loud kissing noise like she always does at the end of our talks and hangs up.

I throw my phone on the bed to peel off my shirt and pull the sundress on over my head. I decide to avoid putting on makeup because that might cost me time and I need to avoid seeing Levi. I don’t know how I’ll ever face him again.

With burning cheeks I run a brush through my hair and hurry out of my room and down the stairs. The shower keeps running, thank god.

By the time I park my car outside my favorite cafe, I’ve calmed down and the flush in my face has diminished. Maybe Levi didn’t see me. Maybe he thinks nothing of it. We’re basically brother and sister, it’s normal to see each other naked, right? In some households that’s normal. I know Lilly and her sister Donna get spray tanned together, and they’re naked for that. It’s no big deal.

Well, it wouldn’t be if I wasn’t squirming and clenching my thighs together thinking of Levi’s dick in my mouth. With a groan, I pull out my phone and fire off a message to my therapist, asking if I can move my next appointment forward. I need to talk this shit out.

I push open my car door and head into the cafe. I need an iced coffee and I need it now.

Oh no .

“Hey girl!” Zee’s wide smile greets me from where they stand at the counter, casually draped over the glass display as they talk to Jared, the owner of the Elephant Bean Cafe. “We were just talking about you!”

Oh great, I was just thinking about sucking my step-brother’s cock .

“Hey! All good things I hope?”

Jared laughs, already setting about getting me my usual vanilla iced coffee order. “Of course good things!” His eyes move up to meet mine, and he flashes me a wide smile. “You look great, Stella.”

Zee’s eyebrows lift, their lips disappearing as though they’re trying to keep some big secret, and my stomach drops. They really were talking about me.

“Oh, thanks.” I run a hand through my hair. “I, uh, didn’t have time to do my makeup today, I was thinking of going for a swim.”

“Jared was just saying that, with all this heat, he’d like to go for a swim!” Zee’s voice is filled with delight, and I try not to shoot daggers in their direction.

“Yeah well I’m meeting my cousin for lunch now, so…” I shrug lightly, fishing my purse out of my bag to pay for the iced coffee.

Zee throws up their hands. “That’s OK, Jared doesn’t close up til 3 anyhow. Plenty of time to go see Lilly and then.” They clap their hands to punctuate their sentence, and Jared’s hopeful gaze lands on me.

I want to sink into the floor. It never occurred to me before that Jared likes me. He was friendly, sure. Good-looking in a sort of prep-school, peaked-in-college-football kind of way. He’s from a good family and opened the cafe as a sort of passion project after living in Tanzania for a year and researching the best kinds of coffee.

As all this filters through my head, as I try to pinpoint the moment when he might have started to like me, it dawns on me - I know all this because he likes me. He shared his life and his dreams with me, and now he’s looking at me with big brown puppy-dog eyes hoping I’ll go on a date with him.

And Zee is playing wingperson. Fucking goddammit.

I take my iced coffee from Jared’s hand with a light laugh and a toss of my hair. “I mean, yeah, sure. We can do that. The lake’s usually crowded in the afternoon.”

“Oh, I know a spot.” Jared’s triumph is written all over his face, in the cocky lift of his eyebrow.

Zee is practically chortling with glee, clutching their joined hands to their wide smile. “This is so cool.”

“Zee, cut it out,” I mutter through a forced smile.

“So I’ll meet you here at 3?” Jared asks, leaning against the counter.

I nod, taking a long sip of my iced coffee to avoid answering, “Jared, this is so good.”

“Thanks.” Jared’s head bobs on his shoulders, his arms crossed over his chest. “So, it’s a date?”

I gotta get out of here. “Yeah, a date. For sure. See you at 3!” I spin on my heel and hurry for the door.

“The pink string bikini! The one you wore in Tulum! Bring that!” Zee calls after me, and I resist the urge to flip them off as I storm through the door and out onto the street.

The pink string bikini . Yeah sure, the tiniest item of clothing I own, and I’m going to parade on the local beach with Jared Marshall in it, tits and ass on full display. Great. Super. I take another long sip of the iced coffee and head down the street to the bookstore.

Why do you hate me, God?

Because who else would be standing right outside the bookstore, draped over his bike in baggy jeans and a tight black t-shirt, taking a drag of a cigarette?

“Hey sis,” Levi drawls, stamping the cigarette out under his white sneaker. “Thought I might find you here.”

I want to scream, or throw the iced coffee at him and run. I can’t decide which would be more embarrassing. Especially since he just called me Sis and not 20 minutes ago my panties were soaked just thinking about him.

