Fracture

9. Stella

CHAPTER 9

STELLA

I stare at Mallory’s business card, the book I was reading forgotten on my stomach. A gentle summer breeze blows through my window to find me where I’m lying on my bed, and I turn the business card over and over in my hand.

I haven’t spoken to anyone about the interview, and Levi hasn’t mentioned anything. I don’t know if he even knows. I don’t know if there’s any point telling him. I’d tried to push it to the back of my mind, but then I’d absently swiped something from my purse to use as a bookmark, and sure enough, it was Mallory’s card.

And now I can’t stop thinking about it.

Finally, I grab my phone from the nightstand, and dial Mallory’s number. After three rings, I hang up. What the fuck am I doing? I don’t talk to reporters. What for? There’s no point.

I nearly drop my phone when it starts to ring, showing the number I just dialed. She’s fucking calling me back. I swipe my finger across the screen and lift the phone to my ear.

“Hello, Stella Langford speaking.”

“Oh, Stella, hi! Mallory here from Channel Four. I think I just missed your call?”

I cringe at myself, glad she can’t see my flushed face. “Yeah, I was just, um… I wanted to ask you a few questions. Is this a good time?”

“Of course, go ahead.”

I take a deep breath, trying to sort out the million questions in my head and trying to figure out which one is most important. “I wanted to know… Do you have any idea what this big reveal Gloria is making is about? Like, what brought this on?”

“Well, I’m sure you heard about Judge Gillman’s trial.”

I swallow hard, clenching my eyes shut. “I saw it on the news.” I wish I hadn’t, but I had.

“Well, as it turns out, when the FBI seized his computers, they found hundreds of files of child pornography. Even on his work computers. He had quite the collection, sick old bastard.”

“I know,” I choke out. I know, because one of those kids was me.

“Gloria Fenton was a witness in the case against him, did you know?”

My stomach threatens to empty its contents onto my feet, and sweat erupts on my brow. “I beg your pardon?”

“The testimony was delivered in closed court because it pertained to a minor.”

Fucking bitch . Angry tears prick at my eyes. “Are we still off the record, Mallory?”

“Absolutely.”

“The minor she talked about was me.”

Mallory makes a sound like a gasp, professionally cut off as she takes a deep breath. “I’m so sorry, Stella.”

“I mean, I can’t say that with 100% certainty, obviously. But my stepmother, she… She knew what happened to me when I was a kid. She’s denied it, for years. But she knew.”

“I don’t know what else to say other than I am more than sorry.” Mallory’s tone is slow and measured, and she continues to do a great job hiding any shock she may be feeling. “I hope you’re surrounded by people who love and support you now, and that you know what happened to you was not your fault.”

Her words are so unexpectedly kind, and I need to take a shaky breath before I can respond. “Thank you. I am. I’m fine now.”

“Stella, I have every reason to believe that Gloria Fenton is about to position herself as a victim of your father, and try to gain renewed sympathy for herself.”

“And why would she do that?”

“She’s entering into the gubernatorial race.”

I laugh bitterly. “Gloria wants to be governor? Of course she does.”

“Stella, if you give me an exclusive we can go on the record and stop her.”

“I’m not doing that.” I swing my legs over the edge of the bed, curling my hand into the blanket on my bed. “I can’t revisit all of that.”

“I understand this would be hell for you, but don’t you want the people to know just what kind of person Gloria Fenton is?”

“No.” I grip the phone hard, sure my knuckles are turning white. “This isn’t about her, this is about me, and my peace. And her son, he just got out of prison. He doesn’t need all this hanging over him either.”

“Stella, I told you that some college students had been looking into Levi and Dylan’s case, didn’t I?”

My throat goes dry, and I try to swallow to wet my tongue. “You’d mentioned it, yes.”

“Well, it seems they’re questioning some discrepancies in their testimonies.” Footsteps sound over the line, and the background noise dulls a little. When Mallory speaks again, her voice has dropped low. “I’ve looked into it myself, and there are locks and black-outs on their file I’ve never seen before.”

“Mallory, strictly off the record - stay out of this.”

“But-”

“I mean it.” Urgency colors my words, the old panic and fear rising up in my chest. “There are things about this case that you need to stay out of.”

“Like powerful men who pulled strings for a plea deal no murder suspect has ever received before?”

I suck in a breath, a tornado of anxiety unleashing in my stomach. “Goodbye, Mallory. Thanks for answering my questions.” I hang up amid her protests, and throw my phone on to the bed as though it’s suddenly made of hot coals.

I feel nauseous, the slanted roof of my ceiling suddenly a cave roof threatening to collapse on me. Anyone looking into those files is asking for trouble. They could get themselves killed.

I feel an anxiety attack building, and kneel on the bed, placing my palms flat on the comforter. “I’m OK. I’m here. I can feel the bed. I’m safe.” I blink back tears, one shaky breath after another wavering past my lips. “I’m OK. I’m safe.”

My heart stops thumping in my chest, and I run my hands over my face.

I need to get out of the house.

I slide my feet into a pair of black flip-flops, and grab my purse from the chair before heading down the stairs.

I stop short when I see Dylan in the kitchen, leaning back against the counter, book flipped open in his hands. He looks completely relaxed, shirtless in a pair of jeans that hang low to reveal the tattoos that adorn his hips. One foot is crossed over the other as his eyes travel across the page. He smirks, running a hand over his mouth, and I see he’s reading one of my smutty Peter Pan retellings.

The knot in my stomach slowly unfurls as I watch him, as the smile on his face becomes wider. My shoulders start to relax. I move towards him slowly.

“Enjoying that?”

He looks over the book at me, and shrugs with a sly smile. “They just tied her to a tree, and well… She’s having a good time.”

“Didn’t pick you for reading smut, papi .”

“Where do you think I learned it all from?” His eyes stray back to the page. “I read.”

“Dylan Kovac, Sex God trained by women, huh?”

He shifts on his feet, closing the book and putting it down on the counter. “Something like that.” He tucks his hands into his pockets, looking me up and down. “You going somewhere?”

“I… I just had a weird phone call and I was thinking of heading downtown, maybe getting a coffee and buying more books.”

“Want company?”

Yes, I do. I want you to stop all this chaos. I want you to make my head go quiet so I can breathe. Without thinking, I rush at him and wrap my arms around his waist.

“Hey, hey.” He strokes my hair, cradling my jaw and tipping my head back to cast a searching look over my face. “ Guera ? What’s going on?”

“I just… I need a hug.”

He wraps his huge arms around me, holding my head against his chest so I can hear the soft thud-thud of his heartbeat. “Hugs I can do, any time.” He kisses the top of my head.

It could all be so easy. Maybe Dylan doesn’t even have to know…

I squeeze my eyes shut at the intrusive thoughts. “Why are you so good to me?”

Dylan inhales sharply, holding me tighter. His heart rate picks up, and I gaze at him to see his brow furrowed, as though my words have hurt him.

“Come on, guera , let’s get you that iced coffee and some more smut.” He smiles, though the pain remains in his eyes. He retrieves a shirt from the back of one of the kitchen chairs, and pulls on his sneakers. He eyes me thoughtfully as we get into my car.

“What?” I cast him a smile as I reverse the car out onto the street.

“That book, I mean… It’s dog-eared to shit. You… You like that kind of thing?”

“It happens to be one of my favorites, yes.” I toss my hair over my shoulder and hope I’m not blushing. “Always gets me out of a reading slump.”

“So the sharing and all that, it doesn’t bother you?”

“No, why would it?”

“Have you ever…” He trails off, and I glance over at him.

“Have I ever what?”

“Had a threesome?”

The air in the car is suddenly charged, and I’m not sure if I’m still breathing. I panic for a second that somehow my dirty fantasies have been broadcast from my brain and straight on to a screen above my head. I laugh awkwardly, taking the corner a little faster than I intended.

“No, I haven’t. Why? Have you?”

“Yes.” His voice drops low. “It’s fun.”