“Hey.” I try to remain calm and not think too much about him catching me staring at his dick this morning, and decide with the friendly way he’s looking at me now, that maybe I was, as always, overthinking things. “What’re you doing here?”

“I thought I’d come find you and take you to lunch.” He smiles down at me, a brief glance flickering up and down my body. “I’m going to Mario’s with Dylan once he gets back, thought in the meantime you and me could hang out.”

“Well, I’m due to meet Lily in a half hour, so…”

Levi raises his eyebrows and shrugs.”No problem, I guess I can carry your books for you if you want?” He jerks his head in the direction of the bookstore. “That is, if you were headed in here with that mean look on your face?”

“I didn’t have a mean look on my face.” I push past him into the bookstore, the bell at the door tinkling lightly.

“You sure looked pissed.” He follows me to the back of the store slowly, looking the shelves up and down as he goes.

“I actually just got asked on a date, so I doubt I looked that pissed.”

There’s no response from behind me, and after a beat I turn around to look at him standing square in the middle of the aisle, his arms crossed over his chest. Now he looks pissed. He lifts an eyebrow.

“A date, nice. Who asked you out on a date?”

“Jared Marshall, he’s taking me swimming at the lake at 3,” I reply lightly, flipping my hair over my shoulder and spinning back to the shelf of smutty romance novels. I run my finger along the spines pretending to be engrossed in the titles while deeply aware of Levi’s stare against the back of my neck. “You remember him from high school, right? He owns the cafe around the corner now.”

“A cafe?” Levi stands beside me, leaning against the shelf. “Cute. You like him?”

“I wouldn’t go on a date with him if I didn’t.” I hope to god I’m not blushing, but my face feels like it’s on fire.

Levi crosses his arms over his chest, nodding, looking the shelves up and down. “What do you like to read, Stella?”

“Romance, mainly.” I pluck a book from the shelf and flick through the pages. “When you read heavy law books all day I like to have something fun to focus on.”

“I can understand that. Fun is good.” Levi takes a book I own from the shelf, flipping through it before he stops on a page, eyes traveling over the words. His mouth quirks into a crooked grin, and he chuckles to himself.

“Found something you like?” My head is going to explode. I know what that book’s about. It’s wall-to-wall fucking, and my cheeks flame knowing Levi is reading it right in front of me.

“Yeah, it’s a good one.” He looks at me, and I meet his gaze, knowing full-well I’m tomato red at this point. “She’s got a guy’s dick down her throat, and she likes it.”

I swear to god I’m going to die. I can’t breathe, and Levi’s gaze drops to my breasts.

“Want me to read it to you?” He asks in a tone of voice that he should not be speaking to me in.

“No thanks,” I snap, sounding way more breathless than I’d like. “I don’t need my brother reading smut to me, that’s gross.”

“Your brother, huh?”

I narrow my eyes at him, grabbing the book from his hand and shoving it back onto the shelf. “You just called me sis, what, 3 minutes ago?”

He takes a step closer, bracing a hand against the shelf behind me so he’s half-caged me in. “Did you like what you saw?”

My blood is replaced by ice water, and my stomach drops so violently into my feet I nearly stumble. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“This morning, baby girl.” He lowers his mouth to my ear. “That’s not how you look at your brother.”

I push him away lightly so I don’t cause a scene. “Fuck off, Levi. I barely glanced at you.”

But he pushes straight back, and puts an arm around my waist. “I asked if you liked what you saw.”

“I saw a man who can’t close the door in someone else’s house when he sleeps naked.” I glare up at him, hoping he can’t hear my heartbeat thundering through my ears. “Maybe next time, shut the damn door so you spare me a heart attack.”

Levi grins, raising a hand to my cheek. “So, this date?” The back of his finger traces along my jawline. “You gonna fuck him?”

I shove him away from me and storm out of the bookstore amidst a confused farewell from the owner. I’m consumed with anger and shame, and a heaping dose of desire that won’t fucking die down because every time I damn well blink, Levi’s dick glows on the backs of my eyeballs.

His footsteps are right behind me, and I spin to meet him so fast he almost barrels over the top of me.

“You know what? Yeah, I am gonna fuck him. I’m gonna wear my tiniest bikini, and let him take it off with his teeth, and then I’m gonna fuck him.”

Levi looks around us, and I realize I just yelled at him in the middle of downtown while people are around. People who are now staring at us. I could cry with embarrassment.

“Just leave me alone, Levi.” I hurry back to my car, sending another text to my therapist to tell her it’s urgent, before taking several deep breaths and heading off to my lunch date with Lilly.