“I bet it is.” I knew Dylan had a lot of sexual experience. But this line of questioning feels leading, and my stomach does a pleasurable flip as Dylan reaches over to put his warm hand on my thigh. “So, two men and a woman, or what have you done?”

“Once with two men, and once with a woman and another man.”

I want to clench my thighs together, because the rush of arousal between my legs has me puffing out a little breath. But I can’t move, because Dylan will feel it, his hand still on me. The image of Dylan and Levi in bed with me makes my clit throb.

“Well I’m not a fan of anal, so I guess that wouldn’t work for me,” I say lightly.

“Lots of other things you can do besides that, you know.” His hand squeezes harder, and I swear I’m going to combust.

We come to a stop at a red light, and when I look over at him, his jaw is set, his eyes filled with desire.

“There are things I want that are wrong, Dylan.”

“Says who?” He leans closer to me.

“Everyone.” Dr Varden’s words echo in my head, and shame takes over again. “I’m trying to be better, I’m trying to get over it, but…”

“Stop worrying about what everyone else wants, what they say, and just do what feels good for you.”

“That’s how people get hurt.”

His eyes drop, and he removes his hand from my leg. He falls back into his seat, and runs a hand over the darkening shadow of stubble on his head.

“Stella, I have to-”

A car horn blares behind us, and I turn to see the light is now green. We continue on our way downtown, but the mood has shifted. I wish I could tell him the truth, but it would hurt him. And Dylan’s been hurt enough.

I bring the car to a stop on Main Street, and turn to him with a bright smile.

“Come on, let’s have fun and not get weighed down, huh?”

He opens his mouth to speak, and stops to look down at his hands. “You have no idea just how good you are.” He raises his eyes back to meet mine. “I mean it. I know you don’t see it, but you’re incredible. Do you have any idea how lucky I feel to know that you love me?”

I want to tell him that my love is sick and twisted, and will do nothing but hurt and poison him. But I once again just put my arms around him, and hold him close, knowing it won’t last but I need it to for now.

“I don’t deserve you, papi .”

He kisses the top of my head. “Come on, books are on me today. Buy as many as you want.”

I grin up at him. “You’re gonna regret saying that.”

“Not if you take me home and read me your favorite parts.” He kisses the tip of my nose. “Come on. Let’s go.”

We walk down the street hand in hand, and it feels so blissfully normal and wholesome to have my fingers wrapped in his. I lean against his shoulder, and he chuckles.

“Coffee?” He asks as we pass the Elephant Bean cafe.

“Not from there.” I wrinkle my nose. “I don’t want to see him.”

Dylan’s eyes glint deviously. “Oh, but I do.” He leans over me, stroking my cheek with his fingertips. “I’m just enough of an asshole to want to torture Jared fucking Marshall.” His mouth quirks, and his dark eyes glint dangerously. “Just a little.”

I lift my eyebrow. “Aren’t we too old for childish high school games?”

Dylan narrows his eyes as he smirks, then shakes his head. “Nah. Come on, play along like a good girl.” He drags me into the cafe, which is packed with the early afternoon crowd. Dylan wraps his arms around my waist, walking behind me to the counter.

Jared eyes me warily from the coffee machine, and I give him a dazzling smile. Dylan kisses my neck as we wait in line, his breath hot as he nibbles on my earlobe.

“Giving him quite a show,” I murmur as goosebumps erupt down my arms.

Dylan’s kisses wander along my jawline, and I know people are staring at us, trying to figure out what Stella Langford is doing being kissed and groped by a huge tattooed man in the middle of the busiest cafe in town. They probably think I’ve just gotten myself into another stupid mess, and the thought should make me uncomfortable, I half-expect it to wash away this beautiful feeling that’s warming my veins. But with Dylan’s hands on me, there’s nothing in my head but all the thoughts of what I want him to do to me.

“Are you wearing panties today?” He asks against my neck, one of his hands wandering over my hip. “Sure doesn’t feel like it.”

I look over my shoulder at him, and kiss his chin. “I’m not, as a matter of fact.”

A growl rumbles through his chest. “Bad girl. Might have to take you home and punish you.”

“You sure are committing to this act.”

I gasp as he shoves me harder against him, his growing erection pressing against me through his clothes. “Who said it was an act?”

“You did, outside, just now.”

The line in front of us advances a little, and Dylan kisses my neck again as we take a few steps forward.

“I lied,” he breathes against my ear, and I want to tear him out of here and drag him home right now. As though he can sense what I’m thinking, he chuckles in my ear, moving the strap of the tank top to kiss my bare shoulder. “I love knowing this is driving you crazy.”

“You’re so mean.” I lean into him, turning my face to bury it in the crook of his neck. “Everyone’s watching, you know?”

“Like that would stop me.” Dylan kisses my forehead, his hand cupping my jaw. “I’d happily bend you over that counter right now, and I wouldn’t give a fuck who saw us.”

“Exhibitionist,” I tease.

We reach the counter, and Dylan’s arms stay around my waist as I smile sweetly at Jared.

“Hi!”

He gives me a withering look. “Hey. What can I get you?”

“Just a vanilla iced coffee, thanks. Anything for you?” I look at Dylan, and he shakes his head.

“Don’t want to erase your taste, baby. That’d be a sin.”

I suppress a laugh and I’m sure my face is bright red as I turn back to Jared. “Just the iced coffee, thanks so much.”

He sets about preparing my order without looking at me again, and Dylan continues to kiss me, gentle enough to genuinely drive me crazy and make me want more, and more. Every brush of his fingertips along my skin makes me more determined to just forget about my coffee order and just drag him home. This was meant to be an act, but it’s fast becoming much more than that.

“There you go, one vanilla iced coffee.” Jared places the cup down for me, and I tap my card to pay. Jared looks at Dylan, then back at me, and gives me a weak smile. “I wish you all the best, Stella. I mean it. I hope you two are happy together.”

“Thanks!” I take my cup, smiling brightly. “We’re so happy.”

“Take it easy, man.” Dylan says, still not releasing me as we sidle out of the coffee shop. He chuckles against my ear once we’re out on the street. “Now, was that too much?”

“That was way too much.” I smile up at him, and nudge his jaw with my nose. “But it was also fun.”

“Time for books, huh?” He releases my waist to take my free hand and walk beside me. “Then you can take me home and read to me. Without panties on.”

“I thought we were taking it slow.”

He gives me a sideways smirk. “There's many ways of taking it slow, you know.”

“And those are?”

He rounds on me suddenly, backing me up against the wall of a small alley between two stores. I almost drop my coffee as he cages me in with his arms. His intense gaze stares me down, and he lowers his mouth so it’s barely an inch from mine.

“You set the pace, guera . I mean it. We go as slow or as fast as you want.” He brushes his lips against me, another soft touch that has need coursing through every inch of me. “But I’m just enough of a fucking animal for you that I’ll push as far as you’ll let me. So if you want to read me filthy books and toy with your pussy while you make me watch, I’ll do that. If you want me to eat you out while you do it, I’ll do that too. And if you let me tie you to the bed and fuck you til you forget your own name, I’ll do that too. Because I know you want me just as bad as I want you, and whatever’s holding you back, it doesn’t matter. We’re all that matters.”

I’ve stopped breathing, I know I have. I look into his beautiful face and shake my head. “I’m not going slow to torture you.”

“I know that. But you’re torturing yourself, I can see it. Just let go, and be with me. Just be with me, for today. Pretend there’s nothing else, but us.”

I can do that. I can shut off for a day and just be with him. I can give myself that. I can give him that. I lean against him, tilting my face up to his.

“Do you like to watch, papi ?”

He exhales through gritted teeth, and nods. “Yeah, I do.”

“Maybe I’ll show you my toys when we get home.” I place a gentle kiss against his jaw, and his hand runs down my back. “Show you what I like.”

“Mmm, I like the sound of that, guera .” His fingers thread into my hair, and he pulls my head back. “Now, let’s get my girl some more dirty books.”

My whole body is pulled taut as we head to the bookstore, and I discard my coffee on the way in. I’m no longer interested in it because Dylan’s hand is hot around mine and all I want is to have those hands all over me. We head to the back of the store, to the romance section, and Dylan stands behind me, his body pressed against mine as I pluck a few titles from the shelves.

“You smell so good,” he says, brushing his nose along my neck. “Good enough to eat.” He nips at my shoulder, and I tense against him, suppressing a squeak. “So edgy.” He chuckles as his hands grip my hips.

“You sure know what you’re doing,” I say as I take another book down from the shelves.

“Oh you have no idea, guera .” He lowers his mouth to my ear. “I’d make you see stars while I lick this pussy.”

This does not feel like moving slow anymore. And I don’t fucking care. Desire rages through me, and I want to run a fucking freight train straight through my certainty that I’d hold off on giving in. But with Dylan’s hands on me and him whispering dirty words in my ear, I don’t want to take it slow. I want to take it so fast I snap my goddamn neck on the way.

“How long has it been for you, hmm?”

My breathing is rapid now, and I just want to get the hell out of here. “About a year.”

“A year? Shit. You really need to be looked after.”

“Been a hell of a lot longer for you,” I say with a laugh, leaning back against him, and suddenly he’s tense, stepping away from me to take the books from my hands.

“Let’s go.” He won’t meet my eyes, and all those happy, carefree feelings ebb away a little.

“Dylan? Did I say something wrong?”

“No, you didn’t, I just want to get you out of here.” He smiles but still won’t look at me, not really. “Come on, let me spoil my girl.”

He pays for my stack of romance books, and carries the bags back to the car. I try not to let my overthinking brain kick in, but when he still won’t look at me back at the car, I reach over and take his hand.

“Did something happen?” I dip my head to try and catch his gaze. “Dylan, please look at me.”

Before I know what’s happened, he’s grabbed my face, his mouth crashing into mine as he devours me hungrily. All my uncertainty melts away as his tongue swipes at mine, and I let myself get lost in kissing him.

“I slept with someone,” he tells me, pulling back with a furrowed brow. “It didn’t mean anything. It was just to blow off steam. I didn't want to push you, and I was just fucking dying for you, so I slept with someone else.” He says it all so fast, like a hurried confessor admitting his sins, and I have to blink a few times to let the words sink in after the euphoria of him kissing me. “I’m so sorry, Stella.”

I shake my head, cradling his neck in my hands. “No, no, don’t be sorry. Really, I’m not mad. I understand.”

His dark eyes bore into mine, filled with shame. “I love you. Not… anyone else.”

“I know. I know. Please, don’t feel guilty.” I kiss him again, and he seems to sag with relief. “You needed it, I get it.”

“I just want you,” he tells me, his eyes boring into mine. “I promise.”

Now it’s my turn for my eyes to drop, because I can’t say that back. I can’t lie to him. I can’t think about it. I kiss him again, and again, until we’re both hot and frenzied, and he murmurs, “Get this fucking car home, right now” in a tone of voice that makes me shiver.

I navigate the streets at a speed that’s barely legal, Dylan’s hand on my leg, riding up higher and higher. Sweat prickles at my scalp despite the cool air I turn on to blast us, and I never realized how far I live from downtown until today. Every red light has me wanting to pound my fists against the wheel.

Finally, finally, we turn onto my street, and I bring the car to a stop in the drive. Dylan and I both clamber out of the car, the books forgotten on the floor. I fumble with the keys as Dylan kisses my neck hungrily, and as soon as we’re inside the door and it slams shut behind us, Dylan has me on the floor, tearing at my clothes.

He yanks down my shirt, his mouth descending on my breast and sucking my nipple between his lips. My back arches off the floor as my fingers claw at his head.

“Oh my god.” I grab at his shirt, yanking it off over his head and dragging him back up to me to kiss him deeply, grinding myself against him.

“ Jodidamente hermosa.” Fucking beautiful . The words are a breath against my lips, and he pushes my thighs apart with his hips.

“I love it when you speak Spanish.”

“ Te amo.” I love you.

Tears prick at my eyes. This is how it was meant to be, that night. When he held me and peeled my clothes from my body, his eyes discovering me like no one else had before, his hands soft as they explored me. When he’d told me he loved me, and that he was going to be gentle with me.

I hold on to those moments, and push away what happened after. I want to have that moment back, that moment that we should have had.

“I love you,” I tell him, writhing under him as I try to shuffle my clothes off. “I missed you so much.”

His mouth moves over my chest, along my collarbone, and just as his hand runs up my bare thigh, the porch door opens and heavy footsteps sound in the kitchen.

I clap a hand over my mouth, and Dylan grunts with frustration. He gets me to my feet, and drags me up the stairs.

“Hey, you guys home?” Levi’s voice sounds from the kitchen, but we don’t answer as we run for my bedroom.

No sooner is my bedroom door closed and locked, Dylan has me pressed against it and drops to his knees, taking my shorts down with him. His mouth is pressed to my pussy, and his tongue pushes me open, seeking out my clit. He groans as he tastes me, and I desperately roll my hips against his face.

“Dylan, oh my god.”

His hand wanders up my stomach, pushing away my tank top to find one of my bunched nipples, and he pinches it hard. My legs go weak at the sensation, and I sag against the door with a moan. His tongue works me harder, and I know it won’t take much for him to make me come like this. He puts one of my legs over his shoulder, and pushes one of his thick fingers inside me. So much for taking it slow.

Just as I’m about to come, he slows down, showering kisses over the lips of my pussy, and I swear I’m going to pass out.

“Dylan, please.” I buck my hips again, desperate to have him back where I need him.

“Lie down on the floor, guera ,” he says, taking off the remainder of his clothes as I lie down on my back, my legs practically buckling as I do. He kneels between my thighs, running a hand between my breasts, over my stomach, between my thighs. He sucks in a breath, and raises his eyes to mine. “Slow, right?”

I press a hand to my face and groan. “Oh my god, Dylan, please .”

He lowers his mouth between my legs, and takes his time, his tongue teasing around my clit, not giving me what I want immediately, not until I’m shivering and my legs are quaking on either side of his head. Only then does he press two fingers inside me as he drags his tongue over my clit. I almost scream, biting my lip to try and keep quiet as I hear Levi’s footsteps come up the stairs. But I can’t suppress my loud moan as Dylan sucks my clit between his lips, his tongue lashing me as heat grows and presses in my belly.

I know Levi isn’t far away, I know that he can hear what’s going on, and as I close my eyes and surrender to the orgasm that starts to crest, I imagine him in here as well. I can see his blue eyes as he gazes down at me, as he fucks my throat while Dylan’s mouth continues to drive me closer to my climax. My fantasy roars through me, and I scream against my palm as I pulsate against Dylan’s mouth and around his fingers.

He keeps licking and sucking gently as I ride out my climax on the sun-dappled floor of my bedroom. I’m a gasping, sweaty mess, and he kisses my thighs gently, moving over my hips, my stomach, and as he settles between my thighs, I dare to open my eyes.

Looking into his beautiful face douses me with shame, like an icy shower.

I push against his chest and wriggle out from under him, and the look he gives me makes me want to die.

“Stella?” He reaches for me, but I push his hand away. “ Guera , what happened?”

“Please go.” I turn away from him, pulling my legs against my chest. “Just go.”

“ Guera-”

“I said go!” I press my face to my knees, knowing I’m hurting him, knowing I’m hurting myself, but I can’t look at him. “I need you to leave me alone.”

He sits there for a few seconds, breathing heavy, before he gets to his feet, taking his clothes with him. He doesn’t say a word as he leaves my room, closing the door softly behind him. I dig the heels of my hands into my eyes, willing away the stupid tears that threaten to fall. I’m awful. I’m a fucking horrible bitch, and I have to tell him the truth.

I have to let him go, even though it’ll kill me.

Dylan deserves better than that.